Connor runs until his lungs burn, he doesn't want Hank to catch him, doesn't want to risk being caught. he ends up in the park he used to hang around it and plops on the bench on the bridge with a small sigh.

"you fucked up again Connor. can you not do anything right? 21 years old and you don't even have a home." Connor grumbles. "and you fell for the man who would rather be a father to you." he mumbles. he drops his head in his hands, groaning. "I'm such a fucking idiot. I'm such an idiot he even caught me leaving the house. I shouldn't be that out of practice." Connor mutters. he bits his fists against the sides of his head with a loud frustrated groan. "why did he have to follow me home!? I should be dead!" Connor screams. the rushing water under the bridge catches his attention.

it always does.

Connor gets up and wonders over to the railing, looking down at the water.

could he jump this time?

"can I jump this time?" Connor asks softly.

is this time the time? is this it? can he do it? he certainly wants to.

Connor climbs up and sits down, the same way he's done repeatedly since Carl adopted him. he sighs softly, watching the water rushing under him. the water looks low enough that he'd probably die on impact.

"I've found another way to fuck up." Connor mutters. he sighs and sits quietly on the rail. "I'm such an idiot." Connor sighs. he shakes his head. "like anyone would ever care... not like that... Leo was right. I'd be better off in the water." Connor sighs.

its quiet for a moment, before Connor tearfully drops his head into his hands again.

"I should've froze out on the streets." Connor mutters.

he's not sure how long he's been sitting on the rail. his ass is probably frozen to the bar. his nose is frozen, lips are turning blue, fingers turning red, he lost feeling in his toes not too long ago. he shivers hard, hugging himself carefully. he doesn't want to fall over the railing, not until he's considered all options. he lets out a shaky quiet sigh, teeth chattering.

"why am I alive?" Connor mutters, curling up more. he stiffens when something is draped over his shoulders.

"you're freezing." Hank mutters, wrapping the jacket around Connor from behind. it swallows him whole. Connor grips it with cold fingers, hissing softly. if Hank heard his previous words, he doesn't say anything. how had the man managed to sneak up on him? was Connor really that far out of practice? usually he could hear a pin drop in the next room over. his ears must be going numb. "took me long enough to find you." Hank frowns. he doesn't sit next to Connor, just stands behind him, hands in his pockets.

"you didn't need to." Connor mumbles.

"but I did." Hank murmurs.

"you're wasting your time." Connor huffs, curling in on himself more.

"no, I'm not Connor." Hank says firmly.

"why not?" Connor mutters.

"I don't want you to freeze to death kid." Hank frowns.

"I want to die Hank. I don't want to be alive. I don't care if I freeze to death or go over this railing. I was so close to... but you took me in." Connor mutters.

"I couldn't just leave you out there. I wasn't going to let you freeze to death Connor. I won't let you starve and I won't let you jump." Hank says firmly. Connor growls.

"I don't need another parent Hank. I've had 16 sets of foster parents, 1 adopted parent, and 5 guardians." Connor snaps. "I can make my own choices. I don't need any of them and I don't need you." Connor adds, shifting slightly. Hank grabs hold of Connors arm gently.

"okay, well, maybe you don't need a parent, but I'm still your friend. you're my partner, my rookie. you're just a kid." Hank says firmly. Connor huffs.

"I'm just fine without you." Connor says.

"no you're not. you're not dying today Connor. I won't let you hurt yourself. we can talk about this." Hank says. Connor hunkers down more, growling.

"just leave me alone. please. I've already ask too much from you. a room, food, I even took clothes from you Hank. just leave me alone, I'm a burden." Connor says.

"I gave you those clothes Connor. I gave you food. I gave you a room. even when you told me you just wanted a shower and to wash your clothes. that I didn't need to do anything more. I wanted to! you're not a burden." Hank says firmly.

"it doesn't matter! just... just leave me alone." Connor mumbles. Hank frowns, walking closer.

