Requested by charlottemaier

The first time Steve lost Natasha, he had thought that the pain was the worst that he would ever feel. 

He hadn't been able to say goodbye. They had no body to bury and people had been so preoccupied with the loss of Tony and their returning family members that he sacrifices seemed to be swept under the rug. 

For everyone except for Steve. 

For him, Natasha had been his light in a dark world. She was the love of his life and yet he'd been too cowardly to actually confess that to her. 

Her sacrifice had been devastating and he had hoped that once everything had been solved and the battle had been won, that he'd find closure with his teammates and a funeral to help memorize her. 

When that didn't happen, he resorted to getting her back. 

If everyone else could come back, why couldn't she? 

Someone had to return the stones and he couldn't help but wonder, if by returning the stone she traded her life for, the trade would be reversed. 

He had insisted on being the person to return them and despite Sam and Bucky's warnings he had gotten his hopes up that he would be able to bring her back. 

At this point, it wasn't an option anymore...he had to get her back. 

If he didn't, well, he wasn't sure what he was going to do. 

He returned the rest of the stones first. If they were out of the way, he could concentrate solely on bringing her home. 

It had taken less work then he expected. The Red Skull had no control over what trade was reversed or not, so all Steve had to do was toss the stone over the cliff and wait. 

Minutes later, he turned around to see Natasha standing behind him. 

She had barely wrapped her arms around him in a tight embrace before he let the words spill from his lips like a prayer. 

"I love you Natasha. I love you so damn much and I can't let another minute pass before telling you that," He said, holding onto her tightly as she buried her head in his shoulder, holding onto him just as tightly. 

"I know Steve. I know. I love you too."

Steve pulled away only to quickly kiss her, conveying every emotion he could through that single kiss. 

It was so much different then their shared kiss at the mall. This one was real and it didn't matter that Steve hadn't had any practice. It was perfect. 

When they got back, Steve and Natasha started over together. They decided to take a small vacation from being a full-time avenger and rented a cabin that they could live in until they were ready to go back. 

Steve loved every minute of it. They spent their days watching movies, attempting to cook various things, and doing...other things. 

They lived in their own little world. Finding comfort in each other and relishing in finally having the life neither of them ever thought they would get. 

"Morning Soldier." Natasha said, hopping onto the counter with a smile. 

Steve turned around and smiled at the sight of her, "Morning. Want some coffee?" 

Natasha nodded, "You know I do." 

He handed her a mug and she accepted it with a grin, "Whatcha making?"

"Pancakes, you want plain or chocolate chip?"

Natasha grinned, "What do you think?" 

Steve rolled his eyes, "Chocolate chip it is." 

Natasha smiled and jumped down from the counter, setting her mug down before walking over to Steve and wrapping her arms around his torso and peppering kisses over his bare back.

"You know me so well," She mumbled between kisses. 

Steve's breath hitched and he tried to focus on the food, "Nat...I'm going to burn the pancakes."

She shrugged, "I don't see how that's my problem." 

Turning the heat off, Steve turned around and looked down at Natasha with a raised eyebrow, "It's your breakfast too." 

Natasha grinned, "Maybe I've got something else in mind for breakfast." 

Steve's eyes widened and his cheeks flushed red, "You're going to be the death of me." 

"Not if you just shut up and kiss me," Natasha whispered, snaking her arms around his neck. 

Steve didn't hesitate to do exactly what she said, pushing her backwards until her back hit the counter. 

Forgetting all about the pancakes, the two made out with no intent of stopping, walking backwards to the couch and nearly falling on several occasions. 

Natasha eventually pushed Steve away, needing to catch her breath and moving her hands down his bare chest until something caught her eyes. 

A small red laser. Hovering just over Steve's heart. 

Her eyes widened and she used her legs to roll them both onto the floor, landing on top of Steve with a sharp intake of breath. 

Steve felt a sharp pain in his lower stomach and he looked up at Natasha to find her eyes watery as she looked down at him. 

"Nat?" He asked, still confused about what was happening. 

"Sniper," She whispered, her skin growing paler by the second. 

