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I Broke The Rule, And I'm Sorry
(Part 1)

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Lisa couldn't think straight. She's taking panicked, heavy steps outside the cat-eyed girl's suite with a hand running through her messy hair. "Fuck!" She exclaims, eventually leaning her back against the wall next to the door, "Fuck," she lets out tiredly, this time, eyes shutting closed.

Talk to her.

Just fucking to her!

But what do I say?

Hello, Jennie. I'm here to ask you if maybe, since you and my best friend got divorced secretly after 6 months of marriage and never told a soul about it, we could start over again.

"Fuck!" Lisa couldn't help but exclaim louder this time, effectively startled seconds after the door of the suite was suddenly swug open.

It caused the Thai to instantly jump off the wall, eyes just as wide as she stared at Jennie's surprised ones, "Lisa?" She furrowed her eyebrows confusedly, "What are you doing here?"

Lisa could feel her heart beat out of control, staring at Jennie's gorgeous feline eyes. She visibly gulped, a hand gesturing awkwardly in front of her.

"I, uhh," She let out in stutters, gaze trying its best to avoid Jennie's scrutinizing ones. "I think you and I should talk."

Jennie stared at her, cat eyes hesitant. She glanced at the floor when she swallowed the lump in her throat, head shaking lightly.

"I don't know—"

"Jennie," Lisa interrupts, causing the older girl to look back up, where she instantly met Lisa's pleading doe eyes. "We should talk."

Jennie sighs, shutting her eyes lightly as she barely breathes out, "Lisa..."

"Why did you leave him?" Lisa asks, eyes impossibly wide, tears burning at the back of them.

Jennie chuckles nervously, shaking her head. "Lili," she started, and then trailed off.

When she looked back, however, at Lisa's weary stare, she felt her heart sink.

"Let's talk." Lisa mutters firmly once more, this time more defiant, and Jennie knew she was done for.

Opening the door wider, Jennie lets Lisa in.

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"And that is me and Junghoon-oppa's girlfriend," Jisoo says as she points at one of the pictures in the old photo album she let Ella flip through.

"You were chubby!" Ella laughs along with Jisoo, sinking further into the soft cushions of the brunette's leather sofa. When her laughter died down, she mumbles, almost inaudibly, "I never had baby pictures of my own."

"Why not?"

Ella shrugs, "They don't do that in foster homes, unnie."

Jisoo couldn't deny a slight ache in her chest at the little girl's response, pressing her lips together as she thought of what to say.

"My older siblings do not have their own baby pictures, too." Ella turns to face her properly when she whispers back, instantly meeting with a soft smile now painted on Jisoo's lips. "My parents never really thought it was necessary, so my older brother, Junghoon, doesn't. The same goes with Jiyoon-unnie, because she was born only a year after him." She reaches over to gently flip through the pages of the album on Ella's lap, stopping at one where there's a picture of her and her two older siblings, and pointing at it with a smile. "But I was the luckiest. Both of my siblings have already grown up when I came into the world, so they took these photos for me and with me."

The way Ella's lips tugged to her eyes in a genuine smile was beyond Jisoo's utter joy. "Older siblings are the best," the little girl mumbles in response, and Jisoo only nods in approval.

"They are." She met Ella's gaze once again, mirroring the huge grin that the little girl was sending her, "And I'm sure your Chaeyoung-unnie would've also done the same thing for you, if only she had the chance to be with you at that time."

After Ella sent her the widest, most precious grin, they sat next to each other in silence, the little girl just flipping through the pages whilst Jisoo quitely watches her.

However, the silence was suddenly, completely broken when Ella mumbles out, "Jisoo-unnie?"

Jisoo, despite expecting the sudden calling the least, hums in response. She watched Ella shut the photo album and gently place it back down on the center table, body shifting in order to turn her full attention to the brunette.

"Do you love Chaeyoung-unnie?"

It wasn't an understatement if Jisoo said the question startled her. In fact, it didn't. Maybe she saw it coming at some point, expecting such strong impression for the final bomb Ella was going to drop at her.

And so, Jisoo mumbles, "Of course, I do." So excruciatingly easy, because it meant completely different from her actual answer. "Chaeyoung; she is a good friend." She almost laughs at herself for sounding a little too ridiculous on her own hearing.

