Ron and harry get up from their sofa and leave their apartment. "You're sure you know how to get there? I haven't been to leaky cauldron in ages." Ron said locking the front door of their apartment.

"I'm telling you, there's one right around
the corner from that multiplex in New
Brunswick." Harry said.

They walk down the hallway, stopping at another apartment. Ron and Harry walk in without knocking into an apartment that looks almost identical to theirs.

Sitting on the couch is Fred weasley (a seemingly nice Jewish boy, wearing khakis and a sweater) and George weasley (a more depraved Jewish boy). Both of them are taking bong hits (out of a shofar bong) while watching TV as Ron and Harry enter...

"Fred, George-- get up. We're going to leaky cauldron." Ron announced to the pair of twins.

Fred and george continue staring at the TV...

"Wait-- we're watching The Gift on HBO." Fred said not taking his eyes off the TV.

"No waiting. We're starving..." harry said.
Out of the corner of his eye, harry notices Ron grabbing a piece of beef jerky from Fred and george's coffee table.

"Put that down! We're not eating 'til
we get to leaky cauldron." Harry scolds ron.

Ron acts like he's going to put the jerky back, but as soon as Harry turns his attention back to Fred and george , he slips it in his pocket.

"Now come on guys, let's go." Harry says getting impatient.

"Sorry man! We're not going anywhere.
Supposedly, Katie Holmes shows her milk
paps in this movie!" George says.

"Is that all you two ever think about?
Tits?" Harry asked annoyed.

"We're talking about Katie Holmes here.
You would never think a sweet, innocent
girl like her would ever take her top
off. Which is precisely why we have to
watch her do it." Fred said matter of factly.

"Dude, the things I'd eat out of her ass,
you have no idea:
Bacon, shellfish, milk with meat, you
name it..." george said with eyes closed as he imagined those scenarios.

"That's a very vulgar statement." Fred said to george.

"Yeah, well so is 'I want to pound Britney Spears in the pussy.' But it's true." George said to fred.

"Touché." Fred said.

"Anyway, if you guys want to wait till the
movie's over..." fred started to say to harry and ron but they had already left.

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Ron presses the down button. Harry notices that Ron has his LAPTOP BAG on his shoulder. "What the hell are you bringing that for?" Harry said with one eyebrow raised.

Ron hands Harry his car keys. "You're driving. I'm gonna try to get some of my work done in the car." Ron said.

"Alright but dont let your work ruin our night" said harry.

"Bing!" The elevator door opens and Ron and Harry enter, they hear a door slam behind them. They turn around and see hermione locking her door. She hasn't noticed Harry and Ron yet.

"Hey, there's your girlfriend. You
actually gonna talk to her this time?" Harry said to ron.

Ron's answer becomes clear as he pushes the door closed button repeatedly. The door closes before Hermuone sees them.

"What the hell are you doing? That was a
perfect opportunity! You could have asked
her if she wanted to go to leaky cauldron." Harry said disappointed.

Ron doesn't say anything. He looks down in shame.

"You're worthless." Harry said.

"I'm not worthwhile." Ron agreed.

The elevator doors open Harry and Ron exit the elevator...

"Dude, it's only awkward because you're a
pussy. Just talk to her once and I promise you it won't be weird anymore." Harry said.

"It doesn't matter. The only girls interested in me are girls I have no interest in. Like Lavender brown." Ron said, his hands in his pocket and his eyes looking down.

"Speaking of lavender, she called earlier.
One of those Asian clubs she's in is throwing a party at her dorm tonight." Harry told ron.

Ron rolls his eyes "God, she invites me to everything."

"So what? She's fucking cute. Let her
touch your penis." Harry said patting ron on his shoulder.

They exit the front door of the building.

Harry and Ron walk down the steps, where they see Draco and the EXTREME SPORTS PUNKS doing lame skateboard tricks on the sidewalk near their jeep. They're about to get back in the jeep, when Draco sees Harry and Ron walking near them.

"Hey look, it's the Brother's McFag!" Draco said pointing at harry and ron.

Draco and the punks laugh hysterically. Ron is uncomfortable. Harry just ignores them.

"Come on, guys! Let's get ourselves some
fucking Mountain Dew!" Draco said to his friends. They take off, driving by harry and ron. Ron gives them a pissed off look as they drive away.

"I just want to punch that sucker's face" ron said angrily. "Dude, forget about those pricks. Let's just go." Harry said trying to calm ron.

They continue walking...

Harry and Ron finally reach Ron's car...

"Jesus, that took forever. You know the
purpose of a car is to avoid walking.
And what kind of parking job is this?
You're like a mile away from the curb." Harrysl said in faux frustration.

"Don't even start." Ron said rubbing the bridge if his nose.

Harry starts laughing. "Just fucking with you. Now let's go out and get those burgers. I'm fucking starving!" Harry said opening the car's door. They get in the car and slam the door. The engine starts and the car takes off.

Ron is meticulously rolling a joint.
"Hey, harry-- do you think C3PO is gay?" Ron asked.

"Of course he's gay! You remember in the
first Star Wars when he was like...(in a gay C3PO voice) Thank the maker! This oil bath is going to feel soooo good!" harry laughs.

The duo approaches a line of toll booths.
Harry pulls up to an exact change toll booth.

