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For Now, At Least

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"...Thank you, everyone. Please, enjoy the night." Seulgi raises her glass up as she finishes off her speech, smiling when the crowed gave her thunderous applause.

Lights went down the same time Seulgi stepped off the stage platform, upbeat music turning up, the guests' friendly chatters overlapping with it. People are everywhere, guests and photographers walking all over the place, shaking up the expanse, but Jisoo only kept her eyes glued on a specific direction where Chaeyoung and Chanyeol stood.

She wanted to know what they were talking about so bad that the idea of snooping closer and (probably) eavesdropping (a little) truthfully and embrrassingly came upon her clouded mind maybe once or twice.

But then she realizes that she's Kim Jisoo— the Kim Jisoo. Her level doesn't go that low.

It never does.

And so, deciding upon herself to just ignore the two, (and the weird, uncomfortable feeling rising up the pit of her stomach, what is up with that?) Jisoo turned around as she made her way towards the minibar with the intentions of clearing her head, and perhaps, a couple of tequila shots to keep her company.

-

Oh, god.

"Hey, it's alright." Chanyeol chuckles heartily. "Look, there's no pressure, okay? I just think you're pretty and awesome and I wanna get to know you better. Only if that's okay with you, of course."

And that's exactly the thing. It's not okay with Chaeyoung at all.

"Chanyeol," The blonde starts off with an apologetic grin. "I think you're awesome, too. And funny. And nice," There really is not a nice way for me to say this, "But I can't go out on a date with you."

More like, I don't want to. Chaeyoung decides, however, that it's best to just keep that phrase to herself.

It was pretty nerve-wracking to watch Chanyeol sigh, slight disappointment evident in his features, yet he only chose to mask it with a polite smile and a nod. "Alright. Well, I tried."

Chaeyoung forced out a painfully awkward grin, a hand reaching to hold the boy's and rub it softly with her thumb. "I really am sorry."

Chanyeol just shrugs.

"It's okay, Rosie. I told you, no pressure." He sent her a genuine smile. "I kinda figured that'd be your answer, too, anyway. I mean, with Kim Jisoo coming back and all."

The statement effectively caused Chaeyoung's eyes to widen in surprise, blinking several times, "Excuse me?"

She was so confused, it actually earned a chuckle from the ash-haired boy.

"Kai talks, you know? Like, a lot." He shrugs, smiles at Chaeyoung sweetly as his tone turns a little more serious this time. "I just wish you all the best, Rosie. I really do."

Chaeyoung had to swallow a lump in her throat at the genuineness of the boy's statement. He's too unbelievably nice it kind of makes her feel bad, but she knew she doesn't have to. She can say no to him when she feels like it and not feel guilty about it.

(Maybe it's just really the nerve that's making her feel like throwing up because of how awkward this is.)

Someone save me! Chaeyoung had never really been good at dealing with situations like this.

She was about to respond, and she would be able to, if it wasn't for a familiar voice cutting her off. (Thank god!)

"Hey, sorry to interrupt." Momo chimes in, grin wide and friendly. Chaeyoung couldn't explain how glad she is at the sudden interruption. Holding the blonde's waist lightly in acknowledgement, Momo, then, turned to face the boy and politely offered her hand to him. "Park Chanyeol, how are you?"

"Hirai, at my best. Congratulations on the deal." Chanyeol greets back, expression mirroring the younger girl's, who only sent him a thankful nod. "Listen, I was just leaving. I have to contact my jet while the night's still young. Will you two be okay?"

"Absolutely. Are you flying back to Seoul already?" Momo questions, earning a light chuckle from the boy.

"I am. Stuff needs to be taken care of." He nods before turning to face Chaeyoung and sending her a soft smile. "I'll see you around, yeah?"

Chaeyoung just smiles at him back, watching as the boy shook Momo's hand in farewell before walking away completely out of their sight.

"You two are close," Momo supposes as she turned to face the blonde next to her.

Meanwhile, Chaeyoung just shrugged, "I actually just turned him down."

The statement emitted an amused chuckle from the Japanese.

"You didn't," she says, surprise evident in her tone. Chaeyoung just shrugged playfully. "Poor guy, can get literally anything but a girl."

Chaeyoung rolled her eyes at Momo's cockiness. "Oh, and I suppose you can?"

Momo just laughed at the sarcastic remark, shaking her head. A few seconds after, she met gazes with the blonde again, a small smile making its way on her lips as she asked, "Wanna dance?"

