-chapter sixty-one-

CASPIAN

I was never particularly interested in anything.

The Romero and Lim owns a chain of hotels and restaurants, various resorts and even real estates. We're not very publicly known, unlike the Villamors, but we're placed in high society. Kaya naman madali lang ang magtanong ng kahit ano dahil mabilis itong mabibigay.

Mas gusto kong pinaghihirapan ang mga bagay. Earning them after a hard work makes it more rewarding.

Mas gusto ko ang nagbabasa ng makabuluhang bagay. Things that could help me or other people. I believe in the value of wisdom and the beauty in rules.

But I don't really chase after them.

Kung hindi man mangyayari iyon, wala naman akong reklamo. I don't dwell so much on things I lose, and I don't celebrate too hard on things I earn. I only accept what's happening and learn how to adjust on it. So I didn't complain when Oliver was the heir to our company, because I also got the chance to pursue law.

Whenever we have a family reunion, I look for my place and stand there, firm. I remain quiet for the entirety of the evening, occasionally speaking if spoken to.

I'm not timid or shy, I just find comfort in silence and small words.

Kaya nga siguro malaki ang pagkakaiba namin ng pinsan ko.

Jan Oliver Lim is a star. He has everything in the world - a wealthy family, amazing friends, social abilities, handsome face, high intellect, and a body for sports. Ngunit may dalawa siyang kahinaan; ang pagkamahiyain sa mga babae at ang laging paghahanap sa pinsan kapag napapahamak.

"Insan!"

Nanatili akong nakatutok sa binabasang libro. I can hear his loud footsteps in the hallway, at mas umingay ito nang makalapit siya sa garden. Gumalaw ang patio swing nang biglaan siyang umupo dito. I inwardly sighed. Ano na naman kayang nangyari?

"So I was trying to flirt on this girl kasi ang ganda niya..."

I brushed a finger over a page, patting them back neatly. Ikinuwento ni Lim ang nangyari doon sa babae at pinakinggan ko lang ang mga importanteng detalye - I don't think it's necessary for me to know how long her lashes are or if her eyes shine when she smiles.

"Tapos, insan!" he whined. "She flirted back!"

Tuluyan kong isinarado ang libro para bumaling sa pinsan. "Wasn't that what you were hoping for?"

"Siyempre hindi! Natakot kaya ako na bigla na lang siyang nakisabay sa'kin. They're so scary!"

"You flirted first."

Lim glared at me. "Alam ko! E kasi nga ang ganda niya tapos ang..." I tuned out the compliments. "... kaya siyempre kailangan ko siyang purihin! Pero lumapit siya, insan- like super lapit na parang magki-kiss na kami kaya umalis ako!"

Of course. The Romero-Lim family is filled with males, aside from our mothers and aunts, kaya naman awkward si Oliver sa mga babae. He likes to treat or talk to them because he thinks they're soft, fragile, and cute, but he can never take the small talks forwards. Hanggang doon lang lagi.

I sighed. "Do you know what flirting means?"

Malakas niya akong binatukan, mabuti na lang at agad kong naiharang ang libro. Siya tuloy ang dumadaing sa sakit. This was a hardbound, after all.

"Siyempre naman- aray, ang sakit no'n." aniya habang hinihimas ang siko. "Pero, it's usually just us saying compliments. Not girls advancing too."

"That's sexist. Of course, women has the capability to deliver sweet talks. Why must you draw a line in that specific action?"

"Hindi naman sa gano'n, insan! Pero ayokong ginagawa nila 'yon sa'kin! Nakakakilabot!"

I stared at my cousin, disbelieving. "Do not do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you."

Oliver rolled his eyes, huffing. May gana pa siyang magalit sa'kin, gayong siya naman ang lumapit.

"Ewan ko sa'yo, nagqo-quote ka na diyan. Let's just play games."

I nodded.

Games... were something of my interest, I guess. It was a form of escape from the cruelty of reality. It was a way to relax after a hard-earned day - equivalent to a high score after nights of studying. The body and mind releases stress and there's enjoyment as a freebie.

It was a hobby I stumbled upon accidentally, caused by a teary-eyed Oliver.

