WARNING:
EMOTIONAL CONTENT.
Includes mentions of (slightly graphic) panic attacks and emotional stress.

SUTTON'S POV.

Do you know what I like to do to start my day?

I take off my silk bonnet and place it on my bedside table. Then, I jump out of bed and walk over to my mirror. I stare at myself for a few seconds. Then, I do some power poses.

I read somewhere that power poses help you to feel confident and ready for the day. I'm not sure if there is any psychological basis for power posing, but it does make me feel more prepared for the day.

I also like to say some affirmations.

I am unstoppable.

I am unstoppable.

I am unstoppable.

Maybe the others would find my morning routine a bit weird.
I mean, Tabitha just leaves her room, her clothes a mess and her bed hair an even crazier mess.
She doesn't seem to care about getting in the right mindset.
I guess she just chooses to wake up, and whatever she is feeling is how she'll choose to feel for the rest of the day.

I have to whip my crowded mind into shape.

KJ always calls his parents in the morning. That must be something that helps get him into the right mindset. I don't know if it works, because he always had the same unbothered expression. But speaking to his parents is probably something that makes him feel at peace.

Luka never leaves his room untidy. He has to make his bed before leaving his room in the morning, even if it's just to have breakfast and then stay in his room all day. Having a tidy space must help him feel less stressed.

I don't really know what Anvi does to prepare herself for the day.

But Jace? He'd never admit it, but he can't leave his room without fixing his hair and telling himself he looks good. He also makes sure to send me a good morning text, which is kind of sweet I guess.

So maybe my morning routine isn't so weird after all.

After getting ready for uni, I made my way to my Black youth club. We always try to meet up every morning, just to have a quick debrief and see how we're all doing.

My hair was in fulani braids, courtesy of my hairstylist. I haven't been able to find one close to uni, so I travel to her house whenever I need her. I wore a bright orange tank top with a black jacket over it. This morning was particularly hectic, because Luka lost his shoe so we were all running around trying to find it. That left basically no time for me to do my makeup.

"Morning!", I exclaimed, running into the room. "I'm so sorry I'm late."

"We've been waiting here for ages", said one girl.

"Sorry, Abena", I apologised.

"Just get your presentation set up so we don't waste any more time", said Zephyr.

I nodded and quickly looked for my presentation that was on my laptop. We had recently received a lot of money from a fundraiser Zephyr and I organised, and it was up to me to write a proposal for what we should use the money for.

When I clicked on my presentation, a blank template appeared. I let out a panicked gasp.

"Wait... oh cr*p", I frowned. "I thought I saved it!"

The group groaned, with several people even sighing.

"I'm sorry, I swear I did it! I've just been working on an assignment for my class and I must've forgotten to save the presentation", I said.

"You're meant to be in charge, Sutton", said a boy.

"I know, Omar, but–"

"Zephyr organised a whole fundraiser and you can't even finish a presentation", said Omar.

"Well, to be fair, Sutton and I both organised the fundraiser", corrected Zephyr.

"Yeah but you did most of the work", said Abena.

"Do you even care about where the money goes?", asked another girl. "We've got an opportunity to do something really good with the funds, and it's like you're not even bothered."

I frowned. "That's not true! I am bothered!"

"Guys, leave her alone", said Nicole. "It's not her fault she can't handle it."

"Wait, I can handle–"

"Obviously you can't, Sutton", interjected Zephyr. "Look, we're all dealing with uni coursework. It's not an excuse. I thought you could handle the workload."

"I can!"

Zephyr sighed and rolled his eyes. "Look, here's what I propose. Why doesn't everyone write a detailed proposal of what they think the money should be used for? I'll read through them and choose the best, let's say, three?"

"Let me read through them", I said.

"What, so you can mess this up too?", asked Abena.

"I'm sorry, ok? But I can handle this. I've showed you before that I'm good at this kind of stuff. Let me prove to you that I'm more than capable of doing this."

The group looked like they didn't believe a word that came out of my mouth. Even Zephyr looked doubtful.

"I'll even sort out the posters for our upcoming events. I'll show you how serious I am about this."

◆◆◆

Later that evening, Sutton was working in the living room. Tabitha and Anvi were working at the Baked Potato, and Jace was hanging out with Jay. KJ agreed to go to Cassie's house to give her electric guitar lessons. Luka was in his room, on the phone to his mother.

Sutton's phone vibrated.

THEATRE CLASSMATES

GEORGIA
Oh my gosh that assignment finished me off I swear

BEX
Saame

COL
I was like 300 words under the limit

BEX
That's still good Col!

PIPPA
Yeah be proud of yourself bro!

SUTTON
Wait what assignment??

GEORGIA
Are you joking?

COL
Very funny Sutton

SUTTON
No I'm not kidding what assignment??

