Author: mistryboredom

Title: The Queen Bee

Genre: Teen Fiction

Mature: nope

Cover and Title: 2/5
There wasn't anything particularly awesome. The cover was sort of boring. The title was basic and left nothing to the imagination. Still, I'm not sure what I'd call it instead.

Blurb: 3.5/5
Not bad at all. A few grammar issues, but not terrible. If I was interested in high school tropes it probably would have earned my interest.

First Impressions: 2/5
The very first sentence started with a typo. It's spelled façade.
Your voice seemed pretty cliché, and the writing wasn't particularly impressive. There wasn't anything that really caught my eye.

Characters: .5/5
The points I gave was hope caused by the blurb. Olivia didn't seem to have anything particularly unique about her. And she wasn't believable. Who falls in love two seconds after meeting someone?? Plus, in the blurb you called Blake her 'casual boyfriend' which implies a lack of serious commitment.

Blake doesn't have any character at all. We haven't seen any sides of him, so honestly I can't say a thing about him.

I can't remember Olivia's friend and I'm surprised Olivia can. Her friend seemed to be nothing but a paper thin filler that doesn't have a character of her own.

Remember it is important to show all sides of your characters. Readers won't relate to them unless they seem real, and EVERY character is equal important. Even minor characters should have a backstory. That backstory might not be explained, but if you know it, their motives can drive their interactions with major characters and cause them to feel real.

Grammar: 2/5
I'm going to guess you're a very young writer, so I'm going to cut you some slack. The grammar wasn't particularly terrible, but the writing itself felt very immature. There wasn't anything elegant, no sentences that impressed me. Granted, that could fit with the style of the story.
I also noticed a vast lack of commas, and please, please, please start a new paragraph whenever you switch characters! Whether it's an action or dialogue, you need a new paragraph every time you switch what person you're talking about.

You need to start a new paragraph whenever a character says something.

Plot: 2.5/5
The blurb offered some plot, but I didn't really see any of it in the chapters written. We didn't even get to meet Amber. So far it just seemed like a summary of Olivia's life until now. It's more important to unravel the story than tell us everything that happened before it starts. Reveal those details as you go.

Overall: 2.08/5 or 12.5/30
I can tell you're just getting started. Everyone has to start somewhere. Don't let a harsh review get you down, because everyone can improve. Those who have been writing for years aren't perfect. If you've just started, your in a good place. You've got a long way to come but plenty of time to get there. And I know you will!