"Oli, this is your cousin, Vince Caspian. You're just the same age, kaya siguradong magiging close kayo!" Mother exclaimed happily.

A small child peeked out behind Aunt Olivia. His blue eyes were a confirmation to his foreign blood, brought by his father's genes. Ang pagkasingkit niya naman ay galing din sa Papa niya na half-Irish, half-Chinese, and also from our family dahil may chinese blood din kami.

Mother turned to me. "Caspian. Ikaw na ang bahala sa kaniya ha?"

I nodded. Nang umalis si Mother at Auntie to catch up on their lives, I faced my trembling cousin. Mother has warned me about his shyness in advance, so I'm not very surprised about his actions.

I wouldn't normally care and let him be, but Mother has placed a responsibility to me.

Nahagip ng tingin ko ang X-box na paboritong laruin ni Kuya Carson. He always had a smile in his face while playing it, and he also invited me to play occasionally, so I guess it wouldn't hurt to use it now.

"Lim." I called out to him. "Do you play games?"

While I was the one who invited him to play games with me, it was him who took that hobby to heart.

To the point where he even has a streaming channel now and is known as one of the pro-gamers at the top of the gaming society.

"Ah, ang insan ko ba?" Oliver laughed as he read one of the comments. "Nako, hindi siya interesado sa mga channel-channel na ganito kaya huwag na kayo masyadong magtanong. Makikita niyo naman ang gwapo niyang mukha sa stream ko. Pero bu-buwisitin ko pa rin siya!"

Lim smiled hopefully at me but I only responded with a dead stare. As if I would ever start one of those channels. Playing games is enough.

Still, my refusal will not stop Lim's persuasions. Matigas ang ulo niya at hindi gumagana ang tainga para makinig sa mga ayaw ko.

"Heyy, Dier! Legacy tayo maya after practice?"

We were walking in the campus grounds when we bumped into Dierk Van and his group of friends. I have two hours of break before my last class, which starts at 7:30pm, kaya plano kong tumambay sa library. Oliver found me while he was chilling in the student lounge and decided to come, until the chemistry laboratory opened and the students poured out. Kasama si Dierran sa mga 'yon.

"Oli!" Dierran grinned, bumping fists with Lim. "Yeah, yeah, sure. Your cousin's coming?"

"Nah, walang interes si insan sa mga clubs." bigla niya akong inakbayan. "Sa tingin ko nga wala na 'tong tiyansa magka-girlfriend."

"Woah. Same as our Wes, 'no?" one of Dierran's friend commented. "Ayon at nasa loob pa rin para magreview."

"Wala bang next class?"

"Nope. Kami na ang huling klase para sa Lab 3, so he can do anything he wants."

Hanggang kailan pa ba 'tong usapan nila?

Lim glanced at me. "Sige, Dier. Kita tayo maya sa parking. My cousin needs to study too." bumuntong-hininga siya. "Kung sana kasi babae inatupag kaysa sa libro."

Dierran nodded, chuckling. "Don't worry. It's either they only have one girl in their life or has no interest. We'll get going na, Oli. Have to talk to Coach."

"'Ge."

I do not have any deep opinions about the matter. I do not doubt that I will gain interest later, in order for marriage, but there is no one who can easily catch my attention. Hindi ko nararamdaman ang mga katagang umuulan sa bibig ni Oliver kapag nakakasalubong niya ang isang magandang babae.

I am curious, but I have a strong control over my curiousity. Hindi naman dahil nakakapagtaka ay kailangan ko na agad malaman ang sagot.

Since Oliver was out, I only played for a short while and decided to browse on Streamtube. There is this dungeon lair I would like to finish alone, for doing so generates more rewards. I tried searching for tips, and a certain thread caught my attention. Kaya ngayon ay nandito ako sa account ng isang kilalang streamer.

Black Sparrow. What a weird username.

I have encountered gamers who uses animals in their names, mostly cool-sounding ones such as wolves, foxes, lions, and even panthers. It is quite rare for them to use birds, but it's even rarer to use a sparrow, a common bird who is often associated with humans. I wouldn't be surprised if it was eagle or crow, much less a falcon. But this small bird?

For a streamer who must have the highest subscribers count, much higher than Marcella, the so-called queen.