Steve sat up and looked down at where the pain was coming from only to find a bullet lodged in his stomach. The real pain was what he felt when he looked up at Natasha and saw that the bullet had gone through her to get to him. 

"Oh my god," He whispered, lifting her into his arms and carrying her into their bedroom, knowing it had no windows for them to be shot through. 

He locked the door and placed her down on the bed, "Natasha? Talk to me Nat. You gotta talk to me." 

She looked up at him with glassy eyes and brought her hand up to cup his cheek, "Are you okay?"

Steve nodded, "I'm okay Natasha. But I won't be if you leave me, you've gotta stay with me okay?" 

She managed a weak nod and Steve desperately tried to apply pressure to her wounds. He grabbed his shirt from where it had been discarded last night and wrapped it around her chest, trying to stop the blood flow from both wounds.

He stumbled for his phone and frantically dialed Sam. 

"Sam! I need help sent to our cabin. Nat's been shot. She's losing blood fast," He said, his heart pounding in his head as he struggled to get her too keep her eyes open. 

"We'll be there in five minutes," Sam promised before hanging up.

Natasha's eyes were heavier now and it was obvious that keeping them open was a struggle. 

"Steve?" She whispered, trying to pull his hands away from her wound. 

He fought her attempts, refusing to give up on her, "You're going to be okay Nat. I promise you're going to make it."

She shook her head, finally succeeding in prying his hands away, "We both know I probably won't. I need you to know...I wouldn't trade the last two months for anything. I love you. More then anything."

Steve squeezed her hand, "I love you too, which is why I can't lose you again. You have to stay with me. Just a few more minutes." 

Tears gathered in Natasha's eyes and she shook her head.

"I'm sorry," She choked out. 

Lifting her into his arms and cradling her head in his arms, Steve shook his head, "Don't be sorry, just keep your eyes open Natasha. I love you Nat. I love you so damn much."

She nodded quietly mumbling her response, "Love you too."

Sam burst through the door along with a team of Shield medics and they quickly lifted Natasha from Steve's arms, their hands remaining connected until she could no longer reach him. 

Steve stood up and weakly tried to push his way into the ambulance, his own blood loss now making his movements slow.

"I can't...I can't leave her," He mumbled, falling forward. 

Sam caught him and frowned when he saw the blood seeping from Steve's shirt. 

"He's shot too!" Sam yelled, and more medics lifted Steve onto another gurney, placing him in the ambulance next to Natasha, whose eye's were fluttering shut as the medics tried to save her. 

His hand weakly searched for hers and he eventually found it, letting his head fall towards her as he held onto it like his life depended on it. 

Then he passed out. 

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Steve woke up a few hours later. 

Sam was at his side with a solemn expression and Bucky stood on the other side of the room with his eyes glued to the ground. 

"Natasha," Steve choked out, his throat dry but the need to know if she was okay eating him alive. 

No one spoke, instead, Sam just simply handed him a glass of water. 

Steve refused to drink it, stubbornly sitting up despite the shooting pain in his chest as he did so, "Where's Natasha?"

Bucky shook his head and Sam frowned, looking at the ground. 

Steve frowned, refusing to believe the worst, "Where is she?"

Sam finally spoke up, "They lost her during surgery Steve. We weren't there in time."

"No," Steve whispered, denying the fact that he had once again lost the woman he loved more than life, "She can't be dead, I already lost her once, I can't lose her again." 

Bucky shook his head, "She fought as hard as she could Steve, but she had lost too much blood and one of her lungs had been hit." 

Steve ripped the IV out of his arm and stumbled out of the hospital bed, pushing past Bucky and into the hallway. There wasn't many rooms here so one of them had to be hers. 

He saw a flash of red hair and burst into the small room. His eyes filling with tears as he saw a gurney covered with a white sheet, the only thing visible being a few stray strands of familiar red hair that had fallen off the table.

"Nat?" He whispered, his voice hoarse and filled with pain. 

Before he could approach her, he was being pulled away from the room and a nurse was wheeling her away from him. 

