Natasha's POV

"How long was I out?" I asked as light flooded my vision. I searched for something to come into view but that was just it. There was nothing to look at. Just empty brought space. Devoid of everything, an expanse of never ending emptiness.

"Voice yet to wake up." A familiar voice stated. It can't be. I turned and there stood the face of my worst nightmare. A tall man with salt and pepper hair. He had his arms clasped behind his back and a light smile on his lips.

"Ivan?" I croaked unsure if what I was seeing was real.

"It's good to see you." He laughed warmly and I couldn't contain the wave of emotion that rocked me. I ran to him like I had when I was little. He opened his arms enveloping me in a tender hug. Tears spilled down my cheeks and stained his old military uniform.

"I'm sorry. So so sorry." I whispered. His embrace tightened and his fingers stroked my hair lightly.

"No need to be sorry yes?" He pulled back and with a brush of his thumbs wiped away my tears. "My child you've grown! Look at you a beautiful young lady!"

I glanced about into the expanse of space and a sudden realization hit me like a brick to the head. "Am I...dead? Is Steve okay?"

"No you aren't dead neither is he." Ivan smiled.

"Then how am I here? How are you here? How do I know this isn't real?" I asked worriedly, how awful it would be to imagine this, something I had wanted for a long time, to just see him again.

"A thing you must learn Natalia is that sometimes you have to let go of what you know and accept what you don't." Ivan took my hand and began walking in a direction though I had no idea where we were going. "You have wonderful friends that care about yes?"

"I do." I whispered.

"Well then you should get back to them don't waste your time with me!" Ivan laughed.

"Ivan wait!" I caught up to him and grabbed his arm.

"Where are you going? You can't leave!" I begged.

"Oh but I must. I have a meeting with someone very important. You wouldn't want me to be late yes?" He asked politely.

"No, but what do I do? How do I get back? I'm scared. What's going to happen?" I asked. I knew that when I woke up things weren't going to be the same. I had been through hell and there would be a price to pay mentally and physically.

"Tell me Natalia. That man you are fond of, do you trust him?" Ivan asked.

"Of course!" I stated without hesitation but I couldn't help but wonder what he meant.

"Does he trust you?" Ivan asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Then that's all you need. Now I must be off!" With that he turned and I tried to follow him with my eyes but he disappeared. It wasn't suddenly or gradually he was just gone.

I started awake to see many familiar fa es crowding around me. Tears were shed and I was glad to see them all in tact. My family was safe. They told me how Steve had ignited the symbol in a last ditch effort to rescue us. According to Maria it was perfect timing. They hjad seen the original symbol but couldn't figure out where to land in the darkness. I smiled and nodded along but I was overwhelmed. I felt guilty for it after they left but I felt off. Weak, sad, anxious. Every little noise caused me to jump.

I had spent the night awake wondering about Steve. Where was he? Was he alright? My questions were answered when late that night he came hobbling into the hospital wing.

"Oh. You're supposed to be asleep." He stated reproachfully as if my being awake had somehow thrown off his plan.

"Is it true? Tony told me I flat lined three times." I mumbled picking at the edge of the blanket. Steve sighed leaning heavily on his crutches. He had put on a little bit of weight.

"Yes. You were out for five days. I was out for three." I nodded not sure what to make of the news. We had made it out alive, we were okay, so why did I feel...empty?

"How are they?" I asked.

"Not good. Whatever happened to them has them screwed up Natasha. If Bruce hears the sound of Tony's electric welder he gets all jumpy. If Tony hears any big loud noises his hands start fidgeting really bad. Thor won't sleep for days at a time his record is four and it's steadily climbing. Clint has stopped eating meat if you can believe it. I know why though, he was hung upside down like a frozen ham Nat. Scarrlet won't go near any large body of water." Steve paused reflecting on these events. "Their getting help but it's a slow process. No one's really talked about what they went through down there."

"And you?" I asked studying his face.

"I'm alright." Steve didn't meet my eyes and with a sigh he turned and hobbled out. I didn't sleep that night.