PIPPA
Cr*p

COL
Wtf oh no

GEORGIA
Babe our 2,500 written word commentary on that local theatre production we went to was in for today

SUTTON
WHAT

Sutton's heart was racing. Hastily, she opened another tab on her laptop and logged into her university workspace. She scrolled through one of her modules, her eyes widening when she saw that there was a whole assignment she missed.

Her eyes landed on her emails tab. She clicked on it, all of the emails from her Black youth group coming up. She felt her face get hot, but her body and mind seemed to freeze. Locked into her state of panic, Sutton just stared at her screen. Tears started to form in her eyes. Without warning, she broke down, sobbing into her hands.

"Eomma, let me show you what KJ tried to–oh! Sutton?"

Luka hurried over to Sutton, putting his phone down next to him.

"Eomma, I'll call you back later!"

He ended the call and locked his phone.

"Sutton, what's wrong?"

Sutton incoherently rambled about something, not even really knowing what she was trying to say herself. Luka sat down beside her, letting her collapse into his arms.

"Oh! Hey, hey... it's ok", said Luka. "Come on, tell me what's happened."

"I-I... missed m-my deadline!"

Luka wanted to tell her everything was going to be ok, but missing a deadline was one of his fears too. He knew there was an opportunity to complete the assignment, but you could only get a pass mark. And that was only if you completed it within a certain number of days.

"What made you miss it? Was it hard?"

Sutton shook her head. "I promised my Black youth group that I'd finish making all of the posters for our events, and that I'd read through all of their proposals for what we should do with the money we raised. I've just been so focused on that, and work for my other classes, that I completely forgot about this assignment."

"Did the group not offer to help?"

Sutton shook her head. "I'm the co-captain, Luka! They should be able to rely on me! I have to be able to do it alone!"

Luka shook his head. "No, Sutton. That's not true at all. You're all part of the same club. You should rely on each other. Otherwise what's the point of being in a club?"

"I'm just going to have to quit the club."

It was clear that nothing Luka said got through to her. She was too stressed and worried. Luka slowly got up and grabbed a blanket from his room. After a minute, he returned to the living room.

"Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to wrap you up in this and make you some tea. Then, we'll figure out what you can email your lecturer to explain the situation."

◆◆◆

The next morning, Anvi was in her room. She was stood in front of her mirror, her top messily placed on her bed. She gently ran her fingers across something on her chest, her brows down-turned and her eyes wide in panic.

A knock on her door startled her. She quickly put her top back on, not even bothering to make sure it was on properly, before running to open her door.

"Hey", said Jace. "I'm making breakfast. Do you want anything?"

Anvi shook her head. "Um, no, I'm good thanks."

Jace nodded and closed her door for her. Sighing, Anvi rested her head against the door and closed her eyes. After a few seconds, she pulled down her top again to inspect her chest.

Jace knocked on Sutton's door, opening it when he heard her respond with a few grunted sounds. The smell of freshly toasted bread, eggs and bacon filled the room. Sutton barely acknowledged Jace's presence, simply glancing at him for a second, before looking at her computer screen again.

"Uh, sis? Are you not impressed by the banging meal I made you?"

"It's just bacon, eggs and a bit of bread, Jace."

Jace frowned, looking around for a place to put the plate. He decided to put it on her desk. Sutton looked up, feeling a twinge of sadness when she saw her brother's dejected expression.

"I'm sorry, J. I've just got a lot I need to do. I've got an assignment to do. And I've got loads of emails from people in the Black youth group", said Sutton. "And I've got posters to make–"

"Woah, don't stress!", interjected Jace. "You're the most organised and hardworking person I know. You'll get this sorted in no time."

Jace opened his arms up, leaning in for a hug. Sutton pushed him away, letting out an exasperated sigh.

"Get off, Jace!", she yelled. "There's no time for this! Every single one of these emails is a proposal for issues members want us to cover. They need my time and attention. But there are so many and I just... I... I've got no time!"

Sutton tried to get her words out, but struggled as she started to hyperventilate. Tears brimmed in her eyes, and her face was hot to the touch. Jace quickly leaned her against him, holding her close as she sobbed. He gently placed his head against hers, breathing slowly and in a consistent rhythm, continuing when she started to copy him.

"I-I can't do anything, Jace!"

"Hey, it's ok. We'll sort this out, sis. I promise."

Meanwhile, Luka and Tabitha were on campus. Luka looked like a boy on a mission, Tabitha's empowering energy rubbing off on him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?", she asked.

Luka nodded. "I need to. Sutton looked so drained yesterday. She shouldn't be dealing with all of this stress on her own."