The music was loud, but Chaeyoung heard her just fine. Nodding her head, she reached for Momo's offered hand, letting the Japanese twirl her around before pulling her completely towards the dance floor as their hearty laughter overlapped each other's.

It was fun, dancing with Momo like that, moving their bodies closely in synchronization with the upbeat music. Momo was absolutely a superb dancer, like Lisa, but more mindful of her distance with the blonde. Nonetheless, it didn't stop them from having fun, and Chaeyoung felt light, carefree— the first time she ever did for quite some time now.

She needed that.

Or maybe, just maybe, the universe decides for her that she doesn't. That, she figured, the moment Momo swung her free from her grip, and in a ridiculous instant, causing her to collide with another person's body, who was just supposedly passing by.

Chaeyoung wouldn't have immediately noticed who it was, with the strong smell of tequila reeking from their clothes and their warm breath. It was very unusual, especially for someone like Kim Jisoo, to get wasted (as far as Chaeyoung could remember.)

But what the hell does she know, right? Jisoo is definitely drunk.

She didn't know what to say, mostly because the last time she spoke to Jisoo, things were left as undeniably ugly as they can be. But Chaeyoung attempted to speak, nonetheless, especially now that she and Jisoo are only staring at each other so intently, like they can only see each other and the rest simply doesn't matter.

But Jisoo, as expected, beat her to muttering a word again, with her ridiculing scoff and a shook of her head in disbelief.

"I thought you were with that guy, Chanyeol?" She lets out, voice low, but undeniably strong and piercing. "Now, you're with... Momo." Nodding her head up and down, Jisoo lets out a forced chuckle, "Wow."

Chaeyoung's eyes widened, hands gesturing everywhere. She didn't know why she felt like she needed to explain herself, like she must get the idea of her being with someone else off of Jisoo's head. She didn't know why it felt like it was a big deal, to convince the brunette that she and Momo aren't what she thinks they are, and Chaeyoung knew for herself that, no. She didn't have to do that.

But Jisoo was staring at her in disbelief, gaze judging, up and down, like Chaeyoung was nothing but some kind of a joke.

Maybe that's what urged Chaeyoung to let out in stutters, "N-no, Chu. I— It's not what you think—"

But Jisoo cuts her off again, this time, her tone was harsher, chuckle more bitter.

"Well, why am I even surprised? I mean, you're Roseanne Park. I should've had put the pieces altogether beforehand, right?"

The statement effectively caused the blonde to freeze, chest impossibly heavier than it was. "What's that exactly supposed to mean?" She asks in an even softer tone, but her voice was firmer this time, and her eyes were watery from attemptingly falling tears.

Jisoo lets out a puff of air.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." She chuckles bitterly, sarcasm dripping from her tone. "But hey, here's an idea, why don't you give Taehyung a call, as well, so he wouldn't miss out on the fun?" She shrugs, continuously and unconsciously spitting out obnoxious sentences that effectively caused tears to rush out of Chaeyoung's eyes. "Or is the three of them still not enough? Do you want me to come around, too—"

It was the slap in her face that forced Jisoo to stop talking, to blink several times, and to sober up almost in an instant as realization hit her hard. She looked up, eyes wide. She didn't mean any of that.

But Chaeyoung was already staring at her in disbelief, choking out pained sobs.

"How dare you," The blonde barely mumbled as she shook her head and slowly took several steps back. "You didn't have to stoop so fucking low."

-

It is moments like this when Chaeyoung hates herself the most.

She's always despised whenever she accidentally snaps at Lisa for being a little too annoying for her, or when a staff at the office greets her politely but she's too grumpy that she only ends up unconsciously glaring at them in return. Or maybe whenever she scolds Ella a little harsher than she that of she actually intended to.

Acknowledging well her impulsive actions is never really an easy task for Chaeyoung.

Never was, and perhaps, never will be.

And now, she hates herself again, because she slapped Jisoo right across her face. Thank god, people didn't really get to notice, but it doesn't change that fact that Chaeyoung still let her emotions get the best of her, causing her to act on impulse, say stupid words she didn't mean.

She's been sitting down on a stool at the hotel bar for a while now, alone, crying her eyes out and drowning her sorrows in a glass of margarita.

It's a little too late for cocktails, but Chaeyoung hardly finds herself giving a shit, anymore.

It was all just too much, it always had been since she came back. The two of them, their history— did it all really have to reach this point?