I have always a strong grip on my curiousity, never letting the small questions get the best of me. But I found myself clicking on a video I needed to learn and getting captivated in the small voice that greeted.

How uncanny. After that, I, who finds beauty in rules, decided that breaking them was even more beautiful.

"Insan? Nagstart ka ng streaming channel?"

Gulat na gulat si Oliver nang sabihin ko sa kaniya iyon. I offered a small nod in response, before defending myself from my cousin's suspicious eyes.

"There were people who said my voice was comforting, so I wanted to ease their fatigue a bit by just talking. If my voice could help, why shouldn't I? I am also quite tired of your nagging."

Hindi ko sinabing may isang streamer na nagpabukas ng isipan ko tungkol doon. Na hindi naman kailangang makita ang mukha o maging over-friendly para lang makatulong sa ibang tao. It's also quite nice to know that people were soothed from my voice.

"Eh? Alam mo namang hindi ka required kahit na mag-iyak pa ako dito! Pero maganda 'yan pinsan, hehe. Let's always collab!"

So I guess that's how the gaming cousin image was also established.

And that reputation, along with Oliver's standing, was probably one of the determinants as to why we received an e-mail from the BBG to beta-test their new game.

I was skeptical at first but Oliver's excitement made me agree.

I only waited for the game, while Oliver beside me mumbled about not understanding the book I made him read. Inayos ko ang puting mask na nakatakip sa bibig at sinubukang umidlip.

"Bakit may isang bata dito?"

Amnesia was always insufferable, because of his irritating arrogance. But I never expected that his outburst would cause another of my rules to break.

Hindi naman siya gano'n ka bata, unlike Depore's child-like appearance. She wasn't just that tall and had an innocent face. Nakabunghay ang maitim niyang buhok na abot bewang, and there was a certain feature of hers that I couldn't escape from. Lalo na nang dumaan sa gawi namin ang mata niya. Mabuti na lang at natatago ng buhok ko ang mata.

Those brown eyes should be a crime.

When another insulting comment came up that made Lim to argue back, her eyes glinted in realization. May kumikinang na bang mata na gaya ng sa kaniya?

"Gusto mo bang gumawa na lang tayo ng sariling alliance, insan? You can be the vice-captain or something."

Lim must have noticed my discomfort in the dirty diner and rowdy players, so he suggested that. I am actually fine with whatever he decides upon, because I will just do my tasks.

But then the doors opened and the alliance leader, Theo, stepped in, with two girls trailing behind him.

Umiling ako sa tanong ni Lim at ipinokus ang tingin sa mesa. "It's fine here."

"Okay...?" biglang natigilan si Lim at bumaling sa bagong-dating na umupo sa tabi namin. "Oh. You're familiar."

Very, if I may say so. The diner's a bit dark but her eyes are very clear here.

"She's the girl who Amnesia bullied." tugon ko.

I could feel her curious stare burn unto me, pero hinayaan ko lang iyon. I believe things would go bad if I ever turn and meet her eyes. My confidence in my self-control is diminishing whenever she's near.

How strange for me to feel this way.

I was quite conflicted in my decisions and actions after that. While I am against Lim's decision to follow Finley, she now has a name, one as pretty as her eyes, I must say I am a bit happy to come. Ang reklamong sinabi ko ay para lang makapitan ulit ang kontrol sa sarili, kahit na nagagalak akong sumama.

It was even better because of her surprising move. Napakabilis no'n na talagang hindi mo agad makikitang umalis na siya, but since my eyes were focused on her, I could clearly see her jumping up and disappearing.

It's embarrassing to confess that my eyes seemed to have malfunctioned, because it always drifts to her direction. Whether near of somewhere far, her presence was always clear. Was it just her eyes or her timid self that I am interested on?

But Finn's patience is also something. Nang turuan ko siya kung paano imanage ng mabuti ang kaniyang magic, kailangan no'n ng malaking pasensya, dahil uupo ka at gagawin ng paulit-ulit ang isang aksiyon. Still Finn never complained - not with the training, nor when Depore decides to be a kid.

