Harry and ron stand there for fifteen seconds, without saying a word, as they watch the car slowly disappear in the
distance. Eventually, Ron breaks the silence...

Did Dumbledore just steal my fucking car?" Ron asked calmly

"I think he did." Harry said.

"FUCK!!!!!!" Ron shouted. "You! You had to pick up a hitchhiker!" Ron said angrily pointing his finger at harry.

"Ron, calm down!" Harry said taking a step back.

"Why the hell did you leave the keys in the car?!" Ron asked.

"I figured that Albus Dumbledore was a
trustworthy guy. How was I supposed to
know that he’d fuck us over?" Harry said.

"This is all your fault! This whole fucking night! You know I leased that car! They’re gonna make me pay for it!" Ron says and starts to walk back to the convenience store.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked.

"I’m going to call the police! I don’t want to talk to you anymore!" Ron is about to walk in, when he sees Draco wind up and
throw a Hostess-like snowball right in the Cashier’s face. "Extremes" all around!

"There’s a pay phone across the street, if you don’t want to deal with those assholes." Harry said.

Ron turns around and walks back towards the street. Harry walks with him, keeping his distance. They reach the street.
On the other side, he sees a red “DON’T WALK” sign lit up.

Ron presses the “WALK” button on the post next to him.

"So after you talk to the cops we’re still going to leaky cauldron, right? Harry asked.

"I’m not speaking to you." Ron said.

He waits for the “DON’T WALK” sign to change. It doesn’t. He starts pressing the “WALK” button repeatedly.

"You know, pressing the button a bunch of
times doesn’t make the sign change any
faster. The computer responds to the first press. Every press after that is extraneous." Harry said.

"Thank you, Mr. Wizard." Ron said in a sarcastic tone.

Ron waits for a few seconds, but when the light doesn’t change, he begins pressing the button again.

"Jesus Christ! When are they gonna fucking develop button technology that’ll understand urgency?" Ron said in an impatient and angry voice.

The “DON’T WALK” sign still won’t change. Harry looks to the left and then to the right. The street is completely empty and there is no place for a police car to hide.

"This is ridiculous. Just walk across." Harry said.

"It’ll change in a second." Ron said. They stand there for another ten seconds. It doesn’t change.

"Come on, there’s not a car in sight!" Harry said.

"Alright fine. You want me to cross? I’ll cross. Just leave me alone!" Ron says and starts walking angrily across the street.

"Finally." Harry said.

Before harry has a chance to follow, a police car from out of nowhere flashes it's light stopping ron dead in his tracks.

Ron walks back over to harry, clearly upset within him, as Officer Moody (40’s, prosthetic leg, tough) gets out of the car and walks over to them...

"Good evening. Is there a problem, Officer...Moody?" Ron said as he looked at Moody's name tag.

"Ever hear of jaywalking?" Officer Moody asked.

"Yes. Yes I have. I’m so sorry. I promise I’ll never do it again." Ron said.

"Yeah, like I give a fuck. I’m writing you up a ticket." Officer Moody begins writing a ticket. Harry walks over, flabbergasted...

A ticket?! Are you serious?" Harry asked

Ron motions Harry to 'shut up!'

"Who the fuck are you, shitwad?" Officer moody asks looking harry from head to toe.

"Let me apologize for my friend. I promise I will pay the fine. But actually, I’m glad you’re here. You know the TV show
Fantastic beasts?" Ron asked.

"Oh yeah, the greatest show ever." Officer moody said. 

"You see, Albus dumbledore just stole my car." Ron said.

"Hey, AD would never do that alright, now give me your ID." Officer moody says to ron.

"Wait. Hold on. How can you give him a ticket for jaywalking? I mean, look at this street! He wasn’t causing traffic or anything!" Harry said stepping in.

"That’s not the best tone to use on a cop who could bust your ass." Officer moody said with a smirk.

"Bust my ass?!" Harry said flabbergasted.

