a s h t o n

I ran a hand through my hair and brought my water bottle up and opened the lid to pour the remaining water over my face. I shook my hair to get it out of my eyes before raising my head and watched coach approach all of us.

"Good practice today," he spoke and clapped his hands, "Take care of how you played today and bring it to the other practices, because this was your last one all together. The next ones will be with your team only"

I furrowed my eyebrows at what he had said before biting my lip. Maybe it was obvious we'd all be divided now since it was only a week left of the camp. The final games were only 7 days away, and the pressure was getting stronger each day that passed.

"The games are out as well. Me and the rest of your coaches has been going through the different possibilities for weeks now, building your teams up to what we think will have both pros and cons. We want you boys to learn from this and to figure out solutions together.

"I also want to tell you that even though this is a very important time of this camp, it's not what the camp is all based on. We have followed all of you guys for 9 weeks now, and we have every positive and negative thing you have done written down on a paper. I just want you guys to know that these papers will be out for the football world to see, and it will give all of you great possibilities" coach said and eyed everyone of us.

"The final games are put up in the hallway by the entrance. I want you all to go and take a look at it after you're showered and dressed. See you at dinner" he said before turning around and walking off, leaving all of us stunned and quiet.

"Shit" I heard Sean say before seeing him sprint off to the showers. Most guys did the same, excited and anxious to see who they would be meeting, while some stayed behind calmly and finished stretching.

"Hi" a voice said before someone sat down beside me, making me see Luke smiling small at me.

"Hi" I breathed out before going back to massage my shoulder.

My shoulder was good now, but with all the pressure I had on me right now, I was worried that I'd tear the injury up and I wouldn't be able to play the final game.

I needed the final game to get my contract back. Maybe not with Bayern, but with someone else. I needed a contract, not only for myself, but for my mother.

"Are you nervous?" Luke asked as he bent forward to tug down his socks to his ankles and pull off his shin guards.

"No, not really" I said and shrugged. I wasn't really sure if I was lying or not. But I wasn't necessarily nervous, I was more stressed and anxious.

"Lucky you" Luke chuckled out as he untied his shoelaces.

"You're nervous?" I asked and raised an eyebrow, "What do you have to be nervous about?"

Luke turned to look at me with raised eyebrows before breathing out a laugh.

"What's that supposed to mean? Of course I'm nervous, this is what the camp is all about. This is like the real deal"  Luke said before sighing and laid down on the grass.

"No, I know that," I said and shrugged, "I just thought that you have nothing around you to worry about. You only have the game to think about, I have the whole fucking disorder and coming out shit to think about"

"I have some more shit to think about as well" Luke sighed, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Don't worry about it" he mumbled as he wiped his forehead away from the sweat. I looked at him in silence before standing up and nudged his leg with my foot.

"Come on Barbie" I said as I held my hand out for Luke to take. Luke stayed down on the ground though, looking up at me with a grimace on his face.

"I don't want to go yet," Luke said and shook his head, "I'm not ready for this to start becoming so serious"

I looked at him and breathed out a chuckle before shaking my head. "So you're just gonna fool around until the last day?" I asked, making Luke roll his eyes.

"That's not what I meant," Luke mumbled before taking my hand and let me tug him up, "I just don't know if I'm ready to know who I'm up against. There's already a shitload of pressure"

"You can't ignore it until the day of the game" I said and Luke nodded as he sighed.

The anxious and nervous look on Luke's face surprised me, making me furrow my eyebrows in confusion. He hadn't showed this before, and I wondered what had made him this way. Because it was obvious it wasn't just the game.

"Are you okay?" I asked and tugged lightly at his shirt.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said and sent me a tight smile, "Things are just getting to me"

I bit my lip and nodded my head, understanding that Luke obviously didn't want to talk about it, and walked in silence beside him.

As we neared the locker rooms, I looked around to see if anyone was around us, before tugging at Luke's wrist and turned him around. As he was facing me with a confused look on his face, I leaned in and placed my lips on his, kissing him deeply.

It didn't last long though as he pulled away and pressed his hands against my chest.

"What are you doing?" he whispered and looked at me with wide eyes before frantically searching our surroundings.

