yo this story soon has 90k reads, what

a s h t o n

My hand ran through Luke's hair as both our heads were laying down on his pillow. My eyes were locked with his and I sighed out softly before Luke moved his head closer, making the tip of his nose touch mine and his breath hit my lips.

I slowly combed my fingers to the hair at the back on Luke's neck, staying there and let my thumb brush his soft skin.

Luke had his eyes closed and his breathing was slightly shaking as I gently pulled him forward and attached my lips to his.

Luke moved his hand to my waist and gripped my bare skin under the cover while moving his lips with mine. His hand was warm against my skin and his tongue was soft against mine.

Luke moved his head closer to mine, deepening the kiss and moving his tongue softly with mine. The whole act was soft and gentle, and it all was new for both me and Luke.

I breathed out heavily before lacing my fingers into Luke's hair again, tugging slightly, before draping my other arm around his waist and brought his body closer to mine.

Luke tangled one of his legs between mine, making me breathe out a laugh into the kiss. Luke pulled away and grinned at me before leaning down to peck my lips again.

I smiled small when Luke fully pulled away and placed his head back on the pillow, looking at me with droopy blue eyes.

"You tired?" I asked with a soft chuckle. Luke smiled and let out a yawning noise as he nodded and buried one side of his face into the pillow.

"Yeah," Luke mumbled, his voice muffled into the pillow, before he turned his head so his whole face was visible to me again, "Didn't sleep much last night"

"Yeah?" I asked and wiggled my eyebrows, making Luke roll his eyes. I laughed lightly and brought one hand to his cheek, brushing my thumb back and forth over the soft skin.

"Yeah" Luke whispered out and turned his head to bite down on my thumb quickly before turning his head back and moved so close that our lips were brushing but we weren't kissing.

"Are you ready to talk to coach?" he spoke gently, but I still sighed and tensed up a bit at only the mere thought of telling coach the whole truth.

I was not looking forward to see his reaction when he finds out that I've been lying to him these whole 6 weeks. And that I'm on multiple pills that I sometimes doesn't even take, making it risky for the people around me and myself.

"No" I spoke up quietly, telling Luke the truth because he knew I was not keen on doing this. But I knew that if I didn't talk to coach, it would come out in some other way, and I'd rather have it here and now than during a game when thousands of people are watching.

"It will be fine," Luke said and gave me a small assuring smile, "I'll go with you for moral support"

I laughed hopelessly, "Yeah well, I don't think that will be enough to make coach think this whole fucking mess is okay"

"It will be though," Luke spoke and nodded his head, "Okay, that is"

"I don't think so, Barbie" I sighed and patted Luke cheek before giving him a tight smile and rolled out of his grip to get out of the bed.

"Ashton" Luke sighed but I chuckled humorlessly and waved my hand in dismissal as I dressed myself in a pair of sweats.

"It's fine, Luke. I'll just go home and tell my mom to not to sell the house since I'm gonna be living there with her my whole life" I mumbled and Luke gave me a look before shaking his head and chuckling softly.

"You're exaggerating. You haven't even told them yet, and I know what you just said is not going to happen" Luke said and sat up in the bed, the cover being draped around his hips.

"How come you're so positive all of a sudden?" I asked and snorted quietly.

"I don't know," Luke said and shrugged before grinning, "I just feel uplifted"

I turned to look at him and raised one eyebrow. "I wonder why?" I asked and smirked as I walked over to him again.

"Yeah, wonder why" Luke spoke lowly and looked up at me before I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him down on the bed again, me going down after and leaning down over him.

Luke bit his lip while smirking as I crawled on top of him, my hands placed on each side of his head as I looked down at his face while breathing heavily.

"You're really fucking sexy," I mumbled and lowered my face down so I was only inches away from his lips, "Have I ever told you that?"

"No," Luke breathed out and slowly shook his head as he tugged at my hair gently, "But you should keep telling me because I fucking like it"

I gritted my teeth together and groaned before dropping my head down to place my lips on his hotly. Luke hummed, making vibrations go through him to me.

One of Luke's hands gripped my hair while the other one was gripping the back of my shirt tightly. His lips worked messily with mine before I caught his bottom lip between my teeth, tugging slightly.

Luke moaned and tugged at my hair and shirt before his phone started ringing, signaling that his alarm was on. I pulled away from Luke's lips and let out a loud sigh as I leaned my forehead against his.

"Fucking cockblock" I mumbled, causing Luke to chuckle.

"You have to talk to coach now if we're gonna have time to eat breakfast before practice" Luke said and I sighed once again.

"Yeah," I mumbled and rolled off of Luke to sit at the edge of the bed, "Let's get me kicked out of the camp"

"Ash" Luke said and gave me a small glare. I just shrugged before getting off the bed.

