Author: kadauhara99

Title: The Next Pharaoh

Genre: fantasy

Mature: Nope

Cover and Title: 1.5/5
The title was unique to the fantasy genre, but it definitely didn't feel exciting.

As for the cover, I found it very bland and unappealing. The font was boring and the colors were muted. The line on the right side creates an asymmetrical look that really bothered me.

Blurb: 2/5
At first, I felt there was too much information given away. Then I felt there was too little. There needs to be some punch at the end that demands I click read.  Your blurb is lacking any hook at the end.

First Impressions: 2.5/5
I commend you're getting right into the action, but the voice yelling and whatnot didn't really capture attention. When I don't know anything about who's being yelled at, nor do I know who is yelling, there's really no stakes, so I'm not interested.

Characters: 2/5
You had a lot of characters. Unfortunately, I didn't really connect with any of them do to your high level of action. Everything was physical, which is good, but I care more about what they're thinking. That's who they really are. My most meaningful moments of decision and character as a person come when I'm sitting and reflecting, and I saw very little of those moments. I want to know who they are on the inside way more than I care who they portray outside. I want to know the mental process behind every action, the hidden thoughts about the other character, the sharp retort that dies in the character's throat. I care more about their thoughts than their actions because that's what they can't control, and that reveals who they really are. It's harder with third person writing, but I'm sure you can manage it.

Grammar: 5/5
It was perfect... but it felt to me that every single Instagram post about writing advice kind of threw up on your novel. I know that doesn't make any sense. It was like you took all the writing tips so firmly to heart, that it came across as almost mechanical. I didn't get a lot of personality in the writing. Loosen up a bit.

Plot: 3.5/5
It was fine. I would have liked more fantasy aspects. My main issue with the plot is that I couldn't become entirely invested in it. I say this a lot: vivid and lifelike characters can support a bland plot, but the perfect plot can't support bland characters. Since I wasn't invested in the characters, I couldn't be invested in the plot because I didn't care about their plight.

Overall: 2.75/5 or 16.5/30