"I'm kissing you," I said and chuckled, "What's the big deal? I thought it was okay for us to do that now?"

"You can't do that" he mumbled and wiped his lips before entering the locker rooms, leaving me alone outside with a puzzled look on my face.

**

"Fuck" I breathed out as my eyes were locked with the list that hung on the wall. I read the simple letters over and over again, pursing my lips when feeling a huge weight on my shoulders.

"I know, right?" a voice said from beside me, making me turn my head and look at Emil who was studying the list as well, "I'm sorry to say this but I hope you're having a bad day next week, because my team's gonna need it"

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked back at the list again, cursing coach for making it so much harder than it could have been.

"I really need to play against Luke?" I said and ran a hand through my hair, tugging at it slightly.

"You think coach did that to test how far you two have come?" Emil asked, making me look at him with furrowed eyebrows.

"I mean, maybe he's testing to see how far you have matured since the start of this camp. Or maybe putting you two against each other will turn everything back to how things were in beginning" Emil said and shrugged, making the weight on my shoulder feel even heavier.

"Well, that's not gonna happen" I mumbled, more to myself than Emil, like if I was convincing myself that was the truth.

"Good, because the last thing I need is Luke focusing on that rather than the game" Emil said and chuckled before patting my shoulder and walked away.

I was left standing alone, biting my lip and clenching my jaw before sighing and walked back to my room.

As I entered, I watched Luke tapping away on his phone, looking up quickly to smile small at me, before looking back down at his phone again.

"I checked the list" I said and sat down on the edge of my bed.

"I know," Luke mumbled, "Don't tell me, I don't want to know yet"

"What's the point in ignoring it?" I asked. Luke shrugged.

"I'm not ignoring it, I'm just postponing it" he said before placing his phone down on the mattress and looked up at me.

"It sounds pretty stupid" I said and shrugged before lying down on my bed.

"Well, I'm not the brightest star in the sky" Luke chuckled before standing up from his bed and walked over to mine. He crawled on top of me and hovered over me, leaning down to place light kisses on my neck and up to my jaw.

"Oh, so now it's okay to kiss?" I asked, making Luke pull away from me slightly and look at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"What?"

"It's okay to kiss now but an hour ago I strictly couldn't" I said and looked at him with a mocking look. Luke cocked one eyebrow up before shaking his head and chuckling.

"You can kiss me, just not outside" Luke spoke, like if the whole thing was obvious.

"What? Since when was that rule written? And I've kissed you outside before, it's no big deal"

"Because someone could see when you're outside. It's safe in here," Luke said and furrowed his eyebrows again, "Why would you even want to kiss me outside?"

"I don't know, a change of scenery?" I said and waved my hand around our small dorm to prove my point. Luke rolled his eyes and scoffed.

"Yeah, okay" he said before leaning down again to place his lips on mine, but I pulled away before he could do so.

"What's up with you today? I thought we were on the same page, not going after some shitty rulebook like we did the first weeks here" I said quietly while looking at him intently.

"Well, I kind of have to when you try to kiss me outside the locker room where everyone were in. Somebody could have seen" Luke said and rolled off of my body to sit down beside me instead.

"So what if anyone sees? It's not the end of the world" I said and shrugged my shoulders carelessly.

"It is to me," Luke said and looked at me with clear blue eyes, "You were the one coming out, Ashton, not me. And I get that you're all free and careless now when everyone knows, but I'm not out so I can't be that free"

"Then come out," I said and sat up to be in his eye level, "I mean, it's pretty much time for it, isn't it?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Luke asked, sounding slightly offended, which confused me.

"That you've been gay for basically your whole life and you're still hiding it. I mean, it's not hard to come out. You have people supporting you"

"No" Luke said and shook his head.

"Yes, you do," I said and nodded my head, "All guys here have taken my news really fucking well, and then there's Calum and Michael, and me-"

"No, I mean I won't come out, Ash" Luke said, still shaking his head.

"You'll have to do it some day, Luke"

"No, I won't" Luke said again, making me furrow my eyebrows and nearly scoff.

"So you're just gonna go your whole life hiding yourself from everyone?" I said and Luke only shrugged in response, "That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard"

"Well, then I'm a fucking idiot, Ash" Luke sighed and got up from my bed.

