"Yoongi," the sweetest whisper slowly roused said male from his deep slumber.

Blinking his eyes open against the harsh morning light, Yoongi looked to where the most beautiful person hovered directly above him. A sleepy smile took over Yoongi's face as he reached up and lovingly stroked Hoseok's cheek. The younger moved away to lay beside him, his head propped up by his left hand.

"Morning," groggily whispered Yoongi while he stretched out his tired limbs, smile still firm on his face.

"Good morning to you too," lightly chuckled Hoseok as he reached out his right hand and rested it upon the middle of Yoongi's chest.

Yoongi looked around the room in confusion as his mind tried to catch up to the land of consciousness. It registered to him that Hoseok hadn't started to get ready for work yet. And then the memory from the night before made it clear as to the reason why. He gulped nervously as he looked at Hoseok with a slight frown.

"How long before you need to go?" Yoongi asked and placed his left hand on top of Hoseok's hand. "You wanted to talk right?"

"Yeah, I did. I've got about ten minutes before I need to be in the shower," Hoseok tiredly sighed.

"Well what's up?" he asked as he turned over onto his side and mimicked Hoseok's pose except he used his right hand to prop up his head.

"It's been a few months since we last talked about this," started Hoseok slowly and cautiously with a grim expression. "But I think we need to talk about it again."

The brief silence that followed the statement made Yoongi feel even more nervous. He gulped as he looked deep into Hoseok's eyes. He had a feeling he knew what was about to be said and if it was what he thought it was, then he already started to feel shit. He tried not give away just how tense his body had become as he gave Hoseok's hand a small squeeze.

"I think it's time you start looking for a part time job to help out our income and take some of the pressure off of me," continued Hoseok.

Ah. It was exactly what Yoongi thought would be brought up. He closed his eyes to hide his true emotions from the younger. The last thing he wanted was to make Hoseok feel bad for bringing up his genuine concerns. He wanted the younger to feel like he could tell him anything, even if it hurt Yoongi in the process.

"Hoseok, I'm trying to do that by working on my demo's. The whole end goal is for me to be able to provide for us both so you only have to work as a hobby and not a job," Yoongi said as he sadly looked at Hoseok and reached over to brush some hair away from his forehead.

"It's not like I don't want you to continue to chase your dreams, don't get me wrong here, Yoongi. It's just that I'm exhausted working long hours to try and make ends meet," he said as he reached up, grabbed Yoongi's hand from his forehead, brought it to his lips and gave the back of his hand a quick peck.

"You don't think I know how hard you work for us?" Yoongi asked quietly with hurt in his tone. It took everything in him not to pull away from the gentle touch. "That's why I work every single day on my music. I don't want you to have to worry any more, Seok-ah."

"Do you truly understand how tiring it is though?" sighed Hoseok as he looked deep into the other's eyes. "I work six days a week, I do long hours, and every night I come home to you so intoxicated that most times you can barely walk in a straight line. It's starting to wear thin on me with the whole needing alcohol to create music if I'm being honest, Yoongi. All I want to do is relax when I get home. But no. I'm always forced to clean up after the mess you've made because you are drunk."

A tense silence grew between the pair. All Yoongi wanted to do in that moment was pull away from Hoseok and turn on his other side. But that'd be the immature thing to do. He honestly didn't realise how much his drinking had been affecting Hoseok. Not to this extent at least. It sounded like the younger had been wanting to say that last part for a while.

Guilt immediately started to eat away at the older. He of course knew that Hoseok didn't like the fact he practically got drunk every day. But he didn't know it was creating that much of a problem. And the thing that made it worse for Yoongi was the fact he knew he couldn't stop. At this point, it wasn't a habit to drink and create music, but it was a necessity.

"I," Yoongi started to say before he cleared his throat from the sudden lump that appeared, "I am sorry Hoseok. I really am."

"I know. I just want you to be a little more realistic is all Yoongi. I think it'll be good to get a part time job because you may never make it as a music produce. It'll be better to have some extra income now rather than in the future when it's too late," Hoseok said.

Never make it? Yoongi frowned at those words and gently pulled his hand away from Hoseok. Hurt was all he could feel in that moment, an all consuming ring of fire. He had never once heard the younger talk about his dream career like that. What was making him start now?

Maybe Hoseok had lied to him all those times he said he liked his songs. Maybe the younger was afraid to voice his true opinion on how terrible the demo tracks sounded. Maybe all this time Hoseok had forced himself to support Yoongi's dream when deep down he knew he'd never make it. Yoongi knew it. Deep down he knew he wasn't good enough. And now he had the confirmation he needed.

"Never make it huh?" he repeated in a whisper filled with anger and hurt, finally breaking the silence.