"Yeah, bust your ass. Now step back before I arrest you." Officer moody said.

Harry steps back, not because he was scared but because he knew they dont have burgers or weed in prison.

Officer moody hands Ron his ticket and begins to walk away.

Harry grabs the ticket from Ron and looks at it. "220 dollars!? Are you crazy?" He exclaimed.

Moody quickly turns around and returns to the guys.

"Harry, I swear to God, if you don’t shut up" Ron said.

Harry completely ignore ron and says "No, no, no. I understand what’s going on."

Ron steps in front of harry and puts his arms up to block him. Moody interprets the movement as a hostile movement towards him and pulls out his gun and points it at ron.

"Hey, hands down! No sudden moves!" Moody said. Ron puts his hands down and harry continues his rant.

"Let me guess. You were probably the big
asshole in your high school, right? You’d pick on guys like us every day. But then graduation came, and we went to college and you went nowhere, so you thought, How can I still give them shit? I know! I’ll become a cop!” Well, congratulations. Your dream’s come true." Harry ranted.

Both Officer Moody and Ron are getting really pissed. Harry steps in front of Ron and offers his friend over to Moody. "Hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you write him up another ticket? Or better yet, arrest him. Lock him up!" He said.

With that, Ron takes a big swing at harry. Harry sees Ron's fist coming and quickly ducks. Ron's  fist ends up hitting officer Moody  in the face.

SMACK!!!

"Oh shit." Ron said.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

The cell door slams. Ron is behind bars.

"Hey, are you gonna do something about my car? Hello?" He calls out.

Moody is in the main office area, dealing with Graham montague and his mom (graham got arrested after he was found with drugs by security guards).

The Mom hands Officer Moody a cheque.
"Thanks, Mrs. Montague. Your donation to our Police Charity is very appreciated." Moody said.

"Well, thank you for being so understanding about graham. I promise you he won’t ever do it again." Mrs. Montague said.

"Oh, I’m sure he won’t. Not after the talk we had, right graham?" Officer moody gives Graham a threatening look.

"Mom-- please take me home..." graham said in a shaken voice.

Mrs. Montague leaves, with Graham clinging to her like a frightened child.

Moody shakes his head and sits down at his desk, where he sees Graham's big bag of weed, along with Ron's I.D., wallet and laptop. He then starts filing a report on Ron...

Ron looks at Officer moody through the bars. "Can I at least give you my car’s licence plate number?" He asked.

Ignoring ron, moody turns up the volume on his radio...

"The search for the escaped cheetah
continues tonight. It was last spotted in
Randolph Township, heading South..." the news reporter said.

Ron turns around and examines his cell. Inside with him is a black man, Dean thomas (20's, tall, handsome) sitting down, reading a book. Ron sits down, across from dean.

While ron isn’t looking, Officer Moody picks up Ron's wallet, takes all the money and pockets it.

"So what are you in here for?" Ron asked dean.

"For being black." Dean said.

"Come on. Seriously." Ron said as he laughed thinking that dean was joking.

Dean sits up. He looks at officer moody who, with his Walkman on, is oblivious to their conversation.

"I am serious. You wanna know what
happened?" Dean said.

Ron stops laughing and nods.

"I was walking out of a Barnes and Noble,
and a cop stops me. Evidently, a black man robbed a store in Newark. Therefore, since I’m black, it was probably me, right?" Dean asked rhetorically.

Ron shrugs his shoulders.

"Well that was the logic the cop used. I told him I haven’t even been to Newark in months. Then he pointed a gun at me and told me to stop resisting arrest. I said, Hey, I’m not resisting anything. So he starts beating me with his gun, screaming at me, telling me to stop resisting." Dean told ron.

Ron was shocked "Holy shit. What did you do?" He said.

"I kept saying, I understand that I’m under arrest. Please stop beating me. But that didn’t work. Then another cop showed up. Then another. When it was all said and done, it took nine cops to bring me in here." Dean finished his story.

