KAIRO

"Nakipag-away ka na naman ba?"

I groaned after hearing Eura's nagging and motherly voice at the kitchen. Abala ako sa paglalagay ng ice pack sa pasa na nasa panga para makinig nang mabuti sa mga sinasabi niya. Gago ang lalaking nakita ko sa bar kagabi. If I ever see him again, panga niya na ang dislocated kapag inatake ko.

"Hoy, putanginang Kairo, nakikinig ka bang gago ka?!"

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Kung nandito ka para murahin ako, lumabas ka na lang."

"Is that any way to thank us for saving your drunken ass? Kung hindi ka namin naabutan, ospital na ang bagsak natin ngayon." Fern firmly said, pushing the cotton deeper to the wound in my arm.

"Ano ba kasi ang nangyari sa'yo, Kairo? Hindi ka naman ganito kabasag-ulo noon, ah."

I tipped my head back on the sofa's backrest at Louise' statement. I can still hear Eura's grumbling on my kitchen, making me click my tongue in annoyance. Sandali kong ipinikit ang mata habang iniintindi ang sinabi niya.

Yes, I wasn't like this before. Paborito kong mang-inis ng tao pero hindi humahantong sa pakikipagsuntukan at pisikal na away. This just started when... we got out of that hellhole.

Dapat nga maging masaya ako dahil buhay ako't nakalabas. Dahil walang may nangyaring masama sa'kin. But fuck, how the hell was I supposed to function normally when the woman I'm damn obsessed about is slowly having feelings for a demon?

That Weston Salvallon is a fucking fucker. Bakit ba kailangang nandoon pa siya sa larong 'yon e hindi naman siya gamer talaga? Bakit kailangang makipag-usap pa siya kay Finn sa dami ng babaeng nando'n? Bakit ba pinanganak ang lalaking 'yon para agawin ang kung anong mayro'n ako? From academics, specific sports and even from the girl I love. He's a damn demon in my life.

And I want to punch him to death whenever I see their clip from that Nightmare City.

Putangina. It was truly a nightmare for me. I couldn't sleep for days thinking that maybe he progressed more because of that damn kiss.

Kaya ang galit sa kaniya at inis dahil sa kakaibang ngiti ni Finn kapag nandiyan siya ay inilalabas ko sa mga gagong nakikilala ko sa bar.

"Kairo, alam kong wala nang makakatalo kay Finn pero hindi lang siya ang babae sa mundong ito."

I groaned, both at my aching hangover and at Depore's lecture. Survive Eura's nagging last night and now I am subjected to my sister in law's way of life. Hindi ko maintindihan bakit hindi na lang niya bigyang pansin 'yang anak niyang dala kaysa sa'kin. I went here because Kuya was angry and wanted to see me, not to hear the words of his wife.

"Nagpapalit ka ng babae noon na parang damit lang tapos ngayon parang 'di ka na makalabas diyan sa nilunuran mo?"

"She's probably his karma for all of those girls' heart that he broke."

Iniangat ko ang ulo para bigyan ng masamang tingin si Kuya na kakapasok lang. He gave me a sheepish grin, holding a cup of coffee as he kissed his wife good morning.

Mas lalo akong nainis. Nandito na nga ako't basag ang puso tapos magga-ganiyan pa sila sa harap ko. Wala ba silang respeto?

"I'm loads better than Wes, right?" sa halip na tanong ko na lang.

Sabay na umiling ang dalawa na akala mo hindi nakakasakit ng damdamin. They didn't even hesitate with their answer.

"Kung kailangan kong mamili sa inyong dalawa, magiging single na lang ako habangbuhay."

"Hindi naman ikaw ang pinapapapili, Ate. Pangit kaya ng taste mo."

I received an incoming slipper on my face and was kicked out of my brother's house after that. Ang naging tawa ko sa reaksiyon nila ay napalitan ng galit nang makabalik sa sasakyan. I drove around the city the whole time, almost exceeding the speed limit.

I hate losing.

Kapag isa lang kaaway ko, I make sure I win. Kapag marami na, staying neutral gives me the best wins. I can just stay at the side, watch them butt heads and leave victorious. My worst opponent is that devil who wins easily... as if winning was a part of his identity.

