a s h t o n

"I'm sorry, Irwin, but with the news coming up and the things that has been kept away, the contract doesn't hold. We signed you for the player we thought you were, and you are not that player"

"Sir, I'm still the same player. I just need help with medications and a stricter schedule on check-ups"

"I'm sorry Ashton, but we take stuff like this very seriously, and we do not appreciate lies. This team is based on trust, and we feel like you have not given us that"

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair as I was seated alone in coach's office. The phone was pressed to my ear as I talked to one of the many people from Bayern München.

"Okay," I sighed and closed my eyes, "I get it"

"We want to to know that the contract is taken care of. We'll send the news out, but it'd be good if you m mentioned it during your press conference as well. Mr. Barrett also has the information"

I pursed my lips before nodding my head, feeling the whole world's weight on my shoulders. I had just lost my contract, and I was left empty. It was only 2 weeks left of the camp and I have no contract, leaving me to disappoint my mother.

"Yeah, thank you for giving me the chance though" I mumbled and bit the inside of my cheek.

"I'm sorry it had to end like this, Ashton. I do wish you the best of luck in the future"

"Thanks again" I spoke before hearing the line on the other side die down, leaving me alone with the phone pressed to my ear while listening to the dead tone.

I sat like that for minutes before hanging up the phone and placed my forehead against the desk. I groaned out as I jabbed my head against the wooden edge when thinking about how much I had fucked up.

I lifted my head when the door opened, looking at coach who gave me a knowing look.

"How are you feeling, Irwin?" he asked and sat down on his chair across from me.

"Like shit," I sighed honestly and hid my face in my hands, "But I saw it coming so I shouldn't act like this. It's all my fault so I have no right to cry over it"

"You have every right to be disappointed, even though you may have worked this upon yourself," coach spoke and gave me a reassuring look, "Just know that this doesn't make you less of a player"

"But it does though," I groaned I banged my head against the desk again, "When I tell everyone about all this shit that's going on with me no one will have me. If one big club doesn't want me, no one else will either"

"If a big club doesn't want you there are several smaller ones who would be more than interested" coach said.

"But that's not what I want" I mumbled.

"Well, we can't all get what we want," coach spoke and gave me a pointed look, "You gotta start from somewhere. Everyone needs to work hard to get to the top, and it's just the same with you. Maybe you'll need to work even harder, but if you want it, you'll get it"

"Yeah," I mumbled and nodded my head, knowing fully well he was right, "I know"

Coach nodded his head and reached over to pat my shoulder before looking down at some papers on his desk.

"Go and take a break. We're holding the conference in 2 hours, you need to be prepared for it. Papers are already written, so you'll have some help from both them and me, but this is all your responsibility"

"Way to make me feel less pressured" I mumbled, causing coach to chuckle.

"You'll do great. Now, go and let your mind off of this for a while. Don't ponder over it too much, you'll do great, I promise" he said and gave me a nod. I pursed my lips and nodded my head as well before standing up from my chair.

"I'll see you later, then" I mumbled before exiting the office and walked down the hallway.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair again. It was heavy to walk only those few feet over to my room. It felt like I had walked for hours as I reached the room and pulled the door open, immediately seeing Luke sit on his bed with his phone against his ear.

"Yeah, we've mostly only been practicing with our final teams, and it's good. We don't know who we are playing against yet, we get to know that the last week" I heard Luke speak as I walked over to my bed and fell face first down against the pillows.

It was quiet for a bit, I could hear Luke hum now and then before he interrupted the person on the other line.

"Dad, can I call you back or something? I really need to go right now. I'll call you later" Luke spoke and I turned my head to looked at him, seeing him watch me with a frown.

"Yeah, that sounds great, dad. Bye" he said before hanging up and threw his phone carelessly to the mattress.

"Are you alright? What did coach say?" he asked as he got off his bed and walked over to me, laying down beside me instead while never once letting his eyes glance away from mine.

I sighed and turned so I was staring up at the ceiling. "Coach didn't say much. Other people did though" I mumbled, making Luke furrow his eyebrows.

"What?" he asked and sat up a bit to be able to face me.

"Bayern called" I muttered while seeing Luke's face drop slightly.

"And?"

"And they dropped me," I spoke and chuckled humorlessly, "They were nice about it, but they didn't even give me a chance to explain. Like, what they said made me realize that I'm too fucked up for people to actually trust me in a team"

"Well, that's bullshit" Luke spoke and looked down at me with furrowed eyebrows.

"Not really" I mumbled, making Luke roll his eyes.