"That fucking blows!" Ron said.

Dean nods and continues reading his book. Ron sees that dean is remarkably relaxed.

"I don’t understand how you’re able to be
so calm about all this." Ron said.

"I’ve had people messing with me my whole life. I learned a long time ago, there’s no
point in getting all riled up every time
a bunch of idiots gives you a hard time.
Because in the end, the universe tends to
unfold as it should." Dean said.

Ron takes this all in.

"So what are you in here for?" Dean asked Ron.

"Assaulting an officer." Ron answered with a sigh.

"They tried to pin that shit on you too?" Dean asked.

"No. I actually did hit the cop. But only because I was trying to hit my friend. Well, ex-friend." Ron said.

Suddenly, Officer Tonks (30s, heart shaped face, purple dyed hair) hangs up the phone on her desk. She shouts out to the other officers in the room. "Hey, listen up guys! Multiple gun shots fired in Millbrook Park! It sounds bad!"

"Finally, some action! I’m going!" Officer moody said getting up.

Another cop, Officer Scrimgeour (40s, mullet hair, scary face with a big scar) gets up...
"No-- I’m going!"

All six officers in the room jump out of their desks and run for the door. Ron and dean can’t believe it.

They're now left all alone in their cell.

"That was strange." Ron said.

Suddenly, a loud banging sound is made from a ventilation shaft on the ceiling, above one of the officer’s desk.

"What the hell was that?" Ron asked.

"Ron? Is that you?" Harry asked from inside the shaft.

Although his voice is muffled, they can hear Harry's  words. Dean is very confused.

"Harry?! What the fuck are you doing?!" Ron shouted.

"Are the cops still there?" Harry asked.

"No, they all left" ron said.

"I called and made up some story about a
shooting in Millbrook park." Harry said.

"What did you do that for?!" Ron cried out.

"I’m fucking starving! So I figured I’d bust you out, and we’d get over to leaky cauldron." Harry said.

"Forget it! I don’t want to get in any more trouble! I’m already in here because of you!" Ron said.

"Hey, fuck you! What did you want me to do? Stand there and take the hit? You know, I’ve never taken a swing at you before. Never." Harry said.

"Well, I never got your car stolen!" Ron said

"Hey, I’m trying to read here." Dean said with an annoyed look.

"Look, Ron, I’m sorry. But you’re not the only one dealing with shit. My dad’s cutting me off, remember?" Harry said.

"Hey asshole, I’m in jail! Don’t bitch to me about your problems! Just leave me alone. I don’t want your help." Ron said angrily.

"You don’t want my help? Fine! I’m outta
here!" Harry said.

Ron hears a couple banging sounds from the ventilation shaft. Then a couple more. Then a couple more. Pouting, Ron pretends to ignore it.

"Uh...Ron? How do I get out of here?" Harry asked.

Dean rolls his eyes in disbelief.

"How the hell should I know?" Ron shouted.

"This isn’t good." Harry said.

Ron hears the banging noise again. And again. Suddenly, the ventilation shaft breaks off the ceiling and harry falls out onto the ground.

Dean shakes his head.

"Ow...my ass." Harry cried. He gets up and walks over to the cell.

"You sure you don’t want to get out?" Harry asked ron.

"And become a fugitive? Are you nuts? The guy has all my information." Ron points to Moody's desk, which has the police report,
Ron's I.D., and his laptop.

"So what? We’ll take everything he wrote
down about you and leave. Unless you want to stay here all night and not be able to hand your work in tomorrow." Harry said

Ron thinks about this for a second. "Fine. Hurry up." He said.

Harry smiles. He begins searching for a key.

Harry finds a big metal key ring on Moody's  desk. "Yes! I was hoping it would be one of
these big ring of keys. Now I get to try all of them to see which one will work." Harry said excited.

"Harry, hurry the fuck up!"

Harry runs over to the cell door. He tries out a couple keys, when he suddenly smells something...