"Natasha!" He screamed, fighting against the medics and his friends. 

"No! You can't take her away! She can't be gone. She can't be," He sobbed, falling to his knees in the middle of the hallway. 

Sam placed a hand on Steve's shoulder, "She's gone Steve." 

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Weeks later, Steve still couldn't accept what had happened. 

If he had thought the feeling of losing her at Vormir was bad, this was so much worse.

It was as though the universe had given him a taste of what he could have had with Natasha, and that it had ripped it away from him in the blink of an eye. 

Now he knew exactly what he had lost and it hurt more to know that had she been alive still, they would have spent the rest of their lives together. 

There was no 'what ifs' this time. He knew what it felt like to kiss her, to hold her in his arms at night and do his best to ward off the nightmares she often had. He knew it all. 

He also knew that he'd never feel any of it again. 

Since her death, he had visited her grave at least twice a day. Once in the morning, and once at night. 

Some days, he'd sit there all day without saying a word...just staring at her name etched into a glorified piece of stone. 

At least this time she had gotten a funeral. 

It was nearly 3 am when he woke up in the middle of the night screaming her name again. His body shook with sobs and he could hardly handle the grief that came with waking up to an empty bed. 

Throwing on his shoes and a coat, Steve left the cabin and walked towards her grave. 

It wasn't as though he was going to get any sleep anyways. 

When he got there, he was surprised to see someone else standing at the foot of Natasha's grave. They were wearing a long black raincoat with the hood up and if not for the height, Steve would have thought it was Nick Fury. 

"Hey!" He yelled, not wanting it to be anyone he and Natasha didn't know. 

The person whipped around and Steve stepped backwards, blinking quickly. 

Surely he was just having delusions. 

"Steve?" Natasha whispered.

Steve shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. She couldn't really be here. 

"Don't do this to me again," He whispered into the air. 

Natasha walked towards him, her own eyes filling with tears, "Steve? Is it really you?" 

Steve opened his eyes when he felt her hand cup his jawline, "Natasha?" 

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears of relief, "They told me you were dead."

Steve frowned, tears falling down his cheeks as he placed his hand over hers, reassuring himself that she was real, "They said you were dead too. I saw them take you away. How are you here?"

Natasha shook her head, "I woke up from surgery and they said you had lost too much blood. They took me to Shield headquarters and said I couldn't leave because someone was trying to kill me too. I only came here because I found a note on my door with this address. Then I saw that and knew something was wrong." 

She nodded towards her gravestone and Steve shook his head, "They told me you died in surgery. How do I know it's really you Natasha? I can't...I can't go through losing you again. It'll kill me."

Natasha frowned for a moment before reaching into her pocket and pulling a small ring. "I found this in your sock drawer three days before I got shot. I put it back but after I thought you died, I snuck out and went back for it. I've carried it around since then." 

Steve couldn't help but laugh with relief. No one else could have known about the ring. It was his mothers and he hadn't even told Sam that he was planning on proposing to Natasha, "You're alive." 

Natasha smiled, "So are you." 

Steve bent down and quickly captured Natasha's lips with his own, holding her tightly against him. 

"I love you so much Nat," He whispered when they finally pulled apart. 

Natasha sighed, resting her head against his, "I love you too. But we still have a problem."

Steve frowned, "What's that?" 

"Someone tried to kill us and then tried to separate us even after we survived. Which means Shield is compromised again."

Steve knew it wasn't a good thing but he couldn't help but feel reminiscent of the first time he knew he loved Natasha. Shield had been compromised then too.

"Well. We've dealt with worse. I'm sure we can handle it."

Natasha smiled, lacing her fingers with his, "Damn right we can. I think we've got some catching up to do first though."

Steve smiled and kissed her again before walking/running back to their cabin and locking the door behind them. 

This time not a damn thing was going to interrupt them. 

Hey guys! So sorry if this was a roller coaster of emotions but I was feeling angsty today and this was the result of that. I ended it happy so you're welcome. If you enjoyed please comment and vote and like always, I hope you are all healthy and safe!