"look I get it. I've sat right where you're sitting, literally. several times. I tried to jump and couldn't do it. you don't need to either Connor." Hank murmurs.

"I fuck everything up Hank. I bounced around because no one wanted me! my bio parents didn't want me. 16 foster homes didn't want me. my aunt, uncle, and grandparents didn't want me. the only person who did is dead." Connor says, watching the water. "I'm an idiot. I'm pathetic... I got everything wrong and I'm stupid... and I..." Connor trails, choking on his emotions. he huddles deeper into the jacket. "I'm just a burden." Connor manages.

"you-" Hank starts, choking on his own emotion. Connor sniffles, letting freezing tears drip down his face. he can't stop them, even if they freeze before they get down his face. he shivers more, trying to hold in his sobs. "you're not a burden Connor." Hank murmurs. Connor shakes his head.

"I-I was gonna strip down. leave these clothes where you could find them... I-I didn't want to take them with me. I wasn't gonna need them anymore." Connor chokes.

"I'm not taking those clothes Connor, you do need them." Hank says firmly. "I didn't bring you into my home, give you food and clothes, and hunt you down just to take all of it back." Hank adds.

"ho-h-how'd you ev-even find me...?" Connor asks, shakily turning his head to face Hank. Hank frowns, taking his own jacket off and putting it around Connor. the kid is going to get himself killed out here. he's freezing.

"took me a while... but I started where you used to stay. asking anyone and everyone I could find if they knew you or knew where to find you... after a while people recognised you as the kid they'd see freezing outside. some said they gave you food, others money, there was a woman who said she gave you a sleeping bag... everyone said you like the park. said if you were any where... you'd be here... sitting on the railing, debating jumping." Hank says. Connor can't hold in his sob this time, hugging himself tighter. "Connor, I can't let you kill yourself." Hank murmurs.

"H-H-Ha-Hank. g-g-g-g-go-o ho-home-me." Connor shivers.

"not without you." Hank says firmly. Connor turns back to the water, looking down. "I didn't jump and I can't let you either." Hank murmurs.

"I want to!" Connor snaps.

"no. you don't." Hank says firmly. "you need to find a reason to live, Connor. like I did." Hank says. "Carl would hate to see you-" Hank starts. Connor turns his head, growling at him. there's a dark look in his eyes.

"take his fucking name out of your mouth! you didn't even know him!" Connor snaps. Hank puts his hands up in an attempt to placate him.

"I know one thing Connor." Hank says firmly. "he wouldn't want you to jump and neither do I." Hank says. Connor tenses.

"why?" Connor snaps. "why do you fucking care if I jump or not!?" Connor shouts, standing up. Hank tenses. "no one else cares! and why should they!? who cares about the stupid little foster boy who couldn't even find a family that loved him?! I WANT TO DIE HANK!" Connor screams. Hank reaches for him slightly, nervous. one wrong move a Connor would end up in the water.

"Con, Connor! hey! hang on kid!" Hank shouts. "look, I'm not just going to leave you here alone damn it!" Hank glares. Connors wobbles slightly, looking over at Hank.

"g-go home Hank." Connor says, turning back to the water. his legs are trembling, knees knocking together. Connor looks down at the water, tears dripping down his face. "just let me be... I-I..." Connor chokes. he tries to blink away his tears, but they just keep coming. he lets out a loud sob, not even bothering to try and stop it from slipping out. "ju-just go... I-I..." Connor murmurs, leaning forwards slightly.

"Connor! don't you dare!" Hank snaps, grabbing hold of his leg. "Connor please, listen to me. you don't need to do this." Hank begs. he holds Connors leg as tight as he can. his own tears are spilling over at this point. he can't let Connor jump, can't let him fall, certainly can't let him die. he can't do it. he needs Connor. "please, Connor, come down from there, we can talk. I promise, you don't want to do this." Hank murmurs.

"I want to do this Hank. I don't want to live anymore, I don't have anything to live for." Connor sighs.

