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Chapter 19- Memory Box (Part 1)


WARNING: UPSETTING CONTENT. Emotional and graphic scenes referencing adoption, the care system, bullying, abandonment struggles, anxiety and other emotional moments.
Includes intimate scenes.

NOTE: This chapter(s) are very long, but please make sure you read the informative and interactive part at the end and engage with it if you can. I would really appreciate it.

KJ'S POV

Families are weird.

A mother goes through the stressful process of pregnancy, only to push a little human out who grows up an ungrateful teenager that disrespects them and lies every chance they get.
But the parents still have to clothe them, feed them, and basically keep them alive.

And then there are the ones that don't want their babies in the first place.
The care kids.
The kids that are either destined to be alone, or they get lucky and find a family that like them.

I don't know why the concept of family is so weird to me.
Maybe it's because I've never had a traditional one.
I get a bit jealous to be honest with you. Don't get me wrong, I love the parents I have now, but I look at Anvi, and how close she is to her parents and siblings.
She's always calling them, and she's spending the weekend with them now.
A part me of wishes I was surrounded by that much love when I was younger.

I hated my children's home.
I used to spend my days in my room, away from the other care kids.
It's not like I didn't want to be friends with them.
They were the ones that didn't want to be friends with me.
I would look out of my window as soon as I came home from school, to watch all the other kids walking home with their parents.

"Alright, the mattress is all set up, KJ", said Jace.

Oh, right.
The window in my room broke yesterday, so Anvi said I could sleep in her room whilst she was at her house.
Someone's meant to be coming in a few hours, to replace the window.
For some reason, Anvi can't sleep properly unless she's sleeping on a rock hard mattress, so Jace found a spare mattress and put it on Anvi's bedroom floor for me.

Honestly, it's been stressful.
My room is my sanctuary, and although Anvi's room is really tidy, I just don't feel like I can relax in it, you know?
And to add to my stress, Sutton and Tabitha have been trying to get us to do group activities.
Once or twice is fine, but a new outing every day?

Maybe living with roommates isn't for me after all.

"Ok, so, game night?", suggested Tabitha.

We were talking about putting on a game night next weekend.
Well, Tabitha and the others were talking about it.
I was trying to enjoy my cereal in peace.
I don't even know what a game night is!
I mean, it sounds pretty self-explanatory, but I don't see how anyone can find that sort of thing enjoyable.

"KJ, you in?", asked Luka.

"Huh?"

Tabitha rolled her eyes.
"Like he's gonna say yes."

"Game night, next Saturday.
It's gonna be loads of fun", said Jace.

"Uh, nah...count me out.
Not my thing."

Tabitha scoffed.
"Typical", she muttered.

Admittedly, things were tense between us.
I think it's because I've shot down every attempt she made to hang out.
I've got nothing against her, I just don't think I can take more than a small dosage of Tabitha.
I've just never really had a friend that's like her.
The confident, adventurous and popular type.
In fact, people like that have usually been my bullies.

Tabitha grabbed her phone and headed for the front door.
"You know what?
Forget it.
I'm going to Jay's for a bit."

"Wait, no, hold on!", called out Jace.
"Come on, Tabitha... it was a good idea.
We should definitely do it."

Tabitha shook her head.
"It was a stupid idea", she said, before turning to me.
"Be out of Anvi's room at five, ok?"

"What?
Why?"

"Cassie's coming over to study, remember?"

"Ok but why do you need Anvi's room?"

"Her room is the only one with a ceiling fan, and Cassie gets hot easily.
She gets all fidgety and irritable when she's too hot or too cold", she explained.
"I've told you this before!"

"Well where am I supposed to go?"

Tabitha shrugged.
"Can't you go to the Baked Potato for a few hours or something?"

"No!", I exclaimed, a little too aggressively. "Just study at the park or something.
You'll get loads of air there!"

"Oh my gosh, why are you being so difficult? It's just a room, KJ!"

"It's not just a room though, is it?
I can't get peace anywhere in this place!"

Ok, I admit—I went too far.
Not with what I said, no way.
I still firmly stand by that.
But I shouldn't have shouted.

