Steve going through the five Stages of grief after losing Natasha.

1) Denial

"No." Steve said, shaking his head. "There has to be a way to get her back. We're only borrowing the stone, once we return it then she can come back."

Clint shook his head, "That's not how this works Steve. The Red guy said the trade was permanent!"

Steve stood up from the bench and paced back and forth. "He had to have been lying. We can still get her back."

Clint threw his bow on the ground. "Don't you get it! She's not coming back." He said, venom and regret lacing his tone.

Steve pushed his way past Clint and walked back towards the avengers training center.

Tony started to go after him but Clint grabbed his arm, "Let him go."

Steve had gone straight to Nebula. She had been sitting alone in the kitchen when he had approached her.

"How do we get her back?" Steve asked.

Nebula shook her head. "It's not possible. She's gone."

"We can still get her back, tell me everything you know about the stone. If we return it won't the trade be reversed?"

"I don't think it works that way."

Steve turned away from her and walked away, if no one would help him, then he would just have to find a way to get her back himself.

He spent countless hours in the library. He had even begged Thor for an Asgardian book about the stone so that he could learn everything about it.

He decided that once they defeated Thanos, he would be the one to return all the stones.

He would return the Soul stone first. He would get her back. It had to be possible. Once he got her back they could complete the mission together.

He focused his energy on winning the battle and when the time came, he thought he had a foolproof plan on how to get her back.

Steve was on Vormir for six days. He did nothing but beg for her back.

He was on his knees in front of his oldest enemy, pleading for him to help him get Natasha back.

His efforts were futile. The Red skull only repeated the same phrase, one that he had heard too many times.

"The trade is permanent."

When Steve was finally able to process the words, he had collapsed to his knees in pain, cursing the world for taking away his love and his best friend.

2) Anger

The rest of the time that Steve had spent returning the stones was miserable.

He did it quickly, only wanting to get back home. Steve quickly found that if he just kept his eyes forward and his mind focused, his task became much easier.

In four days, he had returned all the stones.

He had arrived back to his own time in less time then they expected.

When he arrived. Sam and the others tried to talk to him but he pushed passed them and walked right into the facility.

"Did you know." He asked, anger lacing his words as he approached Nebula.

She looked up at him but said nothing.

"Did you know that if they went, one of them would have to die?!" He asked, his tone growing louder.

Now some of the newer Avengers were watching the exchange.

"I had my suspicions." Nebula said.

"Why didn't you warn us. We could have found another way! We could have prevented it! Natasha could still be here right now!" He said and Nebula looked away.

Before Steve could do anything else, he felt Thor and Tony restrain him.

"Let me go." He demanded, trying to break away.

"Steve you've got to let her go. She's not coming back." Tony told him, loosening his grip only slightly.

Steve yanked his arm free and shoved both Thor and Tony away from him.

He left the facility and ran into the woods.

He didn't stop until he was sure that no one could see of hear him.

Steve yelled out, agony and anger coursing through him.

Removing his shield from his back, he hit a nearby tree over and over again.

With each hit, his body grew weaker. Angry tears streamed down his cheeks as he finally dropped the shield and leaned onto the now damaged tree.

He slid down the tree and put his face in his hands, shaking his head over and over again.

"Natasha..." He whispered longingly.

3) Bargaining

The walk back to the facility was long. Steve hadn't realized just how far he had gone until it was getting dark and he was still not near his home.

Steve began jogging, he had no interest in being alone in the woods all night.

Eventually, he arrived back.

To Steve's surprise, Clint was waiting up for him by the entrance.

"Clint, what are you still doing up?" He asked.

"Tony asked me to wait up for you."

Steve nodded and walked past Clint, wanting nothing more then to just go to sleep and end this miserable day.

"You know, I understand what your going through Cap. More then anyone. Natasha was my best friend. I had to watch her die." Clint's voice cracked and he closed his eyes, as if trying to vanquish the memory from his mind. "But I know why she did it."

Steve shook his head. "Why?"

"Because she was a hero. She knew that if she sacrificed herself, we would win."

