a s h t o n

"I heard you met Luke's dad" Calum said with an amused grin on his face as he brought the fork up to his mouth. It was dinner and I was mindlessly playing with my pills in the orange plastic container while sometimes nibbling on my food.

"Yeah," I mumbled and looked at Calum with raised eyebrows, "He's one hell of a character"

"I know," Calum laughed, like he thought all of this was funny, "Luke's had a hard time with him"

"I can tell why. Him and Luke are nothing alike. Are they even related?" I asked and grimaced when I dropped my jar of pills, making it roll over the table and fall down to the floor. Calum bent down and gave it to me before speaking.

"Yeah, same blood, same last name," Calum spoke and chuckled, "They just don't act like family. They've got soccer to hang on to, but other than that they can't get along at all"

"That's so weird" I mumbled and shook my head before taking a bite out of my food.

"You know, once when Luke and I were 8 years old we were on this school trip and Mr. Hemmings was with us and one day he told me I was like the son he never had," Calum said and breathed out a hopeless laugh, "He has three sons"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I asked and furrowed my eyebrows deeply.

"What? What's going on?" Michael asked as he put down his tray on the table and sat down beside me. His eyes were wide and filled with curiosity, not even looking a bit sorry for the fact that he had just crashed Calum and I's conversation.

"Luke's dad" Calum said and took another bite of his food.

"What's with him?" Michael asked and moved unnecessarily close to my side. I rolled my eyes but didn't care to tell him to off, so Michael was left pressed against my hip and shoulder.

"He's a fucking asshole" I mumbled, making Michael turn to me with raised eyebrows.

"So was Luke the first time you met him, but now you're fucking him" Michael said and shrugged before turning to his plate of food. I grimaced at Michael's words as Calum laughed loudly.

"Don't say it like that. That's disgusting" I said, making Michael chuckle as well.

"Where is Luke anyways?" Michael asked and looked around the room in search for the lanky blonde.

"With said father," Calum said and shrugged, "Luke kind of needs to keep his dad busy so he won't start get his business in here, in this camp"

I snorted at that and shook my head in disbelief. Luke literally had to force himself to be with his father to not let anyone else meet him. It was quite pathetic really, and it made me want to beat the shit out of 'said father'.

"Why? Is he like one of those stereotypical sport dads in movies?" Michael asked and chuckled.

"He's exactly like that," Calum said and nodded his head frantically, "All hell will probably break loose when Luke tells him he's gay. Stereotypically and everything"

"None of his parents know?" I asked, feeling myself growing curious about how Luke kept himself such a secret.

"Ash, I didn't even know and Luke and I have been friends since forever. You were basically the one who made me realize Luke wasn't straight after 18 years of friendship" Calum said and sent me a knowing look as a pursed my lips.

"To Luke's defense; I never told Michael either" I said and nodded towards the blond/brunette beside me who was struggling to catch a cherry tomato with his fork.

"You never had to. I wasn't stupid and you're way past normal in every single way. You can't even walk straight, you always wobble from left to right, so it was quite simple to figure that out" Michael mumbled.

"Just because I didn't walk in a straight line means I'm not heterosexual?" I asked and cocked one eyebrow up.

"Well," Michael spoke and turned to eye me up and down before raising his own eyebrow and nodded his head, "Yeah"

I simply rolled my eyes at him before going back to my own food. I silently ate while listening to Calum and Michael's conversation. I sometimes rolled my eyes at their statements and sometimes chuckled at their stupidity.

After about 10 minutes, Luke stepped in to the room and sat down beside Calum, burying his face in his hands and groaned loudly. None of us said anything, we just watched the groaning blonde with raised eyebrows and slightly amused expressions on our faces.

Luke soon looked up from his hands and eyed us all before locking eyes with my jar of pills.

"What's this?" he asked and reached for the jar to read the label.

"My meds?" I said but it came out more like a question.

"I know, but what do they do? Do they like calm you down and stuff?" he asked and shook the jar like a rattle.

"Well, yeah. They help me with my disorder" I said and breathed out a confused chuckle.

"Fuck it" Luke mumbled before opening the lid and popped a pill into the palm of his hand before throwing it into his mouth and swallowed it dry.

"No, Luke-" I started but stopped when realizing it was too late to stop him. I instead rolled my eyes and reached for my pills again, shoving them down in my pocket.

"Was it really that bad?" Calum asked as he handed Luke his water bottle.

"It was worse. I could probably swallow every single one of those pills in one go if you'd let me" Luke spoke before burying his face in his hands again. "I'm so done with him, I really am"

"What are you gonna do about it?" I asked, actually quite curious of what Luke had in mind.