After witnessing Sutton crying last night, Luka decided that he needed to do something. Confronting Sutton's club members about how much pressure they were putting on her felt like a good plan, but he wasn't exactly the most confident person.

Being around Tabitha made him want to try to be that kind of person though. Confident. Brave. Fiercely protective of their friends.

The Black youth society's room was decorated with different art pieces. Some were painted quotes, whilst others were cutouts of different news articles surrounding racial injustice and prejudice, as well as articles that highlighted the positive achievements made in ethnic minority communities. The decorations were so colourful and vibrant.

There were only a handful of people in the room. Zephyr was there, and he looked up from his conversation with someone, to nod at Luka and Tabitha. A girl approached them. Her skin was golden brown, and her black hair was styled into four bantu knots. She had purplish-pink lipstick on and heavy makeup that highlighted her big, expressive brown eyes. She wore a white long-sleeved crop top with dark green jeans.

"Hi", she smiled, holding a hand out. "I'm Nicole."

Luka and Tabitha shook her hand.

"I'm Luka", he said.

"What's up? I'm Tabitha", she greeted.

"What are you doing?", asked Luka.

"Oh, we're just sorting out plans for a pizza party we're going to have later today", said Nicole.

"A pizza party?", questioned Luka. "Will the tickets pay for donations to charity?"

Nicole shook her head. "No, this isn't related to fundraising. We've been doing a lot of campaigning and our co-captains, Zephyr and Sutton thought it would be a good idea for us to spend some time bonding as a group."

"Bonding?", asked Luka.

"Yeah. You know, we can't work ourselves too hard."

"No, no I totally understand", said Luka. "I get it. I mean, it's important for activists to focus on things other than their activism sometimes. It's not healthy to be so consumed by work."

Nicole smiled. "Exactly!"

"Yeah", smiled Luka. "You know... I bet it would be nice if Sutton could feel like that too."

Nicole's smile faltered, and she furrowed her eyebrows just a little.

"I'm sorry?"

"Sutton's working herself so hard for you guys", said Luka.

"She's in charge", said another girl. "It's literally her job."

"Right, well it's not her job to run this club alone", said Tabitha, turning to Zephyr. "Aren't you supposed to be helping her?"

"I am", said Zephyr. "Sutton is in charge of organising events and I'm in charge of leading the events."

"But can't you divide the workload a little more evenly?", asked Luka.

"Respectfully, this way works for us", said Zephyr.

"Well obviously not if Sutton is having breakdowns!", snapped Luka, startling the group members.

A silence fell upon the group, and an impressed Tabitha just nodded her head at Luka.

"Look, I get that she has to have a lot of responsibilities", said Luka. "But you're supposed to be a team. You're supposed to help each other."

"I think you just need to stay out of things that don't concern you", said another club member.

Tabitha opened her mouth, ready to snap at them, but she noticed that Luka was looking at Zephyr. He was almost pleading him with his eyes. Pleading him to step up and help Sutton.

"I think you should leave", said Zephyr.

◆◆◆

Papers are scattered across Sutton's bed. Some were plans of action for a few requests made by her fellow club members. A couple were plans for theatre assignment she missed. She worked on her laptop often, but lately she had been using paper too. Tabitha told her about how she'd switch to paper whenever she felt like she had been working on her laptop for so long.

It helped her to see things with clearer eyes, and actually take in what she was writing.

Sutton thought she could use some of that right now.

When she heard a knock on her door, she half-heartedly told them to come inside, her focus returning to her work immediately after. Anvi entered, a small smile on her face.

"Hi", she said. "Still working?"

"I'm always working", said Sutton. "The work won't ever stop! And now I've got Jace barging in every few minutes, wanting to know if I want some hot chocolate! I can't afford to have any more distractions, Anvi."

Anvi could tell she was getting overwhelmed again. She knew that feeling all too well. She walked towards her bed, carefully sitting down on it.

"Can I just have two minutes of your time?", asked Anvi. "Then I'll get out and leave you alone."

Sutton nodded.

"So, when I was little... everything would stress me out. If someone looked at me for too long I'd worry about what they thought of me or if I somehow offended them. My mother used to comfort me. She'd do this", explained Anvi.

Anvi sat across from Sutton. She reached for Sutton's hand, making them clasp together before placing them against her chest so that she could feel her own heartbeat. Anvi placed her own hands around Sutton's, leaning forward so that their foreheads were touching. She closed her eyes and Sutton did the same.

"And she'd tell me to listen to my heartbeat. To remember that I was alive and well, and as long as I could still hear and feel my heartbeat... my fate could change. I wouldn't always feel stressed and worried."

She stayed silent, so Sutton was able to listen to her own heartbeat. After a few seconds, she leaned into Anvi's touch, just a little, feeling safe and protected. A small smile appeared on her face.