"What?" asked Hoseok with confusion. He had been taken aback by the sudden change in emotion. And then it hit him what the older thought he meant. "Yoongi, no. That's not what I meant at all. I meant the industry is so hard to get into."

"Whatever," Yoongi huffed with a roll of his eyes as he turned onto his other side. The damage already done.

"All I'm trying to say is I think it'll help us both out if you got a part time job in the mean time," Hoseok sighed as he got up from the bed, collected some fresh clothes, and silently walked out of the room.

Yoongi silently laid in bed as he listened to the shower start up, his thoughts quickly consuming him. He wondered how long Hoseok had thought he could never make it as a music producer. Had it been in the last few months? Or longer? Had it been since the first time Yoongi shyly shared one of his demo tracks? But what he wondered about the most was why Hoseok would lie to him about how good his tracks were if he thought he'd never make it.

He scoffed in anger as he turned onto his back and stared ferociously at the ceiling. How could such a hard working individual stay with such a failure? Because he was. He was a failure. From a young age all the way through to adulthood he'd been nothing but a failure. He had never been good at anything in life and he never will be. It was almost laughable how he had managed to convince himself that maybe he had a shot at becoming a music producer.

A dark part of his mind slowly crept it's way out of the shadows. It was a part of him that always made him shudder whenever it made an appearance. And suddenly he was consumed with resentment towards Hoseok and an intense hatred towards himself. He resented the other for walking in to his life on that fateful day. He resented being saved. He resented being handed an opportunity to turn his life around. But most of all he hated himself for being so weak and failing to finish the job. Because that's what he was after all; a failure.

The soft sound of the front door being closed broke through Yoongi's thoughts. Obviously Hoseok had finally finished getting ready and had just left for work. He hated himself for the way they'd ended that conversation. He hated when Hoseok didn't say goodbye to him when the younger knew he was awake. He hated arguing with Hoseok. He hated it almost as much as he hated himself.

With a small sigh, he pushed himself off the bed, grabbed his laptop from the desk, took it off charge, and brought it back to bed with him. Yoongi thought he might as well spend the day trying to distract himself from the darkness that had returned. He would try and push its presence away for as long as he could.

After all, he'd rather not slip into a dark mental headspace that he knew he couldn't get himself out of. Because if he did fall into it, the only one who could pull him out would be Hoseok. And he knew the younger would then only blame himself for Yoongi ending up there after the way the conversation had ended. Even though there was no one else to blame but Yoongi himself.

Yoongi started up his laptop and busied himself with something he assumed would be useful. He decided to send his résumé and newest demo to a bunch of companies. He'd of course had done this many times in the past. It never hurt to resend out his details with an updated demo track to hopefully interest those companies that may potentially be on the lookout for new music producers.

It was only after an hour of working in complete silence that a thought occurred to him. Yoongi was essentially doing nothing to help ease the finical burden that Hoseok felt. He knew nothing would come out of emailing his demo tracks to any of these music companies.

Maybe he shouldn't be wasting his time and energy on sending useless emails to these companies that will never look at him. Because he knew it would be a waste of time in the end. His horrible work was and never will be worth it. Right? He'll never make it? So why even bother? He should probably be spending his time sending his résumé to part time jobs like Hoseok wants him to.

Yoongi scoffed as he found himself unable to continue working. The conversation from earlier repeated in a strenuous cycle, front and center in his mind, all consuming. Specifically the part where he was told he'd never make it. He couldn't escape it. It yelled the words at him. It screamed it at him. He couldn't unhear it and it wouldn't leave him be.

He'd never make it. Why bother doing anything? He was a failure. He was destined to be nothing in life. No one believed in him. He didn't. Hoseok didn't. His parents never did and never will. He should give up on his dream and move on. He should do something productive with his life for once and stop being such a burden on Hoseok.

Yoongi couldn't do it. He couldn't sit there and feel like shit any longer. The voices were starting to get louder. It was slowly slipping out of his control. He knew if he didn't do something about it soon then it would end badly. So he did the only thing he knew that would help in such a situation; numb the voices.

It didn't take him long to find the leftover alcohol supply from the previous night. Hoseok had stashed it in the cupboard under the sink. Yoongi hastily opened a new bottle and sulked half of it in one go despite the burn the liquid brought with it. He took his opened bottle and three unopened ones with him into the living room. He wanted to get drunk as quickly as he could to drown the voices out.

As he landed on the couch with a sigh, Yoongi looked around the apartment with sad eyes. He felt all alone; trapped with nothing but alcohol and his own thoughts. All his heart cried out for in that moment was to be by Hoseok's side. He knew the younger would make it all better. He always did. It was why Yoongi was so madly and deeply in love with him.