"Nothing. There's nothing I can do except getting a fucking contract to make my dad happy and for myself to get far away from him" Luke mumbled into his hands. I looked at him with tired eyes before I shook my head.

"I think you should stop doing what he tells you to do. It seems like you've gone after his rules your whole life and you clearly don't like them, so do whatever you want. You act like a poor little princess locked up in a tower that's waiting for someone to help you. But life isn't a cliché fairytale, Barbie" I spoke and poked at my food again.

"I don't really think you understand, Ash" Luke spoke and gave me an exhausted look.

"Yeah, because my father walked out on me and everything, so I obviously don't have any knowledge in fatherly figures" I spoke and gave Luke a sarcastic smile, making him bite his lip.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that" Luke said softly and looked at me with an apologetic look on his face.

"I know" I said and sent him a small smile - a real one this time - before feeling Michael nudge my side. I looked up at him and he sent me one of those knowing and friendly looks, making me smile at him as well.

"You know, Ashton is right though," Calum started, making all of us turn to look at him, "You need to stand up for yourself a bit, Luke. You need to start doing things to please yourself and not everyone else. You're 18, so you're legal. You can do pretty much whatever you want"

Luke propped his elbows up on the table and held his chin up with one hand as he sighed heavily. His feet nudged mine under the table, so I gently hooked our ankles together and looked up to lock my eyes with his.

"Yeah, I guess" Luke mumbled before letting one of his feet caress my left calf. We sat in silence for a while, letting a comfortable yet tired feeling run around us until Michael spoke up.

"Wow, look at us," Michael suddenly said, earning attention from all of us, "In the beginning we wouldn't even think of talking to each other, and now here we are, having a heart to heart conversation while Luke and Ashton are playing footsie under the table"

Calum cracked a smirk and bent down to look under the table, coming up soon after with an even wider smirk. Both Luke and I rolled our eyes, but we didn't stop the gentle touches that were happening.

"Yeah, it's quite nice, isn't it?" Calum said and reached up to ruffle Luke's hair. "To think you came here and all you did was whining about how much you hated Ashton, meanwhile you were also fucking him"

"Can you stop?" Luke hissed under his breath and looked around the room to make sure no one heard. Maybe I should feel hurt by the way Luke was so scared of being caught with me, but I wasn't. Actually, it was quite endearing in a way. It was a challenge.

"I think it's nice" I said before going back to poke at my food, not missing the fond smile on Luke's face though.

**

"Hey, Luke?" I asked out to in pitch black room as I was laid down in the bed with Luke's arms thrown around me and his head on my shoulder.

"Hm?" Luke mumbled out in a raspy voice, obviously half asleep judging by his heavy breathing and late answer.

"When my mom comes tomorrow, don't hate me" I spoke before biting down on my bottom lip harshly.

"Why would I hate you after meeting your mom?" Luke asked and moved his head away from my shoulder, leaving the skin cold. "Shouldn't it be the other way around; you hating me because of my dad?"

"No. I hate your dad, not you" I spoke before hearing Luke chuckle breathily.

"That's fair, I guess," he mumbled before placing his head on my shoulder again, letting his lips brush against my skin before repeating his previous words, "Why would I hate you after meeting your mom?"

I pursed my lips and looked straight up at the ceiling. I couldn't see a single line through the darkness, but I still focused my gaze on one specific spot.

"Because she's not how she used to be, and I made her that way" I said and bit my lip, still keeping my eyes locked on the ceiling.

Luke was quiet for a while, only holding onto me and sleepily burying his face in my neck before speaking again.

"I don't understand" he said and tightened his hold on me.

"Okay" I simply answered and nodded my head. I moved around in the bed until I was facing Luke, making sure his face was still warming up my neck, and wrapped my own arms around him.

"Do you want to tell me, to make me understand?" Luke whispered quietly. I could hear how tired he was and I almost felt bad for bringing this up and worrying him when he had almost fallen asleep.

"No," I answered, even though I didn't like having Luke worrying, "I kind of don't want to talk about it. Not now at least, maybe another time"

"Then why did you bring it up?" Luke whispered.

"Because I wanted to give you a heads up, I guess" I mumbled and shrugged before closing my eyes. Luke's arms around me tightened again and I unconsciously moved myself closer in his hold.

"I'm pretty sure I'll like your mom even though 'she's not like she used to be'," Luke whispered softly, "She makes you happy and that's like the it thing for a golden parent. I wish I had parents like that"

This time it was my turn to tighten my hold around him, making our bodies press together so close that it would probably become hard to breathe after a while.

