Author: smritiagr

Genre: ChickLit

What I liked:
- The chapters were a good length and were consistent with each other for the most part.

- I really like how you named the characters. :)

- Despite what I say later, I did want Ketu and Anika to get together while reading, but it wasn't until about chapter six that anything really happened, so do with that what you will.

What I didn't like:
(1) The author's note at the beginning was lengthy and I think a lot if not most people are going to skip it. As long as you're okay with that, I don't see any problem with it, but some people might be turned off by such an informative chapter right from the beginning.

(2) The writing itself was relatively okay for the better part of the first chapter, but after that, the vocabulary, style, grammar, and quality (as in percentage of typos) of the writing all went downhill. I think a good portion of it could have been remedied by proofreading, but the phrasing likely won't be fixed with anything but practice. It jumped out at me after about halfway through the second chapter that there's an abundance of adjectives, too, that might be contributing to the general un-interestingness of the writing style, as well as some superfluous words that sound unusual in the context they're in. The common advice for too many adjectives is to substitute them with stronger words, but in this case, I would just remove them, and perhaps simplify a few of the other words you use as well. A few examples:

"Guiltily I mouthed a sorry. She instantly gave a sad smile and hugged me tightly." (Chapter two)

"I could see the virtual wall of his bravery collapsing when his irises dilated in apprehension." (Chapter three)

(3) I feel like the story itself was kind of unorganized. I kept asking myself as I was reading what exactly the plot was. The opening scene is the death of Anika and Daksha's parents, then we follow Anika as she goes to visit Daksha, and queue chapter two, in which the two of them talk, and Ketu is introduced. Ketu is then seen being incredibly mean to a traitor employee (tricking the man into thinking Ketu will harm or kill his daughter??), and he invites Anika to talk, but she doesn't make it and instead listens to her friend's sob story. All of it seemed a little scatterbrained. I mean, we're following the lives of characters, but where's the plot? What is the goal? Where is it all heading? If I were to guess what the goal of the story is, I'd say it's to get Ketu and Anika together, but only about half the story even deals with that subject. The rest of it is entirely unrelated happenings in both the characters' everyday lives.

(4) The whole of chapter three was utterly anarchic. What, really, was the point of this whole chapter from Ketu's perspective? The only thing we gained was that Ketu had known Anika for years and had almost kissed her in the past. Most of this chapter, however, is irrelevant to the story. Why did we need to see Ketu dealing with a double-crosser? How does this influence the plot of the story? That whole portion of the chapter felt extraneous. I felt the same way about all of chapter four. The only benefit we gained from that entire chapter was learning why Anika wasn't meeting Ketu. Take my opinion with a grain of salt, but I would keep the content of the story related directly and undeviatingly to the plot.

(5) As much as banter between characters is a lovely means of showing the readers more about your characters' personalities and dynamics, a lot of the dialogue in this book beat around the bush to the point of exasperation. This was apparent in every chapter I read, but it seemed to become worse as the story progressed. Between Ketu and his employee, Anika and Gul, Ketu and Bakul—each time, the friendly banter swerved from the plot and the conversation deviated from the purpose.

(6) I can't commend the pacing of Obstructed Heart. As mentioned several times previously, there were a lot of unnecessary scenes that made the story read incredibly slowly. There wasn't really much in the way of character development, either, and I didn't see any goals anyone was striving toward, other than Ketu trying to get Anika to marry him. I suppose that's a big goal, in all seriousness, but it felt so overlooked among everything else. On top of this, we didn't really get any emotional attachment to Anika or anyone else because of the telly writing style. I would give advice on how to smoothly incorporate emotions into your writing, but I don't think I could do it justice. Reading books and blogs about writing might help, though.

Suggestions:
(1) Consider shortening, moving, or removing the author's note at the beginning.

(2) Watch your usage of adjectives and superfluous words.

(3) Make the plot clearer through the actions of the characters and the goals of the scenes.

(4) Cut the scenes that don't relate to the plot and keep every event gravitating toward the goal of the book.

(5) Keep the characters' friendly banter to a minimum.

(6) Read up on how to incorporate pacing, character development, and emotion into your writing style.

I would rate this a 4/10.
This story felt as if it were knitted together with licorice and soaked in hot water. I never really got attached to any of the characters, and it seemed like the narrative was basically jumping from one conversation to another, and everything in between was transition. There was a lot lacking in the writing style, and I didn't really conclude that there was any solid goal in the story. I get that Ketu and Anika are supposed to be getting together, but the tension was so low I hardly wanted it to happen at all. To sum it up, I would suggest continuing to work hard on your craft. With some heavy revision, I do believe this story can be salvaged, but it won't be easy. With that in mind, good luck!

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is entirely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.