The room fell silent.
Not even a comfortable silence either.
The kind that feels like all the air's been sucked out of the room.
And don't even get me started on the awkwardness.

"I can't be arśed with this.
I'm leaving.
Call me when Storm KJ's settled", frowned Tabitha, before walking out of the flat.

I could feel the others awkwardly looking at me, then at each other.

"Come on KJ, let her have the room for a bit", said Jace.

"They can just go to the park", I said.

"Is it really worth all this hassle?"

"Yeah, isn't this a bit much?", said Sutton.

A hassle?
A bit much?

"I'm uh... I'm gonna go for a walk."

¤¤¤

NO ONE'S POV

The faint sound of giggling was coming from Jace's room.
With everyone out of the house for a few hours, Tabitha and Jace decided to make the most of their time alone.
Jace pulled back the duvet on his bed, gesturing for Tabitha to join him.
She jumped into the bed, before laughing as he flipped her over, so that he was on top of her.

"Wait, did you lock the door?", asked Tabitha.

"Yeah, why?"

"Wait, wait, hold on."

Tabitha lifted her head up so that she could hear better.
What she was trying to hear, was a mystery to Jace.

"I think KJ's back."

"How could you possibly know that?"

"Can you hear the way they're slamming stuff down and stomping?
KJ was all stroppy earlier so it's definitely him."

"Or one of the others could be having a bad day?", suggested Jace.

"Go out and check", said Tabitha.

"Seriously?"

Tabitha ran her hands along Jace's arms.
He leaned closer, and Tabitha placed several kisses along his jawline, trailing down to his neck.
When he smiled, Tabitha pulled away.

"Hey!"

Tabitha smirked.
"The quicker you check, the quicker we can send them away and get back to what we were doing."

"Oh, it's like that, is it?"

Tabitha nodded.
"Sure is."

With a heavy sigh, Jace got out of bed.
He walked over to his door, but turned to face Tabitha before he opened it.
He placed a finger to his lips and mouthed 'shh', which earned an eye roll from Tabitha.
He turned back to the door and opened it.

"KJ!
Hey... didn't know you were back", said Jace.

"Lesson got canceled", said KJ.

"Oh.
Right."

"Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

Jace's eyes widened.
"Huh?
No, what do you mean?"

"I heard noises coming from your room."

Jace's eyes widened.
"How long were you here?"

"A while", he said.
"Don't worry, I wasn't really paying attention.
And I don't care either way, but remember one of the roommate rules is-"

"If you hook up with someone, make sure you do it at theirs or somewhere else, not here, because we all share a house.
I remember."

KJ nodded.
"Ok then.
I'm leaving now anyway."

"What, another lesson?"

"No, just going out."

Jace nodded.
"Alright.
Well, I've gotta get back to... my room.
That I was in.
Alone."

As Jace closed his bedroom door, someone knocked on the front door.
KJ walked over to it and opened the door.
A tall and thin man was stood on the other side.
He had a thick white beard and long white hair that reached his chest.
He was wearing a grey flat cap and circular glasses.
His wooly fleece was a beige colour and his trousers were grey.
He had a small white envelope in his hands, but it looked like it contained a lot of paper.

"Hello there.
I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but I don't suppose a Kelvin Maxwell Jennings lives here?"

KJ was taken aback by the mention of his full name.
No one called him that. His parents only used it when they were angry with him.

"Depends.
Who's asking?"

"Oh, right, yes... of course.
How rude of me.
The name's Kenneth.
I'm uh, well, I'm his grandad.
His birth mother's father, to be exact."

¤¤¤

After speaking to Jace, Tabitha ran outside, hoping to catch up with KJ.
She walked up and down the street, looking in every shop.
She sighed heavily, before throwing her arms up in frustration and turning around. As she turned, she noticed an alleyway to her right.
Tabitha could make out a person sitting in the alleyway, but couldn't see their face.
She jogged towards the person, her eyes widening when she saw who it was.