"What’s that smell?" Harry asked.
He turns his head and sees the enormous bag of weed on a desk.

"Harry?...Harry!" Ron calls out.

Harry can’t hear Ron. He’s in a trance. He stares lovingly at the bag of weed. Harry walks away from the cell, goes over to the desk, picks up the bag of weed and caresses it... The world around him dissolves as he gets lost in his fantasy world.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day in the park, as harry pushes the bag of weed on a swing, like young lovers do in movies...

Everything dissolves again.

Harry has his arms around the bag of weed as he helps it swing the golf club. It’s a hole in one! Harry turns the bag of weed around and gives it a kiss.

Everything dissolves again.

Harry and the bag of weed are sitting down, posing for a sketch artist. The artist reveals his sketch to harry and the bag of weed. It looks ridiculous.

Everything dissolves again.

The bag of weed is lying on Harry's bed, while harry gives it a massage...

Everything dissolves again.

Harry is lying on the bed, while the bag of weed is giving him a massage (yes, the bag has little arms and hands now).

Everything dissolves again.

The bag of weed is holding a box containing pictures and memorabilia of it’s relationship with Graham. The bag of weed throws the box in a garbage can. Harry lights a match and throws it in the can, setting it aflame. He and the bag of weed face each other and kiss...

Everything dissolves again.

A naked harry and the bag of weed are kissing in bed. The bag of weed starts to go under the covers. The sheets move up and down. Harry starts to have an orgasm.
The bag of weed comes up from under the covers. Harry gives it a kiss. Then, he goes under the covers. the bag of weed starts to tremble and shudder in ecstacy...

Harry is snapped back to reality suddenly, when all six police officers come back into the room, pushing a black man (Lee jordan) wearing pajamas. Lee seems very gentle. He’s even wearing a turtleneck sweater.

"You thought you could get away with this,
huh?" Moody said.

"Where am I? I was in bed. I didn’t fire any gun, I swear..." Lee pleaded.

Suddenly, Officer scrimgeour looks over to the jail cell..."Look!" He said pointing towards the cell.

All the cops turn to the cell. Harry is still holding the weed. He doesn’t know what to do. Ron is scared shitless.

"Shit! Thomas is trying to escape!" Moody shouted.

Dean looks up from his book "What? Oh no, not again!" He said.

The cops handcuff Lee jordan to the leg of a desk, and run over to the jail cell, ignoring Harry and the weed.

"Stop trying to escape!" Moody bellowed

"I’m not trying to escape! Look at me, I’m sitting down!" Dean said.

Moody turns the key that is already in the keyhole and storm into the cell. Ron stands back, confused. Dean leans against the wall, ready to be handcuffed. All the cops grab him and throw him down against the bed. except Tonks who is sitting on her desk eating a donut.

"He’s trying to break free! Hold him tight!" Scrimgeour said.

In the midst of all the action, Harry grabs Ron from his free hand which wasnt holding the weed and pulls him out of the cell. Ron goes over to Moody's desk and picks up his I.D. , empty wallet and laptop along with the police report. And run out of the station.

They race through the street and start heading towards a forest.

"Hurry up!" Ron said.

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○

Harry and Ron have stopped running. They start catching their breath.
"That place was a fucking mad house! Thanks for getting me out of there, dude." Ron said.

"Hey, man, look at this." Harry said showing the bag of weed to ron. "It’s like we went from being broke to being millionaires." He said.

Suddenly, they hear what sounds like a coyote's  howl.

"What was that?" Ron asked

"Just a coyote. Don’t worry." Harry said nonchalantly.

"Aren’t people supposed to be scared of
coyotes?" Ron asked in panic.

"That’s only because they sound scary. In
one on one combat, either one of us can
take a coyote down." Harry said.

Suddenly, a cheetah jumps out from behind a bushand lets out a monstrous roar!

"Now cheetahs, they’re another story."

TO BE CONTINUED