Natasha's well deserved funeral.

Steve didn't think it was possible to miss someone so much that it physically hurt for him to continue living.

He had lost people before, Peggy, Bucky, his mother.

But throughout all of that, he had someone to lean on, someone to wipe his tears and help him move on.

Most of the time, that person was Natasha.

When Peggy had died, she was there, telling him that she didn't want him to be alone.

Now it just seemed ironic.

Without her, that's excactly what he was.

Alone.

Every waking moment was hard. He couldn't live without seeing her smile or laugh.

Knowing that he would never be able to hear her voice again felt like someone was squeezing his heart.

The regret didn't help either.

With everyone else in his life, he knew that they knew how he felt.

But Natasha had no idea that he loved her. To him, she was his light and he was completely smitten by her presence.

If soulmates were real, Steve was convinced that she was his.

And yet Natasha had no idea because he had been too cowardly to tell her.

Steve couldn't help but think, maybe, that if she knew she wouldn't have done it.

That she would have realized how much she really meant to him.

He felt like a fool for thinking he had plenty of time, but how could he have known?

One moment she had been alive and breathing, and then she had been lying dead at the bottom of a cold dark cliff.

Steve had gone back to Vormir to try and reverse the trade but it was impossible.

The only thing he had accomplished was getting her body back, at least now they could have a real funeral.

He had sat on the cliff for hours, sobbing while he held onto her lifeless hand and cradled her limp body to his chest.

Eventually, he found the strength to go back.

He appeared on the transporter and had collapsed to his knees in tears again, refusing to let go of Natasha.

He only let her body go when Sam had promised that they were just going to get her body ready for visitation in the funeral.

It wasn't until the day of her funeral that he saw her again.

Seeing her was harder then he could have ever imagined.

Unlike when he recovered her body from Vormir, there was now no blood on her skin and her hair had been taken out of it's tangled mess.

Her bright red hair was now laying flat over her shoulders, maintaining the waviness it had when she was alive.

She looked peaceful.

Had Steve not known any better, he might have just assumed she was asleep.

He had been the first one to visit her and throughout the visitation, he didn't leave her side.

The funeral itself was going to be small, for the most part it was the avengers, a few shield workers, and Clint and Tony's family.

They all walked up to her body and would shed a few years before giving Steve a sympathetic look and going to sit down where the ceremony was going to be held.

It was heartbreaking. He watched as the people he and Natasha had both loved came up to say their final goodbyes.

Clint's kids, god, they were all so young still.

The youngest had clutched onto Laura's neck the entire time, "Mama, I want Auntie Nat." He had cried.

Lila, who had been the closest to Natasha, hadn't stopped crying. She had been standing completely still, as if Natasha would wake up if she stood there long enough.

The oldest was obviously trying not to cry but his eyes were red and his jaw was tense as he held his sisters hand tightly.

After a few moments, Laura led the kids out of the room.

"How are you holding up?" Clint asked quietly, lingering near him once his family walked away.

Steve kept his gaze on the ground, "I feel like I should be asking you the same thing."

"I miss her like hell, and every day I wake up I wish it was me instead of her, but I have my family to help me move on. And I got some kind of closure with it. We had our goodbye."

Steve nodded slowly, "I just wish I could talk to her one more time." Steve admitted.

Clint sighed again and out his hand on Steve's shoulder, "If you need to talk to anyone I'm always around."

Steve thanked him and Clint walked away.

A few more people came in until it was almost time for the funeral service.

"Sir, we're about to close the coffin." The funeral director told Steve.

"Can I have a few minutes alone please?" Steve asked, his heart shattering as he realized this was the last time he would get to see her.

The director sighed but left the room, closing the doors behind him.

Steve stared down at Natasha's porcelain skin and shook his head slowly, tears streaming down his face.

"Nat, I hate you for leaving me here," He said quietly, his voice cracking as he gently held her cold hand in his own.

"I can't function without you. It's hard to breath because I know that the day I stop is the day I get to see you again. I can't pretend like everything is okay because I know that all those years where I could have been telling you how much I love you were wasted because I'm a goddamn coward."

He hung his head, crying a little harder now.

"Because Jesus Nat, I love you so much. I don't know what I'm going to do without you," Steve said, his voice raw and weak.

He paused for a moment and shook his head, even in death Natasha was stunning.

More tears streaked down his cheeks and he bent down, pressing a light kiss on her cold forehead and letting his lips linger on her skin for a moment, his tears falling onto her face.