"KJ!
Man, I've been looking for you everywhere. Jace spoke to the man at the-"

Tabitha cut herself off when she saw what KJ was doing.
He had his hands clasped, and he brought them towards the bridge of his nose.
At first, Tabitha thought he was silently praying, but upon closer inspection, she noticed something was off.
He was muttering something to himself, and he kept clasping and unclasping his hands.

"KJ, what's happening?"

KJ didn't respond.
It was like he didn't even know Tabitha was there.
Tabitha's eyes widened in fear as the panic took hold of her.
She knelt down beside him and tried to reach into his jacket pockets.

"KJ, give me your phone.
I'll call an ambulance."

KJ just shook his head.

"Dammît, KJ!
You can't expect me to just sit here and watch you like this!
Let me call the dámn ambulance."

KJ placed his palms against his chest and closed his eyes.
He started speaking, but Tabitha couldn't make out the words.
The whole situation felt very strange to Tabitha.
She was worrying, but KJ didn't seem to be as frantic as her.
It was like he knew what was happening to him, and what to do
. Unsure of how to help, Tabitha just sat next to KJ.
She reached out and placed a hand on his leg.

"Take your time... I've got you."

They stayed like that, with Tabitha checking in with him every couple of minutes, for about ten minutes or so.
KJ inhaled deeply, before exhaling heavily, but his breathing wasn't shaky.
He looked over at Tabitha, who was looking at her hands.

"You didn't have to stay."

"What was that?", she asked, before turning her whole body to face him.

KJ was finally aware of the fear in her eyes, and his face softened.
He looked down at the ground.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Forget about me Are you ok?"

"I uh, I'm fine.
I just... I have anxiety, so..."

"That was a panic attack?"

KJ shook his head.
"No, no.
I mean, I do get them, but that wasn't it. Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere.
It feels like someone's pressing down on my chest, and they won't stop.
My hands get all numb... my whole body does."

"Sh*t.
How long has that been happening?"

"Oh, years.
I've found coping methods that work for me.
Like saying things I can feel, or naming things I can see.
It just helps me stay grounded.
Stops me from focusing on the tingling feeling.
I'm ok, I promise."

"KJ... I thought you were dying."

KJ had never seen Tabitha like this.
After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence, he nudged her.

"Hey, I'm not that desperate to get out of game night."

Tabitha looked at him, her eyebrows furrowed.
She chuckled softly, a small smile appearing on her face.

"How did you know I was here?"

"I just ran around for a bit.
You're a very hard man to find."

KJ chuckled.

"I-I'm sorry I didn't do enough to help you."

KJ shook his head.
"No, you did.
It was nice to know that someone was there, in case I needed them."

"What brought it on?"

KJ shrugged.
"I honestly don't know.
Today's been a cráppy day."

"A crappy day can cause that?"

"Sometimes it's not just one thing.
I guess... having to move out of my room was one thing.
And it sounds stupid, but when you told me I had to leave Anvi's room too-"

"That upset you?
I mean, I knew you were annoyed but I just thought you were being difficult on purpose."

"That's fair.
I bet everyone thinks of me in that way."

Tabitha frowned.
"Yeah, I... I've kind of always had you down as a d*ck.
Not a mean one, just... an inconsiderate one."

KJ nodded.
"You and everyone else."

"Not Anvi."

KJ smiled at the mention of Anvi's name. "Yeah... not Anvi."

"I guess she was the only one of us willing to stick it out."

"I know all of you tried.
I think Jace and Luka are worried about pushing me, and Sutton keeps trying to get me to go out to parties and stuff."

"I know I can be a bit... pushy, but it's only because I want everyone to have a good time.
Be open-minded.
Although, I guess I haven't been very open-minded towards you.
I just don't understand why you're so against having friends.
It's like, you take every opportunity to remind us that we're just roommates.
I mean, what happened to you, KJ?"

KJ had kept his past a secret for so long.
He didn't see the point in telling his roommates.
But telling Tabitha about his anxiety did take a weight off his shoulders.
It felt really good.
And she didn't react negatively.
Maybe she'd react the same way if he told her about his past?
Maybe... maybe he deserved to take all the weight off?

"KJ... who was the man that came to the flat?"

"Uh, I... my grandad, apparently."

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