Author: DarkWolf13

Genre: Teen Fiction

What I liked:
- Your characters are human in the sense that they are imperfect and have their flaws. They seem real and have relatable situations and I think you did a good job portraying that.

- Chapter Three was very well-written. It was almost as if I was there myself and it gave me much more information about Johnny and read smoothly.

- I liked the way you set something between every character to make them not like each other. It deepens the plot and makes us want more.

- Overall, this book was a very well-written first draft. I liked how the characters are formed and how they interact with each other and how they are really down-to-earth.

- You were very smooth about never making the reader go through a boring math class. You did a very nice job of skipping over the classes that everyone already knows about.

- Your story was a good idea. 👏

What I didn't like:
(1) Toward the beginning, you used tags a little too much during dialogue. Especially when only two people are talking. When Person 1 talks to Person 2 and no one else is around, sometimes you could just add the name of Person 2 to the beginning or end of the sentence so that you know it's Person 1 who's talking.

(2) I got a whole lot of white-room syndrome while reading Senior Squad. You focus too much on the dialogue and relationships between the characters and not enough on the surrounding environment. We want to know where they are and how that affects their life.

Same thing for the characters. Other than their hair color, we don't know very much about their appearance. You switch POVs fairly often, so exploit that opportunity and have them describe their frenemy (I say frenemy because I'm honestly not sure whether they like each other or not).

(3) I was confused about Elise's personality. When she is first introduced, I thought she was a quieter girl, a bookworm, especially when she stated that she was "not a people person," but I kept reading and she has a sharp mouth. She is apparently known by many to be a more spunky girl. That confuses me deeply. Most bookworms are considered bookworms because they read books a lot and don't socialize as much, but Elise doesn't read books much and has quite a bit to say. She's not super extroverted, but I wouldn't consider her a bookworm. Minor problem that's generally easy to fix.

(4) I'm confused as to who the main character is. There are obviously five of them, but who's the main main character? Who am I rooting for most? You write from the POVs of everyone unequally at different points in the book. It's like a character arc, which is cool, but it's also really hard to follow. At first, I thought Aria was the main character because you wrote from her POV first, but then Elise gets more time and suddenly Aria seems like a side-character. Johnny too. You wrote from the point of Johnny and Elise at about the same time, connecting them through their POVs, but that makes the other two seem like side characters. Aria is the person you wrote from first and that leaves a first impression. I was rooting for Aria while I read about Elise and it was unsatisfying. I would pick your main character and write the first chapter from their POV. Writing from all five of them is too much, so I would pick only one or two to write from and have all of them be main characters. That would make things easier to understand.

(5) The first Senior Squad meeting didn't happen until chapter eight. Your chapters are fairly roomy at twenty pages average. I would get more to the title and focus more on the Senior Squad. These people agreed they wouldn't like each other and yet they are immediate friends before the first meeting? The only connection between these people is the Senior Squad, so write about it! If their job is to plan events, then plan them! If your title is Senior Squad, tell of the trials and tribulations the characters go through in and around the Senior Squad! You're writing about a committee, a group, a team. Focus on it. I would stop beating around the bush, it drops a lot of readers really quick.

(6) In the description, you said there were five seniors in the Senior Squad, but Dominic isn't introduced as the fifth member until... chapter 9? I would definitely introduce him sooner if he's one of the main characters. Also, his introduction was super abrupt and totally uncalled for. It's unrealistic for him to suddenly switch high schools and then be placed on the planning committee. If I were you, I would cut his character altogether, but that's probably just me. He needs a lot of work if you're going to keep him, though.

(7) When you are writing from the POV of someone and the readers don't know their past, that character comes upon a person they know (probably a side character) and they suddenly start conversing with that person they know, you need to smoothly incorporate an introduction somewhere in there. Don't do it comic-style and have the whole world stop to do a backstory, but we need to have some idea what kind of relationship these people have.

(8) From the seventeen chapters I read, I concluded that your characters have a lot of family issues. Elise's brother was an addict, Aria's mom died, Johnny's brother died, and Lyle's brother has been gone for over a year without saying goodbye.

(9) You don't focus enough on Dominic. If he is a main character like the other four, he should be written like the others and have a relationship with the others. Instead, he seems distant and more like a minor character. In all honesty, though, I just don't like his character. I think he's dumb and his actions are uncalled for and unexplained. I would say focus more on him or cut him out.

Suggestions:
(1) Lessen the amount of tags you use at the end of dialogue. Sometimes it's easier to follow a conversation than you'd think.

(2) Work a little more on the descriptions of the environment.

(3) Try to be a little more direct about the first impressions of the characters.

(4) Try keeping to only one or two main POVs to write from.

(5) Base the storyline a lot more on the Senior Squad.

(6) Change Dominic's introduction.

(7) Introduce people the character knows because the readers don't know them.

(8) The family issues seem a little excessive, so I would cut a few out.

(9) Fix Dominic into a main character or cut him out.

NOTE:
I have never attended a public or private high school, so my thoughts are a lot different than those who have. I'm homeschooled and go to a homeschool co-op version of high school and I am not shy about admitting that I'm very sheltered in that sense. A lot of these concepts were foreign to me and I tried to keep that in mind while giving advice. I thought they swore quite a bit for people who were trying to keep their distance and I thought that their school schedule was pretty erratic, but hey, I've never attended, so good luck is all I can say.

Also, since this was a better-written, easier-to-follow book, I got picky, so some of these reasons may be a little small. Don't get mad, but I'm literally searching for your flaws.

I would rate this a 7/10.
It needs revising, but it's well-written. I think your biggest problem in this book is formatting and grammar particulars. This was a very good story and I enjoyed what I read. I root for your characters and applaud your writing and though this isn't my preferred genre, I think you did a good job on it. Kudos.

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is entirely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.