"It is. They act like you're a whole different person, but you're not. If they can't take you as you are then you shouldn't even be disappointed for not playing for them. It sounds to me like they'd treat you like shit" he said and shrugged before lying down beside me again.

"I'm not disappointed about that fact. I'm disappointed because I fucked up" I sighed.

"You act like it's the end of the world" Luke spoke quietly and sneaked one hand under my t-shirt to run his fingertips against my stomach.

"Because it is," I said and turned around to look at him, "It's just the start of the day and I've already been dropped by my safe card. I haven't even held the press conference yet, and if people will react like Bayern did, then I'm fucking screwed"

Luke rolled his eyes again as he chuckled, making me irritated at how at ease he was about this.

"I don't have a contract yet. Sure, I have some schools and people keeping an eye on me, but they're nothing like what you had," he said and shrugged, "I'm not bummed over that though, because everything will come after the final game"

"What are you saying?" I asked and gave him a doubtful look.

"I'm saying that it all will blow up after the final game. If you play good and show off just how talented you are, scouts will be all over you. Philip told me his brother had nothing at the start of this camp, and at the end he had 4 clubs he had to choose between"

I stayed quiet and still gave Luke that doubtful look, making him sigh.

"All I'm saying is that it's not over unless you make it seem like it. And don't be that person who gives up," he said and sat up on the bed before looking down at me again, "Quitters are really fucking unattractive"

I bit the inside of my cheek harshly as I watched Luke crack a smirk my way. I clenched my jaw and shook my head before reaching out and pulled Luke down again so he landed on top of me.

"Fuck you, Hemmings," I whispered as his lips were merely inches away from my own, "You just make everything seem so easy and positive"

"No, I don't," Luke mumbled and brushed his lips teasingly against mine, "I just show you a brighter perspective of life"

"God," I groaned and rolled my eyes, "Who's the cheesy one now?"

"Fuck off, Irwin"

"Mm, memories" I breathed out, making Luke chuckle under his breath.

"You were really hot when you were mad, you know" I whispered as I ran my hands up and down his waist.

"I know. You keep reminding me of how hot I am" Luke whispered and smirked, still keeping his lips so close that they were brushing against mine constantly.

"Now you're just plain smug" I mumbled, making Luke smirk and shrug.

"I guess you're rubbing off on me"

"Yeah I am" I whispered and smirked big as I rubbed my palms against Luke's back and slowly inched them down to his ass, making him chuckle.

My hands almost reached the waistline of his pants before Luke gripped my wrists and held my hands still in place. I looked up at him with a questioning eyebrow raised in the air.

"Are you gonna quit?" he asked, making me furrow my eyebrows.

"Why? I just started" I said and tried to move my hands again.

"I meant with the camp," Luke chuckled, "Are you gonna quit or not?"

I stayed still and looked at him before sighing and shaking my head, "I won't quit"

"You don't sound so convincing. Quitters are unattractive" Luke pointed out once again, making me roll my eyes as he chuckled.

"I won't quit" I spoke louder as I looked him straight in the eye, my irises revealing pure honesty.

Luke let go of my hands and let them lie still against his lower back, as he moved his own hands to each side of my face and dipped his head down so our lips were brushing against each other again.

"You promise?" he whispered, his lower lip teasingly gracing my upper lip.

"Yeah," I breathed out before clearing my throat, "Yes"

"In that case," Luke whispered as he leaned down to press a hot kiss against the corner of my lips before whispering again, "I'm all yours, baby"

**

I bit the inside of my cheek harshly as I sat in the packed room. I was seated behind a table with coach on my left and my doctor on the right. In front of me were men and women with notepads, recorders, and cameras. At the back of the room stood all the guys in the team, whispering quietly to each other.

Everyone was staring intently at me, and it only made the pressure raise. I couldn't do this. People would think less of me.

"Okay, so we've gathered you all here today for a press conference regarding Ashton Irwin. We will let Ashton talk without any disturbance, and when he is ready for questions, you'll get your words spoken" coach spoke to the bunch of reporters in front of us.

A small microphone was placed in front of me, making me feel like everyone could hear my heavy and nervous breathing, but I kept my calm and directed my eyes on a red tie someone was wearing.

"So Ashton, the word is yours" coach spoke again and patted me on my shoulder. I gave him a glance before nodding my head and turning back to the people again.

"Um, so," I started, grimacing slightly at my voice from the small speakers, "I'm gonna make this simple and give you all as plain information as possible. If you want more details, you'll have to ask later on"

I moved around in my chair and gulped before leaning towards the microphone again.

"My whole life I have known that I have been quite different. At age 5 I was diagnosed as bipolar, but they soon realized that wasn't really the case. I was later on diagnosed with Behavior Bipolar Disorder instead. But it was later at age 8 that I was officially diagnosed as a psychopath" I spoke and cringed at the mumbles and gasps.

