a s h t o n

I knew life was going to grow hectic after the game, I was completely aware of that fact, but I still wasn't ready for it to hit me like this.

There were people yelling my name, cameras and microphones shoved up in my face, and hands holding on to me, pulling me back and forth. With my lip between my teeth and my breathing shaky, I made it through 12 interviews before finally reaching the hotel.

When stepping inside and tiredly taking three heavy breaths, it didn't take long before yet another fancy dressed woman came up to me with a folder filled with several different papers.

"Ashton Irwin, you're called to conference room number 8. You will be kept seated for these hours you are said to be here to make the meetings easier and faster. The papers in the folder are decisions you are about to make, all in the ways different clubs want you. Go through the papers and decide which ones you want to talk to. Give the paper to me and we'll start the meetings"

Her voice was rapid and I had a hard time keeping up with her as she guided me through the busy halls into one of the small conference rooms of the small and discrete hotel. I passed several rooms on my way to mine, seeing Sean in one of them and gave him a quick smile before I was shoved in to room 8.

"Okay, read on" she said as soon as I was seated. I gave her a look, waiting for her to step out to give me some privacy but she didn't seem to get my hints. So I gave up with a sigh and opened to folder, pulling out the first paper and eyed the logo of a team I had never seen in my entire life. It took me about three seconds before placing the paper to the side, ignoring it and continuing with the next paper.

After placing that paper to the side as well, I picked up a third, immediately growing interested when watching Atletico Madrid's logo in the corner of it. My eyes studied every word printed on the paper and I sat on the edge of my seat in anticipation.

"I didn't know they needed a goalkeeper" I mumbled to myself, causing the woman across from me to look at me with furrowed eyebrows. I ignored her and kept reading on with a small grin on my face.

Without letting the paper go, I picked up the rest in the folder and flipped through them, only paying attention to the clubs that offered me time to play and offered me great possibilities.

Teams I would have never even thought would pay attention to me were in the pile of papers, but most of them were left ignored after seeing what they were offering. I didn't want to pick a team to only gain money, I wanted to gain time to play.

With a bounce in my leg, and a much needed break to take my meds, I was seated with four papers in front of me. I stared at them intensely, not saying anything to the woman across from me who was quite impatiently waiting for an answer.

"Are these the ones you are sticking with?" she asked and raised an eyebrow up while watching me keep staring at the papers.

Atletico Madrid, Tottenham, Watford, and Eindhoven. They wanted me; a mentally fucked up boy from Australia who 'came out as gay' in a press conference two weeks before the end of the camp. They wanted me for me, and it felt fucking amazing.

"Yeah. Yes, this is my final pick" I said and nodded my head, making her smile in relief and write something down in her notebook before standing up from her seat.

"I'll be with you soon. Read through the papers a few more times so you have everything clear for yourself. I'm going to talk to the representatives" she said in the same rapid voice.

"Wait," I said quickly, stopping her from exiting the room, "Won't I need someone with me? To read these through as well and help me with my decisions?"

"You are 18 and free from needing a legal guardian by your side. Those who have yet not turned 18 are seated with a parent or said legal guardian. Your mother will be updated on what happens, but for you, you'll only need a temporary lawyer" she said and smiled before stepping forward and holding out her hand. "I'm sorry for not introducing myself before; I'm Sally Wight"

"Oh," I said and took her hand while watching her suspiciously, "I'm Ashton"

"I know," she chuckled and nodded her head, "I'll be back soon, Ashton" she said before disappearing out of the room and leaving me alone with those four papers.

Silence was surrounding me in the small room and I would almost feel claustrophobic in a situation like this if I wasn't so focused on everything that was about to happen. It was a relief I was so focused, because this was it. The game was nothing compared to this. This is the start of my future.

After minutes of being left alone in the room and have read the papers about 7 times, the door opened again and Sally smiled professionally at me.