But just as I hate losing games and contests, or especially being defeated by him, losing her was the most heartbreaking.

She was exactly like salvation. She was the safe space I could run to when the world was exhausting me. Sa kaniya ko lang talagang hinayaan ang sarili na magpakatotoo. Dahil pagdating kay Finley, kaya kong maging ano.

I can be the cruelest man who will shed her enemy to pieces or the softest gentleman that will wipe her tears away.

But I was never the person she cried to...

I did cry for and because of her though.

"Marry?!"

I exclaimed, slamming the glass of beer down. Gavin jumped, surprised, and Eura glared at me.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa sinabi nila kanina nang pumasok sa condo. I just had a stressful jeje conversation with Oliver and their very big news didn't lessen the stress. Instead, it made me take my strongest alcohol out so I could just slightly control my emotions. Sobrang bigat ng puso ko sa lungkot at galit.

"Maghunos dili ka nga! At oo, marriage. May pari. Kasal ba, putangina mo. Parang sa others ka naman. Siyempre kasi ilang years na din silaㅡ"

"They weren't together when we left the game," reklamo ko. "Years later, they weren't even a couple yet. Bakit naman sila dumiretso sa kasal?"

"Tanungin mo 'ko kasi alam ko."

Tangina, magpipilosopo pa ngayon ang Eura'ng 'to.

Gavin cleared his throat. "It was just Wes' honoring his promise to Finn's parents to pursue her after five years. Pero nakapagdesisyon na si Finn na sagutin siya pagkalabas pa lang natin."

I scoffed, gulping down another glass of beer. Even my effort after was ignored, huh. I guess she didn't even realize they were my declaration of love, she simply thought it was me being a kind friend.

That's cute but what the fuck.

"Kairo, if you had half a mind, you would already see how their relationship would end. I'm telling you this as your friend," ani Eura at nilagyan ulit ng alak ang baso. "The moment we left the game, nobody had a chance to steal Finn."

Was it so wrong that I hoped I could?

Napasigaw si Eura nang bigla kong itapon ang baso sa pinakamalapit na dingding. I walked in circles, messing with my hair as I muttered curses after curses. Ang bigat ng bawat hininga ko at parang gusto kong suntukin ang pinakamalapit na tao.

"Kairo." matigas na tawag ni Gavin. "Don't throw things around dahil baka may masaktan ka."

"Putangina naman kasi! Damn it! Ano ba kasi ang mayro'n sa lalaking 'yon na wala ako?!"

A flash of sympathy and hurt passed by Eura's face when my voice broke. I was already tearing up. My hand kept on clenching and unclenching as the word 'marriage' continued on my mind.

"Isang taon pa lang naman sila pero bakit agad- fuck!"

I bent down, clutching my hair. When my curses were replaced with sobs, dinaluhan ako ng dalawa. Mas lalo akong naiyak nang tuluyang makaupo at yakapin ni Eura.

"Eura, bakit hindi ako? May mali ba sa'kin?"

"Walang mali sa'yo, Kai. Baka hindi lang kayo ang para sa isa't isa..."

But I don't want anyone else aside from her.

The attraction that ended on obsession was slowly eating me away. I wanted her. And the more that she was somebody's girl, I wanted to steal her away. Gusto kong hawakan ang panga niya, igiya iyon paharap sa'kin at baliwin siya sa mga halik ko. Para hindi na makawala pa.

But behold, here I am trying to get a cup of coffee after a night of crying and she's the first person I'm walking up to.

"Kairo?" she called my name in such a lovely voice that I wanted to drag and keep her forever.

"Kitten," I forced a smile on my face. "G'morning."

"Morning." kumunot bigla ang noo niya. "Why sunglasses? No sun yet."

To hide how much you broke my heart.

I smirked. "I'm the sun myself, kitten. There's no need for that."

"Kairo, if you're the sun, that means wearing a sunglass is even more pointless."

Ang straightforward talaga ng babaeng 'to. Buti na lang mahal ko.