"Why won't you just come out? I mean, you've already admitted it to yourself"

"Because I'm not like you, Ashton. I'm not confident in who I am, neither am I comfortable in myself. Actually, I fucking hate that I'm gay, but I know for sure that I can't change that about me. Trust me, I've tried" Luke said, chuckling humorlessly as he sat down on his own bed, his hands running through his hair.

"And it doesn't help that you speak so easily about all of this, because it isn't fucking easy, Ash," Luke spoke again, looking at me with desperate eyes, "You just walk around and tell everyone who you are, and you try to kiss me outside around people after you've basically told me that you love me.

"You can't do that, Ashton. You can't just throw things out like that because I'm fucking stupid, and I believe in shit like that. Which is totally idiotic, because this summer is soon over and we'll be going completely different ways and probably never see each other again"

I was left speechless on my bed as I looked at Luke with soft eyes and my lips slightly parted. I knew something was bothering him, but I had no idea this was it.

"What?" was the only word I was able to release from my mouth, making Luke breath out a hopeless laugh before he stood up from his bed.

"I'm gonna go to Calum's room for a bit" he mumbled and started making his way towards the door, but I shook my head and stood up from my bed to grab his wrist and stop him.

"No, wait," I said and furrowed my eyebrows in an irritated way before tugging Luke over my my bed, both of us sitting down.

Luke eyed his hands in his lap as my eyes were glued to his face. I locked my jaw and bit the inside of my cheek before speaking,

"I don't love you, Luke," I spoke, making Luke lift his head and look at me with hurt eyes, and I immediately knew I had put it all wrong.

"I mean; I don't love you, yet" I said and bit my lip, "I need more time with you to actually fall in love with you. I've gone my whole 18 years thinking I couldn't feel a single thing, so now doesn't mean I can feel everything all at once"

Luke looked at me carefully and nodded his head before letting his eyes glance back down to his lap again.

"But I do feel a whole lot for you, Luke. Like, I don't know what the fuck you've done to me, but you're taking over my brain" I spoke and chuckled lightly, seeing the corners of Luke's lips tug upwards.

"And I mean, this isn't a marriage, Barbie, this is just me and you finding some things out. I've found out that I like kissing you just as much as I like doing rated R stuff with you" I said, making Luke chuckle and look up at me with a smile on his face.

"Don't overthink it, alright? It's still a week left so can we just take the days as they come and just forget about everything else bothering us?" I asked in a whisper, making Luke breathe out heavily and nod his head.

"Yeah," he whispered and bit his lip, "Sorry for being so paranoid. It's just- There's a lot going on"

"I know" I whispered and curled an arm around his waist to pull him closer to myself before tugging us down on the bed.

We laid still for a while before I turned Luke's face towards me and leaned in to place my lips on his, this time in a proper kiss.

Luke didn't pull away this time, instead bringing his hands up to my face and held it still as he parted his lips and allowed my tongue to enter his mouth.

Our tongues moved softly and gently, no rush and no stress, only heavy breathing and calm touches. It was all very soothing.

"So," Luke whispered as he had pulled away from the kiss, his lips still unbelievably close to mine as he talked, "The list"

"Yeah," I sighed and pulled Luke's body even closer to mine, "Looks like we're going back to being opponents again"

Luke bit his lip and let his eyes study my face in silence before he cracked a small smile. It wasn't genuine, but I understood why.

"That's okay, right? It will turn out fine" he mumbled and ran his fingertips up and down my face, drawing invisible lines.

"I guess so," I whispered, feeling so relaxed by Luke's touch, "I'll be okay if you'll be okay"

"I'll be okay" Luke whispered and looked into my eyes as he smiled warmly at me. Still a bit hesitant though.

"Then I'll be okay," I breathed out before pulling Luke in for another kiss, letting our lips move lazily with each other.

After kissing for what felt like hours, trying to push away the anxious feelings, I pulled away from Luke's lips and looked into his deep blue eyes.

"We'll make this work, I promise. We'll take this world by storm"

~

laughing because michael fell off stage and now he's on crutches

thanks for 200k!! i don't understand why you like this book so much while i just can't wait for it to end lol

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