Has Chaeyoung fucked up that bad, that this ridiculous karma had to come crashing back down at her in an endless fucking loop?

"Fuck me," She mumbles to herself, head shaking as she buried her face deep in her palms. She was pretty sure her make up was ruined, mascara running messily down her cheeks. "Fuck my life."

She hated herself. She hated it there.

It was the worst ever for Chaeyoung to even just be there alone.

(But the voice that suddenly rang against her ears from behind completely said otherwise.)

"Scotch. Neat." Chaeyoung believes it was intended for the bartender, but not the next upcoming words. (It was intended for her.) "You can't possibly mean that, now, can you?"

That voice. Again.

It is moments like this when Chaeyoung hates herself more. Whenever Jisoo stands there, behind her, speaking to her out of nowehere. Whether it was, You like dancing? or You can't possibly mean that, can you? or whatever the hell it may be. Chaeyoung despises the way she just couldn't seem to stop her heart from beating painfully rapidly inside her chest whenever Kim Jisoo spoke to her; reacting that way under any circumstance they were in.

She didn't face the brunette, mostly because she couldn't seem to find the courage to do so. Instead, she tried her best to muffle her cries and swallow it back down as to not let Jisoo hear it. (Although, she guessed Jisoo must've already heard it, anyway.)

"I want to apologize," Chaeyoung's heart raced when she felt Jisoo take the empty stool next to her, close to her. Voice speaking in a much lower, softer tone. "I was distraught. And angry. God, I was so fucking angry, at everything that's going on and everyone that's caused it, and that was the alcohol, talking. Not me." Chaeyoung finally turned to face her, and she didn't know exactly what to feel when she was met by the sight of Jisoo nervously looking down, unable to meet the blonde's gaze. "You're right. What I said was low, and I was way out of line and I am sorry, Rosie." She looks up, troubled chocolate orbs finally meeting Chaeyoung's soft gaze and impossibly forgiving eyes. (Jisoo feels like she doesn't deserve it at all.) "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry. Jisoo's voice echoed Chaeyoung's ears like a broken record, playing over and over inside her clouded head. And the more it did, the more painful it gets for her.

She had to let out a chuckle, looking up and blinking her remaining tears away. When she met Jisoo's worried gaze once again, Chaeyoung smiled.

Genuinely.

"Jisoo," She starts off, and then it ends there, head shaking lightly.

She didn't know exactly how to put it into words, her emotions, the way she wants to make Jisoo understand that it wasn't her fault she thinks of Chaeyoung that way; that she doesn't blame her for throwing such heartless words at the blonde. Chaeyoung didn't know how to make Jisoo feel like she shouldn't be the one apologizing at all, because she wasn't the one that caused all the pain both of them are currently enduring, anyway.

Chaeyoung thought maybe she could settle for a barely audible, "I'm sorry too," and a soft hold on Jisoo's slightly trembling hand. Maybe she could, for now, at least. Maybe Jisoo would understand what she means, the deeper story behind three worthless words, "I'm so sorry, Jisoo—"

"Don't. Please." She was cut off, and the brunette was looking down on the tiled floor again. "I don't think I can have this conversation with you, just yet. With all of this. Too much is going on at the moment, and I just... can't." Swallowing the lump in her throat, Jisoo sighs before muttering softly under her breath, "Can we settle on being civil around each other for now, at least?"

And perhaps, this moment, right now, adds to Chaeyoung's list of the things that makes her hate herself the most. When Jisoo acts like this, speaks like this, because of her. But she understood. Jisoo needs time, and what the actual hell?

Chaeyoung is willing to give her all the fucking time she can.

"Of course."

At least, they're settling on an actual something for now, on letting the wound rest on its own for the meantime. Maybe it's for the best. Maybe they'll be able to function better without the painful memory blocking their way and forcefully holding them back.

And maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to find themselves again after this, in each other; with each other.

Chaeyoung thought it wasn't unlikely, especially when she felt Jisoo hold her hand as well, softly squeezing. She sent the blonde a soft smile, mumbling a soft, "Thank you," in return.

It was all enough for Chaeyoung. She can settle for this.

For now, at least.

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Writer's Note:

I was supposed to be taking a short break and spending some time off chaesoo wattpad but one of you guys told me about rude comments in the previous chapters, so here I am, cranky as hell and not even bothering to try and hide it.

Anyway, if you don't have anything nice to say just get off the fic. Simple. Please and thanks.

Just updating to put this out there, but I'll hopefully be back very soon.

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