Angsty one shot where Natasha tried to accept that Steve will never forget about Peggy and that he will always love her. Inspired by picture above.

The first time Natasha convinced herself she would never be what Steve wanted was when she first learned about Peggy.

It was shortly after their first kiss and Natasha had suddenly realized how much Steve meant to her.

It scared her more then she wanted to admit but she was already falling for Steve.

Their kiss only made her more attracted to him.

"Was that your first kiss since 1945?" She asked jokingly.

Steve rolled his eyes. "That bad huh?"

"I didn't say that."

"Well if kind of sounds like that's what you're saying." Steve replied.

"No, I didn't. I just wondered how much practice you'd had."

Steve shook his head. "You don't need practice."

"Everybody needs practice." Snatasha said, smirking.

Steve sighed. "Fine. It was my first kiss since 1995. And since you're so interested, it was actually only my third kiss."

Natasha raised her eyebrows. "That was only you're third kiss?"

Steve nodded. "I didn't excactly have a lot of girls dying to kiss me before the serum and even after it, I only had a little over a year before I went into the ice."

"So who were they with?" Natasha asked, a hint of a smile on her lips.

"I can't even remember one of their names. She was a shield worker. I think she was blonde."

Natasha smirked. "Didn't take you for a one night stand kind of guy." She teased.

Steve rolled his eyes and forced a small laugh. "It wasn't like that. We made out once and went out separate ways."

"Alright, so who was the other girl?"

Steve frowned and glanced away from Natasha. "Her name was Peggy."

Natasha tilted her head, noticing his sudden change in mood. "What happened with her?"

"Nothing. Right after our kiss I went into the ice." Steve said frowning at the painful memory.

Natasha looked back at the road, realizing that he didn't want to talk anymore about it. She faked a smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I actually think you're a pretty good kisser." She teased quietly.

Steve smirked. "Thank you."

Their conversation about Peggy wasn't long, but Natasha could easily see how much Steve missed her.

It was obvious to her that the pain of losing his future with her was still present and he wasn't looking for anything to replace that.

So she pushed her feelings away and tried to remain a good friend for Steve.

Months later after they had finished their mission, Steve was getting ready to visit Peggy when Natasha knocked on his bedroom door.

"Hey, is this a bad time?" Natasha asked when he opened the door.

Steve invited her in and shook his head. "I'm about to go visit Peggy, but you can come if you'd like." He suggested.

Natasha's heart sank. She had come to his room to admit her feelings.

After her attraction to him had turned into love, she decided to tell him in hopes that maybe he would be ready to move on.

This was just a cruel reminder that he was still holding onto his past with Peggy.

Natasha agreed to go reluctantly, feeling guilty that she would be taking up his time with her.

"Are you sure you want me to come in with you?" Natasha asked when they pulled up.

Steve nodded. "She'd probably love to meet you."

Natasha followed behind Steve and kept quiet as he checked in at the front desk.

They took an elevator to her floor and Steve knocked on the door gently.

"Come in." A frail voice said from inside.

"Hey, It's me." Steve said entering the room and taking a seat by Peggy's bed. "How you feeling?" He asked.

"I'm tired, my time is nearly up Steve. I can feel it." She said quietly.

Steve shook his head. "Don't say that."

"It's true. But it's alright. I've lived a long happy life. My only regret is that you didn't get to live yours."

Steve smiled sadly.

"If my vision isn't failing me then it looks like you brought a girl Steve. Are you finally starting over?" She asked, smiling.

Natasha looked up from the doorway and smiled softly.

"She's just a friend Peggy. This is Natasha. She's an agent at shield too." He said.

Natasha nodded towards her. "It's nice to meet you. I've heard a lot of great things about you."

Peggy smiled. "Steve, could you go get me some water?" She asked.

Steve quickly walked out of the room. Peggy waved Natasha over once he was gone and smiled.

"I can see it in your eyes that you love him."

Natasha's eyes widened and she found herself stuttering for words.

Peggy interrupted her. "Relax. I won't tell him. I just have a piece of advice. Tell him how you feel before it's too late. Life happens before you know it and you might miss your chance."

Natasha forced a small smile. "Thank you, I'll consider it." She lied.

How could she tell Steve how she felt when it was obvious that he still had so much pain over Peggy.

Steve walked back in the room with a glass of water and sat back down. Peggy began coughing and Steve's eyes widened in fear.

"Steve?" She said when the fit was over.

"Yeah?" He asked.

Peggy's eyes welled up with tears. "You're alive. You came back."

Steve forced a smile but Natasha could see his pain clearly. "Yeah Peggy."

She squeezed his hand. "It's been so long... So long." She sobbed.

Natasha watched Steve and her heart ached for him.

"I couldn't leave my best girl. Not when she owes me a dance." He said quietly, still forcing a smile.

There was so much pain in his eyes. So much suffering.

Once Peggy stopped crying, Steve and Natasha left to give her some rest.

The car ride was mostly silent. Steve was clearly upset and Natasha didn't want to make it worse.

"Has it been going on long?" She finally asked.

"The past year or so. Sometimes she remembers our conversation from last week and other times she thinks I just came back."

Natasha placed her hand on Steve's cautiously. "I'm sorry Steve."

Steve's eyes didn't leave the road, but his hand flipped over so that he could give Natasha's a light squeeze. His silent thank you for being there with him.

About a year later, Peggy passed away.

In the midst of a huge struggle between the avengers, Steve had lost his first love. One of the only people alive who knew him before the serum.

Natasha was in the room when Steve got the phone call.