Finn's hard work also amazes me. When there's a long and hard road, most people would stumble and rest a bit or sometimes quit. Ngunit kahit na nadadapa at may sugat, Finn continues to run until she achieves her goal. Was it an attitude she developed together with her unlimited patience? Or was she just used to the fact that great rewards come with blood and sweat?

Finn's kindness always makes me smile too. There is no line between rivalry and friends for her, and she would never hesitate to lend a hand if capable. However, her kindness wasn't naivety. While she may help Marcella or any enemy she has, she does so after a deserved punishment or for a good reason.

Finn's smile that is so rare, I might just paint it to preserve it. The way her eyes perk up whenever excited or happy. The way her lips curl into a small pout when she doesn't understand anything or is upset. How she tilts her head whenever she is curious about something but would not verbally ask it.

And... the silence she offers is such a comforting feeling. It was something new. It was something good. Na parang ang bawat pag-upo niyo sa tabi ng isa't isa ay nasa isang meadow kayo na malakas ang sariwang hangin, o sa tabi ng talon na parang musika ang bawat hampas ng tubig.

I never expected for a single girl to break my rules, but I never expected for the silence to stop either.

"Insan, hindi ka talaga nag-iingat!" Lim scolded.

Hindi ko naman inaasahan ang nangyari. The flying axe just came out of nowhere and I was fortunate to escape it without being cut in half. The large slash on my chest was a huge pain, but it was better than really dying.

"Being careful is out of the option when it comes to surprise attacks." nang makita kong sasagot pa siya ay inunahan ko na. "We were very careful, and it even took us a couple of minutes to get through, pero natamaan pa rin ako."

"Gusto kong manisi so shut up."

I did not answer anymore since Lim is very stubborn and hard-headed. I'm itching to comment about how he is most likely to have these wounds if he used that path too, pero ayoko nang magkagulo. Besides, Lim has already his head down and shoulders slumped.

"Insan... alam kong malakas ka pero-" mahina na ang boses niya. "I-promise mo nga sa'kin na 'di ka mamamatay dito. Wala sa ating dalawa. I don't want to lose my family."

"Like you said, I am pretty strong myself. I believe I am capable of surviving here."

While I may not claim the brown-eyed girl here, I also do not want to let her out of my sight.

There is no need for her to pick me, nor does she have to answer this feelings I possess, having her near is already enough.

I may not have power over my self-control anymore, but I refuse to be greedy.

"Alam niyo bang pinatay daw ni Finn si Depore?"

"Wait, weh? 'Di nga? Close sila no'n, hindi ba?"

"Ay nako, siguro na hindi. Ang alam ko kasi ay parang kapatid ang turing ni Depore sa kaniya, pero itong si Finn e agad na lang nanaksak! Akalain mo 'yon? Siguro lumaki na ang ulo niya dahil kasama niya ang mga malalaking pangalan?"

"Weird naman. Parang mas malakas naman siya sa kanilang lahat kaya 'di na 'yon kailangan."

"Nako, e sabi nga ni Amnesia cheater 'yon! Kaya nanalo siya sa laban nilang dalawa, lalo na do'n kay Marcella!"

"Para ngang ang arogante niyang tingnan. Alam kong may galit din si Dylan do'n eh, tapos namatay bigla... sigurado akong siya din may gawa no'n."

"Tanga. Paano si Finn may gawa e hindi nga tumaas points niya nang mamatay si Dylan."

"Kanina ka pa satsat ng satsat ah! Crush mo 'yon no?!"

Lim and I frowned at the conversation of the people around us. Kaya pala siguro nawala na lang bigla sina Kairo. Pero... si Finn? Papatayin si Depore? That is highly unlikely.

They can't even use Depore's noise as a reason for the murder because Finn's patience is overflowing. Sila ang magkasama buong magdamag sa Magus City, so Finn is already used to it.

For Finn who also tolerates Eura, who is the noisiest player- Tsk. This players just say anything on their mind.

"Kung may kinalaman man 'yon kay Kairo, sigurado akong hindi 'yon lalabas." komento ni Lim. "He and his alliance are very particular with secrets. Ibig sabihin ibang tao ang nagpakalat nito."

Tumango ako. Gano'n nga siguro ang nangyari. I am betting from Wes' surprised reaction and Kairo's disappearance that this was supposed to be a private matter.

