- Sunday Afternoon - 

Sarah came over so we could get ready for our double date that we're going to together. Well, not together, together. Like, she's going with Ashton and I'm going with Nate. So no we're not going together. Well, we're going together but not together. Does that make sense? Okay, I'm just gonna stop, I think you get the idea. 

I'm wearing a more comfortable outfit for this date. I'm wearing a blue tank top, leggings, and the dark green hoodie that Nate gave me. We decided since we're just going to a diner to eat, that we wouldn't dress up super fancy and wear dresses and tons of makeup. We thought it would just be better that way. But, we are wearing a little bit of light makeup, because after all, it is a date. 

We're almost done getting ready. Sarah's wearing a blue t-shirt with running shorts. We're both wearing sneakers. 

"I think we look pretty good,"  Sarah said. "Yeah," I said as we both just stood there looking at ourselves in the mirror. To be totally honest, I don't agree with what Sarah said. She looks amazing, as usual. But, me. No! I'm the complete opposite. I mean, my brown hair is pretty thick and it gets into knots pretty easily, even though I'm very good at getting the knots out by myself. My parents say that other girls want hair like mine and that they pay so much money just to have my type of hair. But, I mean, I don't know about that. Who would want thick, but soft, brown hair that is slightly difficult to tame?

And my blue eyes have cried so my tears. I know that people say 'The prettiest eyes have cried the most tears' and people always talk about how amazing my yes are. But, I just don't feel the same. If I had to pick one of my features that I actually like, I would probably say my eyes. People say that when they look deep into my eyes they can see oceans. Whenever I'm alone, I cry so much. I usually wear hoodies to cover up most of my face. I don't like crying in front of people, sometimes, I don't even like crying in front of Sarah. I can't control my feelings. I just...can't. 

All of the memories from Elementary and Middle school come crashing back to me. 'Why do you wear the same clothes every day? Do you want me to buy you some clothes? Hmm, what size are you? An XL? Hahaha.'  'You're so annoying!' 'Fat pig!' 'Grace your ugly!' 'Grace no one likes you!' 'You're fat!' 'You don't belong here!' 'Just go kill yourself!' 

It feels like my heart has been broken into millions of tiny shards that came back for a fight and are stabbing my useless body. 

A burn comes crashing into my stomach. "Ow!!" 

"What's wrong?" 

I don't reply, the pain hurts too much. 

"Grace, what's wrong?" Sarah asks again. 

"Nothing, it's nothing. I'm fine," I said while regaining my balance and trying to stand myself up straight. 

"You're not fine." She says. "What happened?"

"I..uh, I.." I began. 

Ding Dong! 

Yes! Saved by the bell! 

"Well, looks like the boys are here, let's go!" I said. She rolled her eyes and nodded in agreement and we both began walking out of my bedroom and to the stairs. I gripped my arms around my stomach. That sharp pain is still there. Wait, do I have my period? Nahhh, it's not that month yet. 

Sarah looked at me, and I quickly took my hands off of my stomach and smiled an innocent smile. 

Ow! Ow! Ow! 

We continued walking downstairs. We finally reached the bottom. The boys were smiling at us. Nate looked at me. "Wow, Grace you look...incredible," he said. I smiled. "But, I'm just wearing a tank top, leggings, and your hoodie," I laughed. "I know, but you look beautiful in anything," he began to say. "Especially my hoodie," he said. We laughed. 

"You look so cute tonight too!" I said to Nate. He smiled. He was wearing a gray button-up shirt and it looked pretty good with his beautiful brown eyes. He was wearing black ripped skinny jeans and black converse. 

"Sarah, you look stunning, as usual," Ashton said. "I can't wait to share a milkshake." He said. "Me too! And you look amazing too," Sarah said. They're perfect for each other!  Ashton was wearing a white t-shirt that showed off some of his muscles, gray skinny jeans, and black sneakers. 

What is with boys wearing black shoes?

He smiled. I walked up to Nate and kissed him on his cheek and he held my hand as we said bye to my mom and walked out the front door. Ashton and Sarah held hands as we all walked to Nate's car. 

"I call shotgun!" I said. After all, Nate is my boyfriend, so I want to sit in the passenger seat. Everyone laughed. Nate opened the door for me. Aww! "Thanks, boo bear," I said. The words just blurted out of my mouth. Oh no! No, no, no! That's what I used to call Blake...crap! 

Nate smiled. "Your welcome, and we'll, that's a new nickname, but, I like it! You can call me that anytime if you want to, Gracie," he said. 

No! What have I just done? 

"Uh, ok," I said. 

I reached for my seatbelt so I could put it on, but before I could, Nate reached over and buckled my seatbelt for me. Aww!  "Thanks, Boo Bear!" I said. Ugh! There goes those words again. Whyyyyy? I don't know. 

