So I got Disney+ and was watching deleted scenes from aou and saw the one between Nat and Bruce.

It honestly made me ship them even less bc he basically rejects her when she needs someone to comfort her. But anyways, I decided that after she walks away really pissed, she goes to see Steve, and so this begins.

Natasha didn't date. It just wasn't worth it.

She avoided feeling as much as possible and if she let someone in, it was rare and often didn't last long.

Feelings led to love. And love led to loss or rejection.

She didn't need to be thrown off by things like that.

So for almost all of her life, she remained guarded...only letting a select few close to her.

Clint, his family, and sometimes Nick. But even they were kept at a distance. Romantically, she had never been in love.

Not until Steve.

He had been making her question everything from the very moment she saw him.

He had been so kind. Greeting her politely, keeping his eyes locked on hers as they spoke, and the more she spoke to him, the more she wanted to be around him.

Not to mention, he was gorgeous. If there was such thing as a perfect guy...it was Steve Rogers.

Everything about him was just so damn good.

For a while, she had been able to repress her growing crush on him. Treating it as strictly lust and refusing to let herself get closer to him.

But then they had fallen into the middle of a crisis together and they had to take down an entire secret organization together.

During their actions against Hydra, she fell for him even harder.

She saw a new side of him. The side that apparently, not many people knew.

In return, she had opened up to him. Not much, but enough to where they became close friends.

They trusted each other.

And if she was honest with herself she had fallen head over heels for him.

When she realized that, she was terrified. Natasha wasn't supposed to be someone capable of love.

Especially not with Captain America. He was the picturesque version of innocence.

She was the opposite. A seasoned killer who had more red in her ledger then someone like him could even imagine.

Out of her league was an understatement.

She just didn't deserve him. Even if he did feel the same, she could never give him what he wanted.

Or at least, what she assumed he wanted.

So as soon as they had finished dealing with Hydra, she had left, her heart aching as she did so.

Maybe some distance would help her get over him, and if not, then it would at least make sure she didn't risk it going anywhere.

Unfortunately for her, distance did nothing to help ease her feelings for him.

If anything, it only made her realize just how screwed she was.

Her heart ached to call him every day she was away, and it took all of her willpower to not go running back to him.

She ultimately realized that the old saying was true...absence does make the heart grow stronger.

Giving up, she returned to the tower. Hoping she could just deal with the pain of being so close to him but not being able to get any closer.

It was going horribly at first.

Every time she spoke to him, she wanted to kiss him until her lungs gave out.

It didn't help that Tony was relentless when it came to teasing her.

He probably didn't believe what he was saying, but lately he had found it fun to make jabs at the two and their friendship that seemed to be getting closer.

Lucky for Natasha, she was resourceful.

During Tony's party, she saw her opportunity to distract herself.

A rebound before the relationship could begin.

Bruce was more like other guys. He was shy around her, but not shy enough to actively avoid staring at her ass or chest if given the opportunity.

He was easy to flirt with, and unlikely to reject her.

Also, he also considered himself a monster. They had that in common she supposed.

He wasn't a killer like her, not intentionally at least, but he had a haunting past as well.

So she did what the Black Widow did best.

Natasha flirted with him. For most of the party and after that, on any occasion that she could.

Her heart still skipped a beat when she saw Steve, but Bruce could at least divert her attention.

She was doing okay until that damn witch messed with her mind.

Every painful memory had been forcefully dragged to the surface, reminding her that she could never be like her teammates.

They were hero's. Good people.

She was a monster.

On the quinjet, she hadn't been able to stop shaking.

Everyone had been through something terrible.

Bruce had hulked out and destroyed parts of a city. Now he was laying on the ground silently, Thor had been sitting quietly in the corner, and Tony was leaning against a wall with his gaze far away.

Even Steve looked terrified, a thin layer of sweat coating his forehead and his skin a few shades paler then normal. Even so, he had managed to sit besides her and reach out of hold her hand.

She was grateful for it, but it did little to put her at ease.

At Clint's, she tried to put up a facade. She had already let the team see too much.

So she distracted herself with Clint's children when she good and when they were asleep, she tried to act like her usual self.

Clint's house wasn't big enough for the whole team to have their own rooms, so they had to bunk up.