But Jisoo should've known better than lying. Or at least, trying to avoid answering the question right. And she should've never underestimated Ella, knowing how the little girl's brain could work in unimaginable ways. She's not stupid.

"Unnie," Ella smiles softly, knowing eyes boring straight into Jisoo's, easily holding her gaze, "I can keep a secret."

And Jisoo thought she could just despise herself forever for not being able to escape and 11-year-old's knowing. She chuckles softly, head shaking. This is just too absurd, but she finally decided to get over it and just talk to Ella the same way Ella intends to talk to her.

"I do."

A confession, out in the open for Ella's taking. Yet the little girl didn't even flinch, didn't even blink when she nodded at Jisoo reassuringly, as if she knew the answer all along, anyway.

"Then why are you gonna marry another girl?"

Jisoo felt her heart break. She shouldn't realize anything on that, yet. It was just a question. A curious, little question from a curious, little girl. It meant nothing, but at the same time, it meant everything, and Jisoo knows that for herself.

Why are you gonna marry another girl?

Ella asks it so plainly, as if it's all so simple. You say love Chaeyoung, but why are you gonna marry Nayeon?

"Ella," Jisoo mumbles quitely in the end, swallowing the lump in her throat as she thought of a reasonable answer to the anticipating little girl, "It's not that simple."

Ella's anticipation faded away and was rather replaced by a softer gaze.

"But isn't it not simple, all the time, anyway, Jisoo-unnie?" She asks in the same, curious tone, "It wasn't simple for Chaeyoung-unnie; losing me, and then, having no better choice besides crossing oceans just to not completely fall apart, even if me, not being with her, kills her everyday." She paused, meeting Jisoo's stunned gaze. "And it wasn't simple for you; wanting to be there for Chaeyoung-unnie, being her friend, and loving her; because it meant burying your own emotions deep down just to put her first, looking for her long-lost sister, whom you only ever knew of her common first name. But it didn't stop you from doing it, still, because it made Chaeyoung-unnie happy, which made you happy, too."

Ella watched the way Jisoo blinks in her spot as she continued to listen, making her smile even wider as she proceeded with another unbelievably simple, and rather easy question;

"Is marrying Nayeon-unnie gonna make you happy, Jisoo-unnie?"

Ella distractedly plays with her fingers on her spot, waiting for a few seconds in case Jisoo had something to say. But nothing came besides an exhausted sigh from the brunette's lips. She could tell her Jisoo-unnie wanted to say something, to break the silence, but she couldn't. She could tell she was lost for words, and it's completely understandable.

Because Ella already knows the answer, anyway.

And so, she smiled, legs propping up when she leaned her back comfortably against the armrest of Jisoo's long leather couch and hugged both of her knees to her chest. "Chaeyoung-unnie is a good actress," she says as she did so, the sentence enough for her to catch Jisoo's attention once again, whose once lost chocolate eyes now just turned even more confused.

Ella looked back at her, smiling when she explains, "From the several days we'd spent together for the past 6 months, she's nothing but fun and bubbly, always making sure to put a smile on her face everytime we hang out. But she never knew I've always caught her spacing out while she sat on a bench as I played with my friends at the park. Or whenever she would give me a little extra for tokens just so I'd take more time in the arcade while she'd spend hers by herself, scanning the magazine racks in the corner."

Ella paused, reaching over for the bowl of popcorn resting on the center table next to the old photo album, plopping a handful in her mouth. Jisoo just watched her, lips still slightly parted, a chuckle of disbelief secretly escaping from them once Ella distracted herself with the snack.

"Did she, now?" Jisoo finds herself mumbling in response, almost incoherent. It only earned a nod from the little girl. "Why do you think she'd do that?"

Ella seems to think about it for a second, and then she simply shrugs.

"Whenever I ask her about it, she only plasters that smile once again, and I almost find it funny, because it's so obvious it was forced. But I didn't want to burst her bubble." She grabs the bowl entirely this time, hugging it to her chest, "I never understood why she kept doing that before. But when I saw your picture in one of the magazine covers when mom and I went out to a local café for lunch, I realized what it was all about." She met Jisoo's gaze, smiling up sweetly at the brunette, "She misses you, unnie."