It's been three days since. Each night I don't sleep, I can only drift off for a moment during the day. I haven't left my room for a while now but I don't care. I don't want to see anyone, I don't care, we've all been distant lately. Fury said we could have as much time as we need but I'm afraid that won't be enough I'm not sure what's wrong, I'm not sure why I feel empty. I've tutored the boy who I saved from this fire and he's coming along nicely. He'll definitely be one of Shield's best.

Tonight the nightmares are bad and I'm left awake and alone. It wouldn't be the first time I had woken up crying but it seems everything I've run from is coming back in full force again. Almost as if I haven't really escaped. Slipping out from beneath the covers I creak open my door. My throat is dry and it's hard to swallow. The tower is entirely quiet and I'm left reminded of how alone I am. Grabbing a glass I fill it with just enough to wet my mouth before turning down a familiar section of hallway and follow the route to my airvent. The only thing that calms me at night is staring out through the airvent to gaze down at my city. I hardly deserved to call it my city, I hardly deserved to call anything mine anymore. I sat there for hours gazing at the lights below. When I grew tired I snuck back to my room where I found Steve waiting for me.

"Are you alright?" He asked concerned.

"Never better." I quipped.

"Look Natasha I think I've figured out what may help you. The empty feeling I have it too. I can see it in your eyes. I felt it when I woke up from the ice too. Natasha you need to let go of what happened. The PTSD is your bodies response to clinging onto what it knows. If you let go of it you'll be alright." Steve pleaded. Something clicked in the back of my mind. Something Ivan had said when I was unconscious."A thing you must learn Natalia is that sometimes you have to let go of what you know and accept what you don't."

"I know." My heart settled a little at his words. "I know. I've tried Steve but I can't. I discovered something. My shoulder."

A flash of recognition sparked in his eyes. "The scar."

"Yes. How can I let something go when it's literally burned into my skin? How did you do it?" I asked. I knew I needed to fix my problem, to get back on track, but it had become such a part of my daily routine I didn't think I could.

"It took time. But the biggest thing was when Fury told me about the tesseract. I got mad. It lit a fire in me. I had a new passion a new drive. I don't know what's going to light your fire. People say that your past doesn't define you but it does. That's why you chose to join the good guys, it's why you want to wipe your ledger. You're going to have to realize that you can't change your past, and accept that your past isn't bad. It's not good. It just is. The sooner you realize that the better. Stop living in the past and live in the now." Steve spoke warmly like it was a complete and total suggestion, that he wasn't telling me to do something.

"Steve?"

"Yeah?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"Thank you for being with me since the beginning. You're right though, I've spent so long thinking I was a monster. I'm not. I'm just a kid with a damaged past. I used to think that I had to be perfect, to make up for who I was, but I'm not. And...I think I'm okay with it." I sighed fiddling with my fingers. "But I'm going to need help."

"Then I'll gladly help you." Steve smiled getting to his feet and slipping out of my room. I slipped back into the warm embrace of my covers and for the first time my nightmares were dull.

The next morning I woke up and sauntered down the hall but paused when I heard a conversation.

"Sir, I'm worried about them." It was Maria talking earnestly to Fury. She seemed to be pleading with him.

"If we push them anymore they will break. We've put them through enough Maria." Fury sighed and I imagined him running a hand over his bald head.

"Sir I understand like I said I'm worried, but we need them on duty. News has spread of the accident it won't be long before someone acts. And local crime in the city has gone up." Maria reasoned.

"Maria. We have to be patient." Fury instructed.

"Sir. What if they never get better? Have you seen them? They can hardly function. Not to mention Steve. He's the leader but he hasn't left the training room at all and his vitals are struggling to rise. He's lost his spirit. Not to mention Natasha. She hasn't spoken a word to anyone except her student and she hasn't even come out of her room." Maria whispered her voice cracking slightly.

"All I know is that there comes a point when heroes need heroes Maria. Right now we have to take care of them. We can take care of the city for now." Fury stated. For the first time in a long time I bristled at his words. "The agents will struggle to do what our heroes can , especially with our depleted forces, but right now our heroes are as strong as our agents."

