Author: Cat_Walker

Title: Nightfall

Genre: Paranormal

Mature: A little bit

Cover and Title: 3/5
The cover was okay, but not particularly eye catching. I think you could use a revamp. If you're interested, I've got an excellent cover artist I can recommend. It was also a little hard to read the subtitle.

Same goes for the title. It's fine, but I little bit bland. I think you could add a real creative twist to it.

Blurb: 2/5
The dialogue wasn't great. Especially the one that says "'...Please,'she pleaded." Please and pleaded in one sentence is super repetitive.

I might remove the dialogue and just go to the synopsis part, which is even still slightly young sounding. It's nothing outright bad, but could use a revamp.

First Impressions: 3/5
I'm not a huge fan of all the stuff before the story. I just want to get to the reason I clicked on. All the notes and awards stuff I probably won't read, and are just a hindrance.

Characters: 4/5
Very good here! The voices are distinct, especially Hazel. However, I think she might be a little too distinct at times, almost coming off as unnatural. Her sass is refreshing, but early on is a bit overwhelming. I'd tone down some of the sarcasm in the beginning.

I loved your romance!

Grammar: 2.5/5
Needs some work. I recommend finding an editor who will go line by line and point out all the typos and little grammatical errors. Nothing is severe enough to be confusing, but it does take me out of the story for a moment. I also noticed a very very high number of adverbs, which I think should be addressed.

Plot: 3/5
I got confused in the end. The story about Mary's death was so built up, but then it felt totally ghosted over, so I never really figured out what happened. It needs a much more elaborate explanation. And you need to give it time for the readers to digest the revelations. 

Overall: 2.91/5 or 17.5/30