"I should probably pack my bags so I don't have to do that later-"

"Ash, shut the fuck up," Luke sighed as he stood up from the bed to get dressed, "You won't go home, they can't send you home just because you have a few disorders. You can't help it that you were born that way. You're still a great player"

I turned to look at him and laughed quietly. I watched him get dressed and run a hand through his hair before he turned to look at me.

"What?" he asked as he saw me already looking at him. I shrugged and licked my lips before looking down to the floor.

"Are you nervous?" Luke asked and I immediately shook my head.

"No" I said simply and Luke nodded his head but the he hesitant look in his eyes made me slight bit irritated. "I'm not" I spoke again, making Luke put his hands up in defeat.

"I believe you" he said but I knew he didn't.

"Are we going or what?" I mumbled while turning to walk over to the door. I bit the inside of my cheek harshly as I reached for the door handle.

"Wait" Luke spoke, making me stop my movements and turn around to look at him with a blank face. He walked over and frowned slightly before he backed me up against the door and placed his hands on each side of my head, hovering over me.

"What?" I muttered and Luke sighed before bringing both his hands to my hair, tangling his finger into it and bit his bottom lip lightly.

"It will be fine, you know. Whatever happens, it will work out for you" Luke spoke softly and I sighed.

"You don't know that" I nearly whispered back.

"I know I don't," he said and shrugged his shoulders, "But I do believe that, and that's something. So you should stop being so negative about everything, because if you talk to them like everything's over, it probably will be"

I leaned my head back against the door and looked into Luke's blue eyes, studying them intensely. I slowly brought my hands forward and placed them on his hips, bringing his whole body closer to mine so his lips where now ghosting over mine.

"You're annoying me when you're being this positive" I mumbled and Luke nodded his head, causing his nose to brush against mine.

"Good, I like making you mad. It makes me know that you feel something" Luke whispered before breathing hotly against my lips who were slowly inching closer to his.

"Don't say that" I whispered, not wanting to be remembered of all the sick things I did to him while my psychotic anger had taken control over me.

"I didn't mean it like that" Luke breathed out before closing the gap and placed his lips on mine. He immediately found my bottom lip and started to suck on it, lightly biting down as he tugged. The act made me let out a throaty groan of pleasure, making Luke moan quietly and grip my hair tighter.

I pulled away and looked at Luke before letting my eyes travel down to his neck. I brought one hand up to his throat and caressed his soft pale skin.

"I'm sorry" I murmured, making Luke furrow his eyebrows slightly.

"For what?" he asked, confusion laced in his words.

"For hurting you, in the past" I said and brushed my thumb over his throat, picturing the hand mark I left there a few weeks ago.

Luke shook his head and breathed out a soft chuckle, "That's okay. I kind of think you've made up for that"

I sighed and nodded my head before releasing him out of my grip. "Let's get this over with then" I mumbled and Luke nodded before we stepped out of our room, walking over to coach's office.

I stopped in my step and looked at the door while biting the inside of my cheek. Luke frowned before sighing and walked past me to knock on the door. I gave him a pointed glare which Luke gave back before the door opened, coach standing in the doorway with raised eyebrows.

"Yes?" he asked, looked at both of us as a small silence spread around us. Luke elbowed me a few times before I took a deep breath and spoke up.

"I need to talk to you" I spoke loud and clear, making coach furrow his eyebrows a bit before nodding his head.

"Okay?"

"Um, this is kind of serious, can we come in?" Luke asked and coach looked over his shoulder and then back at us.

"We're having a meeting right now about the last games, could this wait until after?" coach asked and I found myself shaking my head sternly.

"No, I need to tell you now. All of you" I said and coach looked at me suspiciously before nodding his head and opened the door further for us to step inside.

We were met with eyes of all the coaches on the camp, all of them wearing confused looks on their faces. Coach sat down on his chair by the others while Luke and I took to our seats at the other side of the desk, facing them.

"So, what's the urgency, boys?" coach asked and I licked my lips and took a shaky quiet breath before speaking up.

"This is just about me," I said and glanced over at Luke quickly before looking back at the coaches, "Luke is just here for moral support, I guess"

"Moral support?" coach asked and raised one eyebrow up, "For what may you need moral support for?"

I bit the inside on my lip harshly, almost tasting blood, and looked down at my hands before speaking, "I've lied to you" I said, making the room grow quiet. Luke shifting around in his chair did not loose up the tension in the room.

"Lied?" coach asked, "In what way have you lied?"

"Can I have my medication papers back?" I asked and coach frowned before going through his folders at his shelf and pulled out a blue one. After a few seconds of searching, he pulled out a paper and handed it to me.