Steve closed his eyes and sighed. "I wish it had been me. More then anything. If we had known, we could have come up with a plan. Made sure that no one died. And if it had to be someone I wish it could have been me."

Clint nodded. "I literally physically fought her so that I could be the one to die. But I wasn't good enough. She's always been a better fighter then me, and she is, was, the most stubborn person I've ever met. I know there's no way in hell she'd of let me be the one but I still feel like I'm the one to blame."

Steve placed his hand on Clint's shoulder. They had never been super close, but Natasha, she had been equally important to both of them.

Losing her had had brought them closer.

"Now I have to go home. I have to tell my wife that one of her best friends is dead. I have to tell my kids that Auntie Nat is gone. And honestly Steve, I don't know if I can do it."

Clint was crying now. So was Steve. "I'm sorry Clint. For lashing out at you yesterday."

"Don't worry about it. I understood."

Steve nodded.

They talked for a while before both going upstairs to sleep.

4) Depression

The next morning, Steve didn't want to move a muscle. His heart ached and his mind was groggy from the lack of sleep he had experienced.

Each time he closed his eyes, a new horrific nightmare of Natasha's death haunted his dreams.

He had ultimately decided that he was just going to have to go without sleep for a few days.

Steve sat up in his bed and sat staring at the wall.

He heard a knock at his door and ignored it, laying back down with his face away from the door.

"Steve, come on. We've got training today." Tony said.

Steve still ignored him. He couldn't deal with training today.

"Steve I know you're in there and that your awake. Natasha wouldn't want you to stay in your room like a hermit instead of helping out the team."

Steve's eyes shut at the sound of her name and a tear rolled down his cheek as he pictured her being the one knocking on his door and scolding him for being late, as she had often done.

"Fine, you know what, just do what you've got to do. We'll just train without you today."

Steve didn't care. He couldn't seem to care about anything except for Natasha.

Everywhere he looked, he saw her face. It was like he was living in his own twisted nightmares.

He pictured the countless nights during the five years after the snap. The nights where they would sit on his couch and she would catch him up on movies from the 21st century.

Every memory that came to his mind, made his heart hurt more, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could recover.

Steve missed her voice. He missed her telling him off and making stupid jokes just to make him laugh.

He felt like he was already forgetting what she sounded like.

Panic filled him and he quickly pulled out his phone and dialed Natasha's number.

The phone rang and part of Steve hoped that she would pick up, and he would realize it was all just a bad dream.

But she didn't. The call went to voicemail, and for the first time since her death, Steve heard her voice again.

"Hey, it's Natasha. Sorry I missed your call, leave a message and I'll get back to you later."

Steve set the phone down on his bed. "God Nat, I miss you so much." He mumbled.

A few hours later, Steve finally walked outside his room.

He didn't make it far though, because down the hallway, he noticed that Natasha's door had been left slightly ajar.

Curiosity filled him and he slowly went to open the door.

No one was inside. In fact, it looked just as it had when he and Natasha had watched a movie in it only two weeks ago.

Looking around, he felt wrong.

This apartment, her things, they felt out of place and unneeded. Without Natasha here, it just seemed like a waste of space.

Steve walked out of the small living area and into Natasha's bedroom.

He had been in the room before, but he had never really looked around.
The room was plain. Grey sheets on a white bed with grey walls and curtains.

There was no drawer half open, no trash on the floors, nothing. Like always, Natasha's room was spotless.

Steve picked up a frame from her nightstand and felt tears burning in his throat.

The picture had been taken probably 6 years ago. It was from the day that Steve and Natasha had decided to take their small group of outlaws, on a boat.

They had 'borrowed' one and driven it around the lake all day.

Bucky, Sam, and Wanda had been enjoying drinks and food when Sam somehow managed to snap a picture of Steve lifting Natasha up bridal style, and jumping off the boat and into the lake with her in his arms.

That picture was one of the few times he could remember being really happy, and most of that was because of Natasha.

Steve took the photo back into his own room and hung it up.

He wasn't sure how long he had been staring at the picture, it had probably been hours.

Memories of them floated around in his head, making him miss her more then ever.

Steve's stomach growled but he ignored it. He hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day. Frankly, he had lost his appetite.

