-chapter sixty-two-

FINN

When Caspian's body hit the ground, the endless corridor disappeared.

I found myself falling in front of him, arms reached out to hold him. The cold feeling of blood made my body go numb.

No...

"Caspian?" hinawakan ko ang pisngi niya at inangat ang mukha. "Caspian? Wake up. I'm here. Don't... Don't leave, please-"

His eyes were already closed, and he looked like he was sleeping peacefully. Naghintay pa rin ako ng ilang minuto, umaasa na bubukas pa ang mata ni Caspian. Umasa dahil 'yon lang ang kaya kong gawin. I brushed my thumb in his bleeding cheek, painting my fingers red.

Alam ko naman. Like all the times death knocked on the door, only to take one of my family instead of me.

Alam ko. Pero masama bang umasa na sana mali lang ang naisip ko? Na sana, kahit isang beses lang, pakinggan ako ng mundo? Na sana, kahit ang taong 'to lang, ay hindi nila ipagkait sa'kin?

"Player Caspian died in the eleventh city after successfully killing a clown! Too bad~"

The cheery voice that announced was so damn annoying that I wanted to attack it. I wanted to go wherever it is and tell it to stop announcing fake things. I wanted to go and slap the truth. Caspian's not dead.

He's strong. He's not someone who would die just easily. Kanina nga, kahit na sugatan na siya't wala ng enerhiya, ay nakakaya niya pa ring lumaban. Caspian won't just die.

"...Right?" mahinang bulong ko.

Caspian didn't answer, nor did his eyes blink open. His body was cold against mine and he wasn't already breathing. Isang mahinang hikbi ang kumawala sa bibig ko, when I brushed Caspian's bloody bangs back.

Of course. What did I hope for? His shirt was already covered in blood, mula sa mga shards na nakasugat at sa malaking slash na nasa dibdib. His back... Caspian's back was filled with broken mirror pieces.

He was already injured before coming here. Halata sa stiff at careful movements niya noon na ayaw niyang palalain ang sugat, kahit nga sa laban namin sa Giant Mecha ay maingat siya. So why did he choose to be reckless now? When the monster we're facing couldn't be easily defeated? When there's a large possibility of his wound opening up and to be heavily injured in this city.

Bakit siya pumunta dito ng mag-isa?

"Bakit naman-..." my voice broke off. "Ikaw pa..."

My lips trembled as uncontrolled sobs escaped me. I still need you - your guidance and calm personality. If you go, the silence we both share would vanish.

Mahigpit kong niyakap si Caspian, ignoring the way some of the shards cut my skin. I touched his forehead with mine, tears streaming down my face.

Bakit ba gustong kunin ng mundo ang lahat sa'kin? Bakit ba nila ako binibigyan ng mga bagay na kukunin din pagkatapos ng ilang sandali? What crime did I do to make me suffer this much?

I don't have much, only the people around me. If I ever have a debt, should it really be paid by grief?

Kasi kahit ilang beses akong malagay sa ganitong sitwasyon, kahit ilang beses mawala ang mga taong malalapit sa'kin, that won't make me used to death. That won't make me numb and emotionless. Because every single death that I encounter feels like the first one.

The loneliness it brings is horrible. The reality that I would never be able to hold or talk to this person, because what's gone and lost would never come back anymore.

"Your hands are cursed with death."

Natigilan ako nang marinig ang boses na 'yon. Napalingon ako't nakita si Marcella sa dating pwesto niya, arms crossed and face blank. So... she wasn't just any illusion or reflection. Talaga ngang nakatayo siya diyan.

Pero, kung kanina pa siya, bakit hindi niya man lang tinulungan si Caspian?

"After killing Depore, you killed another? You are very cruel, Finn."

Kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. "Did not kill anyone."

"But you did. A dead Caspian is in your arms, right?"

"Not what happened. Alam mo 'yon."

Marcella raised a brow. Kinabahan ako sa naiisip niya o gagawin. Without solid evidence or even a credible witness, words can be twisted into any shape.

"Do I... really? Who would they believe when I say you were the culprit? Ikaw, na hindi nila masyadong kilala, o ako, na tinitingala ng lahat?"

Was the world the cruel one? Or was it the people around me, tainted with sins, who bring cruelty?

Do they think death is a mere child play? That grief is just its attachment and can be easily treated?

Mahina akong natawa sa audacity ng dalawang babae sa buhay ko, na kung makaasta ay kinuha ko sa kanila ang lahat. How dare they accuse me of stealing what's theirs or never feeling pain when they've never lost anything before?

Their fear is the possibility of losing something, while all I want is to stop losing everything.

Marahan kong ibinaba ang katawan ni Caspian. I couldn't help but see Depore in the same position - cold and lifeless for someone else's greed. Ikinuyom ko ang kamao at hinarap si Marcella.