Jisoo could never put into words how the little girl's statement struck every single sense inside of her. How its impact caused not just for her heart to almost leap out of her chest, but for it to almost drown in waves of overwhelming thoughts and doubts, too, because of the realizations taking over her all at once.

And Ella is right. It wasn't simple with Chaeyoung.

But love; it's never simple all the time, anyway.

She would love to hate the fact that an 11-year-old had to knock some sense into her, to make her realize the things that she, herself, should've thought about on her own. But it's difficult for Jisoo not to chuckle and shake her head in disbelief the moment her eyes landed on Ella's figure once again, next to her on the couch, stuffing her face innocently with cold, microwave popcorn.

All as if she doesn't even have a clue how her words and her little story just changed everything for Jisoo.

When Ella met her gaze, eyes questioning, Jisoo smiled at her sweetly, "Come here," she says, and Ella didn't hesitate to put the bowl back down on the table and crawl towards Jisoo's side, head resting against the brunette's shoulder while her arm wrapped around Jisoo's torso. "Tell me a few more stories," Jisoo mumbles softly against the little girl's head while her fingers stroked Ella's hair gently.

"Like what?" Ella asks, and Jisoo pulled away slightly in order to meet the little girl's confused gaze.

"Like the ones your Chaeyoung-unnie always told you about before."

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"Baby, meeting Jisoo-unnie; It was the best thing that's ever happened to my life.

"You should know, because she's the very reason why we're sitting next to each other right now. Why I'm able to tell all of this to you. It was her fault, why I have to keep trying even if it hurts me sometimes, because how can you just give up on someone who gave you the entire world without having you, ask her for it?

"Jisoo-unnie is the worst. She's smug, and it's really bothering whenever that teasing, lopsided smirk makes its way towards her lips as she stared at you amusedly. She loves it whenever she sees someone pissed because of her ruthless teasing, like she would do anything to just emit an exasperated expression from you at least once whenever she sees you.

"She's annoying, especially when she and Lisa-unnie finds an opportunity to make fun of you together. And so stubborn, that you tell her the limits of something and set boundaries on her, but still, she finds a way to cross every single one of them and not even be sorry about it. Breaking the rules, for example. Count on her to be good at that.

"Oh, and she's rich, maybe too much for her own good, which makes it hard for people to just be with her, even if they both wanted to.

"But it's infuriating, how you can never really get to hate her despite all of that. How she manages to find a way to turn things around, from annoying to charming in only a span of seconds. How she talks, all the beautiful, relevant words just rushing out of her so easily; how she listens to you talk, indulging your own share of beautiful, relevant words; how she stares at you like you're the only thing she sees, and like it's only you that matters to her and nothing else;

"That is definitely the worst: the way she stares. It's way too overwhelming, and it leaves you feeling rather undeserving to be looked at like that by her. It's undoubtedly hard to be the receiving end of her gaze. But once it's done, it's even harder not to want it more and more.

"Once, Jisoo-unnie uninentionally brought up the topic about siblings, something a little too difficult for me to discuss back then. It was in the middle of a Call Of Duty game we were playing in her suite that I first told her about you. I told her your name is Ella, and that you're turning 11 in November that time.

"I told her about everything and everyone we lost together, how we lost each other along the way. And I cried in Jisoo-unnie's arms, because I was hurting so much. But I was lucky she was there to listen to me, to hold me, and to tell me that it's okay. That I won't be losing anymore ever again.

"That's why it's difficult to understand how things didn't turn out that way. Because, if she told me, herself, that I won't ever be losing anymore, then how come I lost her?

"And how come I kept losing her over and over, even until now?

"I ask myself that everyday, and everyday I just come up with the same answer. It was my fault, baby. Why Jisoo-unnie left. Why she's not here, next to us, listening to me, as well, while I tell you our story.

"I never stopped blaming myself for it. Not a single day I stopped thinking about how much I hurt her. After everything she's done for me. After bringing you back to me when I thought I would never see you again.

"Jisoo-unnie is the worst, because it's so easy for her to give you endless reasons why you should believe in love again, despite how cruel the universe had been to you all your life; despite everything you've lost, everything you've been through by yourself.

