Author: kacquah

Genre: Adventure

What I liked:
- I really liked your map.

- Your prologue was very vivid and in the moment.

What I didn't like:
(1) Like I've mentioned in past reviews, I am and always will be against pictures in the stead of descriptions. No matter how I look at it, it's just lazy. So to keep it short, don't put pictures anywhere except at the beginning of each chapter.

(2) This is just personal preference, but the chapter 1-B, 1-C stuff is kind of overly complicated and reminds me of my school textbooks. Do what you like with this, but give change consideration.

(3) The first few introductory chapters were vivid and catching, but then I got to Chapter Two and didn't care at all for Allan or what he was trying to do. I read the first two parts from his perspective and not only did I learn pretty much nothing about him, but it didn't seem like he was doing anything very important for probably thirty pages. Altogether, I don't have very much connection to him and I lost interest completely in Chapter 2-C, where I was scared off by the fifty-page chapter.

(4) Never write fifty-page chapters. My personal limit is probably twenty or thirty, but for most, it's close to ten. Wattpad is a social media platform, after all, and most people visit social media, do what they want to to, and leave. They probably aren't searching for a commitment like fifty pages with close to no stopping points. Just seeing that page number in the corner is intimidating, and for this, it was the last straw. I already wasn't interested enough in the story considering I'd read seven chapters, and the writing just kept getting lazier. Overall, I would say it drawls a little and should spend less time on unimportant scenes.

Suggestions:
(1) Get rid of the pictures and strengthen your descriptions.

(2) Consider simplifying the chapter system.

(3) Introduce Allan with a clear motive.

(4) Set a word goal for each chapter and try to keep to it. Don't make chapters too long.

I would rate this a 7.5/10.
This is not a bad book, but it went too slow for me and I got bored reading through chapter after chapter of events that hint at trying too hard and people we learn too little about. It just has a dragging beginning and unfortunately, I wasn't interested enough in what I was introduced to to keep reading for another hundred pages to get to the plot. I would work on editing the huge piece of work you have here to cut the slow scenes and introduce your plot faster. To wrap things up, I would just say I was uninterested.

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is entirely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.