(WARNINGS: swear words, reference to sex, nudity, drugs/narcotics and offensive jokes.)

Cedric diggory is sitting at his desk, depressed, staring at a photo of his ex-girlfriend.

"Cedric! Get your ass ready! It's almost five
o'clock and this bad boy needs to get his
drink on!" shouts Ernie macmillan.

Ernie notices his friend pining over the photo.

"Oh God. Give me that. I'm burning it
once and for all." Said Ernie.

Ernie snatches the photo, and pulls out his lighter. Just as the flame is about to touch the photo, Cedric grabs it back.
"Ernie Don't!" Cedric said snatching the picture.

"Dude, it's been six months. You have to
move on." Ernie said. Cedric nods.

"You know what'll cheer you up? Some hot
chick riding your jock all night long." Said ernie while waggling his eyebrows.

Cedric rolls his eyes.

"It would help get your mind off of Chang." Said Ernie.

Cedric ponders this for a moment.

"Whatever. Even if I wanted to meet other
women, I wouldn't even know what to do.
I've been out of the game so long." Said Cedric.

"Cedric, you come out with me tonight, and I promise you'll get laid." Said Ernie.

"Sounds tempting, but I can't. Lockhart
needs me to update the financial models
for his meeting with the foreign investors." Said Cedric with a frown as he sat back on his chair and looked through his paperwork which he was working on.

"So what? It's Friday! You have all
weekend to do that." Said Ernie

"No I don't. The Germans are taking an
earlier flight back, so the meeting's been moved to tomorrow." Said Cedric.

Ernie thinks for a moment."Well, why don't you just get somebody else to do your work then?"

"Who?" Asked Cedric.

Ernie gets a big smile on his face. He has an idea.

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Ron weasley, the typical overworked employee you'll find in any investment bank is packing up his briefcase, getting ready to leave for the day.

Cedric and Ernie approach...

"Ron, listen, I need you to update
these models for me." Cedric said dropping a stack of papers on Ron's desk.

"But aren't you supposed to..." Ron begin to ask before being interrupted.

"I know, but something came up. I have to
meet with some clients tonight, so I won't be able to get to it. It's your responsibility now. Okay?" Cedric said while patting on Ron's back.

Ron doesn't like this, but before he even has a chance to protest, Ernie steps forward...

"With all the downsizing going on around
here, we wouldn't want to have to tell
Lockhart that you've been slacking Ronnie. He's just dying to figure out who he should
fire next." He said.

"Uh...okay...no problem..." Ron said looking frustrated.

Cedric and Ernie leave Ron's cubicle.

Ron looks at the stack of papers they gave him...

"FUCK"

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Cedric and Ernie are walking through the parking lot.

"Wow! I can't believe how fucking easy that was!" said Cedric with a grin on his face.

"Dude, how do you think I get all my shit
done? I'm telling you -- those jew guys love crunching numbers. You probably just made his weekend." Said Ernie taking out the keys of his convertible from his pocket and starting it.

Cedric and Ernie enter the car.

"Now get ready. It's time we embark on...Operation Get Some!" And with that, Ernie presses a button in his car that causes the top of the convertible to go down and a funky white boy song kicks in.

Cedric and Ernie think they're hot shit as they cruise through the parking lot blasting their tunes. When the lyrics kick in, Ernie begins lip-syncing passionately. Cedric loves it.

When the chorus begins, the guys begin dancing in their seats in a synchronized manner.

Ernie gives a thumbs up to an elderly parking attendant as his car zooms out of the parking lot.

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Harry Potter (22, Indian, Funky jet black hair) is answering questions from his NYU Medical School interviewer, DR. Lupin (middle aged, erudite, very professional).

"Mononucleosis or mono is an infection
caused by the Epstein-Barr virus.
Symptoms may include fever, sore throat,
headaches, white patches on the back of
your throat, swollen glands, sluggishness
and loss of appetite." Harry answered to a question DR. Lupin asked.

"Excellent, Harry. I have to say you're
one of the best applicants I've ever
interviewed. Not that it's a surprise.
Your father is very respected in his
field. You know he and I had some pretty
wild times when we were in med school." Dr. Lupin said with a wide smile on his face.

"Really?" Harry asked.

"Yeah. We started our own basketball team-- the Marauders..." dr lupin said before cracking up.

Harry nods and smiles.

"Yeah, we were crazy." Lupin said after he stopped laughing...

"Anyway-- just one more question: What are some potential symptoms of pancreatitis?" Dr lupin asked.

"Let's see. There might be epigastric
tenderness, diffuse abdominal tenderness..." harry begins to answer.