But someone spilled it for the whole population to know.

Hindi talaga ako isang taong reckless pagdating sa desisyon. Hindi din ako ang taong gagawa ng bagay na hindi pa pinag-iisipan.

I dislike possessing someone else or even some things, because it feels like a sin. A greedy attitude like that eats up the soul.

But, for once, I'd like to be greedy and see Finn for myself. I wanted to know and confirm if she really is alright and just hide her from the world that is painting her in red.

When she is more suited for white.

Ngunit hindi ko rin inaasahan na ang desisyong ito ay maghahantong sa ganito. Was I too overconfident in my abilities? Or too hurried to see someone?

Or was it a bad match-up? Dahil sobrang hirap patayin ng clown na nasa harap ko ngayon.

I stopped for a moment, creating a fire barrier while catching my breath. The clown was too powerful and too hard to fight with. Parang wala lang ang mga atake na ginagawa ko sa kaniya. The needles could only rip through clothes and even my fire magic was pointless.

Dumako ang mata ko sa salamin kung saan kita ko ang repleksiyon ni Marcella. She's been there for long, but she wasn't doing anything. Nanonood lang siya.

Ano ang ginagawa niya doon?

I didn't know that it would quickly be answered.

My throat hurts when I was dropped on the ground. Itinukod ko ang kamay sa sahig para hindi tuluyang matumba. Sobrang hirap na ang huminga dahil sa sugat na nasa dibdib ko, gano'n din ang tumayo dahil sigurado akong may pirasong salamin na nakatusok sa paa ko. The shards that pierced through my back were also painful...

To the point that my vision was already blurring.

"Caspian!"

Pero, hindi ko inakalang may boses na biglang magpapagising sa'kin. The voice was too close to my heart. It was a voice of the most lovely woman on earth.

Mahina akong napatawa. Siguro kahit na mabulag ako o mabingi, makikilala at makikilala ko pa rin siya.

Dahan-dahan kong inangat ang tingin. There, I saw the girl who flawlessly took my interest, alongside my heart. A girl whose smile was the most precious to me.

There were cuts in her skin, and I've always hated seeing blood in her skin. Sobrang naiinis ako matapos ang match nila ni Marcella dahil sugatan siya. Her hair was also messy, at hindi na ito nakatali sa signature twin bun niya.

Magulo na ang buhok niya. If only I wasn't bloody and injured, I would tie your hair for a lifetime, Finn. Kahit na mapagod o maubos pa ang daliri ko.

I would always take care of you.

The mirrors around me exploded.

When her eyes widened with fear, I wanted to walk closer and tell her to not get so worried. Mas maganda kang tingnan na masaya, kaysa sa puno ng lungkot ang mata.

I promise myself to make you smile, not cry.

The sharp shards that fell were painful, but her expression was even more heartbreaking. Because seeing tears fall down from those brown eyes stabbed me more than the piece of mirrors did.

I opened my mouth to say, "Finn."

A name so lovely and fitting for you, my darling.

Pinilit ko ang sarili na tumuwid ng upo at hindi matumba. I could already feel my body failing - my vision blurring and my chest heaving. Napakahirap ng huminga at parang masarap ng... matulog.

I smiled, trying to ease her worry, mouthing another set of words.

"Don't cry, love."

I want to touch your cheeks for the last time. Or feel your warmth. Or just hold you close. Ngunit bumigay ang kamay ko at tuluyang pumikit ang mga mata.

"Caspian!"

Hinding-hindi ko pagsisihan na lumingon ako noong araw na 'yon.

I can still remember the quiet forest and your dull presence. How our eyes met while you stepped in my shadow, lips slightly parting and strands of hair falling to your face.

It was beauty and love in the silent of forms.

I would forever be cursed with my own silence, because until here I couldn't tell you my true feelings. But I do hope you could feel the sincerity from my actions.

That from the bottom of my hearts, you were my greatest first love, Finley Lilliane.

-chapter end-

▪︎▪︎▪︎

Dear Rogues, a player with great contribution has already departed. Player Caspian died in the twelfth city. Too bad!

▪︎▪︎▪︎