My heart was conflicted - there was pain, loneliness, and guilt. But the anger... the anger that I have complete control with is starting to course up through me. Hindi ko talaga sila maintindihan kahit anong pilit ko. Wala naman akong pakialam kung sa'kin sila magalit o ako ang pagbuhatan nila nito, but to let someone else pay a non-existing debt.

Sino ba talaga sila sa tingin nila na hindi nila kaya ang konting sakit?

"So... trap?" nakangiti kong tanong jay Marcella. "You're the witness. I'm the murderer. After Depore's death, no one will believe me."

"I know you're smart and you didn't disappoint me. That's right. It is a perfect plan." Marcella tilted her head. "I despise these kind of things, but I didn't get my hand dirty. I would never kill a person... but circumstances have changed and I have no choice but to watch it."

I've already expected that, but hearing the confirmation is still a bit surprising. Paano nila kayang gawin 'to? Marcella may have wanted to remain human by not killing someone, but not helping is just the same sin, right? Hindi naman kailangan na ikaw talaga ang sumaksak para sabihing ikaw ang pumatay.

"You did all this..." I said in a low, cold voice. "All for what?"

Ano pa ba ang mas importante sa buhay ng isang tao?

"The existence of a Sparrow is a huge obstacle for me. While June is slowly ruining her reputation, there's still the Finley who seems to take everyone's attention now." umiling si Marcella. "There can only be one queen in this castle, Finn."

"At akala mo ikaw 'yon?"

Marcella looked shocked at my response. Pero hindi surpresa ang gusto kong makita sa mukha niya. I want to see guilt and fear in her face, the realization that she just indirectly killed someone for her own desires.

For her own desires... just how pathetic and small their reasons are.

"Is it a throne of diamonds? Or a crown of the grandest rubies?" I cocked a brow, scoffing a chuckle. "Just how beautiful is that castle for you to kill someone without mercy?"

Hindi ko alam kung naspeechless si Marcella sa sinabi ko o sa haba ng sinabi ko.

"Once you get a taste of the highest peak, after crawling on the ground, you would never want to lose it."

There was an emotional tone in Marcella's voice when she said that. I could also feel it. That there was something deeper sa mga salitang binitawan niya.

"If you get pushed from the top and experience the hard fall..." I stared deeply at Marcella's eyes. "You'll see that the ground is better."

"Kaya nga hinding-hindi ko hahayaang mangyari 'yan." tumuwid ng tayo si Marcella at dahan-dahang naglakad papunta sa'kin. "If I could use someone to cushion my fall, I would."

The hilt of the throwdagger was cold against my hand, but it was almost melted by the burning of my heart. Hindi ko hinahayaang pangunahan ako ng galit. But if I let it reign now, would it be alright? Siguro naman may karapatan akong magalit.

When Marcella did not stop, I raised the kunai and pointed it at her. Huminto ang mga hakbang niya, the tip of the blade just inches from her face. I stared at her over my furrowed brows.

"One more step. Aatake ako."

Marcella gave a low hum. Parang pinag-aaralan niya ako sa tingin niya.

"This is quite surprising. I know you to be straightforward, but you were always reserve in your words." sumulyap siya sa likuran ko. "Is it his death that makes you step up?"

Hindi ko siya sinagot. Hindi ko rin ibinaba ang hawak na dagger. Mahigit isang minuto din kami nagpalitan ng masamang tingin. Marcella seemed annoyed at my threat, but she did not step forward anymore.

Then a mirror lit up - the upper left of it broken, but the bottom part was still intact. Tattoo-like markings appeared, symbols and words carving into the glass. Nalipat doon ang atensiyon naming dalawa at kumunot ang noo ko sa nabasa.

Parang isa itong notice na malilipat na kami sa kabilang city. I briefly remembered the earlier clue I've received for completing this city. Kailangang makapatay ng isang clown at maghanap ng marked mirror para makalipat sa susunod na city.

My head started to clear as I tried to recall the events. Napakabilis at nakakadraining ng pangyayari na hindi ko na alam ito. Since Depore's death, I couldn't think clearly and I could only feel the monsted of loneliness gnawing in my heart.

Wes pulled me to the next city because my presence there would be of no help. Lalo na't pinapaalis na din ako ni Kairo. Speaking of him, I need to find him and explain things. That is... if he would still believe me.

June instantly disappeared after she heard the voice, which means she used her benefit to go invisible. Kaya siguro ang akala ni Kairo ako ang nakapatay. Because I was the only one there. Ako na may hawak na dagger na malapit sa sugat ni Depore. Kahit ako si Kairo, siguro'y pagsususpetyahan ko din ang sarili.