Were they? Who fought Ultron? Who fought the Chitauri? Who faced their nightmares? Who fought the one person who had turned them into a monster? My blood boiled. How dare he? I set my jaw and entered the kitchen where the others were seated and staring blankly at their plates. A fire eh? Well I think Fury's just started one. Steve stood up in surprise upon seeing me and it startled the others. Their eyes were big as they realized I had actually left my cave to join them.

"Alright listen up. It's come to my attention that we're not exactly the cream of the crop anymore." I stated in my old authoritative voice. Tony's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Steve's eyes glittered knowingly.

"What do you mean?" Clint asked.

"Fury's just ordered Maria to send our depleted agent forces out into the city to do our job. We aren't capable of doing our job. I think we are. Sure we're still getting over what happened but somebody told me the best way of doing that is having a fire lit under you. That's what I'm here for. I'm not saying we should forget what happened, but we need to accept the fact that it will take time. We can't change the past and if you keep living in it you won't get anywhere. So if you want to get back in the swing of things get your butts to the training room, it's about time we got to work." I didn't stay to see their reactions I simply turned on my heel and slipped down the halls.

Time passed and I sat on the training mats waiting for someone to arrive. Finally Steve stepped through the door. He stood dressed in gym clothes and prepared to work. He sat next to me for the next fifteen minutes as we waited for another familiar face. No one showed.

"You had a nice speech I just don't think they get as eager as easily." Steve mused as I got to my feet.

"It doesn't matter. Right now we need to make a statement to the public. Fury and Maria said the accident is public knowledge? We need to post the people know that we're back in business and that we aren't just going to sit back." Steve smiled and squared up to face off with me. "Of course I'm also not letting some newby of an agent take my job. You wanted a fire Steve and I've got one."

"Oh? So all anyone has to do is threaten your job?" Steve asked ducking a punch.

"No. Fury has to say that someone's going to take my job. Believe me it's not official until he gives the order and without an order no one would dream of doing such a thing!" Steve and I went a few rounds and it felt good but strange to be exercising. It turns out neither of us had lost much skill, then again we were supers.

The afternoon passed quickly and I stood in the living room gazing out at the city below with Steve standing next to me. He didn't say anything but there was an easy air about us. It felt good to be tension free for once. "What's the plan? Are we just going to train?"

"Steve have you learned nothing? No, I've managed to hack into the radios of the tower. I'll be listening for some reports Steve? I'll let you know if it's anything we should worry about." He laughed Leaving me to contemplate my own thoughts. That night I had no nightmares, and I had yet to think of my past.

"There seems to be a massive blow out on the streets between two rivaling gangs folks. The police have yet to respond and things are getting pretty heated-" The spokesperson's voice was getting rather panicked and I switch off the radio and bounded down the hall to where I practically broke down Steve's door.

"It's a go!" He smiled and sprinted around his room for his suit. I had dressed earlier that morning and slipped normal clothes over my suit. In an instant I had stripped my outer layer off and slipped out the back entrance of the tower like I had instructed Steve this morning. Steve was waiting for me on his motorcycle roasting in the underground garage. I slipped on the back and with a spurt forward we were racing down the streets. I shouted directions over the roar of the engine.

We skidded down a side street and when we broke out the other side we were in the middle of the gang circle. Leaping off the bike I whipped out my pistols and held one in each direction. Steve circled the inside of the circle. The gang members had drawn weapons and were busy aiming them at each other. "Alright boys out your weapons down or this is going to get ugly."

"What's a little lady like you going to do?" One asked flicking out a switch blade. I sighed and lunged twisting his wrist hard enough to break. He cried out in pain. A gun sounded next to me and suddenly Steve's shield was flying and intercepted the bullet. A full gunfight broke out and I snapped into action. I moved from person to person, re-holstering my guns, and slipping out my widow's bites. The began to fall quickly and the sound of sirens grew louder. There were slamming doors and the sound of cops shouting.

"Put your weapons down!" The few remaining gang members let their weapons clatter to the ground and held their hands in the air. A few cops rushed forward and began herding the criminals away. The other cops stared on in awe. Whispers darted through their ranks until the leader stepped out from behind his car door.

"Well I wasn't expecting this!" He said breaking into a grin and holding his hand out to Steve. "I was informed that none of you were back in business yet."

