Requested by ImLilMissComplicated, Steve uses a body pillow because he misses Natasha while she's on a mission.

Steve couldn't sleep. Natasha had been gone nearly six weeks and he felt like he was going crazy.

He hadn't gotten a proper nights sleep since she left and he was starting to worry that something had gone wrong.

Cradling Natasha's pillow to his chest, Steve sighed. It had lost her scent a few weeks into her absence but it still made Steve feel at least a little better.

If he closed his eyes he could sometimes picture that he was holding her in his arms rather then the pillow.

When she had left, they hadn't been in good terms.

They didn't break up, and Steve honestly doubted they would, but Natasha had been furious at him. More so then he had ever seen her.

He had acted like a complete ass. After he got back from a long and failed mission, Natasha had been waiting in his apartment with a home-cooked meal and a smile.

She had obviously been waiting for him and even though he saw how excited she was to see him, he couldn't help the bad mood the mission had put him in.

"Hey," Natasha had said with a smile, coming up to him and brushing some of the dirt off his shoulder, "how was the mission?"

"We lost five agents and didn't rescue any hostages." He said bluntly, avoiding looking her in the eye.

Natasha frowned, searching Steve's eyes. "Try not to beat yourself up over it Steve, everyone has bad missions. You can't dwell on it." She said quietly, sensing that he felt more guilt then anything.

"Easy for you to say Natasha. You were trained to kill. To feel nothing."

Hurt flashed in Natasha's eyes but she quickly wiped it away, trying to ignore the hurtful comment. He was just upset, he didn't mean it.

"I know how upset you are so I'm going to ignore what you just said. Come sit down and eat. I made your favorite." She said, trying to lighten the mood a little bit.

Steve shook his head. "I'm not hungry, I think I'm just going to take a shower. Maybe I'll heat up some leftovers later."

Natasha's smile faded and she tried her best to hide how upset she was.

Steve ignored her pained look and walked past her.

Natasha had spent the next hour eating alone and cleaning up the mess she had made to make dinner. The dinner that was meant to be a pleasant surprise for Steve.

She tried not to think of the words he had said earlier but her mind kept repeating them.

"You were trained to kill. To feel nothing."

She knew he didn't mean what he had said. He was the only person she knew who really understood Natasha's complicated history. He supported her, he didn't judge her, and most of all he didn't treat her like a weapon of mass destruction.

Even knowing this though, she couldn't help but wonder if there was truth to his words.

Steve didn't come out if the bathroom for another hour. When he did, he was wearing a thin white shirt with black sweatpants.

Natasha's gaze followed him as he slowly sat down besides her, grunting in pain as he did so.

Natasha's brows furrowed with worry and she suddenly noticed the large red stain that was sleeping through the shirts thin material just underneath Steve's ribs.

"Steve, what the hell happened? Why didn't you have the doctors patch this up?" She asked, quickly grabbing the first aid kit from their kitchen.

"People died, they had more to worry about then a little scratch."

Natasha gave Steve a slight glare for not taking care of his injury but moved quickly to remove his shirt and begin sticking his wound.

"This isn't excactly what I would call a scratch Steve." She said, her voice light and joking.

"Sorry I was more worried about the fact that five people died under my command then I was about this stupid cut Natasha." He snapped.

Again, Natasha was taken aback by Steve's bluntness. Trying to defuse the situation a little bit, she sighed, "Steve I know you're upset, but you can't be an asshole to me just because your mad at yourself."

Steve sighed. "I'm not trying to be an asshole Nat. I just don't think you understand how hard this is for me."

Natasha's eyes darkened as she shook her head in disbelief at Steve. "You don't think I understand Steve? Really? Is it because I'm a cold hearted killer? An emotionless monster? Trained to kill and feel nothing."

Steve sighed in frustration, "That isn't what I mean Nat."

"Then what do you mean? You don't think I know what it's like to lose soldiers? I've been working for shield twice as long as you have Steve. I've lost hundreds of soldiers. Friends. So don't you dare tell me I don't understand what your feeling."

Steve's face fell as he began to realize how much of an asshole he was being.

"Nat..." He started, trying to figure out a way to apologize.

Natasha shook her head. "Don't. I don't want to hear any excuses. You were supposed to be the one person who understood me. I'm going to go ask Fury for a mission. We can talk when I get back."

Steve sighed and looked down as Natasha walked into their bedroom and changed.

Walking back out of their room, she stopped by Steve once more.

"I'm furious with you right now, but I still love you. I'll have Fury tell you the details once I get assigned a mission." Natasha said quietly, pressing a lingering kiss to Steve's cheek before she walked out of the room.

Needless to say, Steve felt like a total jackass.

Now that it was nearly time for Natasha to come home, he wondered if he would even be able to apologize for all the terrible things he had said.

He clutched her pillow closer to him and sighed.

In the distance, he thought he heard the door creak open but decided that it was probably just another instance of him hearing things.

"You know, if I'm gonna get any sleep I'll need my pillow back." Natasha said from the doorway of their room with a small smirk.

Steve jolted up from the bed and locked eyes with Natasha... She didn't seem angry.

"Nat, I'm so sorry. I was such an asshole." He mumbled as she walked towards the bed.

Slipping off her shoes, Natasha climbed in besides Steve.

She placed a finger over his lips, "Shh. We can talk about it in the morning.  Right now I don't care what you said. I missed you."

Steve sighed, wrapping his arms around Natasha, "I missed you too."

Natasha laid her head in the crook of Steve's neck and gently turned his head to place a light kiss on his lips. Steve melted into her touch and ran his fingers through her hair, watching her eyes flutter shut.

As her breaths steadied and she fell asleep, Steve was finally able to close his eyes.

Natasha's pillow was nothing compared to the actual sensation of holding her in his arm, Steve thought, drifting off to sleep.

Hey guys. I'm really tired right now so sorry if the ending is abrupt. I hope you enjoyed this and if you did please comment and vote.