"Come on, kitten. Be a little nicer to me today. I'mㅡ"

"Wes."

The way his name rolled off her tongue had me freezing. It was one of the things I refused to acknowledge back then... how she calls him in a different manner and tone than the rest of us.

Dumaan ang magnanakaw sa gilid ko para tumabi kay Finn. Thankfully, they didn't make any cheesy greetings or I would have thrown a shoe at the damn man.

"I parked the car," he told Finn, giving me a curious glance. "I'll take it from here. You can sit in one of the tables."

Tumango si Finn at hinayaan siyang nakawin ang linya 'gaya ng pagnakaw niya sa babaeng mahal ko. My kitten smiled at me, bidding a small farewell as she walked away from the line. I watched her retreating figure and it reminded me of her slowly leaving me.

My kitten got lost and ran to another man's hands.

"I gave you and her five years."

Napabaling ako kay Wes nang sinabi niya 'yon. He was looking at the counter, a hand in his pocket as slightly angled his body to face me and say those words.

"Should I thank you then? Or are you blaming me because I didn't work really hard in getting the girl?"

He shot me a dismayed look. "I'm telling you because I wanted to make it clear that it was her choice. Hindi ko siya ninakaw sa'yo. Hindi siya naging akin bago pa tayo makalabas ng laro. Your reaction is valid... I was also a bit nervous in those five years when I let the two of you hang out."

I chuckled darkly.

"Are you telling me you didn't know that she may be out with me but will always go home to you?"

"No." he firmly answered, turning to approach the counter. "It was a fair fight and I was worried you'll get the girl too."

"I knew her first." pahabol ko.

Wes stopped, glancing at me with a small smile. "I know her better."

Even if that shop sold the best coffee in the world, I had no choice but to go outside. Hindi pa handa ang isip at puso ko na makita sila o makipag-usap sa lalaking 'yon.

I was still mourning for my broken heart.

That's why meeting Jamaicah outside the café wasn't really good for me.

She gave me a judging once-over, a small smirk appearing in her lips when she realized why I was wearing a sunglass at 6 in the morning. Mas lalo kong binilisan ang paglalakad dahil ayoko siyang makasama o makita pa. The damn girl stayed on the porch of the café to watch me until I slammed the car door closed.

She has been irritating me since we were teens. Their families were a friend to ours and we usually hold dinners together, but her cold and snarky attitude always annoys me. Hindi siya palasalita 'gaya ni Finn pero napakamaldita ng mga mata at expresiyon niya. And I hate it when a woman, as annoying as her, has a lot of power than me.

"Heartbroken, Kairo?" bungad niya sa'kin noong dumating ako sa condo.

I inwardly cursed, remembering that we're neighbors at this building. I kept on forgetting that because we usually have different schedules so we don't bump into each other much... well, until now.

"Is my heart being broken any of your business, Jamaicah?" I asked, looking for my keys to get out of this conversation faster.

"It is when you're the school's most wanted boyfriend but you're staying in for the Friday night and I'm meeting a blind date."

She said that with such a smug face that all I could respond was, "Then, do you have better plans for my Friday night?"

I knew she was taking it as a challenge because she didn't hurry to whatever date it was. I leaned on the door, waiting for her decision. Hanggang sa ngumiti siya sa'kin at lumapit. She grabbed my necktie, slowly loosening it and pushing me inside the condo.

I raised a brow. "So this is your idea of a Friday night for me? Replacing your date with me, eh?"

Inilagay ko ang kamay sa baywang niya to guide her towards the sofa. I made a small gulp at the feeling of her small waist in my hand. We've only exchanged glares before that the touches seems different.

"You wish, Kairo." tinulak niya ako paupo sa couch, my hand slipping off her waist easily. "You should take some rest. Ang pangit na ng mukha mo."

Napangiti ako do'n. "How rude."

"But you really need to rest. It's been three days and your eyes are still... red. Did you cry last night too?"

Hindi ako sumagot at pumikit na lang. Knowing that she's owned by heart and name by another man is enough to make me lose my shit.

The next thing I knew, there was a cold compress on my forehead.

