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That's How I've Been

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Warning: No sexual scenes

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If someone caused you a great deal of pain, single-handedly tore your heart apart and ruined your well-built image and reputation to the public, would you let her pull you quietly towards an unfamiliar direction, saving you from getting swarmed by the press outside the gala you're about to ditch?

Kim Jisoo would.

She would even stare at their firmly clasped hands as Chaeyoung continues to drag her towards the backdoor exit until they're both completely out of the venue, alone by themselves.

"I..." She watched the blonde attempt stutter out, expression unsure, "I drove here with Lisa earlier, so I can't possibly drive you home. Do you have like, your chauffer or your bodyguard's number or something?"

Jisoo would nod, "Yeah, it's good." Hell, she would even ask, "How will you get home?"

Chaeyoung shrugs nonchalantly, sending the brunette a reassuring smile, (the widest so far since the moment they saw each other again for the first time in 6 months.) "I can always take the cab."

If someone caused you a great deal of pain and ruined your life with her decision of not choosing you the way you keep choosing her, would you still say, "I'll take you home."

Jisoo still would.

Chaeyoung's eyebrow perked up, her eyes wide in obvious surprise at the unexpected offer. "Oh, I– uhh," She held both of her hands up in front of the brunette, head shaking hurriedly, "No, no. I just can't let you do that, Chu."

Jisoo stared at her for another short second, with the same cold gaze and emotionless eyes.

"I'm not doing this because I care." Lies. Jisoo knew it for herself. "You saved me from sabotaging my own image again because of yet another one of my absurd choices." There was a slight sting in her chest at the way the word rolled off her tongue, but she tried not to show the blonde, who's now swallowing a huge lump in her throat. "I'm only doing this to not owe you anything, Rosie."

It was an indirect way of saying I don't want to get involved with you in any way again or I want absolutely nothing to do with you.

Chaeyoung knew it for herself.

She was left speechless, her heart breaking silently as she stood frozen in her spot, watching Jisoo call someone using the old, rusty payphone next to the venue's dumpster where they currently stood. She wanted to respond to that.

Hell, she has everything to say to her.

But why is it that Chaeyoung couldn't just – in any way – find the courage to bring any of it up for both of their sakes?

Oh, Chaeyoung knows.

It's because she didn't want Jisoo running away from her again, slipping through the tip of her fingers completely the moment she tries and takes the risk of getting Jisoo to talk about it.

About them.

Chaeyoung was only snapped out of her daze when the familiar limo pulls up right in front of her, one of Jisoo's bodyguards sprinting out of the sedan in order to hold the door open for them.

Jisoo stood next to Chaeyoung, once again nudging the blonde using her hand that fell down the small of her back, instantly causing cold shivers to run down Chaeyoung's spine.

When they got in, and Jisoo's bodyguard finally closes the door for them, Jisoo lets out a short sigh.

"Thank you for that," She says with scattered confidence in her quieter, yet still as strong, voice. "Although I hope it won't happen again, I do appreciate you running after me and stopping me from doing something stupid."

Chaeyoung felt her heart race madly inside her chest, a small smile slowly forming her lips. "Thank you for the ride." She mumbled softly, almost inaudible, but Jisoo heard it just fine.

They were swallowed by silence, the small window dividing the front and back portion of the limo rolled up completely. Chaeyoung knew it finally was a chance to speak up, and Jisoo wouldn't be able to dodge her hits this time, which is an even better sign for the blonde.

And so she sighed, swallowing hard before calling out unsurely, "Chu?"

She thought she heard a soft hum in response, yet completely missed the way Jisoo's jaw clenched in a failed attempt to not visibly flinch at her words.

Chaeyoung turned to face her properly, eyes wondering, "Back there, with your dad—"

"Don't even think about it." Jisoo snaps harshly, catching the blonde off guard. "That's none of your goddamn business."

"I-I'm sorry." Chaeyoung gulped, looking back down and shrinking helplessly in her seat. "I just want to know how you've been."

A bitter chuckle escaped Jisoo's lips.