When the sun finally set Steve heard another knock on his bedroom door.

It was Tony again. "Hey Cap, there's some food downstairs for you if you want it. I know your not gonna talk to me right now, so I'll go. If you need anything just come find me." Tony said before walking away.

Steve didn't move from his spot in front of the picture.

He stayed still for another few hours before deciding to try and get some sleep.

His efforts were pointless.

The second he closed his eyes, he would just see her. She would be lying on a cold stone ground, with blood seeping from her forehead, staining her already red hair.

Steve couldn't take it anymore.

It was one a.m when he finally decided to leave his room, it wasn't to get food or water though, he was going down to the lake.

It was dark outside and the only light was the moon reflecting off of the lake.

Steve sat down at the edge of the dock and stared blankly into the water.

He closed his eyes and a tear fell down his cheek. "I don't know how to go on without you." He mumbled.

How could he go on? Without Natasha he was lost. She had been his best friend and partner.

He felt alone. Tony had Pepper and Morgan, Clint had his family, Thor had his people, and Bruce had his work.

Steve didn't feel like he had anyone.

He sat alone on that dock for hours. Silently missing the women he loved.

More then anything, Steve had so much regret.

Regreting that he had never expressed his feelings. Regreting that they had never gotten to say goodbye. Most of all, regreting that he had inadvertently sent her away to her death when he assigned everyone a stone.

As Steve watched the sun rise, he could almost hear Natasha scoulding him.

She would tell him, "It's nearly 7 in the morning and you haven't eaten, you haven't slept, you haven't trained. All because I'm dead? Jesus I know I have to take care of you boys but are you really this incapable of taking care of yourself?"

It would have been mostly a joke. Then her features would have softened and she would have placed a hand on his shoulder or cheek and said, "Seriously Rogers, eat something. We can't go on without our Captain."

More tears escaped Steve's blue orbs as he thought about it, but he at least now felt like he owed it to her to try to go on. So, slowly he made his way back to the facility to make himself breakfast.

5) Acceptance

The next few weeks we're long and draining for the Avengers, specifically Steve.

He tried his best to live without Natasha, but every night he went to sleep, her death haunted her. All he did was hope that it had all been a bad dream.

Everyone was worried about him. Steve looked pale and unhealthy, each meal he had eaten was small and when they tried to cook him something more substantial, he would only eat a small amount before saying he wasn't hungry and retreating back to his room.

Outside of training and meals, Steve stayed in his room.

Tony had tried to invite him to parties or team feild trips but it was no use.

It wasn't until weeks of his mourning that he left the facility to go do something that was meant to be 'fun'.

Morgan was turning 6, and after much thought, Tony and Pepper decided to throw her a birthday party at a bowling alley.

If it had been anyone else, Steve wouldn't have gone. But he hadn't seen Morgan since his last visit and the two had become quite close during the five years after the snap.

It still hurt though. Over those five years, Natasha and Steve would often visit Tony together. Morgan loved them both and they were her Aunt Nat and Uncle Steve.

Going to see her without Natasha made Steve feel worse, but he couldn't let the girl down.

Tony wasn't expecting Steve to show up. He had told Morgan that her uncle Steve was going through a rough time and that he may be too sad to come, so seeing Steve at the entrance of the bowling alley with a gift in hand and a weak smile on his face was a shock to everyone.

"Uncle Steve!" Morgan yelled, jumping into his arms.

Steve smiled, for the first time since Natasha's death. "Hey Morgan. Happy birthday. I brought you something."

He handed Morgan the present and couldn't help but forget about his pain for a few moments as he watched her open up the Iron Man build-a-bear and run off to show her dad.

Steve made his way over to the rest of the avengers and sat down besides Clint who placed a hand on Steve's arm.

"Hey Cap. How you doing?"

Steve shrugged, "I'm just trying to make it through every day."

Clint's grin faultered. He was hoping that Steve's presence at the party meant he was recovering, but he seemed just as defeated as before.

Before Clint could respond. Morgan ran up to Steve and dragged him to the bowling alley. "It's your turn." She told him.