"Ni hindi mo alam na mayro'n kang lagnat." she handed a medicine and a glass of water. "Drink this and take a rest."

"What? A nurse now, Jamaicah?"

"Shut up and sleep, Kairo. I'll stay here for the night," she hushed me before I was able to speak up. "Don't think too much. Ginagawa ko lang 'to dahil tatanungin ako ng Mama mo."

Mahina akong natawa at umayos ng pagkakahiga sa couch. Jamaicah yelped when I pulled her towards me, holding her palm on my forehead because I like the warmth.

"Yeah?" I whispered, shutting my eyes close. "Don't be so defensive when I'm not asking you anything, little foxy."

Little foxy is what I like to call her because of her eyes. They're slightly slanted, almond shape eyes that almost resembled a cats. And with an amber color, she looked absolutely pretty and... dangerous. Which, I guess, is the reason why the past me never liked her.

I wanted something safe. I wanted a place to stay and relax to. But at the same time, I wanted her to be firm with her principles. That she could fight me for her beliefs whenever possible.

Finn gave me the peace of mind I wanted, but Jamaicah challenged my everyday life since that night in my condo.

"What'cha doin' here, errand boy?" nakangisi kong tanong kay Caspian nang makita siya sa isang bar.

It was crazy! I have seen the man drink only on special occasions. But now, he's here, drinking the night away because he probably just heard about the marriage. Or he just had the time to react about the news.

"What are you doing here, Kairo? Sabi ni Fern may isang linggo ka daw na break sa mga bars."

"Oliver told me that we'll have a meeting pero ayun at hindi sumipot."

I leaned on the counter to tip my fifth drink down my mouth while Caspian gave me a disapproving stare at the bar stool.

"Have you contacted him?"

"I don't want to fucking contact your cousin when he texts worse than Finschey and my nephew doesn't even have a phone yet." nanatili lang siyang nakikinig kaya nagpatuloy ako. "I'm also currently having some problems about..." I frowned. "... things you don't care about."

"Finn?"

"That's another pero- fuck," bigla akong napamura nang makita ang buhok ni Jamaicah sa crowd. "Why won't that girl let me fucking live? Nandito na naman siya. Damn it!"

Dahil sa pagmamadali ay hindi na ako nakapagpaalam kay Caspian. Not that we really need some polite farewells since we're not friends. We're just acquaintances who were past rivals for a certain girl's love.

I had a lot of girls. Whether they were friends or flings, it doesn't really matter. I either had them for fun or I was attracted by how pretty they were. But no one really stood out as much as Finley... and now, Jamaicah.

It all started that Friday night.

If she didn't drop her blind date and pushed me inside and if I didn't touched her skin, I wouldn't be this crazy. Her soft side together with her feral personality wouldn't have erased my tearful nights with her face.

Now I'm not sleepless because of my kitten going into marriage, but because of a certain fox that was endangering my heart.

"This isn't funny anymore, Eura. Sa mahigit sampung taon na magkakilala kami ay hindi pa kami laging nagbabanggaan ng ganito! Why is she suddenly all around me?!"

"Because you're aware of her now, Kairo." Fern responded because Eura was busy making teasing faces. Mas lalo tuloy siyang pumapangit. "Nasa paligid mo lang din siya noon pero hindi mo nakikita dahil hindi mo laging iniisip."

"That's really weird though," ani Louise pagkatapos magchill sa kapeng pinabili niya sa'kin. "It's only been a few weeks since we knew Finn's getting married pero nakamove-on ka na, Kai?"

Ilang buwan ba kasi dapat magmove-on, Louise, at ilalagay ko sa daily planner. I almost grumbled that at her.

"Sa tingin ko, alam naman ni Kairo subconsciously na magkakatuluyan talaga sila ni Wes at Finn. And maybe he already knew marriage will follow after hearing about their relationship so it was just the weight of realization that made him frustrated. At dahil aware naman siya subconsciously, I think he has already moved on. It was the confirmation that set him free. Kaya napansin niya agad si Jamaicah," Eura shrugged. "I mean, sa lahat ng magagandang babae na dumaan sa harap niya sa bar, bakit si Jam ang nanatili sa isip niya?"

