Author: ifana8

Genre: Mystery/Thriller

What I liked:
- The prologue was a nice way to start out the story. It's a quick means of getting your readers invested and to show them a snippet of your better writing. Your prologue, I think, was written well, though I think the cliffhanger should be reworded because it didn't exactly read very smoothly.

- I liked the glossary at the end of each chapter after you use a foreign word. It was really helpful.

- I like the title "7 Paragraphs" a lot more than your previous title, "Yuui's Diary." It prompts the reader to ask a lot more questions and it has an interesting air about it.

What I didn't like:
(1) Okay, I'm just gonna say it. It's Seven Paragraphs, not 7 Paragraphs. *tchs in disgust and rolls away*

(2) I felt after reading about a page into the first chapter that you use overcomplicated words that really take away from the emotional impact of the story/make it harder to concentrate past the unusual wording. When the figure is standing in the cemetery, you don't need to mention how the "particles" finally began scratching her "sclera." We don't need to read about the "exertion of the eyeballs" of this character. Um, no? That whole explanation part could be simplified to "the dust made her eyes water" or something. We don't need to know about her scleras? In the process of writing descriptions, you have to realize the balance between advanced vocabulary and overcomplicated delineations that make the readers uncomfortable. How important to the story is it that there is dust in her eyes? Probably not very much, so just a simple mention of the harsh wind would suffice. I was honestly little unnerved while reading this part.

(3) There were way too many unnecessary adjectives in use in the writing. Too many adjectives can take away from the potency of the word they're describing and make the writing wordy. A lot of times excessive adjectives can simply be substituted for a more potent word. For example, "she ran quickly" could become "she sprinted;" "the mighty wind blew with such ferocity" could become "the wind roared." Sometimes, less is more with a more direct phrasing.

(4) I stopped reading after chapter five because I became incredibly bored with the story. One of the reasons behind this is that the writing was very wordy through most of it and the story was more told instead of shown—"she was sad," "she felt unhappy that blah blah happened." I read somewhere to tell actions and show emotions: "she kicked the man" versus "her leg was in the air before she could take a breath and it made contact with his stomach in a powerful display of desperation." Too wordy; takes too long to read. Emotions: "She was sad" versus "the world around her blurred and swayed as tears filled her vision, [insert internal dialogue here]". With emotions, we want to sympathize and share the feeling with the character, but actions should read as fast as we can imagine the action happening. Kicks happen quickly, so we want to read the action as quick as the kick would dictate, which is called pacing. Overall, this story was really slow and I could barely keep myself awake while reading it.

(5) I couldn't get into this story for another reason, which is that I didn't feel like the characters cared enough about their goals—actually, I'm not even sure what most of them want. What are their goals? What am I striving to see happen in this story? Does Ada get better? What's her "crime?" What about the curse? None of it matters if Ada doesn't care. That and the fact that it's way too strung out and we don't get enough answers. The writing just seems really passive and I need more emotion here. If the characters don't care, the readers won't care either.

Suggestions:
(1) Correct the title.

(2) Remember the practicality of your writing. Read it aloud. Does it sound unusual? It's the wording.

(3) Use a more potent singular word instead of a more generic word and an adjective.

(4) Tell actions, show emotions. And just less telling.

(5) Give the characters a burning passion for their goal.

I would rate this a 4.5/10.
If I'm being entirely honest, this story was boring. It felt really monotonous in the sense that nothing interesting happened. Ada is depressed, and she has a curse for killing her husband on their wedding day. As it turned out, though, she never actually loved him, and now she's just in a never-ending spiral of hopelessness. After five chapters (there are only currently eleven), I don't see any progress in Ada's mindset. She doesn't come up with any goals, she doesn't express any particular wanting, and she never really makes us ask any questions. What in the world am I supposed to be wanting as a reader here? What is supposed to be making me keep reading? There was no draw. In conclusion, I would say you definitely need more cliffhangers. Make the readers ask questions, and give the characters life and something to strive for. Good luck!

This is merely my opinion and my advice, please do not try to correct it. This is what I thought of your book while I read it and it is entirely your choice what to do with it. That said, I worked really hard on this. Please be nice and remember that I'm trying to help you improve your writing.