"you need to find something. my son was my reason... I knew he'd hate to see me end up like that. whats your reason Connor? you need to find one." Hank says.

"I don't have a reason to live Hank! damn it! no one wanted me! admit it! you took me in out of pity! what? I remind you of your kid or something?" Connor snaps. Hank shakes his head.

"no, you don't remind me of him... well, sort of, but if you don't want me to think of you as a kid, I won't. Connor, please, you don't need to do this. its okay. we can talk about this. we can get in the car and turn the heat on, sounds good right? I-I'll take you home and make you some hot chocolate. I see you drinking it at work all the time, I know you like it." Hank says.

"I'm a burden!" Connor screams, shaking his head. Hank holds tighter to the mans leg.

"no! you're not! Connor!" Hank shouts. "you're NOT a burden! you're my friend! you're my partner! my roommate! Connor listen to me please! if I thought you were a burden, I wouldn't have invited you into my house!" Hank shouts. Connor shoves Hanks hand off carefully.

"leave me alone Hank!" Connor shouts. Hank shakes his head, looking up at him.

"Connor, please." Hank starts. Connors shoulders rack with sobs and shivers. "Connor, kid, come down from there, we can talk. I'll tell you all the reasons why you're not a burden. please Connor. don't jump. don't do this. you're not a burden." Hank murmurs, grabbing hold of him again.

"can't you please just let me go...?" Connor asks softly.

"no." Hank says firmly. more tears stream down the younger mans face.

"why?!" Connor cries. "WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME GO!? NO ONE ELSE CARES! NO ONE EVER HAS! I DON'T NEED ANYONE! I DON'T NEED YOU! I-" Connor shouts. he slips, crying out. he wasn't ready to jump! he didn't mean to take it this far yet! he just wanted to think about it and suffer! he didn't want to die! "Hank!" Connor cries, trying to grab the railing.

"CONNOR!" Hank shouts. he grabs hold of Connors arm quickly, yanking him back over the bar with all his might. it flings them both backwards and onto the ground, the older man landing under the younger. Hank sits up quickly and holds him tightly to his chest, staring at the railing. he clutches Connor to his chest, the realization of the entire situation sinking into Hank like the cold. Hanks shaking almost as much as Connor is, terrified. he could've lost Connor if he'd been any slower. the younger sobs against him. Hank holds him tighter. "its okay Connor. it's okay. its alright. its alright. its gonna be alright. its okay." Hank murmurs, pressing the youngers face into his chest.

"not its not! I'm an idiot! I'm too scared to die! I can't do it! I'm sorry! you hate me, everyone does! I know you do!" Connor cries. his words are muffled by Hanks shirt, but he gets the gist. "you hate me!" Connor sobs. Hank holds tighter, the cold is sinking into him from Connors body. the younger man is in danger of needing a hospital at this rate.

"I don't hate you Connor." Hank murmurs gently. "I couldn't hate you. I told you I've been there too. I don't hate you kid. its alright." Hank soothes.

"I'm sorry!" Connor sobs. Hank gets them up off the ground, though it takes him a few minutes. the fall had hurt, but it wasn't bad. the hardest part of getting up, is Connor clinging to him so hard. the younger mans teeth are chattering through his sobs and Hank can't let them stay on the ground any longer. they need to move, now.

"come on, we need to get you back to the house, okay? before you catch your death." Hank murmurs softly. leading Connor to his car. he loads the younger up into the car and turns the heat on high when he gets in the driver seat. its quiet a moment, the only sounds being Connors shivering and teeth chattering, trying to hide his sobs.

"I'm so sorry..." Connor manages. Hank lets out a shaky sigh.

"look, you've only been living with me for three days, but... you give me a reason to live, okay? you need someone to take care of you and I need someone to take care of. I care about you, Connor. you're the only friend I've had since... the only friend I've had in years, okay? since you moved in, I don't want to try so hard to kill myself, okay? I have to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner because I know you need to eat and since I'm cooking for you I might as well cook for me. I've been cleaning up because I scared the shit out of you when you tried and I don't want to do that again. I don't want you to think you have to clean up after me... its selfish alright. I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm selfish. I need you to stay, please." Hank explains. Connor sniffles, shivering more, curling up in the seat.

