Author: UloSehunAchumi

Genre: Short Story

What I liked:
- Every chapter ended with "Lyean." I thought that was great and I'm not really sure why I like it, but it's cool.

- Each chapter was really short and read really fast. Nothing like a good old short chapter.

What I didn't like:
(1) The italicization was confusing, everything's italicized except for dialogue. Why?

(2) The first nine chapters are Lyean pouting to herself over Sehun breaking up with her, stating that she was "just a bet." It hurts so much, why did you betray me, I thought you said you loved me, you said I was your everything etc. for nine chapters is a little repetitive. It's the same message. We get it.

(3) Don't be afraid to use complete sentences without

Cutting them off

Like this.

It was really hard to follow when it got to dialogue and people were talking without proper quotation marks with their sentences.

(4) Story-wise, I hate to say this was terribly cliché. The MC gets dumped, then she sees her ex with another girl and they bully her. She meets someone new, there's a confrontation, daring confessions, etcetera, etcetera. It's not exactly super innovative.

Suggestions:
(1) Figure our what's going on with the italicization.

(2) Have less of the "it hurts so much, why did you do this to me" writing.

(3) Don't cut off so many of your sentences.

(4) Add a twist to the cliché or find a different storyline.

I would rate this a 4/10.
This isn't a 3/10 because it actually wasn't horrible, it just wasn't very well put together. With some new ideas and reformatting, this could be half decent, but as it is, it's just too rough and unoriginal. Good luck!

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is entirely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.