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Is That An Okay Question?

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It wasn't easy, being away from Jisoo like that, at least to Chaeyoung.

She doesn't even know where she is. (She wishes that she does, but she asked Lisa one time and the Thai said Jisoo hasn't spoken to her since the wedding, either.) She doesn't know how to contact her because neither her phone nor her house number works, anymore, (or maybe it just doesn't work for her, particularly.) She'd ask Irene and Seulgi for help, but they'd only tell her to go to Jennie and Kai, instead. They should know, because Kai is Jisoo's cousin, after all.

But, "I'm sorry, Ro. The last time we heard from her was at brunch two weeks ago, and she was saying something about escorting Taehyung with this new business deal somewhere out of Manhattan." Kai's words came down on her like thunder.

Somewhere out of Manhattan. Chaeyoung's nails dug deeper into her palms at the anticipation running inside her head. Will she ever come back to Manhattan again?

"We haven't heard from her since, too." She recalls Jennie saying, reaching for Chaeyoung's hand and rubbing soft circles on it, while the other kept its place on Kai's lap. "I'm so sorry, Rosie."

They kept on saying that they're sorry. Everyone, even Irene and Seulgi when they went out a few days later after that, and Jihyo when she stumbled upon her and Daniel just outside her apartment building yesterday when she was looking at the magazine stand on the streets.

Chaeyoung hated that they're sorry, but it's not like she can blame them for it. She's the one that keeps on giving them the reason to be, anyway.

"I'm sorry, but, are you really sure you're okay, Ro? I mean, you look like shit." Seulgi tells her, which effectively earns a scolding hiss from her wife. She knew what Seulgi means. After all, she wasn't the first person to call her out on her restless appearance since Jisoo left. Lisa's already done that over and over whenever she'd come by to check on the blonde and force her out for a drink or two.

Chaeyoung just gave them a weak smile before Irene's hand lands on hers on the table. She looks up, and she saw the older woman smiling at her sympathetically. "Rosie, honey, what is going on?"

She remembers swallowing hard, wishing she could blink the tears away that were now threatening to fall from her troubled eyes, but failing anyway.

"I don't know where she is." She says in a cracking voice that effectively stung the couple's chests as well. Shaking her head, she chuckled at her absurdity, hands reaching up to wipe her tears away. "Just that she's out of Manhattan. But that's it. The rest– nothing. If she's okay, if she's still mad— I mean, who am I kidding? Of course she still is. But I want to know, Irene. I need to know." She feels awfully ridiculous saying it. It was all awful. Chaeyoung knows she's at fault, but it hurts her, anyway. "I mean, I am trying to be an adult about it. She needs it, so I'm giving her space. But does it really have to torture me like this?"

She didn't expect hearing that out loud would hurt even more.

And then, she remembers yesterday, when she was on her way out of her apartment building on the early Friday morning. For the last few months, it's already became a part of Chaeyoung's morning routine. She'd stop by the magazine stall and the weekly newspaper stand trying to search for a familiar name, a familiar face that she's already been missing terribly since the last few, excruciating months.

She was desperate. And the magazines were the only thing closest to knowing how Jisoo is.

If she was doing well, more so, better than Chaeyoung is.

But Jisoo's photo was never in the magazines anymore, in any brand, any issue – none. Unlike the first few weeks after she moved out, when she'd always see the brunette's face on the front cover, sometimes by herself, at times with her family - Mr. and Mrs. Kim, and her older siblings, Junghoon and Jiyoon - looking neat and cautious and properly expensive, as they should, considering they hold the biggest name in Manhattan's business industry.

In every photo, there wasn't a smile on Jisoo's face.

It would've made sense to others who didn't know her, but Chaeyoung could practically read those beautiful chocolate eyes just by looking at it, and she could easily tell that Jisoo wasn't smiling because she didn't want to be there. With them, with anyone.

Maybe Jisoo just didn't want to be anywhere at the moment, and that thought alone haunts Chaeyoung every night in her sleep.

It was all her fault.

Months after, Jisoo's face never appeared on the issues, anymore. It seems that she'd taken advantage of her power and influence to keep the press away, both from herself and from Chaeyoung, too. At first, Chaeyoung thought she was being delusional about it, but it had to make sense, right? Since that night at the afterparty, where she remembers everyone staring at them, watching them dance too dangerously close with each other, arms wrapped around each other tightly, raw, truthful emotions exposed in their eyes, not a single person came asking her about it later on.

Not a single reporter, a struggling rookie journalist in desperate need to write something big, something about the people from the richest families in New York that would single-handedly make his name in the writing industry, none.

And Chaeyoung's name and title could never do such things for her. She doesn't have the influence nor the power to make that possible for her own sake, so who could've been responsible for that but Jisoo?

Thinking about it sometimes makes her heart flutter because by that gesture alone, god.

How could Jisoo still care about her like that when Chaeyoung did her like that?

"Rosie?" She wouldn't have torn her gaze away from the last week's issue if it wasn't for Jihyo's voice calling for her. Turning around, she was indeed met by the sight of the doe-eyed girl, a smile firm on her face. "Hey, how are you? I haven't heard from either of you since the wedding."

"I'm okay," She smiles at Jihyo back, ignoring the fact that she was clearly talking about Jisoo, as well. Chaeyoung hoped the former won't be able to see clearly through her puffy eyes. "I just got really caught up at work. It can't be someone's wedding day everyday, right?"

Jihyo laughed, shaking her head. "Well, it has to be yours one day, too. So has Kim Jisoo proposed yet or what?" She joked, and Chaeyoung felt her smile slowly fading from her lips.

Watching the expression fall from the blonde's face, Jihyo immediately sensed something was wrong– or that she said something that made it wrong. "Oh, uhm, I'm sorry, Rosie. Is that an okay question?"

"Hey, babe. Sorry it took a while. Momo's telling me about this gala on Monday and— Oh, hey, Rosie. I didn't know you're from around here."

Chaeyoung had never felt that thankful for someone's interruption. "Daniel, yeah. I'm just actually this building." She greets with a smile - a forced one that is - tearing her gaze away from the worried Jihyo next to him. "Anyway, Jihyo and I were just, uhh, catching up." She chuckled awkwardly, watching Daniel nod to her before glancing at his wife, who only sent him a forced smile in return.

Clearing her throat, Chaeyoung nods her head as well, casually bidding goodbye, and ignoring the way Jihyo's sympathetic eyes pierced right through her being.

She didn't understand why she hated that everyone is sorry for her, when even she should be sorry for herself, as well.

That night, she barely slept, as she couldn't keep herself from wondering how Jisoo was doing after six long months.

Chaeyoung did hope the brunette was doing well for herself, but that would also mean Jisoo didn't care much about them like Chaeyoung does,

And a selfish part of the blonde somehow wanted for Jisoo to maybe not be okay, just a little.

Just maybe.

At the same time, somewhere at some point, at the back of her subconscious, Chaeyoung also wondered if they will ever meet again.

And if they will,

When?

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