"Of course. A queen like you shouldn't have to do everything by herself," he said. I smiled up at him. 

Then, he put the key in the ignition and started the car. "Let's go!" He said. We all laughed. 

Nate took my hand, and placed it in his, our fingers intertwined with each other's. We looked at each other and smiled. 

I looked through the rearview mirror to see Sarah and Ashton holding hands as well. Oh my gosh! They're so cute together! "Sarah, Ashton, you guys are so cute together!" I said. "I know," Ashton said. Then they kissed. I smiled at them. 

A few minutes later, we arrived at the diner. I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door. I got out of the car and looked up at the sign. It said "Locray Diner." Well, that's an interesting name! 

I began randomly laughing. I couldn't stop myself. Oh my gosh! Hahahaha! I saw Nate, Ashton, and Sarah get out of the car. They were staring at me like I was crazy. Am I crazy? What If I am? Does Nate think I'm crazy?  Oh no! What if he does? What do I do? Grace! Play it cool! Okay, I'm so not playing it cool right now...

"Hahahahaha!" I can't stop myself. 

"Uh, Grace are you okay?" Ashton asked. 

"N-no," I managed to say and shook my head. 

"What happened?" Ashton asked. 

"Did you see a llama wearing a bathing suit while belly dancing?" Sarah asked. 

No, I didn't. But, that only made me laugh even harder. Hahahahaha! 

Ha!

I shook my head no. 

"Hahahahaha!" 

"Grace, what happened that made you laugh so hard?" Nate asked. 

I couldn't manage to get the words out, so I just pointed to the sign that says "Locray Diner." 

Oh no! I said it again...well, in my head. But still! Oh no......Hahahahaha!

My eyes began to tear up. Tears are streaming down my face one by one. 

Sarah looked up at the sign first. She smiled a huge smile then began cracking up laughing. "Oh my gosh! Hahahahaha!" 

"What are they laughing at?" Ashton said to Nate. 

"I guess it's something with that sign up there—" Nate said. Then he began laughing. He's so cute and dreamy when he's laughing! 

"What is wrong with you guys?—" Ashton said. 

He looked at the sign. Oh no! He didn't just—

Yeah, he did, Grace! Wow! 

Shut up, brain! 

He began laughing. 

We all fell to the hard gravel parking lot next to the car. 

Sarah and I held our stomachs. I was crying so much of laughter. As people drove by they gave us weird looks. Hahahahaha!!

I looked through the windows of the diner...I'm not going to say the word again. 

And people were looking at us like we were crazy. Then, I looked at the door and noticed that two waitresses. We're walking over to us, and they handed all of us waters. "Thank you," I managed to say while still laughing and crying. 

"Of course," one of them said. 

I began to drink some water, but I couldn't control my laughter so, I ended up spitting it out....all over Sarah's face. 

Now, I'm laughing even more. 

"Grace! What the heck?" She said. 

"Sorry..." I said. 

She just nodded her head in understanding and then went back to laughing. 

What is wrong with us? Oh my goodness! For the love of pancakes and snickerdoodles! 

"Try to look around, Not at the sign! And focus on an object take a deep breath and then drink some water," she said to all of us, but mostly me. 

"Okay," I said, slightly calmer. I looked around and noticed a pebble. I focused my vision on it. And took a deep breath. Then, I was able to drink some water, without bursting into laughter, or spitting it all over Sarah's face this time. 

Everyone else did the same thing. 

Then, we were soon calm. We all decided not to look at the sign anymore. 

"Alright, now that that's all settled, and figured out, are you ready to eat?" The other waitress asked. "Yes, I think so," I said. "Alright, follow me," she said. The other waitress walked inside and went behind the counter to continue working.

 We nodded our heads and followed the waitress, she led us to a table. I looked at her name tag on her shirt. It said 'Jacquiline' I love that name! 

We sat down. I sat across from Nate. Next to Nate, was Aston, and across from Ashton, was Sarah. So, Sarah was next to me, Grace. Does that make any sense? 

"Can I get you guys started with some water?" Jacqueline asked. "Sure," Ashton said. We picked up our menus and we all decided we wanted. Shortly after, the waitress, Jacquiline came back to our table holding a tray with four glasses of water on it. 

She placed the waters in front of us, and put some straws down on the table as well. "Are you guys ready to order?" She asked. "Yes, I think so," Sarah said. We all nodded. "Alright, What can I get for you today?" She asked and looked at me. "Can I get the basic chicken tenders and French fries, please?" I asked. What can I say? I'm kinda a little kid at heart. 

"Seriously?" Ashton asked. "I like it, okay?" I said looking around our table. "Don't judge," I said looking at Nate. "I won't, princess," he said and smiled at me. Everyone else ordered what they wanted. Jacquiline wrote it all down on the notepad and then walked away. We all talked about school, college, graduation, and what we want to do when we grow up. 

