The longest chapter written here. Epilogue will be posted next!

wes arc lololol

-chapter one-hundred twenty-four-

WES

Ano kaya ang itsura niya kapag nakangiti?

I watched as she hugged her knees from the opposite corridor. Her head was hung low as she sat in the narrow steps. Ang medyo malawak na garden lang ang nasa pagitan naming dalawa. Walang tao, maliban sa nurses na busy sa ginagawa. But I still couldn't find it in myself to step close to her.

Not when she just lost the man who was her brother figure. Not when she spent months beside his hospital bed, days following me, begging for him to be saved, and hours of staring at the space, crying.

Since she arrived here, all I saw was her lifeless eyes. All I felt was her numbness. All I knew was her desperation to not lose anybody else.

Kaya siguro gustong-gusto kong makita ang ngiti niya. Gusto kong malagyan ng buhay ang mga mata niya.

The first time I met Finley Lilliane, I was seven and she was five.

Nasa clinic ako ni Mommy, hinihintay na matapos siya for this day. I was a little pissed because I met that Kairo guy at school and he glared at me. I didn't like how sharp his eyes looked and how cunning his smile always is. So I ignored him when he came up to me, walking away and heading to the hospital.

I was reading a book about Stoicism when the small girl sat in the bench in front of mine. Dahan-dahan kong binaba ang libro para mapag-aralan siya. Her lifeless eyes surprised me. Parang wala siya sa mundo sa oras na 'yon dahil tulala siya't walang kaekspresiyon sa mukha. Nang i-angat niya ang tingin sa'kin, it felt like I was gazing at an empty shell.

A lady bursting into the quiet hall stole my attention. The horror in her face told me something grave happened and it must be connected to the lifeless girl since she rushed to her quickly.

"Finley! Diyos ko, andito ka lang pala! Ayos ka lang ba? Do you want water? Dadating na rin si Tita Layla mo dito mamaya. Doon ka muna sa'min, ha?"

Her name clung to my mind unwillingly. What a weird name for a girl. Finley. I wanted to taste the sound of her name in my tongue, but it would be odd to call her out when we are strangers.

Umiling ang bata at nagtanong, "Where's Mama and Papa?"

The older lady bit her lower lip, eyes tearing up. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanila dahil alam ko na kung anong nangyari. Having a family who practice medication for decades got me used to these types of expression and events. The little girl had just lost her parents... and maybe, a little bit of herself too.

A month after that, I rode my bike down the hill, patungo sa fishing town. There were a few humble families who decided to live there rather than the array of expensive mansions in the middle of the city and this town, or the high-end subdivision at the heart of the city. Dadaan lang sana ako sa sementeryo at liliko nang makita ko ulit ang batang babae. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa'kin at huminto ako para pagmasdan siya.

The afternoon wind made her black hair sway. She was as still as a stone in front of her parent's grave. Walang kahit anong luha na pumatak at nanatili lang siyang nakatulala roon.

Maybe the setting sun had some terrible magic and it tricked me with a curse, dahil wala akong ideya kung bakit sobrang ganda niya sa paningin ko sa oras na 'yon. I've always thought I would be attracted to people once I've grown to like them, it was the principle that signify the most with me in terms of attraction. I haven't even exchanged a full sentence with this girl but I was already looking forward to her smile. To her attention. To her constant presence around me.

Terrible, isn't it? There are all sorts of crushes that happens around my age, but I have never grown to like anyone but her. I blamed the setting sun, her hair dancing, and the contrast of herself amidst the lifeless cemetery. I also blamed myself for stopping to stare.

But it's alright, I told myself that time. This is only attraction at the childest of forms. It doesn't mean I love her and the said curse is set. Curiosity channels this attraction in me, but the three elements of love are my determinants to the real emotion.

The second time I saw her, she was a seven-year old kid chasing me so that her older brother could be treated.

"Alright! Can you stop asking me that all the time? Mahirap din kayang makipag-usap sa kanila."

I didn't want to break her heart a little earlier. Alam ko rin naman na hindi siya maniniwala kung sasabihin ko na wala ng pag-asang mabuhay ang kuya niya. He's comatose and I heard from Mommy that he's not getting better. Mukhang hindi na rin kaya ng ina nito na makitang walang progress ang anak niya. He's in the best hospital with the best doctors, and it wouldn't change the fact of death knocking on his door. Nor him accepting the offer gratefully.

It's been months at wala pa rin. Ang batang babae na ito na lang ang pabalik-balik para makitang maayos lang siya.

"Saan ka na naman pupunta, Weston? Sa ospital?"

I stopped on my tracks, turning to my father who had a mug on his hand. Kakarating ko lang galing sa school at hawak-hawak ko ang librong plano kong i-advance read. I'm taking them to the hospital, since I'll be staying there until Mom comes home.

"Yes."

"She's not there."

I blinked. "Mom?"

"That girl you're always looking for," he watched me carefully. "She's not there."