"Ashton, this is Harvey Abbett; one of the representatives from Tottenham Hotspur F.C. He's a scout and junior manager" she said as a man around his late 30s entered the room with a bright grin on his face.

"Nice to finally meet you like this, Irwin" he said and took my hand to shake it determinedly before sitting down.

"Likewise" I spoke carefully, still not believing any of this was actually happening.

**

"So there's no if's or but's?" I asked and furrowed my eyebrows at the Spanish man in front of me. He was over his 50s and had wrinkles on his face after smiling so much in his younger days. He was smiling now, politely yet confidently, making me furrow my eyebrows further.

"No if's or but's" he spoke and shook his head, still keeping that inviting smile on his face.

"Isn't that kind of suspicious?" I mumbled quietly to Sally who was seated beside me and reading the contract with intense eyes.

"No," she said and shook her head before lifting her gaze to look at me, "From what you've told me and from what I've read about you, this is about as perfect as it can get for you, your medical history, and your mother"

"Too perfect" I mumbled under my breath while eyeing the contract. I wanted to believe all this was for me, but having people holding me in a leash my whole life I was suspicious why they'd give me this much freedom even when knowing about my mental illness.

"Ashton, let me be honest with you," the man spoke and tapped the table with his fingertips to gain my attention, "Forget the papers all around and listen to what I have to say"

I put down the contract and relaxed back in my seat, nodding at him to know he had my full attention.

"You're a player, a talented one that is. You don't need to doubt yourself or what we try to offer you, because to us this is just what we think you deserve. Of course you need to be 100% sure this is what you want before you sign a 3 year long contract, but we have built this contract up after you. No if's or but's"

"So everything will be held as it says? Medication, salary, the apartment, everything?" I asked and leaned forward in my seat.

"Well if not this would be a fraud, and we don't work like that. We want to play football, extraordinary football, and we want to reach a lot with our team. You as a player is highly important for the team, and for you to work you need what is best for you. Because you are in need of daily medication, that's the highest priority for all of us" he said and nodded his head.

I bit the inside of my cheeks and glanced down at the contract again, reading through the text Sally had highlighted for me to take extra notice to, before glancing back up at him again. He was still smiling and even though I tried to keep a poker face, I failed and ended with with a smile as well.

"I'm very interested," I started and nodded my head, "Will I be able to keep my current sponsors though?"

"I honestly don't think they will let you drop them now if you're coming up to play in the big leagues" he said and laughed hoarsely. I grinned and nodded my head.

"Fuck, it's La Liga" I breathed out and shook my head in disbelief.

"And Copa del Rey, and Champions League" he added, only making my heart beat faster in excitement.

"I want this. I'm in, I want to go to Spain" I said with a confident grin on my face. I turned to Sally and eyed her like if she was the one to make the decision, but she only nodded her head with a smile on her face before placing an untouched contract in front of me.

I reached for the pen and held it in my slightly shaking hand before glancing up at him again. His smile was nowhere near inpatient or frustrated, he just looked happy, making this feel completely right.

I took a deep breath before scribbling my signature in one of the boxes far down on the paper, and placed the pen down on the table with a heavy sigh.

"That's it, no turning back now" I mumbled, causing him to let out yet another hoarse laugh. He stood up from his seat and held his hand out, making me stand up and hold it in mine to seal the deal with a handshake.

"Welcome to Atletico Madrid, Ashton"

"Thank you, sir"

"No, es señor a partir de ahora" he said and patted me on my shoulder.

"Oh, sorry. No, I mean- Perdón?" I spoke with my eyebrows furrowed, making him laugh again.

"Work on that Spanish of yours till the press conference. You have two weeks" he said with a chuckle and shook my hand once again before saying goodbye and exiting the room.

"Congratulations" Sally said and stood up from her seat as well as she cleaned up the table in front of us. "From Australia to England to Spain. That's not bad at all"

"I know," I breathed out and licked my lips before breaking out in a bright smile, laughing breathily, "Shit, this is insane"

She turned to look at me and smiled softly at me, watching my excitement with happiness.