"Dude, give me thirty-five cents." Harry says. Ron sorts through some change in his hand and gives harry the money. Harry tosses the change into the basket and waits for the toll booth stoplight to turn green. It doesn't.

"What's going on? It didn't register. Dude, give me thirty-five more cents." Harry says ron

"I don't have anymore change." Ron says.

"Should I just go through?" Harry asked.

"No. I don't like breaking the law."Ron said as he licks the joint and puts the finishing touches on.

"I can see that" harry says.

A CAR HONKS BEHIND THEM. Harry turns around and sees a number of cars lining up behind them. Right behind them, A
BIG BURLY GUY leans his head out of a car..."Hey! Move your ass!" He shouted.

"I'm going through." Harry said. "Just hold on. I'll walk over to one of the manned booths and tell them what happened." Ron said.

The honking continues as Ron starts to open the door.

Harry can't take it anymore. Just as ron is about to get out of the car, harry hits the gas and screeches away.

"Are you crazy?" Ron shouted.

A LOUD ALARM GOES OFF BEHIND THEM..

"Oh shit, we're dead!" Ron said. He throws the joint out the window.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! That was our last joint." Harry says.

"You just tore out of there! The cops are
gonna catch us!" Ron said fear evudent on his face.

"No they're not!" Harry said.

"Take this exit!" Ron said pointing at it.

"What?"

RON GRABS THE WHEEL AND TURNS IT!

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Harry and ron drive through the dangerous streets of Newark. They're very quiet, until harry breaks the silence."That was the last of our weed."

"Look, I get a little paranoid sometimes." Ron said.

"Now we're in Newark of all places. You
know we're gonna get shot." Harry said while shooting death glares at Ron.

"Maybe it's not as bad as they say. It's
probably just a bunch of hype." Ron said squirming under harry's glare.

They look out the window and see two boys Colin and dennis creevey walking down the street. Suddenly, THREE HOODS jump out from an alley and start beating the living shit out of colin and dennis.

Harry gives ron a dirty look.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Ron says.

Harry continues driving. He makes a turn. All of a sudden, he stops short, causing he and ron to jerk forward quickly.

Directly in front of their car, a basketball game is going on between a bunch of huge dudes, right in the middle of the street!

The basketball players briefly look over at them before continuing their game.

"Dude, we are NOT driving through that
basketball game!" Ron said.

"We have to if we want to get out of here."
Harry said as he points to a sign indicating that the HIGHWAY is ahead.

"Forget about it. No way." Ron says as he shakes his head.

"Come on. How do you know they're not
peaceful Gregory Hines-like guys?" Harry said.

With that, the HUGEST ANGRIEST MAN IN THE GAME ROARS AS HE COMPLETES A MONSTER DUNK. In celebration, he violently bumps chests with his teammates.

"Turn the car around." Ron said.

"Why? Are cars not allowed to go through
when a game's going on? When we were
kids, we used to move to the side when we
were playing in the street." Harry said

"For some reason, I don't think this is
the same thing." Ron said.

"I'm going through." Harry begins inching forward.

The basketball players slowly begin moving aside.

"Look. They're moving. I told you." Harry said with a smile.

Even though the Players are making way for Harry and ron, they're still no more than a foot or two from the car at all times. Ron is scared shitless. He then notices the
HUGEST ANGRIEST MAN holding the basketball.

"Shit, he's gonna throw the ball at us." Ron whimpers.

"How do you know?" Harry asked

"Look at him!" Ron whispered.

The HUGEST ANGRIEST MAN has an especially ANGRY FACE.

"Oh fuck." Harry says and puts the pedal to the metal and zooms away from them.

The basketball players watch the car speed away. After a couple seconfs, they all look at each other, and start laughing hysterically! A random basketball player turns to
THE HUGEST ANGRIEST MAN and says "Man, you scared the shit out of them!
Make that face again!"

"Okay, okay, okay..." said the HUGEST ANGRIEST MAN.

THE HUGEST ANGRIEST MAN suppresses his laughter and tries to make the face. He bursts out laughing again.

"Shit. I can't do it."

His friends laugh harder. He tries to regain his composure.

"Hold up. Hold up..."
He manages to make his angriest face for two seconds, before bursting out laughing again.

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"That was close, dude." Ron said wiping his forehead sweat.

Harry sees a highway sign-- "NEW BRUNSWICK-- NEXT EXIT."

"Ron, check it out! We're almost there!"

"Yes! Thank God! I'm starving!" Ron said with his on his stomach.

"Well prepare to gorge yourself" harry said as he turned towards the exit.

The duo drives down a street, loaded with mini-malls and fast food joints...They are looking for the leaky cauldron..

"Oh man, I'm so hungry. I'm gonna eat like
twenty of those burgers." Ron said.

"I'll see your twenty and raise you five
orders of fries." Harry said holding up his hand to show five fingers.

"God, where the hell is this place?" Ron said.

"Don't worry, its around here somewhere near the multiplex." Harry said.

"There's the multiplex!" Ron said pointing to it.

"That means the leaky cauldron should be
just around the corner..." Harry said with a grin.

Harry and Ron's mouths drop! Instead of leaky cauldron, they see a McDonalds. They're in total SHOCK.

"What the hell's going on, Harry?! That
doesn't look like the leaky cauldron to me! Said ron with a confused look.

"We gotta get to the bottom of this!" Harry declared.

TO BE CONTINUED....