"Well there's been a change of plans sir." Steve smiled shaking the cop's hand. "I wouldn't be out here if it wasn't for her."

"So the Widow's your lady eh?" The cop asked raising an eyebrow in speculation.

"Haha." Steve laughed awkwardly shooting me a sideways glance. " I'm afraid you're mistaken."

"My apologies for my assumptions." The cop shoved his hands in his pockets and glanced over his shoulders at the criminals being loaded and taken off in cop cars. "What should I tell the press?"

"Tell them we're back in business and we plan on cleaning up the dirt that's collected while we were gone." I said with a nod before making my way to Steve's motorcycle. Steve followed shortly after and with a rev of the engine we hurtled down the street back to the tower.

"You didn't use your guns." Steve shouted over the roar of the wind.

"I didn't feel the need to." I lied. I didn't want to use them. I still remembered the death of James, the corpse of the Overseer. Guns were dangerous.

"Nat you're gonna have to figure it out sooner or later. Hesitation is bad-" I cut him off remembering something Fury often said.

"It could get you or others killed." I sighed. "I get it Steve, but we're taking baby steps alright? I was a mess for three days. I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I had excruciating nightmares. All things considered I've had an exceptional recovery."

"I didn't doubt that. You turned on a dime Nat. One night I talk to you and the next morning you're a different person. What that tells me is that you've wanted to let go of your past for a long time, that's why it was so easy for you. I just want to know what drove you to do it so quickly. " Serve glanced over his shoulder.

"Steves when you woke up from the ice you turned on a dime. In a matter of days you were fighting a whole army. What made you find your life around?" I asked.

"I'll answer first but you have to after me deal?" He laughed. "What convinced me to let go of my past so easily was the day I woke up in that ridiculous room. In seconds I realized that everything was different and changed. When I broke out into the city I realized I couldn't cling to my past in a world like this."

"I guess part of me realized I can't hang on to the past in a job like this." I admitted. "I was mad when Fury talked about replacing us. I didn't like that idea because we were better than the agents. Somehow I realized that in order to get back in the swing of things, to make sure I wasn't coddled, I needed to forget what happened. I wouldn't have been able to do that if it wasn't for you."

We rolled into the garage where I noticed Tony standing with his arms crossed. He didn't look mad, he was simply being patient. I slipped off the back of the bike and was about to follow Steve inside when Tony caught my arm. He opened his mouth to say something and seemingly thought better of it. He released my arm and I was left to my own devices for the rest of the day. Today had been a success and I was pleased, but Steve was right, in time I was going to have to shoot.

The next morning there was a strange air around the table. I was curious as to why it was a mix of irritation, sadness, and excitement. I was finally informed why when Clint pulled out a newspaper. He slid it across the table to where I was seated and waited as I scanned the paper.

Breaking News!

Are the Avengers back?

Ladies and Gents of the city yesterday evening Captain America and Black Widow were spotted dealing with a gang battle. The two gangs had been feeding since last week and were avidly robbing and harassing each other. Yesterday got heated but out of the blue Captain America and his companion rode in to save the day. After a few mere moments of fighting the entire mob of twenty three gangsters were disarmed as police pulled up to the scene. They have all been taken into custody and according to the lead responding officer the heroes of our city are back. At least that's what Widow says. She's said to have quoted; " We're back in business and we plan on cleaning up the dirt that's collected while we were gone." These are the only two Avengers having been seen back in action. Will the others follow suit or are we looking at a two man team from now on.

"

You didn't consult any of us about this." Clint whispered staring at the table. I folded the paper up and slipped it over too Steve who began to read it.

"Since when have I had to?" I asked.

"Natasha you've made a public statement saying we are ready to defend the city again but none of us are." Clint mumbled.

"What do you want me to do about it?" I asked sitting back in my chair. Light a fire.

"Natasha the public is going to expect us to go out there." Clint argued with a grumbled agreement from Bruce.

"Someone's worried about image." I laughed getting to my feet. "Good. Back up the statement, I've already done that and so has Steve. Now I've got training to do feel free to join me."

I got to my feet and headed towards my room. Was I the only one that saw the bigger picture? Was I the only one that realized we needed to get back out there? Sighing I slipped into a new set of clothes and headed to the training room. Like last time Steve was the only one there waiting patiently. "How do you get changed so fast?"