"I have been living with those disorders for around 10 years, and I have been taking medicine for it. I had never realized how wrong it had been, though.

"I was accepted to this camp, as well as I was signed to Bayern München, when hiding my disorders. I had been lying about my health, thinking it would make me look better, and I take full blame for that.

"I think the fact that I lied, and the fact that I had no one to help me with my disorders, made it hard for me to keep focus on the important things and I ended up causing a lot of trouble on this camp, which I now would like to apologize for. I never intended for any of the other players or coaches to suffer from what I did"

My eyes had found Luke now, and I locked my eyes with his, feeling calmer already.

"But I ended up telling Coach Barrett the truth, making me have to go through a few days of hell, that soon ended up becoming a relief.

"I went to the hospital and after spending hours and hours there, talking and taking all kinds of tests, they came to the conclusion that I'm not at all a psychopath, but that I am suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder.

"I have been living 10 years on the wrong medication, causing me to act up on my feelings even more than I normally should. I worked myself up, and in the meantime I hurt people, though I didn't mean to" I said and looked around the room as the reporters were looking at me with wide eyes while some were furiously working their pens against their notepads.

"So that's me" I awkwardly spoke up after a while of silence. People still didn't say anything, making me even more uncomfortable.

"Um, questions?" I said as a question, and immediately people raised their hands and talked over each other, making me startled at the sudden noise.

"One at a time, people" coach called out and quieted the people down before pointing at a woman at the very front, giving her the word.

"As a psychopath you express a lot of rage and anger, would you say this has stopped you from playing football?" she asked and reached the recorder out to catch my answer.

"Yes" I answered simply.

"Would you care to elaborate?" she asked again.

"I'd rather not. If I'm gonna be quite honest, I would rather avoid the questions about my previous disorder. It caused my life to become a living hell, and I'd like to keep myself as far away as possible from those memories. But if you want answers; then yes, I hurt a lot of people and I hurt myself. I had no control of my body and I completely hated myself. Next question"

"How are you feeling after your contract with Bayern München has been cut off?" a man in thick black glasses asked.

"It sucks and I'm obviously disappointed, but it's completely my fault, so there is nothing to blame other than me. I saw it coming though, so I was prepared"

And that's how it kept on going. Some people asked about my current disorder, more people asked about my previous one. I kindly rejected those questions and with help with my doctor answered questions about the new one.

My eyes were locked with Luke's once in a while, and I saw how he grew irritated at some of the reporters questions. He sometimes gave me a reassuring smile, causing me to relax in my seat.

"Do you still see yourself as a psychotic person?" someone asked, nearly making me groan out loud because I was so tired of this shit.

"Okay that's it," coach spoke up and leaned towards his own microphone, "That's the end of the questions"

The reporters sighed but I only felt relief rush over me.

"So, this is the end of this press conference. If not Ashton has any last words?" coach asked and turned to me. I quickly shook my head and let out a heavy sigh.

I looked around the room again, immediately watching both Calum and Michael grin at me, while Luke was smiling fondly. And then I remembered something.

"No wait, I have something to add" I spoke and earned everyone's attention again. My eyes were glued on Luke as he furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I'm not a psychopath, but neither am I BPD," I started, making everyone in the room look at me in confusion.

"I'm not straight, but I'm not gay either. I'm not bisexual and I'm not pansexual. I'm neither, or maybe I'm everything" I continued, watching Luke widen his eyes as people once again gasped.

"I don't want to label myself, I actually refuse to do so, so I won't. I fuck who I want, and I guess people have to deal with it. I am who I am, both with my disorder and my sexuality, and that doesn't make me less of a player or a human. I just hope people realizes that.

"I'm not telling you this to gain some compassion or attention, I just want to be a role model. I want people like me to feel comfortable in who they are, in whatever they do and whatever they like. And even though I may have to work twice as hard as some other people, I'm more than willing to take that responsibility now"

I finished off my speech and let my eyes glance around the completely silent room. My eyes locked with all the guys in the team, everyone looking at me in shock, until I locked eyes with Luke.

He was smiling, and quite bashfully so. It made me smile as well as I stood up from my chair and pushed in under the table.

"Oh," I said and bent down to the microphone again, "Thank you for coming" I added and grinned contently before jumping down the podium walked over to the pretty blonde who was chuckling while shaking his head.

As I reached him I pulled him into a tight hug and smirked while hearing him laughing.

"I am no quitter" I whispered.

"I know" Luke whispered back before tightening his hold on me.

~

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