Author: mabholloway

Genre: Fantasy

What I liked:
- This book was refreshingly quirky and lighthearted. With so many darker stories here on Wattpad, it was a nice variation from the norm. The comedic writing didn't take away from the main plot, either, which is something I can appreciate.

- The writing style was professional and well-rounded, and the comedic intervals read smoothly while not straying from the storyline or getting off-track.

- I feel the book started in a good place, with the prologue and everything.

What I didn't like:
(1) This didn't particularly bother me, but the blurb/summary for this book makes it sound like a sequel. Particularly, "Now, a new quest begins; the search for the mainland is revived" and "A host of unique guides will lead you on a fantastic journey through all parts of the island as the quest for the mainland continues..."

What sounded off here were the words revived and continues. Also, on the topic of blurb, this book's blurb is kind of... short? It doesn't say a lot about the story. But the blurb isn't my focus.

(2) There was a decent amount of introductory content, and although I don't personally care either way about it, I have heard several people who do get turned off by introductory things like author notes, casts, and maps, although the map I would keep at the front because that's the most common way I've seen it formatted in published books.

(3) I appreciate that the chapters are split up to shorten the chapter lengths, but the formatting a little nonsensical. For example, 01-1: The Bloodied Sands and 01-2: The Bloodied Sands (Continued). There are too many counting systems in play here: the number, the sub-number after the dash, the chapter title, and the "continued" in parentheses (the story is also split up into three parts containing multiple chapters, as well). I would suggest choosing two systems maximum by which the chapters are kept track of.

(4) Chapter One and Chapter One, part 2. Well. It was interesting at first, getting to know Madrik, but as the story continued, I felt like it was dragging a little, or was somewhat aimless. The writing itself hints at something that's going to happen, which is good in order to keep the reader's attention, but at the same time, at the end of those two chapters, I still didn't feel like I'd learned anything about the story.

(5) Discussing craft, the writing dragged some in my opinion, and I lost my patience a few times while reading. The style itself was nice to start off, but quickly fell back onto telling for the majority of the descriptive prose. Quite a bit of the writing was composed of straightforward statements like "there was" and "he felt", and it became suffocatingly bland after the first few chapters. Take this as you will, though, because it can be pulled off.

Note: A downside of switching perspective characters so often is that it can be difficult for the readers to really connect to anyone, unless what you're aiming for is a reading experience that's more watching the story play out as a spectator.

Suggestions:
(1) Rephrase any uses of continuation words in the blurb that make The Disjointed Tales sound like a sequel.

(2) Consider cutting or moving a few of the introductory parts of the book like the cast to the end instead of the beginning.

(3) Choose a number/name system for the chapters and minimize/cut the rest.

(4) Work on the pacing of chapter one (more toward the second half) and always keep it in the readers' minds that there is a purpose to the slower parts of the story, that it's working toward something.

(5) Keep track of the use of passive voice and telling throughout the writing; I think it can contribute a lot to the feeling of slow pacing.

I would rate this a 7.5/10.
This book may be worthy of an eight or nine out of ten if I had kept reading, but the writing style just really wasn't my cup of tea. It was an interesting story for what I read (up to The Impossible Job 2), albeit a little slow and telly for my tastes, but I know there is an audience for this type of story. Altogether, this is the reason most of my suggestions were related to formatting or line-to-line technicalities. Happy writing!

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is completely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.