"Congratulations" she said again and reached out to place a hand on my shoulder. "Now, go tell your mother"

"Thank you. Thank you for helping me, thank you for everything" I rambled as I backed up towards the door while keeping my eyes on her. She laughed and waved a hand in dismissal.

"I didn't do much, but you're welcome. Now go celebrate" she said and waved me off, but I stayed.

"Hey, um, you haven't heard anything from the others, right?" I asked and pursed my lips while waiting for her to answer.

"No, I was only said to be kept with you. Everything that happens now is made in privacy, just like yours. It's all confidential until the club and the player are ready to release the news in media"

"Okay, thank you" I said and gave her one last small smile before exiting the room. I walked through the narrow hallways and reached the lobby, immediately seeing Michael and ran up to throw my arms around him.

"Good news?" Michael mumbled against my shoulder as he wrapped his own arms around me.

"Only if you got any for me" I mumbled back, causing Michael to chuckle and nod his head.

"Fucking Premier League, man. West Ham" he said and I could hear the smile on his face. I grinned and pulled away to look at his face, now seeing his wide smile.

"Fucking La Liga, man. Atletico Madrid" I said with a bigger grin on my face as I watched Michael's eyes grow wider.

"Fuck," he breathed out and looked at me for a few long seconds before laughing and pulling me in to a bone crushing hug once again, "We actually made it"

"I know" I whispered and tightened my hold on him. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his shoulder, smiling when hearing him laugh softly from time to time.

I was just about to speak up again when a loud voice interrupted the calmness in the lobby. "Hey! You do not need time to think about this, alright?!"

Both Michael and I pulled away from our embrace to turn and look at Luke who was coming down the hallway with his father right behind him. His father's outburst had drawn attention to everyone in the lobby, but he didn't seem to care.

"Hey, listen to me!" he said and reached for Luke's arm, holding it tightly, making me lock my jaw.

"Let me go" Luke mumbled and ripped his arms away from his father's hold before walking out of the hotel without glancing at any of us. Luke's dad was kept standing for a few seconds before turning around and angrily walked back to one of the rooms down the hall.

"Damn" Michael breathed out from next to me. I looked at him and pursed my lips before eyeing the door to outside with furrowed eyebrows.

"I'm just gonna-" I mumbled but stopped to only look at the door.

"Yeah, I get it," Michael said and waved a hand around in dismissal, "Come back soon though because we're gonna celebrate this" he added with a huge grin on his face.

I smiled back, nodded my head and patted him on his shoulder before walking past him and exiting the hotel. I was met with a parking lot filled with buses and cars, but saw no Luke.

I bit my lip and furrowed my eyebrows before walking down the steps and rounded the corner of the building, sighing quietly when watching Luke a bit further away with his forehead pressed against the wall and his eyes shut closed.

I took a deep breath and slowly made my way over to him, not saying anything as I stood next to him, leaning my back against the wall while looking out over the open landscape.

"I hate him" Luke spoke after a while with a hoarse and broken voice.

"What happened?" I asked softly and turned my head to watch him lean his own back against the wall and slide down so he was seated on the ground. I did the same, staying silent while waiting for an answer.

"The stunts I pulled today wasn't very effective for this. People seem to see through it, not past it. Dad's mad for the deals I've got, but honestly, I don't give a fuck. I've got two amazing contracts though, but I'm not ready to sign, I need time to think"

"That's why he yelled at you?" I asked and Luke nodded his head, still keeping his eyes closed.

"I get three days to make a decision" he mumbled and let his head rest against the wall with a sigh.

"You think that's enough?" I asked and he nodded his head.

"More than enough. I already know what I want, it's just not what everyone else wants"

I bit my lip and looked down at the ground, playing with the grass between my fingertips before speaking up again. "You can't just give up now. You can't just leave it all behind after everything you've done"

Luke didn't answer, he only opened his eyes and stared up at the blue sky while carelessly shrugging. A moment of silence appeared until he turned and looked at me with exhausted blue eyes.