"I'll love you forever Natasha." He whispered as he pulled away.

The funeral director walked back inside and Steve gave Natasha's body one last yearning glance before walking into the small chapel they were holding the ceremony in.

Steve took his seat in the front row besides Sam and looked down at his feet, not wanting everyone to see how torn up he was.

Her casket was brought into the room and everyone stood as it was placed at the front of the room.

Nick stood up at the pedestal by her casket and sighed, "We're all here today because one of our own has fallen. Natasha Romanoff was a lot of things to a lot of different people. She was a spy, a soldier, an agent, an aunt, and a friend. And a damn good one at that. She is the reason most of us are standing here today. She sacrificed her life so that billions of people could return from Thanos' snap."

Steve swallowed the sobs building in his throat, he needed to hold himself together.

"I first met Natasha when she was fresh out of the red room. Agent Barton convinced me that she would be a valuable asset to Shield. At the time, I had no idea that she would become an avenger...a hero. Because out of everything, that's what she was. A hero."

Nick's voice cracked and he tried to continue, "It's a damn shame she can't be here today." He finished, walking back to his seat besides Maria.

Clint got up to give a speech next.

"It hurts to be up here right now," he started, "Natasha was my closest friend, and without her, I would be dead right now. She saved my life on more occasions then I can recount and without her I'm not sure how much longer I'm gonna make it." He said, earning a sad laugh from some of the guest.

"The only reason I'm up here right now is because I owe her at least this."

His speech went on but Steve was too emotionally drained to listen. His heart was too pained and his attention was focused on the picture of Natasha besides her coffin.

It showed her with the Avengers right after the first time they all fought together in New York.

Although beat up and exhausted, she looked happy, excited even.

Even at the beginning, Natasha enjoyed the company of her team.

The funeral service ended with a speech given by Sam.

This one, Steve actually tried to pay attention to.

"I knew Natasha for about half as long as some of y'all in here. But I like to think I knew her pretty well. There was a time where it was just Nat, Steve and I running away from the government. She saved our asses so much I don't think either one of us would be here if she hadn't found us." Sam said, forcing a laugh.

"Natasha had a way of making everything better. It didn't matter if you felt like shit or if you were as happy as could be, she knew excactly what to say or do to make you smile a little more."

Steve bit his lip, wishing that Natasha was here to make him smile today.

"She was also as stubborn as an ass in the best way possible. She was a master of reading people so if she sensed you were upset, she was going to do whatever it took to find out what it was and how to help. I think that's what I'll always miss. I'll miss having someone who had a huge heart checking up on me every once and a while. But it brings me a little bit of peace because I know that she died doing what she loved. Because she really did love to help people. So when I look at the billions of people who she saved- including myself- I at least know that this is excactly what she wanted."

Sam gave Steve a sad smile and thanked the audience before walking back to his seat.

People began paying their respects and Steve waited in his eyes, not saying a word.

Sam stayed with him, he knew better then most that Natasha and Steve had a special closeness even he had trouble understanding.

When it was just the two of them left in the small church, Sam sighed, "I know what you're thinking and you can't do that to yourself."

Steve didn't look up, "Do what?"

"Regret every unsaid word. Blame yourself for something out of your control. Wonder what could have happened if you did something different. I've been there Steve, it's only going to make it harder to move on."

Steve let a tear slip down his cheek as he shook his head, "I can't. How can I not regret it? There were so many times that I could have told her."

Sam sighed again and placed his hand on Steve's leg, "I know. Believe me I know. I watched you two everyday for nearly three years. But you can't let that kill you. Especially because you can't change it now."

"That's the problem Sam. I missed my chance. Now she'll never know."

"She knew Steve," Sam said, "She knew."

"How could she have?" Steve said, letting his tears flow freely, "Nat didn't think she deserved love. She used to throw herself in front of bullets and tell me later that it was because she was the easiest to replace. She said it like it was a joke but I knew she was serious."

Sam shook his head, "She might not of believed she deserved it but she knew how you felt Steve. Your love for her was about as obvious as hers was for you."

Steve frowned, "What?"

"You might have been too blind to see that she loved you, but she wasn't," Sam said, letting a few years of his own fall, "She knew."

Hey guys.

This was an extra long one shot of what I believe to be the kind of funeral Natasha deserved. I also through in a little bit of Steve mourning just because.

Like always, if you enjoyed (or hate me for this one) then please comment and vote.