"Yeah," I mumbled as an answer to his previous statement, not knowing what else to say. "I'm sorry about your parents" I whispered soon after.

"It's okay," Luke whispered back and laughed softly, "Mom isn't as bad as my dad, but the fact that she married him in the first place makes me wonder just how she thinks"

I breathed out a chuckle before burying my face in Luke's hair, feeling the soft blond strands against my nose, and hummed contently.

"If you like my mom you can share her with me" I whispered and I could almost feel the way Luke was smiling against my skin.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer," Luke said and kissed my shoulder, "Even if that would make us siblings"

"Not if I put a ring on your finger" I spoke through a yawn. Luke only snorted at my words, but kept leaving soft kisses on my shoulder and collarbone.

"There's about a 1% chance that that's ever going to happen" Luke whispered through a soft laugh that turned into a giggle. I smiled at the sound, and soon smiled even wider when hearing Luke silently curse himself out because of it.

"I know" I said and sighed out tiredly before kissing the top of Luke's head a few times.

"Goodnight" Luke whispered after a few minutes of silence. His voice was raspy against and I could feel his eyelids close as his eyelashes brushed against my skin.

"Wait" I whispered and Luke let out a soft noise of disapproval before tapping his fingers against my chest to show me he was listening.

"What, babe?" he asked in a low and groggy whisper, almost a grumble. I smiled triumphantly at the nickname.

"Can I ask you something before you fall asleep?" I asked and Luke sighed.

"I already am asleep" he muttered.

"But I'm curious. I just want a short and honest answer" I whispered and Luke was quiet for a few long seconds, almost making me think he actually fell asleep, before he finally spoke up.

"Fine. What is it?" he asked and moved around a bit so his head was now down on my chest, and the warmth he gave me was enough to comfort me throughout the whole night.

"When do you know you're really happy and when do you know you're really sad?"

"What?" Luke asked and I simply nodded my head, knocking my chin against his forehead as I did so. "I don't know, I don't know how to explain it. You just feel it. It's a normal everyday thing"

"But I don't know my feelings yet," I spoke softly, "I found out like a week ago that I could actually feel, so I don't know what is what"

"Um," Luke said uncertainly and breathed heavily a few times before speaking again, "When you're happy I guess you feel light? You and everything around you is positive and you appreciate the little things around you. I guess you care a lot about people around you as well when you're happy. Like, you want them to be happy as well and you enjoy other people's success. You're kind of just living in the moment and enjoying every second of it"

I stayed silent as Luke spoke and nodded from time to time to make him  understand I was still listening to him.

"And how does sadness feel?" I asked.

"Sadness is the exact opposite of happiness. When you're sad you feel heavy. You don't appreciate the little things, and you rarely appreciate anything around you. I guess you could say that when you're sad you're quite afraid to feel anything else but sadness. It's actually kind of painful to be sad because it's like your emotions are beating up your body, and it leaves you tired and broken. Sadness sucks" Luke said and tightened his hold on me again.

"I don't want to be sad" I spoke quietly.

"I know" Luke whispered and kissed my skin again. "Goodni-"

"How does love feel?" I asked, cutting Luke right off in the middle of the word. Luke was completely still and silent a for several long seconds before speaking.

"Why are you asking?"

"I'm curious" I whispered and shrugged. "So, how does it feel"

"How do you think it feels?" Luke asked, his voice slightly muffled as his lips were pressed to my chest.

"I'm not sure yet" I whispered.

"What does that mean?"

"That I'm not quite sure if my feelings are finished developing or not" I answered softly. Luke was quiet and held onto me gently, but if I were to fall right now I'm pretty sure his hold would keep me up.

Luke's hands started to moved up and down my waist and chest as I waited for an answer from him. It never came though. Luke only caressed my skin slowly and breathed heavily against my skin, kissing it now and then. Just because Luke never spoke up, I did instead.

"I can give you the answer when I'm sure I have it" I whispered and Luke instantly gripped onto my skin before slowly nodding his head.

"Okay," he whispered and moved up to place his lips on mine through the darkness before lying his head down on my chest again. "Do that, please" he whispered again.

"Goodnight, Luke" I mumbled and held Luke close to my chest as I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight, Ashton" Luke said softly before burying his face in my neck again, seeking warmth.

"If you don't know the answer at the end of the camp, I'm not sure if I want to tell you" Luke whispered after a while of silence.

"If you tell me, I promise to tell you as well" was the last thing I said before we both fell asleep.

~

i posted a new lashton story, it's called oblivious and it's gonna be good i swear. i'm probably starting it soon, so please give it a chance??

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