A/N: Later chapters will contain trigger warnings for self-harm and suicide. But general trigger warning for substance abuse.

I also recommend listening to 'Roses' by Complete as you read the fanfic. This story was heavily inspired by it.

Roses. It was almost always the first thing Yoongi could smell as he was awoken from his slumber by the rustling sounds of his boyfriend getting ready for work. Slowly, he opened his eyes and hissed as the bright morning light shone in through the curtains. The piercing pain that split his head open caused him to groan and roll over to hide from the world.

"Really?" an unimpressed voice asked as it approached. "Another hangover?"

"Yeah," Yoongi sighed as he turned his head with a sheepish smile and stared up at Hoseok with adoration twinkling in his eyes.

"You're 24 Hyung," Hoseok said as he sat down on the edge of the bed and began to put on his socks. "You seriously need to rethink partying every other night."

"It's not partying whe-" he started to say before he got cut off.

"When you're by yourself. Yes I know. You've said it a million times," sighed Hoseok as he turned his head to stare down at the older. He reached out his hand and slowly traced Yoongi's naked back muscles with an exhausted sigh. "But I'm getting worried with how often you are doing it Hyung."

"It helps me get in the zone to create," a frown settled upon Yoongi's face as he forced his lethargic body into an upright position. "You know how important it is for me to create music. I want to be able to make it one day so we don't have to worry about money so much. So you don't have to work so hard at your job. I want to be able to take care of you."

"I know Yoongi," sadly smiled Hoseok as he reached over and traced the soft skin of Yoongi's cheek with his thumb. "I know."

"You better get going soon so you aren't late," Yoongi hung his head in shame.

"I better do that," he chuckled to try and lighten the mood. Hoseok stood up, leant down, placed a soft kiss on Yoongi's forehead and ruffled the already messy bed hair. "I love you so much baby. Hope you have a good day. Remember to drink some water."

"I will. I love you more than words can explain Hobi," Yoongi smiled up at Hoseok and inhaled the refreshing scent of roses that hung off of Hoseok.

No more words were spoken between the pair as Hoseok placed one final tender kiss upon Yoongi's lips before he departed their bedroom. In the quietness of their apartment, Yoongi quickly found his thoughts grow dark. He felt pathetic. He felt weak. He felt useless. Hoseok was too good for him and he didn't deserve such an amazing boyfriend. While Hoseok worked hard every day at his dance instructor job in town, Yoongi sat inside all day trying and failing to produce worthy music.

A groan left his lips as Yoongi flopped backwards on the bed. He covered his eyes with his left arm. They were barely getting by with one income, and he felt terrible Hoseok was the one doing most of the work. It only made him more determined to have a breakthrough in the music industry. He just needed to focus on producing some decent sounding tracks. The previous ones just didn't seem to cut it in the tough career. Or perhaps he just hadn't met the right people to take a chance on him.

Yoongi's brown eyes stared up at the ceiling in front of him. Another day. A new beginning. Yet a further opportunity to fail at his dream. He should do something more with his life other than sit inside these four walls driving himself slowly insane with pressure. Perhaps he should go for a walk down to the store and get some fresh air. He could get the weekly groceries instead of Hoseok picking them up on his way home from work like he usually did on a Friday night. Maybe he could even surprise him with something nice.

Despite his groggy body's protest, Yoongi forced himself out of bed. He paused to stretch out his tired muscles and looked around the quiet bedroom. His t-shirt had been lazily discarded at his feet on the floor, something he must have done while drunk the night before. With an embarrassed blush, he picked it up and placed it away in the designated clothes hamper. His eyes caught sight of his miserable reflection as he straightened back up. He had bags under his eyes, his dark, brown hair messy from sleep, and the skin of his naked upper half pale thanks to his constant lack of sunlight.

Yoongi decided in that moment he needed to freshen up before he deemed himself acceptable for public appearance. He striped down and threw his remaining clothing into the hamper. The second he walked into the bathroom, his nostrils were filled by the lingering scent of roses. Goddamn Hoseok and that perfume he uses. A smile graced his lips as he began to freshen up. His mind never strayed far from his boyfriend and the different things he could do for that amazing human being.

It didn't take the hungover man long to shower and get dressed. Now ready for the rare outing, Yoongi grabbed his backpack and filled it with a few essential items. He packed his notepad, a pen, his wallet, the secret packet of cigarettes he hides under the bed along with a lighter, and lastly his earphones. Satisfied that he had anything he could require on the small journey, he put on his shoes, grabbed his house keys, and walked out the apartment.

The second fresh air hit him as he walked out into the busy streets, Yoongi smiled and looked up towards the sky. He took a deep breath in and admired the peaceful stillness of the surrounding nature amongst the bustling traffic of humans. He had never been much of a social person. He'd much rather stay in the comforts of his apartment than be anywhere near crowded places. Pushing aside his discomfort for now, he turned to his left and walked towards his destination.

A cold breeze picked up out of nowhere which caused Yoongi to shiver. He pulled his coat around his body tighter and stared at the path in front of him. He wondered how long it had been since he had last spent any time out of the apartment. Sure, he'd make trips every other day to the nearest liquor store to buy himself alcohol. But it had been a while since he'd gone for a leisurely stroll around town.