"I don't know? Maybe you're slow?" He asked with a shrug getting to his feet.

"Maybe." I walked over to the weapons rack and slipped on some "knuckle knives" at least that's what Tony and Clint called them. Steve raised his hands to eye level and prepared for the duel. I had told him a while ago he needed to work on his hand to hand combat. Now was the perfect time to practice. I jabbed my fist at his chest and he used the palm of his hand to bat the punch away. He ducked the next punch and made a jab of his own. Stepping sideways I avoided his attack and kicked him in the back of the knee. He stumbled forward a bit and the was all I needed to leap up onto his shoulders. He moved just right so that I landed on his back instead. I needed to get a better angle. Bracing a foot on his knee a reached around to hold him at point but he managed to get control of my hands.

"Oh so you started without me?" I glanced up incredulously to see Tony standing there with his phone in hand. "I didn't know I was late." He flipped it shut and tossed it aside before stepping onto the mats. "Alright I'm ready. Teach me how to fight."

Steve snickered Tony's whiny voice. Tony laughed a little too. Slipping off Steve's back I shrugged and soon the three of us were running drills together. Each day I tried to convince the others to join. Each day I got someone to come until the entire team was crossing the training room. It had taken a lot of convincing but once they got past the first day everything seemed to click. There was more aggression in the stress regimen to let those who needed it to let their anger out. We were working as a cohesive unit and dare I say better than we ever had in the past. If was a sort of therapeutic session for some.

The day finally came when the team debuted. If was a massive bank robbery and the others showed up to stop the crime. Steve and I didn't participate. It was their turn to make a statement. The next day the press was hastling us to get a press conference. Fury declined them all. It felt good to be back. It felt good to have the team back together. Scarrlet and I spent the evening out on the streets together. Steve and Clint went to check up on the farm. Hope and Scott went out on a date together. Tony, Thor, and Bruce stayed behind working on something "special." Sam and Rhodey spent the day in the tower watching movies. Vision was busy planning something for Tony.

Overall everything was brilliant. Everything was as it should be. Sure I was still having mild nightmares, I was sure that I always would. The others still had their little subconscious ticks, as did I. We weren't perfect but at least we weren't broken. Fury had been watching us from afar and I knew he was completely dumfounded as to how we had managed to rebound in two weeks time. Then again we were heroes, we did out of the ordinary stuff often. He shouldn't have been so surprised.

Upon arriving back at the tower with Scarrleti watched as she disappeared down the hall to find Vision. Someone she had been talking to a lot lately. I smiled having a strong suspicion as to why she spent so much time with him, but then again maybe she had a relationship with Vision like I had with Steve. Turning I slipped down the hallway leading to our rooms and glanced at the digital clock sitting inside my room on the nightstand. Steve and Clint wouldn't be home until tonight. I had time. I hopped up and jogged towards the tower's movie theater. Inside Sam and Rhodey were watching some comedy and laughing their butts off. Quite frankly I thought it was stupid but that didn't matter. I headed to the large shelves and began searching for a single movie in particular. I spotted it, and slipped it off the shelf before disappearing.

Later that evening after dinner when the stars were especially bright I knocked on Steve's door. He opened it surprised to see me but he invited me in anyways. I held up the movie box so Steve could read the title. "Movie time, Cap. I thought you'd like this one."

"I've never seen it before." He stated simply. His eyes scanned the cover curiously.

"I know you haven't but believe me I think you'll like it." Steve shrugged at my words as I plopped down on his bed and snatched up the remote. Steve continued to study the box but sat next to me as the movie began to play.

"The Goonies?" He asked.

"It's an older movie but still good. Besides you've seen everything else. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Star Trek." I shrugged. He didn't seem to mind and settled back against his rather fluffy pillows. As it turns out Steve enjoyed the movie more than I thought he would. He especially liked the part with the piano and collapsing floor but fell asleep before the end. With a laugh K switched off the TV and headed to the door. I glanced back at the sleeping senior citizen. He always had this look of thought on his face when he slept making his brow crease a little.

"Good night Steve."