"yo-you need me?" Connor asks. Hank nods immediately.

"yeah. I need you. I need you living in that house so I take care of myself. if I take care of you, I have to take care of myself, okay? we both have to live. okay?" Hank asks. he turns the vents towards Connor gently. "you can't... please... don't do this." Hank murmurs, softly.

"I... no one's ever needed me before..." Connor mumbles. he sniffles, wiping at his nose.

"well, I do." Hank says firmly. Connor goes quiet as Hank drives back towards the house.

"I... I'm sorry Hank." Connor murmurs. "I... I-I can't promise I won't do it again.... I'm sorry." Connor says. he's ashamed again. he lets out a shaky sigh, leaning against the window.

"thats okay. its okay. Connor, you can't promise it and thats alright, neither can I. I can't promise I won't get drunk or suicidal, but its alright. we can figure this out together Connor, its okay." Hank soothes gently.

"why me?" Connor asks. Hank shrugs.

"I don't know kid, but I.... I just don't know Connor." Hank sighs, driving back to the house. Connor curls up in the seat.

"I'm really sorry Hank." Connor mumbles, hugging his knees tightly.

"its okay. we'll get you back to the house and pile some blankets on you, get you some hot chocolate. okay? we'll watch some tv and we'll hang out with Sumo. its alright. okay?" Hank murmurs.

"okay..." Connor mumbles softly after a moment.

"okay." Hank murmurs.

Hank drives them home and helps Connor into the house, settling him on the couch.

"don't move, just stay right here. strip your wet clothes off." Hank murmurs. Connor nods slightly, grunting when Sumo climbs up into his lap. Connor manages to wiggle his wet clothing off. "good boy Sumo." Hank smiles slightly. he heads for the bedroom and comes back with a pile of blankets, carefully piling them around Connor, before walking off again, taking the discarded clothes with him. he drops them in a laundry basket as he walks past.

"Hank?" Connor asks, watching Hank head to the kitchen.

"yeah?" Hank asks.

"I'm sorry." Connor sighs. Hank shakes his head slightly.

"don't be kid. its alright." Hank assures, making some hot chocolate. Connor cuddles into the blankets, leaning against Sumo. the St. Bernard licks his face happily, cuddling him. he stares at the tv, until Hank steps in front of him. he looks up at Hank, slowly almost hesitantly. he's afraid to meet Hanks eyes. Hank gives him a small, hesitant, smile. "here, hope you like marshmallows." Hank murmurs, holding a steaming cup in front of Connors face. Connor sits up slightly and reaches out, taking the cup with shaky hands. Hank doesn't let go until he's sure Connor has a firm grip on the cup.

"I do, thanks." Connor murmurs. Hank smiles slightly, sitting on the couch with his own mug of hot chocolate.

"sure thing..." Hank smiles. his smile falls. "Connor, a lot of folks told me I could find you at the park.... that wasn't the first time you've done that, was it?" Hank asks, hesitantly. it sounds like a question, but Connor knows its not. Hank already knows, he just wants some confirmation. Connor sighs.

"no, it wasn't." Connor mumbles. its silent a moment. "42." Connor murmurs. Hank looks over confused.

"huh?" Hank asks. Connor refuses to look at him.

"42." Connor repeats. Hank shifts closer and Connor looks up at him. he looks ashamed again. "thats how many times I've been out there. 43 if you count today." Connor says softly.

"you... you kept count...?" Hank asks. Connor nods slightly, shrugging.

"so I know how many times I've failed.... I can't even do this right... 43 times? talk about a failure." Connor huffs, looking away. "I'm a fucking failure." he mutters. he snorts bitterly.