I cleared my throat quietly and reached over to grab a pen on the other side of the desk before slowly starting to write on the empty paper I had handed coach weeks ago.

With a clenched jaw I started to fill in the blanks on the paper, writing everything I knew about myself and my disorders. I wrote down the exact amount of pills I took, and I wrote down what side effects they had. I wrote down everything, and I had never once hated myself as much as I did right now, because now I could actually see just how fucked up I was.

I put down the pen and slowly gave the paper back to coach. All the people in the room were watching my every move intensely, and I fucking hated the attention I got.

I looked down at my hands, not wanting to watch all the coaches read everything I had just written. I gritted my teeth harder before relaxing slightly when feeling Luke place his hand on my knee, squeezing lightly.

"What is this?" coach asked after a while, never once looking up from the paper.

"The truth" I spoke and pursed my lips while breathing heavily through my nose.

"And why does this come out now when there's not even 3 weeks left of this camp?" coach asked, now lifting his eyes to look at me sternly.

"Because I tried to hide it. No one knows about this except my parents and Michael"

"And Luke, I assume?" coach asked and Luke slowly nodded his head.

"Where and when did you think that it was a great plan to hide this from everyone?" coach asked but didn't leave me time to answer, "Because as I see it, this is more than serious matter and you not telling us makes us the blame if you ever hurt yourself or someone else.

"Why tell us now?" coach asked and looked at me intently.

"Because Luke told me to" I mumbled truthfully, making Luke shift around uncomfortably in his seat once again.

"Then we thank you for that," coach said and nodded at Luke, "And you can go"

Luke frowned, "What? Why?"

"Practice starts in 40 minutes, you have to eat first" coach said as the other coaches nodded and stood up, getting ready to head out. Luke was still seated though.

"But what about Ash?" Luke asked and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Ashton won't be attending practice today," coach spoke and looked at Luke, "Neither will I, so these three will take care of it" he said and pointed at the rest of the coaches.

Luke frowned and looked at coach and me before slowly standing up from the chair. Luke gave me one last doubtful look before he turned and walked out with the rest of the coaches, leaving me and coach alone.

"Why," coach started and breathed out frustratedly before continuing, "didn't you tell me this from the beginning?"

"Do you blame me?" I asked and pointed at the papers.

"Yes I do. This is serious, Ashton! You are alone here, without any legal guardians, and you are all the way from the other side of the world. We had no idea about this, so what would we have done if anything happened to you?"

"Michael would know what to do" I mumbled.

"You'd place all that responsibility on Michael?" coach asked, sounding slightly irritated, "I don't think he'd appreciate that. At least I don't. You're 18 years old, Ashton, and you can't even take care of your own problems?" he asked and I clenched my jaw.

"Does your mother know that you have kept this a secret?"

"No" I mumbled quietly and coach ran a hand over his face in frustration.

"Well, I'll have to call her. You understand that, right?" he asked and I nodded. "Does Michael and Luke know that you kept this from me?"

"Yes, but I told them to shut up about it, so don't scold them about this" I spoke.

"Was the reason to you had such hatred towards Luke because he knew about all this?" he asked and I shook my head.

"He figured it out here on the camp, and I was really mad that he had, but that wasn't the start of it all" I spoke and sighed. Coach was quiet.

"Have you ever hurt Luke here on the camp more than I've seen?"

"Yes" I mumbled and closed my eyes.

"Have Luke ever hurt you more than I've seen?" he asked and I had to think before I lifted my eyes and shook my head.

"No, sir, he hasn't"

Silence came after and I closed my eyes and leaned my face in his hands as I sighed out heavily.

"I will send this forward to your mother and to your contracted future club. This is information that they'll have to know before making a decision to keep or drop you"

"They will drop me" I said and my face fell as I saw my only real big opportunity fly away out of reach. If they dropped me because of this, every other club would know and not want to have me either.

Who'd want a psychopath?

"It will be up to them, but you've tangled yourself into a big mess, Ashton, and I think it's gonna be extremely difficult for you to get out of it" he said as I sat up straight and looked at him with an almost dead facial expression.

Everything inside of me felt dead.

"Do I have to pack my bags to leave?" I asked and looked him in the eyes.

"I don't know yet, Ashton"

His answer may have had some slight hope in it, but in the way his eyes almost screamed 'yes, I'll have to let you go', I knew this was the end for me.

~

poor ash, and it's only the beginning of this whole mess. more kissing though if that helps

read my new ot4/calm story 'fuck monogamy', i think i'm starting it soon (if anyone would read it, that is) because i'm excited as fuck for that story!!!

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