Thor and Tony had taken one of the kids bedrooms, Steve was staying in the other, and Bruce had the guest bedroom.

Natasha figured Steve would have no problem with her doubling up with her, but she wasn't sure that would be a good idea.

She was already feeling vunerable, she didn't know that she would be able to keep her feelings in check if she slept in the same bed as him.

So she had asked Bruce to room with him.

He had agreed, but seemed reluctant.

She had been waiting to take a shower when he came out of the bathroom.

"I didn't realize you were waiting." He said awkwardly, stepping out.

Natasha shrugged, standing up and grabbing her towel, "I would've joined you, but it didn't feel like the right time."

"I used up all the hot water."

Natasha gave him a small smirk, trying desperately to keep up the facade, "I should've joined you."

He dismissed her flirting again, "The world just saw the real hulk for the first time. I have to leave."

Natasha frowned, "You assume I have to stay? I had this dream. That I was an avenger. That I could be more then what they made me."

Bruce sighed, "You're being had on yourself."

She stepped towards him, trying to divert the conversation back to flirting, "Here I was hoping that was your job."

He sighed and shook his head, "What are you doing?"

Natasha frowned, this felt like a lot like rejection, "I'm running with it. With you. If that's the plan."

Bruce shook his head again, removing her hand from his jaw and stepping away, "Are you out of your mind?"

She was more hurt then she wanted to be as he continued to tell her why she was wrong.

Even he couldn't see a future with her. She had even opened up to him as a desperate attempt to not be turned away.

Truth be told, she just wanted someone to comfort her. To want to run away with her.

Clearly, not even Bruce wanted that.

He had rejected her, his exact words being, "Never."

Feeling hurt, rejected, and completely alone, Natasha decided it wasn't worth it anymore.

"I guess I should clean up then."

Bruce sighed, "The waters cold."

Natasha rolled her eyes as she walked to the bathroom, "No Shit."

She slammed the door behind her and  closed her eyes, fighting tears.

She didn't know why she cared. This was just Bruce. He was the guy she had been using as a distraction from Steve, who she loved more then anyone.

Really though, the only thing that hurt was knowing that not even someone with a past as dark as hers could love her.

And when it came down to it and she needed someone to comfort her from her own demons, Bruce wouldn't do it.

He had made her feel like an idiot.

Taking a quick shower, Natasha gathered her things and slipped out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Bruce asked, not looking like he really cared.

"I figured it'd be better for both of us if I bunk with Steve. Clearly you'd rather be alone," She said bitterly, slamming the door again as she left.

She walked down to the room Steve was staying in and knocked on the door hesitantly.

He answered quickly, his chest bare and his hair slightly wet.

"Oh hey, everything okay?" Steve asked, opening the door further when he saw it was her.

Natasha shrugged, "You mind if I bunk in here tonight?"

Steve shook his head, "Not at all."

Natasha thanked him and stepped inside the room, which belonged to Lila.

She walked over to the corkboard that had been filled with pictures and smiled at a drawing Lila had done of her family. A small stick figure of Natasha was standing with them, the mess of red coloring differentiating her from the Barton's.

"She really loves you," Steve said, standing besides her.

Natasha nodded, and sat down on the bed, brushing out her hair.

Steve sat besides her and sighed, "You wanna tell me what's wrong or do you want to keep pretending everything is fine."

Natasha frowned. This is where she lacked willpower. When he just seemed so genuine...like he really cared.

Normally, she would have found a way out of it. Maybe a flirty comment, a joke, or even just telling him she was fine.

But today she didn't want to get out of it. She wanted him to comfort her, even if she knew it was a bad idea.

One night of giving into her desires couldn't be that bad.

"I can't get it out of my head," She admitted.

"The visions?" Steve asked.

Natasha nodded, "I try so hard to put my past behind me. To pretend like I wasn't trained to kill. Today just reminded me that my ledger can't be wiped...the things I've done Steve, I'm a monster."

Steve frowned and reached over to gently pull her chin towards him, "Hey, you're not a monster Natasha. We've all done things in our past we aren't proud of. It just shows how strong you are now to have overcome it in order to do something good."

"Yeah? Tell that to Bruce..." Natasha muttered angrily.