Then, while I was still healing from losing someone and being the center of suspicion, I was dragged in a city of mirrors which seemed to enjoy replaying my memories. Hindi naman siguro ito gawa lang ng cities, pero gawa na rin ng sariling isip ko. I can't help but remember the past events whenever something bad happens.

There was no time for rest, because the clown suddenly appeared and attacked me. I tried to follow June, but I stepped into a trap and watched Caspian... and now, this marked mirror must be a gateway to the next city.

Marcella glanced at me when she saw me walked towards Caspian. Humalukipkip siya nang umupo ako sa tabi ng lalaki at tinitigan ang matiwasay niyang mukha.

"You can't bring corpses-"

"Has a name." putol ko. "Caspian."

"I am aware. Anyway, you can't bring him to the next city. It's prohibited." tugon niya. "The player's body remains at the city they died in."

Hindi ko siya pinansin. Marcella may have noticed that I gave zero care over whatever she said because she added, "Hindi ako nagsisinungaling. It's a rule. I know that because I've already tried it."

Hindi ko pa rin siya pinansin. I know that loss wasn't anything deep, because Marcella has no strong emotional connection with any players here. Sa mga taong may halaga sa kaniya, well, they're alive until now.

Hindi ko naman planong dalhin si Caspian. I just... wanted to make a farewell.

I intertwined our hands, gently smiling while looking at his face.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, my eyes welling up. "Sorry for being helpless and useless. Didn't get to save or protect you. 'm... s-sorry."

Oddly, I can feel Caspian forgiving me. He was always a patient and understanding person.

"Promise to protect those you hold dear."

Like how I gave them my word on the eighth city, now I give you my word that I'll always look over them.

Sandaling nagliwanag ang buong paligid bago tuluyang kinain ng dilim. I felt Caspian's hand leave mine and I found myself in the center of darkness... alone. Like all the other times where my light faded.

Darkness wasn't new to me. Kaya nga rin siguro pinili ko ang dark arts at ang shadow. While the black void was cold and lonely, it was very familiar.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto o oras na akong nakaupo dito pero madilim pa rin ang buong paligid. I tried walking around but my feet seems chained. I couldn't go past a certain distance. Mukhang hindi naman ako nasa kung anong dimensyon kasi nakatapak ako sa lupa. Parang pinatay lang talaga ang ilaw at wala akong makita.

But I know there were others with me. I could feel their presence, like small burning flames that flickers at every movement. May malapit sa'kin at mayro'n ding malayo na. I could feel two dull presences near me, and the addition of another just by my side.

Nanatili iyon ng mga limang minuto, bago tuluyang lumiwanag ang paligid.

The sky welcomed me first - ang mga puting ulap at ang maginaw na hangin ang agad na sumalubong. What I registered next was that we're up in the sky, standing in a large, floating piece of earth. Sa ilalim namin ay may isang dungeon na balot na balot sa bakal. It was located in the center of what seemed to be an arena.

Sunod kong nakita ay ang mga bato na nasa paligid namin. The floating rocks were in different sizes; some that could carry three people and others which could only fit one feet. Parang nakalinya nga sila mula dito papunta sa arena na nasa ilalim. They looked like dangerous stairs. Must we take this to get down?

Pero kaya nga ba ng lahat na tumalon-talon dito? The gaps between the rocks were no joke. May ibang sobra ang pagitan at mayro'n namang magkatabi lang.

The last thing that caught my attention is the fact that every floating island have four players present. At sa lupang kinaroroonan ko ay nakatayo sina June, Renée, at Marcella. The chains around my feet suddenly broke apart.

Marcella and June had their eyes fixed on me and I was prepared for any attack, but we were distracted by a sudden voice.

"Dear rogues, before you can step into the Twelfth City, Dungeon for the Legends, you will have to partake in this challenge. The Stairs of Sacrificial Success will be a test for your value of companionship. Your task is simple. You must get down in the City Arena using either the floating rocks or staying in the island. But, remember, the island can only accommodate three players down, so one of you must take the floating rocks. You have... twenty minutes to do this, rogues. If no one leaves the island in the required time, the most injured player will be kicked out. Good luck!"

I know. When Marcella and June's eyes landed on Renée and me, there was a predatory gleam.

I'm heavily injured, with a failing energy and supposedly low magic power. Alam kong alam nila iyon, dahil sila naman ang rason kung bakit ako ganito ka-sugatan. I'm only dragging my left leg because of Marcella's burn and June's persistent stabbing. I came back from a boss nest, exhausted and most of my magic energy spent. I just finished fighting a clown in a city of mirrors, which made me bleed all over. I am emotionally and mentally unstable as of the moment.

But I still am no prey.

They might call themselves queens, an eagle and a falcon, where I am just a small and lowly sparrow.

But I'm not going down that easily.

Until my last feather, this sparrow will fly.

-chapter end-