Suddenly, there was a loud burst of noise of what sounds like be a match being lit, a
gurgle, and a cough -- the distinct sounds of somebody smoking from a bong.

Dr. Lupin is confused. Harry pulls
out his cell phone. It's his personalized ringer.

"I'm sorry. Can you hold on one second?" Harry asked dr lupin with an apologetic smile.

Dr lupin waves his hand and nods.

Harry stands up and answers his cell phone.

"Hello. Harry speaking."

"Oh, hey. Are you doing anything important." Asked ron on the phone.

"Nothing important. I can talk. What's up?" Harry said.

Dr. Lupin is offended. He takes a sip of from a mug of coffee and watches as harry begins pacing around the office.

"I'm not gonna be able to partake in our
usual Friday night ritual. I've gotta stay late at the office." Ron said

"Fuck that shit! We had plans!" Harry shouted into his phone.

Dr. Lupin can't believe harry's choice of words.

"I know, but I gotta get this work done." Ron said.

"Oh come on! When has getting high ever
prevented you from finishing your work?" Harry said.

Dr. Lupin is so shocked that the mug of coffee simply slips out of his hands. Hot coffee goes all over his shirt.

Dr lupin yells and starts wiping his shirt with a napkin.

"Listen, I'd love to go home, but..." ron begin to say.

"No fucking buts! I just bought a quarter
of the finest herb in New York City, and
I'm not smoking it alone. So you're just gonna have to chill the fuck out, bring your work home, and prepare to get blazed, because in a couple of hours I expect both of us to be blitzed out of our skulls. Got it?" Harry said

"Okay" ron said in a low voice.

"good. See you later." Harry hangs up the phone and sits back down. Dr. Lupin is
stunned."

"Okay, where was I? Oh yes. More
symptoms of pancreatitis. Um...decreased
bowel sounds, possibly fever,
dehydration, and sometimes even diarrhea." Harry said.

"Mr. Potter. I am familiar with diarrhea.
This is supposed to be a proper interview. Do you actually believe after the way you've behaved that I would ever even consider recommending you for admission?" Dr lupin said.

"No. I'd actually be pretty surprised." Harry said.

Dr. Lupin is flustered. He doesn't know how to react.

"Look, I'm just interviewing so my dad
will keep paying for my apartment. I'm
not really planning on going to med
school." Harry said while leaning on lupin's desk and cleaning off some bits of the spilled coffee.

"But...you have perfect MCAT scores!" Dr lupin said, shock evident on his face.

"Well, just because you have a dick doesnt mean you have to do porn." Harry said matter of factly.

"Get out" bellowed lupin. Harry ran out of his office.

Dr lupin pressed a button on his telephone and said "bernadette, bring me some dry diarrhea.... i mean dry towels."

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Ron shuts down his laptop. He then puts the laptop along with all his paperwork into a bag and leaves the office.

Ron walks to the end of the parking lot, where his car is parked. As he walks, the strap of his laptop bag breaks and
falls to the ground. Ron is frustrated as he picks it up.

Ron starts his car and goes to the car exit gate. Where other cars zoom through uninterrupted, the ELDERLY PARKING ATTENDANT stops Ron and checks his ID before letting him leave.

15 minutes later

Ron reaches his apartment building and starts looking for a spot to park.

He finds a spot right in front of the gates.
"Yes! Right in front..." exclaimed ron.

Ron carefully lines up his car to parallel park. As he starts to pull in, A GREEN JEEP STEALS THE SPOT FROM BEHIND.

The jeep is loaded with "offensive" stickers, and has a KAYAK, HANG-GLIDER, and other sports equipment on the roof.

Ron almost hits the JEEP. He knows this car.

"Those assholes." Mumbles ron to himself

The driver, Draco malfoy (22 years old, asshole, high energy, intense, racist, loud mouth), puts down his window...

Draco is joined in the jeep with his EXTREME SPORTS PUNK FRIENDS, who all laugh at ron.

"That was my spot" said ron angrily.

"This is America, dude! Not jew town, where you can own a spot." Said vincent crabbe emphasising the word 'own'.

Frustrated, ron turns around and continues driving...

He ends up parking far from the building. He has to parallel park. He's anal with his parking, going in and out a bunch of times, until the car is positioned perfectly in the spot.

Ron walks a bunch of blocks to his apartment building. He walks up the steps to the lobby entrance of his building...

Suddenly, he stops in his tracks. Through the glass door, he sees... Hermione granger (23 years old, A beautiful, sweet-looking young woman of Puerto-Rican descent.)

She's standing by the elevators.
Ron can't move. He's mesmerized. This is his dream girl.

Ron takes a deep breath... "Okay, be yourself. Don't be nervous."

TO BE CONTINUED....