"What?" Steve asked.

Natasha sighed, "I thought I could find comfort in Bruce. Turns out I was wrong. He rejected me. And even though I don't feel anything for him, it hurts. Because if he can't accept me, then who can?"

"Maybe you were looking in the wrong places. Why did you want him to accept you if you don't feel anything for him? I thought you two had a thing?"

Natasha shook her head, "I was trying to distract myself. And I went after Bruce because I thought he was the safest bet. Clearly, my judgement was off."

"Distract yourself? From what?" Steve asked.

Natasha sighed, she shouldn't be doing this. This is how she was going to get hurt again. But she found herself saying the truth before she could figure out how to avoid it, "From you."

Steve frowned, "From me? What do you mean Nat?"

"I mean that I was starting to fall for you. And I don't deserve someone like you Steve, so I figured if I was with someone else, I could get over you."

Steve stuttered, his cheeks red, "Are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Over me?" Steve asked, sounding almost hopeful.

Natasha sighed and looked down, "No, I'm not."

Steve grabbed her chin and pulled it to him again, gently forcing her to look him in the eyes, "What if I felt the same?"

Natasha shook her head, "Don't do this Steve. I can't be with you. You deserve someone who can give you what you want."

Steve frowned, "I want you Natasha. I have for years now. I'm not just falling for you, I'm in love with you. And if you feel the same then I don't see why we can't be together."

Natasha stood up, walking away with her hands in her hair. This is why she didn't open up, "Because I'm no good for you Steve. Do you know how many innocent people I've killed? How many times I've pulled the trigger while looking into someone's pleading eyes?"

Steve stood up as well, "You aren't a monster Natasha. You're a hero. You've saved the world twice now. I trust you. And I don't care what you've done in your past. I've done terrible things too. You think the soldiers I killed in the war were terrible people?"

Natasha was quiet now.

Steve sighed, "They weren't. They were just people fighting for their country. Most of them were probably drafted...kids. Kids who were barely trained and who didn't want anything to do with the war. Their deaths are on my hands too. I'm not as much of a hero as you think Natasha."

Natasha frowned, she hadn't thought about that before, but even so, she still couldn't give him a future.

"I'm sorry I didn't think about that Steve. But I'm still not able to give you a future," Natasha said quietly.

Steve stepped towards her again, placing one hand on her cheek, "What do you mean Nat?"

Natasha looked down, "I'm sterile Steve....the red room, where I was trained, they had a graduation ceremony. It was efficient. Take away the possibility of the one thing that could be more important then a mission. Everything becomes easier, seducing men, leaving for months on end, even killing."

Steve frowned, "Nat I had no idea."

She leaned into his touch for a moment and sighed, "I know Steve. But that's why I can't be with you. I couldn't give you a family."

"What makes you think I want one?"

Natasha closed her eyes, "Steve please don't make this hard."

"I'm serious Natasha. Why do you assume I want kids? You would be my family. That would be enough. You're enough," Steve assured her, using his free hand to hold hers.

"You say that now Steve, but what about twenty years from now?" She asked, finding it harder and harder to not just give into his pleas.

"You would still be enough. You'll always be enough Nat. I love you more than anything."

Natasha's willpower was slowly leaving her, she leaned into Steve's palm and squeezed his hand, "I don't want you to be dragged down by my demons."

Steve gave her a small smile, "Then let me help carry them."

At that, Natasha was completely hopeless.

Deciding that she quite frankly didn't give a shit anymore, Natasha pulled Steve's lips to hers, connecting them in a slow but passionate kiss.

"I love you," She whispered to him, her skin tingling everywhere he touched her.

Steve smiled into the kiss, "I love you too Nat."

They kissed for a while more before finally pulling apart. It was late and they had both had long days.

They laid down together in the small bed. Natasha laying close to Steve, her head resting on his chest as he wrapped both his arms around her, his face buried in her hair.

That night, despite the terrible day she had, Natasha felt safe.

More than that, she felt loved.

Hey guys. I hope you all enjoy this. It's pretty long lol. Also, please note that I do not ship Brutasha at all. Writing a little bit of it was just necessary for this chapter. Clearly, I prefer Romanogers by a long shot😂

Like always, please comment and vote if you enjoyed!