WARNING: this chapter talks about some sensitive topics like starvation and eating disorders. If you are not comfortable reading, you are more than welcome to skip this chapter.

______________________________
______________________________

I opened the door, pulling the door handle aggressively, kicking it shut with my leg as I stormed into the dorm. Out of all research essays, why that?

JUNGKOOK POV

I saw how she stormed off to her room, to be honest it made me a bit worried. Who made her mad? What made her mad? I wanted to help, but I just didn't know how. She already hates me, but honestly- same. I hate her back.

I peeked inside her dorm, carefully moving my foot, and instead of raging like I do, she was quietly sitting on her bed, her knees brought up to her chest, and she was curled up like a little ball. Cute.

I gently knocked the door a few times, hearing a faint "come in," so I did. Dang, she looks so cute. Whoah what-

"Hey Soojin, you okay?" I calmly asked her as I carefully sat on the edge of the bed. She huffed and replied quietly. "No, I'm not," I could already tell she was pouting. "And why is that?" she shuffled a bit to face me.

"Well, we got this research essay to do, and you have to write about a disorder," I was a bit confused. What's wrong with that? It's just an assignment right?

"So?" she sighed, and made direct eye contact with me. Damn, I didn't notice how pretty her eyes were until now. "Well it's a bit uncomfortable for someone who has been through a disorder to write about it, you know?" Uh huh. Yeah I don't get it-

"Wait so are you saying you have been through a disorder?" I sat up straight now. She lowered
her head and nodded. Oh wow. I didn't think she actually had a disorder.

"I suffered from anorexia when I was younger, I always used to get bullied for my looks and my size, I used to get body-shamed, I used to be left out, I used to be harassed, and so I used to starve myself, so that I could fit in. But in the long run, it didn't do me any good," a tear went down her cheek. To be honest, I felt bad. Really bad.

"Damn, that sucks," I didn't know what else to say, but then a thought came to my head. "But why didn't you stand up for yourself? Why didn't you prove them wrong? Why didn't you engage? You could have been more confident, you know? Then your eating disorder would have never happened," I replied. That's reasonable, right?

Soojin didn't agree though. Her head jolted up, her teary eyes meeting with mine, and she was clearly upset. What? Did I say something wrong?

"Seriously Jungkook? Do you know how hard it is to do that if your a girl? If girls are confident, they get seen as "extra" or "full of themselves", if girls aren't, they get called "weak", if they wear makeup, they are seen as "barbie" dolls, if they don't, they are apparently "ugly", if they like shopping and Starbucks, they get seen as "the bitchy popular girl", if they like reading and comics, they get seen as a "nerd", if they like sex, they are a "slut" or a "whore", if they don't, apparently they are a "prude", do you know hard it is to do such things like that as a girl? I can't just flip people off because they don't like me. I'm sensitive. I take things too personal. And especially as a girl, it's really hard to do so. Yes, boys go through the same thing, but from my experience, they already have this image of a girl built into their minds. Short, skinny, shy, weak, gullible, and the list goes on. It's really hard for me Jungkook. I don't know why you can't understand that."

I was shook by everything she said. I didn't even listen to half of it because she was talking so fast. But I did get the last part, and I had something ready to come out of my mouth.

"Calm your shits Soojin. Girls will be girls, but us guys have to be like that. You might not understand cuz your a tiny wittle sensitive baby, but us guys need to be strong and confident. If we aren't, people are gonna look down on us. I guess it's the same problem for you girls. So if we have the same problem, why are you making such a big deal out of it? We boys handle it well, why can't you guys do the same?"

SOOJIN POV

Is this guy serious? Did he actually just say that. I'm- I'm appalled. "Jungkook that's what I'm trying to say. Boys don't need to have this image either, but society made there be this image of a girl and this image of a boy. You don't have to be confident! You don't have to be strong! It's okay to not be as strong! It isn't a crime! And you know what's in your head? Toxic Masculinity. And that's disgusting. But what's even more disgusting is your fucking attitude. Don't you dare say what we need to act like or how to handle things. You do you, I don't judge. But don't you dare ever tell a girl how to act. Everyone has feelings, and everyone can show them, including boys. But your toxic ass won't let you, huh?"

I was furious at this point. This guy and his mind, I hate it. I hate it so much. "Bu-" I harshly cut him off. I didn't want to hear any more of that toxicity. Honestly I feel bad for him, his mind is flooded with so much shit. It's not good for him.

"I don't wanna hear it Jungkook. I'm fucking done with you, your getting on my nerves. And to be honest, I don't even know how we got from the topic of my eating disorder to how society sees girls and guys. Your fucking toxic, and I fucking hate it. I hate you, your attitude, UGH! everything about you! I'M DONE WITH YOUR SHIT," I stormed out of my own room, heading over to Yuqi, very teary-eyed after that heated argument.
_________________________________
_________________________________

hiiiiii :) so i updated chapter 10, tbh i'm not very proud of this chapter, and ngl i was getting mad when writing some of the stuff lol. but i hope you guys liked it i guess? remember to stay healthy, stay hydrated, and remember your so special and loved. i love you so much, bye!

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