Steve forced a laugh and picked up a bowling ball. Much to everyone's surprise, Steve rolled the ball right into the gutter.

"Woah! Cap can't bowl? I figured since your so good at throwing your shield you'd be a master at this." Tony said, lifting his daughter onto his shoulders.

Steve shrugged. "Well I don't roll my shield."

The game went on and everyone was surprised at how bad Steve was. What the failed to realize is that he purposely aimed it at the gutter each turn. He wasn't going to beat a seven year old on her birthday.

When the party was over, Morgan had begged Steve to come back to their house for dinner.

With a little bit of pleading, he reluctantly agreed.

Steve didn't talk much at dinner. Tony and Pepper didn't try to force him to open up to them and instead they were just happy that he had come.

Morgan talked the entire dinner about her friends, how excited she was that school was over, and other things that served as a great distraction for Steve's heart ache.

When they had all finished eating. Morgan had once again convinced Steve to stay for a movie.

They had gotten about half the way through the lion king when Morgan had fallen asleep in Steve's lap.

Pepper noticed and had stood up to carry Morgan up to bed but Steve stopped her. "No that's ok. I can bring her up."

Pepper had nodded and sat back down besides Tony as Steve carried Morgan up to her room.

While Steve was tucking her on, Morgan's eyes fluttered open.

"Uncle Steve...I miss Aunt Nat." She mumbled.

The words felt like a stab in Steve's heart. He nodded. "Yeah, me too kid. I miss her a lot."

Morgan frowned. "But now Dad says that she's watching over us. He said that even know she's not here, she's still with us."

Steve felt like he had swallowed a brick but he nodded. "Well, your dad is a smart man."

Morgan nodded. "He also says that she knows how much we all loved her and that she died at a time when she was happiest."

Steve's tears began to form in his throat and he nodded. "Yeah, she was happy."

"I'm sleepy." Morgan said, yawning.

Steve brushed her hair out of er face with his hands and kissed her forehead. "Go to sleep, I'll see you soon ok?"

Morgan nodded and drifted off to sleep.

Steve wiped his tears and walked back downstairs.

"I should probably get going. It's getting late." He told Tony and Pepper. "Thank you for the dinner."

Pepper nodded, giving Steve a hug. "Of course. Anytime."

Tony patted Steve on the shoulder. "Please come visit again soon Steve. Morgan loves seeing you."

Steve nodded and grabbed his jacket. He told the pair goodnight and started to walk outside.

"Hold up Cap." Tony said, following him onto the porch. "I know you don't want to talk about Natasha, but how are you doing? Honestly."

Steve looked down. "I've never been at a worse point in my life, but I'm trying to move on. That's what she would want. If I can't live my life with her, then I at least have to try and live my life the way she would want me too."

Tony nodded. "You know she knew don't you?"

"Knew what?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "That you loved her Steve."

"How do you know?"

"Because she told me. She also said that she felt the same. She told me that if things were different, she would tell you, and that she felt too guilty to be with someone she loved while knowing so many people had lost their loved ones. She was going to tell you after the final battle with Thanos."

"I swear to God Tony, if you're making this up to make me feel better..."

"Steve I swear that she knew. You can't keep blaming yourself for something you had no control over. You have to move on. We can move on and still remember her. But what good is her sacrifice if we don't go on living the life she wanted us to have?"

Steve nodded. "I'm trying Tony. Really. I am. Hopefully I'll get there soon, but for now. Accepting that she's gone and there's nothing I can do to change that is the best I can do."

Tony nodded. "I know Steve. Just don't close yourself off from your friends because your mourning her. We can help."

"Okay. I'll try."

Tony hugged Steve. "We are all here for you. Don't shut us out."

Steve nodded once more and left.

This time, when he went to sleep his dreams were still filled with Natasha, hut they were less painful. It was more like a fond memory then it was a nightmare.

And for Steve, that was a blessing.

So, I don't know how you guys will feel about this, but it took me three days to write and I put a lot for effort into it so I would appreciate any feedback you have, negative or positive.

For example, let me know which stage of grief you thought was the most realistic, or the least realistic. Things like that really help me for future ideas.

If you enjoyed, please comment and vote!