Jace opened the door, just in time to see Sutton wrap her arms around Anvi, her smile brightening a little. Jace smiled, happy to see his twin smiling again. It was also the first time Jace realised how good Anvi was for Sutton. Sutton never had a bad word to say about Anvi, and it was clear that Sutton was a good influence on Anvi too. He was grateful to have Anvi in his life.

"Uh, sorry to interrupt", said Jace. "I just wanted to see if you'd like a hot chocolate now?"

Sutton chuckled. "You know what? I'd love one. Thanks, little bro."

"Hey, you're not that much older than me."

"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, little one."

Jace shook his head, and Anvi laughed at the twins. Jace managed to coax Sutton out of her room, wanting her to spend some time away from her screen. When Jace opened the door for Sutton, her eyes widened.

In the living room, the dinner table was covered with bright coloured paper and gel pens. Luka and Tabitha looked up from the table, while KJ walked into the living room, two bowls of crisps in his hands.

"What... what's all this?", asked Sutton.

"We know you've been really stressed, having to do the work of a whole group... so we thought we'd give you a helping hand", replied Luka.

Sutton smiled warmly at Luka. "Was this your idea?"

"Uh, well not r–"

"Luka, shut up and let us praise you for your brilliant idea", said Tabitha, making the others laugh.

"Why did you do all this?", asked Sutton.

"Well, do you remember what you said to me when I was stressed out about joining the music society?", asked Luka.

Sutton smiled, remembering the memory fondly.

"I said, would having us there take some of the pressure off you?", repeated Sutton.

Luka nodded, smiling. "And when I said yes, you said... that's all the reason you need."

Luka looked around at the others, who were all smiling at him. He looked back at Sutton.

"So... will having all of us here, helping you out, take some of the pressure off you?"

Sutton chuckled, nodding.

"Then that's all the reason we need."

Sutton ran towards Luka, wrapping her arms around him. The boy chuckled, before putting his arms around her waist. After a few seconds, Sutton pulled away, resting her hands on his shoulders as she looked at him.

"You're the best, Luka."

Luka shook his head. "Just following in your footsteps."

A series of knocks on the door caught the group's attention, so KJ went to answer it. When he opened the door, a grinning Jay and Cassie were on the other side.

"Hey, I brought my printer from home!", she exclaimed, holding up her baby blue portable printer. "It even has a laminator function."

"And I brought coffee!", smiled Jay, holding up a tray of coffees. "Courtesy of Bolin."

Sutton stared in disbelief as all of her friends gathered around the table and started working on poster designs. She just watched as Jay passed around the coffees, finally giving Sutton hers.

"Here you go", smiled Jay.

"Thanks. And thank you so much for coming along. I mean, you really didn't need to."

Jay shook his head.
"I know we're not your roommates or super close friends yet, but Cass and I are with you guys. Anything you need, just ask. We got you."

Sutton smiled and nodded.

Someone knocked on the door again, but this time the roommates weren't expecting it. Luka walked towards the door and opened it, his eyes widening when he saw who it was.

"Zephyr?", questioned Luka.

Zephyr was standing on the other side, a few packs of colouring pens in his hands. Behind him, were four people Luka had seen at the Black youth club earlier. He recognised one person as Nicole, but didn't know the other people's names.

"What are you doing here?", asked Luka, stepping to the side so they could walk in.

"We had a talk and we realised that we weren't being very supportive", said Zephyr.

He walked towards Sutton, handing her a pack of pens.

"We're co-captains. I should've been more helpful. I'm really sorry. From now on, I'm here for you."

"We all are", said Nicole.

Everyone greeted each other. The roommates, except for Anvi and Jace, sat around the table, Cassie and Jay joining them. Anvi and Jay sat with Zephyr and the others, both groups regularly conferring with each other. Sutton bounced between both groups, checking things like spellings and how eye-catching a poster was. After an incredibly productive hour, Sutton felt comfortable enough to let them carry on with it, while she finished her assignment in her room.

Maybe everything was going to be ok. The workload would still be there. The pressure would still be there.

But with friends like hers?

She'd never have to face any of it alone.

___________

Hi.

I think we can all relate to being overwhelmed. Sutton is a bit of an over-achiever and she despises letting people down. But putting too much pressure on yourself can lead to burnout.

Luka and Sutton's friendship might seem like it's come out of nowhere, but Sutton was actually the first person to support Luka's musical club goal. I hope to revisit their friendship at some point, even if it's just a little. Tabitha making Luka more outgoing is a testament to the power of good friendships I think.

What is going on with Anvi?

Everyone coming together to help Sutton was really nice to write and I hope that translated through the chapter.

What are your thoughts on this chapter?

LeMystical-Puffle

ruesbennett

niallhoranslovebot

VIPMNG