"How I've been," She repeats the words under her breath, head shaking in disbelief. "I've been good, Rosie, don't worry. Unlike you, those months did me well. I'm promoted CEO, I made the biggest deals with the biggest companies in Vegas, I've helped Taehyung make his own deals even though he's a plain fucking asshole," Jisoo's head turned to a now slightly shaking blonde next to her, which caused Chaeyoung to automatically do the same. Fear was present in her hazelnut eyes, contrasting perfectly the dauntlessness of Jisoo's chocolate ones. "I've done all that without you, and you know what? It was all good. I know it was good, for me, it was good, Rosie."

Now Chaeyoung regrets ever pushing it, after seeing Jisoo's gaze burn holes through her skull, lip twitching upwards, voice sharp and stabbing straight into Chaeyoung's heart. "Chu, I-I didn't mean—"

"No. You want to know how I've been, right?" Jisoo was leaning closer to her, which immediately sent the younger girl recoiling, backing away in an attempt to keep the barely remaining distance between them. "Everything that's good for me, when I left, was right there in front of me, ready for me to just take and go. But the funniest thing is that I can't seem to possibly do so. I can't, because I pass by a goddamn park and I see you; I turn my PlayStation on and you appear, right next to me; I have niçoise for a family brunch and you're in my fucking head; I see a goddamn rose and there you fucking are."

Chaeyoung felt her heart shatter helplessly as she continued to stare straight into the brunette's eyes, cold and raging. These aren't Jisoo's. These aren't supposed to be Jisoo's.

Stop trying to force it.

The chance to talk to her again comes, but it doesn't mean you take it.

She should've just listened to Lisa.

Chaeyoung opened her mouth to retort— something, anything. But she can't seem to bring herself to let out even just a single word, the loud beating of her heart inside her chest making it even harder for her to tear her gaze away from the brunette's overwhelming stare.

Jisoo lets out another bitter chuckle, still not moving away, still staring at the blonde who's now in the verge of tears.

"I can barely remove you from my head, Rosie. And I hate it. I tried everything—  parties, alcohol, one night stands —just so my own brain would give me a fucking break. I didn't care about the press, no. Because I've already used up all the power and influence I have in my name to keep them away from me. And from you. But paparazzi were there, watching me, waiting for me to show vulnerability and do something stupid. Everyday of my fucking life, they were watching, sly and patient. If it wasn't for Nayeon helping me out, using her own power and influence to get rid of the stupid tabloids; asking our parents to do something; I would've been banished right out of the picture with my career kicked into the dust."

She scoffs, her gaze piercing right theough Chaeyoung, watching the way a stray tear slowly roll down the blonde's cheeks.

(Jisoo's heart broke, but she didn't say it out loud.)

"I can barely handle myself, my own emotions, let alone, the company. Since then, I was nothing but a failure in my father's eyes. And now, he's just shoved in my fucking face that there's no way he'd trust me with the family business again by selling to the Hirai's." She shook her head, blinking het tears away, smile wide yet eyes shooting rage. "And this, right now, is his way of showing me that he'd much rather ask for another person's help to fix the mess that I've caused, instead of giving me another chance to make it right myself." She says, voice still harsh, strong grudge hidden at the back of her pained chocolate orbs. "That's how I've been, Rosie. What about you?"

It was as if on cue when the limo pulls up in front of Chaeyoung's building, Jisoo's bodyguard once again pulling the door of the sedan open for the blonde.

Jisoo finally leaned back, gaze softening, yet the grudge was still there, continuously haunting a still trembling Chaeyoung alive.

Lifting a glass of scotch up to her lips, Jisoo mumbled, "Get out, Ms. Park." Her voice was now utterly soft, calm, yet somehow scarier than before. "I'm genuinely hoping this is the last time we talk— about this, about anything." She took a short sip, staring straight ahead when she added in the same, ice cold tone, "And please understand that I don't ever want to see you again."

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Writer's Note:

50k for Rosie's Rule? Is everyone here gay and depressed?
(I thought it was just me.)

But thank you so so much!!! Goddd, you guys are just precious :(

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