"don't think like that kid. I couldn't do it either, it doesn't make you a failure. no matter how drunk I got... I couldn't do it either... and you tried sober." Hank snorts. "its... its not a failure, Connor." Hank assures gently.

"then what? what is it considered?" Connor asks. Hank shrugs.

"its not a failure though. you're strong. you're one of the strongest people I've met Connor." Hank murmurs. Connor looks at him, looking away after a moment.

"but-" Connor tries.

"no buts kid." Hank says. Connor glances at Hank.

"Hank...?" Connor asks. "why do you call me kid?" Connor asks. Hank shrugs slightly.

"you're younger than me." Hank says.

"but I'm 21. I'm an adult." Connor murmurs.

"yeah, but you're younger than me. I call Gavin kid too and half the people at the department." Hank snorts. "its not meant as an insult." Hank assures. Connor nods at him. "I can stop if you want." Hank adds.

"no its alright. I just... I just don't want you to think of me as a kid. I know I had to grow up pretty fast, but I'm still an adult." Connor says. Hank nods slightly.

"I know." Hank murmurs. "here we'll watch a movie alright?" Hank asks, grabbing the remote. Connor nods slightly, shivering. Hank frowns and gets up. "let me see your hands, take your shoes off too. I need to see your toes." Hank murmurs. he crouches in front of Connor, gently taking Connors hot chocolate and putting it on the table. Connor holds his shaky hands out.

Hanks gently when he looks Connors hands over. checking for any signs of Frostbite. he's thorough. looking his palms over carefully, then each individual finger as thoroughly as he can. he doesn't want to miss any signs.

"alright, let me see your feet." Hank murmurs. Connor hesitates. "whats wrong?" Hank asks.

"I... I don't have any pants on... they were soaked. I have boxers but..." Connor trails. Hank nods slightly.

"I'm just looking for signs of Frostbite. I promise. I won't look at anything else." Hank assures. Connors nods slightly and sighs as he manages to wiggle his feet free from the blankets. his shoes are already off from where he removed the jeans he'd been wearing, along with his sweat pants, they'd both been soaked. his boxers, though cold, were thankfully dry. Hank gently pulls Connors socks off, desperately attempting not to look at Connors scared legs. he's as gentle as he can be, looking his feet over the same way he did Connors hands.

"well...?" Connor asks, hesitantly. Hank shakes his head and stands up.

"no Frostbite, at least, none visible. I think you just have Hypothermia." Hank says. Connor folds his legs back up under the blanket.

"I guess thats good." he mumbles.

"yeah, saves us a trip to the hospital." Hank snorts. Connor frowns a little.

"I don't have an insurance. I couldn't go to the hospital either way." Connor mumbles.

"don't even worry about insurance, alright? if you need to go, you need to go. don't worry about it. I'll handle it." Hank assures gently. Connor nods slightly.

"H-Hank..?" Connor asks. Hank meets his eyes. Connor looks ashamed again.

"whats up Con?" Hank asks. Connor looks away, nervously.

"can... I'm sorry... never mind." Connor says quickly, pulling the blankets closer.

"no way kid, whats up?" Hank asks, sitting on the couch. he watches Connor carefully. "don't have to be afraid to ask me anything." Hank assures, softly. he gives Connor a reassuring smile. "you can ask whatever you want." Hank murmurs. Connor shivers slightly.

"can... can you just..." Connor trails.

can you just hold me?

Connor can't force the words out.

"sit with me? please..." Connor asks. Hank nods, shifting closer to him on the couch slightly. he pulls the younger to his side, almost as if he knows what Connor wanted to ask, but also knows he couldn't manage to ask it. Connor cuddles against him, dropping his head against Hank sleepily.

"if you're tired, you can sleep. I won't go anywhere until you're ready, alright? if you need me. I'm here." Hank assures. Connor nods slightly, his eyes getting heavy.

"thank you." Connor mumbles, letting himself fall asleep. Hank runs his fingers through Connors hair gently.

"of course." Hank murmurs softly.