I want to be a fashion designer. I think I'm pretty stylish. At least, everyone always tells me I am. 

Finally, Jacquiline came back to our table with a tray of food. She put out food down onto the table. "Enjoy! Let me know if you guys need anything else," she said then walked away. 

I looked over at Ashton and Sarah, they were sharing a milkshake. So cute! I quickly took my phone out and took a picture of them, then a picture of Nate and I. I edited the photo and wrote #CoupleGoals on the photo and sent it to our families. 

We began to eat our food and talk. Ow!! No! The pain in my stomach is back. 

"Hey, I'm going to go to the bathroom," I said. Everyone nodded their head. "Hey, Sarah, the pain in my stomach is back I'm just going to go check it out," I whispered to Sarah. "Okay," she said. I could tell she felt curious as to why my stomach hurts so much, and so am I. 

I got up from my seat and walked to the girl's bathroom. When I walked in, I noticed that the bathroom was very clean. Well, that's not something you see every day. 

I looked at myself in the mirror. Ew! Disgusting! I feel so sorry for myself. Just wow! People are right, I am just useless and annoying. I can't stand myself! 

Then, the exact words that someone said to me in 7th grade came back into my mind. 'Just kill yourself!' 

I feel a little feeling of adrenaline rush over my body. Why do I feel so sad right now? 

I need to remember why I'm here, I came here to find out why my stomach is in pain. 

I take the bottom of my tank top and slightly lift it up, just a little bit. Oh, my geese! 

I close my eyes to the sight of some blood dripping down my stomach. What happened? How did this happen? I'm so confused. 

Then, I decided to backtrack everything that had happened today, to see if I can remember anything that could've caused this. 

I woke up, got ready, ate some food, texted Nate, then I hung out with Sarah, then...oh no! I know what happened! 

After I hung out with Sarah, I got thoughts about my sad past again, and I decided to harm myself. 

I cut myself. 

It wasn't that bad. So, why is my stomach bleeding? 

Oh. 

Now I remember.

My stomach is bleeding because I didn't care for myself enough to clean it up. 

I guess it began bleeding more, and more throughout the day whenever I stretched my stomach or accidentally hit my stomach against things such as the kitchen table. I can be quite clumsy sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. 

I grabbed some paper towels and put some soap and water on the cuts. It kind of stung. But, I remembered what Nate told me when I was at his house, after what James did to me on the sidewalk when he hurt me. Nate said: "It will be okay." 

I continued to tell myself those exact words. I pulled my wallet out of my secret pocket on the side of my leggings. Luckily, I keep a few bandaids in it, just in case. I should have brought my wallet on my way to Nate's house on that one day. 

I finished cleaning myself up, then walked out of the girl's bathroom, and back to our table. 

I sat down. And whispered to Sarah what had happened. 

"If you ever think about doing it again, or need a friend to talk to, I'm here, always." She said. 

"Thanks, bestie!" I said. I'm so lucky to have a best friend like her. I don't know what I'd do without her. 

"Of course! Are you okay, though?" She asked me. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I said. 

I didn't exactly want to tell her about me hurting myself, but I did. She's my best friend and I know she wouldn't tell anyone. "Thanks, for asking," I said. 

She nodded her head in understanding and focused her attention back to Ashton who was playing with his French fries. Adorable. 

We continued to eat our food. About an hour later we finished. Jacquiline came back to our table. Nate and Ashton split the bill. Sarah and I insisted that we pay but the boys wouldn't let us, no matter how hard we tried. We finally gave up, and they smiled and paid for the bill.  

Jacquiline took their credit cards and went to the payment area. Then, she came back a few moments later and we left. 

Sarah and I continued to repeatedly thank the boys for paying for our food. And they were starting to get annoyed. It was actually pretty funny. 

The boys opened the doors for us, and we got into the car. Sarah and Ashton held hands and Nate and I held hands. 

Nate drove Sarah and I home first since we live pretty close together. I mean, after all, we're neighbors. 

"Bye, princess, I love you," he said. 

Aww!! 

"Bye, boo bear, I love you too," I said. Every time, I say that I can't help but think about Blake. And about what he said to me the last time I saw him. "

Nate and I kissed and then we pulled away. He waved goodbye and then Sarah and I got out of Nate's car. 

Nate drove Ashton home last since he lived the farthest away. 

Sarah went home, and I did too. 

I told my mum everything, including the fact that I hurt myself. Because she's my mum and I wanted her to know. We continued to talk for a little while, and then I went upstairs to my room and got ready for bed.

Then, I flopped down on my bed, on my stomach. Which, I shouldn't have done. Ow!! That hurt! 

Then, I got comfortable into my blankets and drifted off into my sleep.