"It's the worst, how she could just walk into your life, all of a sudden, like a gift from the heavens, an answer to your prayers, a wish from a genie in a strange, magic lamp. But I'll let you on a secret; I love how she does that so easily. How she managed to just walk right into my life and give me all I'm ever gonna need. How she poured all of her love on me despite knowing that I wasn't planning on doing the same for her, because of the deal we had and the rule that I set upon ourselves.

"I love how she never loses without a fight. How it doesn't matter to her how foolish she may seem, as long as she lets you know what she wants. I love how she managed to find holes in my perfectly established plans, and how she manages to knock down every bit of it to the ground, just to make room for an opportunity for the two of us to build something real. Together.

"And I love Jisoo-unnie so much, that right now, I'm willing to lose on my own game and let her win all of me. Perhaps, just this once. Or, maybe, for the rest of the days I can."

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"She promised I'll get to meet you, unnie. When it gets better. But I dont think it ever did, and it scared me that I'd never get to thank you, myself, for how happy you've made her. I know, because Chaeyoung-unnie told me that, as well."

Ella continues to mumble against Jisoo's chest, her arm that's wrapped around the brunette's waist tightening even more, as if afraid she'd suddenly lose her in the middle of telling her (Chaeyoung-unnie's) story. A sense of longing in her voice, heart worn completely right on her sleeve, "And she told me how much she loves you, and how much she was cost when she had cost you."

Jisoo gulps, the hand that wasn't stroking Ella's hair reaching up in order to wipe a few stray tears away from her face. She shook her head as she hums silently in acknowledgement, letting the little girl know she was still listening. However, Ella only responded with deep, steady breaths against Jisoo's chest.

"Sleepy?" Jisoo asks gently, instead.

Ella nods lightly, a tired yawn escaping her lips. "A little."

"I'll shoot Lisa-unnie a text, yes?"

For the second time around, the little girl responds with a simple nod. Jisoo reached over to grab her phone and swipe, searching for Lisa's number. Meanwhile, Ella's eyes were still shut closed as she buried her face deeper against Jisoo's neck.

"Are you mad at me, Jisoo-unnie?"

The question instantly caused Jisoo to stop, pressing send before shutting her phone and placing it back down on the table. She didn't respond in any way other than stroking Ella's back soothingly and hugging her just as tight. Instead, she waited for the little girl to continue.

And Ella did, as if she knew exactly what was running through her Jisoo-unnie's mind.

"Are you mad, because I came here and talked to you about it?" Another yawn, a tighter embrace, "About Chaeyoung-unnie," Jisoo had to sigh shortly, unshed tears burning at the back of her eyes in the most excruciating sting, "I swear, I didn't mean any trouble. But you said during our facetime call together, the three of us, that you owed me way more, so I thought you could give me back the favor this way."

Jisoo chuckles at the little girl's statement, recalling the exact words she told her that night at Chaeyoung's apartment. A painful memory. That's all everything is now. And it's terrible just thinking about it.

About how it's almost impossible turning everything around, anymore.

She shook her head lightly, biting her lip as she tried to croak out a soft response.

"I'm not mad at you, kiddo." She reassuringly tells her, and Ella smiles against Jisoo's chest. Jisoo smiles too, before asking in the softest, most fragile tone, "Are you?"

Because I hurt Chaeyoung-unnie too.

Maybe even worse than she hurt me.

Because I kept pushing her away and building my walls higher everytime she tries to knock them down with all the might that's left in her.

Because gave up on her so easily when she didn't.

When she never did.

But Ella only whispers back, "You don't get mad at people you love," buries her face against Jisoo's neck, and slowly lets sleep take over her as she whispered, "I love you, Jisoo-unnie."

More than just a thank you for making her Chaeyoung-unnie happy.

It's an I love you for loving both of them, Ella and Chaeyoung, with all of her heart. Unconditionally.

Jisoo smiles, lets the little girl tuck her head under her chin, and whispers just as softly, "I love you, too, Ella."

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Writer's Note:

I decided it's better to divide the ending into two parts. Maybe there's something about long chapters that I just couldn't stand.

ANYWAYS, see y'all at the finale: part 2!!

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