Author: parselmouth123

Genre: Poetry

What I liked:
- I liked the way you separate the letters in some words and how you bold them or italicize them. It helps give attention to the word and it draws our eyes to it. See (3).

- I don't normally read poetry because I don't understand it. I liked your choice of emotions, though. They were very easy to relate to, but you shouldn't compare things to "I can't breath" so often. I think you used that exact phrase, like, five times.

- I also liked the pictures you put at the top of each chapter. They help set the mood.

- I like that your chapters are short. I cannot say that for a lot of people as a lot are exceedingly long, but yours are short and easy to read.

What I didn't like:
(1) Your
Story
Gets
Hard
To
Follow
When
You're
Typing
Like
This.
And it's hard to get punctuation on that, too. I would lengthen the sentences some.

(2) It was really hard to understand the dialogue you had in this. It really is random thoughts and emotions. Very raw. Whenever you have dialogue, you are trying to reach a point. Those people who are talking are doing so to reach a goal. Make that more clear so that the readers can understand where the conversation is going.

(3) As soon as I read the first poem, I immediately thought of Pinterest quotes because of the italicized words. You know, these:

See how many fonts are being used? This effect is fine over a chapter or two occasionally and can actually be really cool, but it was overused and it got hard to understand and I got sick of it pretty quickly when I read the whole book. If half of your words are in special lettering, it's not so special anymore, is it? It became monotonous and it lost its effect. It's a nice flourish, really, but use it as a flourish, not a font. (The picture above used it way too much, just saying)

(4) You should label more of the emotions you're trying to express, like you did in "a thin line," where you labeled hate and love. That's one of the words that should be bolded.

Suggestions:
(1) Lengthen your sentences.

(2) Remember that dialogue needs to help reach a goal.

(3) Tone down the italicizing, bold, and special lettering to a minimum.

(4) Label the emotions you're expressing before you express them.

I would rate this a 7/10.
Overall, there's not a lot I can say since there isn't a storyline and I don't normally read poetry, but good job and good luck!

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is entirely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.