A soft sigh left his lips as he thought about how often Hoseok and him used to do that together. It had been quite a lengthy amount of time since they had gone out for a simple lunch date or hang out near the local park. He missed those times, truly, with all of his heart. He loved watching Hoseok be so carefree as they walked around. He missed the bubbly laughs that'd leave his lips. Or the way his eyes would light up whenever he would lay his eyes upon something adorable in their surroundings.

But ever since money had been getting tighter for the pair, they had stopped doing things such as that. Yoongi felt guilty that he had only added to the younger's pressures in life. He wanted to make things all better. He wanted to see the happy-go-lucky Hoseok he was so used to seeing when they first got together. He could see the strain that working full time had on him. And he hated himself for being such a terrible boyfriend and not having a job of any description.

His thoughts were interrupted as a mouth watering scent flooded his nostrils. Yoongi looked up and found he had walked passed a coffee shop that him and Hoseok used to frequent quite often. A small smile graced his lips as he walked into the store and looked around at the soft white interior. The place was as quiet as it always was, and that's why he loved to go there so much. It didn't take the still hungover man long to make up his mind and decide to spend a bit of time in the comfort of the warm shop.

After awkwardly placing an order for an iced americano, the brown hair man sat down at a table in the back corner with his drink. He shrugged off both his coat and backpack before he took out his notepad and pen. A content sigh left him while he pulled out his earphones, connected it to his phone and got comfortable in his chair. Soft melodies from his favourite artists drained out the quiet atmosphere of the café. He allowed himself to relax as he stared out the window at the passing pedestrians.

Absentmindedly, his hand tapped the tip of his pen on the empty white pages of his notebook. His mind swirled with possible ideas as his eyes continued to scour the people that walked by. It seemed like there was something that lingered just out of reach that wanted to jump onto the pages. A frown settled upon Yoongi's face as he sighed in frustration. He grabbed the cup of coffee in front of him and took a sip.

The second the bitter taste of the iced americano reached his palette, his brown eyes lit up with sparkles. Inspiration hit him like a bullet train. Yoongi didn't waste a single second as he wrote down some words on the bare page. The ballpoint tip of the pen glossed over the notebook like a dancer on stage. Back and forwards. Soon the page before him had neatly scribbled notes everywhere. He wrote down line after line as if his life depended on it.

Yoongi spent a lot of time pondering and rearranging where the parts could fit in the song. He'd have to translate his messily organised notes on another sheet of paper later. He made sure to mention any specific musical instruments or sounds he could practically hear as he hummed the tune quietly to himself. With each sip of the coffee he took, the more progress he made on the song. And before he knew it, he had practically composed lyrics for a new song.

Surprise flowed through Yoongi as he stared down at his notebook and pen. It had been a while since he had last wrote anything this decent without the influence of alcohol. A sense of accomplishment settled deep in the pit of his stomach as he begun to pack up. Maybe leaving the house more often would do him good in the future. He could perhaps do this another day soon.

As Yoongi stepped out of the café, he stopped briefly to grab a cigarette from his packet as well as the lighter. He held the tailor-made paper delicately between his lips while he sheltered the other end with his hands. Brown eyes stared with intense concentration at the flickering orange flame. He had to light the object a few times since the wind had picked up during the time he had been indoors. Eventually, he drew in a long, deep breath. The sting that entered his lungs a familiar reminder he was indeed awake.

Part of the young man felt guilt spread through him as he leisurely strolled down the path, enjoying his cigarette. Yoongi knew that Hoseok hated smoking with a burning passion. But, that didn't mean he could stop himself from sneakily having the occasional one here or there. Just like his alcohol, cigarette's had always been a stress reliever for him. A habit he struggled to give up entirely since being together with Hoseok. But he had tried hard just to make the younger more comfortable. He would do almost anything for Hoseok; he deserved the entire world and more.

Discarding the bud into a nearby bin, Yoongi walked into the local grocery store and immediately grabbed a basket. He walked around the store slowly, passing through every isle even though it wasn't necessary. The two of them survived on very basic foods. They rarely splurged on themselves with any treats. But that day, Yoongi decided to grab a few extras since his rare mood was elated for once. He grabbed small snack food for the pair to share and made sure to buy a specific chocolate bar all for Hoseok to consume by himself.

After he had paid for all of the items, he begun his journey back to their apartments with three bags full of food. His earphones played some relaxing background music while his eyes wandered the streets around him. It was a nice day outside, Yoongi had to admit. The cool breeze swept fallen leaves. The sun was shining brightly behind scattered, fluffy, white clouds. Birds flew high in the sky and even a little squirrel ran across the path at one point.

Not too far from reaching his destination Yoongi spotted a street vendor who was selling flowers of all kinds. Intrigued, the young man stopped by the little colourful cart and scoured the selections. Freshly cut roses caught his attention. An immediate smile graced his lips as he quietly gestured for a single red rose. One boy by the name of Jung Hoseok present on his mind as he watched the vendor package the flower. He politely paid for the delicately wrapped rose before he continued towards the apartment. His body thankful to finally be out of the cold once more.

Happiness pumped through his chest as he gently laid down the rose on the counter top and fished out the block of chocolate for Hoseok. His brown eyes looked upon the gifts with content. He hoped to see that heart shaped smile from the younger when he gave it to him later that night. He missed that smile, he'd been seeing less and less of it lately, the stress taking an obvious toll on him. Yoongi felt sadden for a moment that he couldn't take the burden off of him right then and there. But he hoped the chocolates and rose was a good first step.