"Jamaicah's not ugly, Eura." I instantly argued.

Umirap siya. "Sinabi ko bang pangit? Ha? Gago, sabi ko madami ding iba na magagandang babae na rumampa sa pangit mong mukha pero ang babaeng tumulak sa'yo sa sofa at nagbigay ng medisina ang nanatili!"

"Maybe because the others never did anything, Eurs? Si Jam kasi, diba, tinulak si Kairo-"

Louise was cut immediately cut off. "Bahala nga kayo diyan, 'ngina niyo! Binibigyan na nga kayo ideya, ayaw niyo pa!"

"It's just weird to hear you talk like a normal human being. Parang kami tuloy ang alien," Fern teased before turning to me. "But she has a point, Kai."

Baka nga... totoo ang sinabi ni Eura. I guess I already expected that it would happen but I couldn't just believe they'll start the marriage thing so quickly. The word feels too permanent.

It sounds like I have to finally give my kitten to someone else. The kitten that I adored and loved, that I took care of, that I hugged and poured my heart out, is already leaving me... for good.

Pero siguro, hindi lang din pahinga ang gusto ng puso ko.

Maybe thrill and danger really runs deep into my bones... and my home is somebody else.

"The third time we met in this busy day, Jam. How crazy is that?" nakangisi kong bati nang makita siya pagpasok sa elevator. "Are you sure you're not stalking me?"

"I came from the upper floor kaya paano naman?" sagot niyang nakakibit-balikat pa.

I thought she'll leave the elevator because she's on our floor but she remained there. Mas lalong lumaki ang ngisi ko at mahina nang napapatawa dahil sa kaniya. Tuloy ay isang napakasamang tingin ang natanggap ko sa magandang dalaga.

"I have to buy something, you damn man."

"I didn't say anything, woman."

She rolled her eyes. "You were chuckling."

"What? Hindi na pwedeng matawa ngayon? Is it a forbidden act?"

"Huwag mo 'kong pilosopohin, Kairo. I know what you mean. I passed our floor and I met you so your ego is probably getting bigger but unfortunately, I'm here to buy some groceries."

Hindi ko alam kung magaling lang sa pagbabasa ng mukha si Jamaicah at alam niya agad ang mga 'to.

"Later, you'll mention how we see each other a lot now too. So I want to clear things up first by saying I'm not stalking you."

I barked a laugh at that, turning to face her because I was now completely interested. "I never said anything about stalking. Ikaw ang nakapag-isip niyan."

"Because I know you'll say it later."

"And how? Just because our families are friends doesn't mean-"

"I do. I know you, Kairo." she gave a sideway glance, coldly meeting my eyes. "I know you better than anyone else."

And with that vague message, she left me to think alone.

I've always known that Jamaicah Rhiannon was an interesting girl. But back then, she was only interesting when I'm bored. Now, I keep on noticing every single thing she do. I keep on replaying every conversation we had and I keep on noting every single gesture she makes. At hindi ko alam kung ganito din ako kay Finn...

Anyone could ask me about Jamaicah and I'll tell them stories for every category. I was like her personal, walking dictionary that I get ashamed when she brings up the 'stalker' thing.

Sa aming dalawa, ako na yata ang naging stalker. But... I need to know if she has a boyfriend or partner, right?

I didn't want my heart to get broken again.

Losing my kitten was enough. Letting my foxy leave? I don't think I could handle that.

So I did everything to make sure she was staying... and I think she also noticed that. Our banters have been tamed into nice conversations and I tried so hard to be a good man for her too.

I attempted to change myself for her. But all that change also caused me to lie to myself... because I couldn't exactly be the good man that everyone wants.

"Kairo, if you're just going to agree with things you're dissatisfied with, then there's no point of being together with you-"

I shut her up with a kiss.

My attempt to be a good and agreeing man was quickly shut down because the two of us works best around playful banters and cold glares. I love it when she fights me for her own beliefs and helps me sleep every night. And she loves it when I tease her to annoyance and make up after by cooking and cleaning the house.