"Hello this is Steve." He answered, causing Natasha to look up from her breakfast.

She watched as his expression softened and the blood drained from his face.

Natasha set her spoon down and watched nervously.

"Okay. Thank you for letting me know." Steve said quietly, his voice cracking.

He hung up the phone and Natasha looked at him with concern.

Steve looked up at her with tearful eyes, "She's gone." He mumbled quietly.

Natasha understood without having to ask anymore questions. She cane around the counter and held out her arms to Steve. "I'm sorry Steve." She whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Steve melted into her embrace and let himself cry. It broke Natasha's heart but she knew the only thing she could do for him was to be a shoulder he could cry on. 

Eventually Steve recovered from the news and took a seat besides Natasha. "The funeral is on Friday. The same day we are supposed to do the signing of the accords."

Natasha frowned. "Are you going? To the funeral?"

Steve nodded. "I have to. Besides Bucky she was the last person alive to have known me before the ice. I just need a proper goodbye."

Natasha took Steve's hand and squeezed it lightly. "Do you want me to come?" She asked quietly.

Steve furrowed his eyebrows. "I thought you were going to be at the signing."

Natasha frowned. "I'm still planning on signing it but that doesn't mean I have to be at the ceremony."

Steve sighed and shook his head. "You should go. I'll be okay."

Natasha nodded but sighed. "If you change your mind you know where to find me. We might be at a disagreement with the accords but I'll always be there if you need me...okay?"

Steve nodded and Natasha stood up from her chair, kissing Steve lightly on the cheek. "If you need anything I'll be upstairs. I'm sorry again for your loss." She said before walking up to her room.

The day of the funeral Steve was alone. Sam had come with him but had to leave early.

Now he was alone and upset with no one to comfort him. He regretted not having Natasha come with him. She always made things easier.

He stared at the coffin quietly with tears in his eyes.

The woman he had once loved was now dead. It was hard for him to process. In his head, she was still as young as he was.

He heard footsteps behind him and sighed, expecting it to be someone telling him it was time to leave.

Instead he felt someone lightly put their hand on his shoulder.

"You okay?" Natasha asked quietly.

Steve nodded slowly, not sure if he was okay. "When I came out of the ice, I thought everyone I knew was gone. Then I found out she was alive. I was just lucky to have her." He admitted, looking down.

"She had you back too."

Steve sighed. "Who else signed?"

"Tony, Rhodey, Vision." She said, avoiding his eyes. She knew he disagreed with the accords. That's not why she had come here.

"Shouldn't you be there right now too?" Steve asked.

Natasha shrugged. "I took a little detour. They won't start without me."

Steve sighed. "You know I can't sign it Nat. It goes against everything I believe in."

Natasha looked down, "Yeah I know. That's not why I came here."

"So why are you here?" Steve asked.

Natasha looked up at Steve and gave him a sad smile. "I didn't want you to be alone."

Tears gathered in Steve's eyes and he gave her a slight nod. Natasha pulled him towards him and sighed. "Come here." She whispered, hugging him tightly.

Steve welcomed her embrace and cried softly into her shoulder.

With Natasha he didn't have to pretend to be strong, and he was eternally grateful for that.

She just wished that one day, maybe he would love her the way he loved Peggy.

After a few minutes, Steve pulled away and sighed. "Thank you for being here Nat. You're a great friend."

Natasha's heart ached at the word but she smiled and nodded. "Of course. You know I'll always be there for you. Even now. I know we aren't excactly on the same team, but I'll still be your partner in crime if you need me. Just give me a call and I'm there." She promised.

Steve nodded. "Thank you. I'll keep that in mind when I get arrested for not signing the accords." He joked half heartedly.

Natasha laughed and looked at the door. "I wish I could stay longer but I'm running late as it is. Stay safe okay?" She asked, a hidden longing in her words.

Steve shook his head. "I will."

With that, Natasha left, hoping that she would see Steve soon and that it would be under more pleasant circumstances.

Years passed and Natasha was still head over heels in love with Steve. She just wished she could find the courage to tell him.

Now they were traveling to space. They had lost nearly half the population and the only way to save them was to try and fight Thanos again.

Natasha had been thinking that maybe Steve had finally moved on from Peggy. She thought that maybe if she confessed her feelings for him, everything would work out.

Now the only problem was the timing.

Each time she got the chance, the moment just didn't feel right.

When they were in the run together, it felt forced and she knew that if he didn't feel the same everything would be a mess, so she waited.

Then they fought together in Wakanda. After that battle, after losing half of the world's population, how could she be bothered by boy trouble?

Then there was this. They were travelling to space to fight their greatest foe.

It still just felt wrong. So many of their friends and family gone. She didn't want to bother Steve with more problems.

She ultimately decided that once Thanos was dead, she would tell him. No excuses, no cop outs, she would just tell him.

But then she looked over at him and felt as though her heart had been crushed.

In his hands was the compass he had showed her a few times. It contained a picture of Peggy a few years before he went into the ice.

She could still see the longing in his eyes for a life with her. The love he still had for his dead companion.

Her smile faultered and she looked down.

She didn't know how she could ever be good enough for Steve when it seemed so obvious that he still loved another.

She changed her plans. She couldn't tell him. It would never work.

Although she was wrong, she had convinced herself that he would never love her as much as he loved Peggy.

And that hurt her more then any torture or wound she had ever experienced.

Heyyyy guys. So this is nearly 2500 words and in my head it's super depressing but I saw a pic of Nat's face when Steve is looking at Peggy's picture and had to write this.

I'm sorry if this is super depressing.

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