"So, what about you?" he asked and forced a smile before reaching out and placed his casted hand in my injury-free one. I looked at his casted finger and frowned at the sight before carefully wrapping both my hands around his, holding it gently.

"Do you really want to hear?" I mumbled and ran my thumb back and forth over the splint. Luke breathed out a tired laugh.

"Of course I do, I'm not that fucking selfish"

"Alright," I said and nodded my head before turning to look at him. His eyes with dull and tired and I felt for him, I really did. "I signed with Atletico Madrid just a few minutes ago. Three years and everything I ever needed and wanted"

"Shit, Ash," Luke breathed out and a smile was spreading on his face, "That's amazing. Congrats"

"Thank you," I said and smiled back weakly before leaning forward to press the side of my forehead against his. "I love you" I whispered softly.

"I love you too" he whispered back and licked his lips before leaning in to gently press them against mine. I sighed into it, squeezing my eyes shut harshly as I reached one hand up and placed it at the back of his neck, pulling him closer.

A sad whimper escaped from his lips, making me pull away from the kiss with a sigh and press my forehead harshly against Luke's to keep him as close as possible.

"I'm happy for you. And just because everything is fucking up for me doesn't mean you can't be happy about your own wins. I am happy for you, Ashton, I really am" he whispered while slowly running a hand up and down my arm.

"I know, and I am happy. It's just that everything kind of sucks at the same time" I mumbled and sighed before leaning in to place light kisses all over his face, making him smile small.

"Yeah, I know. But I mean- It will be fine," Luke said and cleared his throat quietly as I kissed the tip of his nose, "We'll be fine"

"You really think so?" I whispered against his lips.

"Yeah," he breathed out and nodded his head with a small joking smile, "I mean, we can't make things any worse than they used to be, right?"

I breathed out a laugh and nodded my head before pecking his lips a few times. "Right" I mumbled and leaned back to let my eyes meet his. He looked like he needed to cry but he at all costs refused to. It was frustrating.

"So, Spain, huh?" he asked with a small grin on his face, even though he might have had to force it.

"Yeah," I breathed out and chuckled softly. "I have two weeks to learn how to speak Spanish. You don't happen speak it fluently, do you?" I joked, though the tone in my voice was hopeful. Luke shook his head and chuckled.

"No, I've only studied French" he said and smiled warmly at me. "I do know one sentence in Spanish though. But it's a quote so I don't know how useful it will be for you"

"Tell me" I said and leaned my shoulder against his as I gently squeezed his injured hand.

"Alright," he sighed and breathed out a chuckle before speaking again. "It's; 'Sólo un idiota puede ser totalmente feliz'"

"What does it mean?" I asked quietly and leaned my body even closer to Luke's.

"It means that only an idiot can be totally happy" he mumbled and lifted his head to look at me with a sad smile. "It's kind of true, isn't it?"

I stayed quiet for a while and only let my eyes study his tired and pale face before shaking my head and squeezing his hand.

"I'm not totally happy right now, but I still feel like an idiot. I'll always be an idiot" I spoke sincerely, only making Luke snort out a laugh.

"Then maybe that means you're actually totally happy" he said and bit his bottom lip as his eyes grew glossy.

"That can't be it," I mumbled and shook my head as I leaned my forehead against his again, "How could I be totally happy when you're about to leave me?"

"It's you who's leaving me" Luke whispered in an attempt to argue against me. And he won, because he was true.

~

i'm feeling so bad and i regret everything i wrote a day ago and i'm mentally breaking down because my mind is telling me that i was fucking awful toward you guys but idk if i was or not? my anxiety is just getting to me and i don't remember a whole lot of what I've done lately because i've been so hung up on this. so if my mind is right, i'm sorry for being a fucking asshole. if i wasn't an asshole, i'm still sorry.

i like this chapter though, so yay for that.

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