I guess I wanted the peace of mind... with the sense of danger around it.

"Hello, Kairo."

Finn's cheery greeting welcomed me. When I looked at her face, the tight squeezing of my heart has long disappeared. She was still my beautiful kitten... but I was no longer the boy who obsessed over her.

"Kitten," ngumiti ako. "How are ya?"

"'m fine... How are you, Kairo?"

From the corner of my eyes, I saw Jamaicah getting out of the restroom and bumping into Wes. Naningkit ang mga mata ko nang mag-usap ang dalawa na akala mo long time bestfriends. When did they even know each other? Why is Jamaicah smiling at the devil like that? What are they talking about outsideㅡ

"Girlfriend?"

Napatalon ako sa gulat dahil sa naging tanong ni Finley. "What?"

"You look jealous, Kai." her smile was almost a smirk. "Sending death glares to Wes. She must be your girlfriend."

A smile slowly appeared in my face and I couldn't stop myself from looking back at her. "Yeah... She's mine."

I thought admitting my serious partner to Finn would be weird but all I could feel is pride on my chest. Napakaganda sa feeling na sabihing akin siya habangbuhay... Na hindi na siya makakawala pa kahit pilitin niya.

"Take care of her," Finley said. "She's the person who'll stay 'cause you balance each other. I don't."

Kumunot ang noo ko. What does she mean?

"'m sorry..." she continued. "I like you, Kairo. And you love me so much too. But not meant for each other. You... never looked like that with me."

"Never look like what?"

"Like you wanted to be anyone and anything to keep her... If she asks to leave you for another man, you would, right?"

If she asks me to leave because of that? After all my claiming and desire to own her? My past self would be so crazy I'd keep her locked up... but I wouldn't want to do that to her.

That conversation made me realize how Jamaicah was so different from Finn. I wanted my kitten all to myself that I was furious with everything after, but I was willing to do anything to make Jam happy. Even if that means going to the arms of another guy.

And I think that's what Finn's pointing out. My love for her was a leash of craziness and obsession, but my love today was sacrificial. Marami na din ang nagsabi na kung handa kang magsakripisyo sa babaeng mahal mo, iyon ay totoong uri ng pagmamahal.

"Wait-" napahinto ako nang marealize ang isang bagay. "You like me?"

I couldn't help the surprise on my face because is she actually telling me that the possibility of us both in a relationship wasn't zero?

"Good friend, Kairo."

Her quick reply made me grimace and roll my eyes. But I remembered the following statement again.

"You knew I love you?"

She nodded. "Very obvious."

"You didn't look like you knew."

Mahinang natawa ang unang babaeng nagpabaliw sa puso ko.

"Guess you don't know me at all, Kairo."

Natawa din ako do'n. Guess I really don't. Dahil madali lang sa'kin basahin ang bawat galaw at expresiyon ni Jamaicah...

Nilaro ko ang mga daliri niya sa ilalim ng mesa pagkatapos ibigay ang regalo namin sa magpapakasal. It was a silver necklace with gold pendant that fits beautifully on Finn's neck. I know it would look gorgeous on her when she walks down the aisle wearing our gift.

When I locked the necklace in, I was also ending my own affection for her. And I wholeheartedly wished her a good marriage.

My kitten would forever be in my heart, for she is my first obsession and love. She was the safety and home that I wanted for so long but I was only a tenant... because we both belong with somebody else.

She's the perfect home for someone worthy and I have my own place with somebody's warmth.

As the sun set, declaring the end of my first love, I gave the woman who snatched my heart away a deep kiss.

"If you leave me, I don't think I'd be able to survive." I confessed against her lips.

My little foxy smiled and fiddled with my small gift for her. The diamond fits so perfectly in her fingers. Lagi akong napapangiti ng malaki kapag nakikita ang singsing sa daliri niya.

"With this cuff on my finger, I don't think I can, Kairo."

"That's right... You can't..." niyakap ko siya't pinagpahinga ang ulo sa kaniyang leeg. My love smells so lovely always. "Pinili mo ako kaya panagutan mo habangbuhay. "

She laughed and it was the most beautiful sound that I've heard.