Agad kong iniwas ang tingin, natatakot na baka may nalaman si Dad. "I'm not going to her. I'm leaving to see Mom."

He hummed, a teasing smile on his face that almost irritated me. "I'm just asking, son. Ilang buwan ka ng pumupunta doon pero sabi ng Mom mo, madalang ka lang niyang makita. And I saw some girl yesterday chasing you." he shrugged. "I know what that looks like. I've been through that with your Mom."

I know what he was talking about. It was this curse that they said ran on our family. We are punished or gifted, depending on the person asked, to love only one woman for the rest of our life. Like a generational curse that was integrated into our genes so the rest of the Salvallon's could suffer our ancestor's fucked-ups.

Kumuyom ang kamao ko at hindi ko pa rin siya tinitingnan nang sumagot, "It's not that. It could never be that."

Umalis ako sa bahay at dumiretso sa ospital, my father's conversation still present on my mind. True enough, she wasn't around and I heard from the lady that was guarding her Kuya Gabriel, that she was sick and had to stay at home.

While reading Ivan Pavlov's theory for the third time, I slammed my head on the book. Imbes na sa classical conditioning ako magfocus, my mind keeps wondering if she's okay and eating healthy. I had to reason with myself that it's normal to worry for a person you've known and talked to. We're allowed to worry over a stranger who may get into danger, and we do worry about consequences and outcomes in the books or movies we enjoy.

It's normal.

I couldn't go to the hospital a week after that because I needed to focus on school projects. The institution was holding a festival and to avoid from partaking in any social hosting, I agreed to plan the event behind-the-scenes. Hindi ako sadali sa mga social interactions at magiikot lang to observe the event and make sure the students are following the rules. Extroverted people like Dierran and Eura can do all the talking. Ang mga parents na pumupunta sa section namin ay nando'n lang naman para tumili at magpicture dahil ang babait naming mga bata.

After taking the periodical exams, I rushed to the hospital. An hour before, I received a message from my Mom, saying her Kuya Gabriel had passed away. I wanted to make sure she's okay.

I found Finley Lilliane, her name so strikingly beautiful, in an empty room. I could hear her quiet sobs and the way her shoulders keep moving up and down as she terribly hide her pain broke me. Kinuha ko mula sa bag ang isang bagay na hiniram ko kay Dierran. I approached her, her eyes slowly looking up at me. The brown eyes that made me remember the autumnal leaves or the soils of summer after rain, or the bask of amber in the quiet rays of dawn now tainted by anguish and grief.

I should have known by then — the moment I saw her cry. Na siya lang ang natatangi sa buhay ko.

I held the controller up, letting myself drown in her eyes. "'Di ba naglalaro ka? Care to teach me some games?"

We stayed in that empty room until the setting sun peeked through the windows and the orange hue travelled to our feet. We've defeated the boss for five times now and her faint smile had gone. Tumayo ako para sana kumuha ng snack sa bag nang maramdaman ko ang paghawak niya sa'kin. Those soft hands covered mine, tugging me to sit back down.

"Don't leave. Hate being alone..." her voice was begging. "Please."

Kukuha lang naman ako ng pagkain pero kung hindi ka naman gutom at ayaw mo ngang mapag-isa, sasamahan talaga kita.

When I watched her aunt fetch her, eyes red and swollen, I exhaled deeply. Whenever she's there, I'm not thinking of anything else. Gusto ko lang masiguradong okay siya at masaya. Pero kapag wala na siya sa tabi ko, doon na bumubuhos ang pag-aalala ko.

What was that again? Was it normal? It was normal, right? I... Comforting someone you know was grieving is normal. It's a natural emotion that is uncontrollable and it's our empathy taking dominance.

This is not the curse they're talking about.

"Nakipag-usap sa'yo kanina si Jamaicah, ah! She's pretty, dude. May mga boys from the lower section na may crush sa kaniya. Hula ko, si Oliver, may gusto do'n! He flirted with her yesterday!"

I glared at Dierran who opened the topic as we ate in the cafeteria during lunch. Second year high-school and they were having these discussions. Bakit hindi na lang sila magfocus sa pag-aaral at i-tackle ang bagay na 'yan pagkatanda? When they have stable jobs and careers that they can support their family without problems. This teenage love is just formed by puberty, curiosity, and hormones after all. Some of them will wither in time.

"So? You like her?"

"Hindi 'no! You know I'm loyal to Glory."

I made no comments about that. He's just irritated about his attraction to Glory, and he tried to push it off by hitting on different girls. I have no idea if he's true to his feelings or he sees Glory as a challenge.

"Pero ano? Ayaw mo ba kay Jam? Or are you still stuck up on that girl you kept on visiting for the past four years?"

Iniwas ko ang tingin. Alam niya dahil noong bumisita sila kasama si Maki sa bahay at sinamahan akong bumisikleta sa village ay natagpuan nila akong nanonood sa may dagat. It's been a habit of mine since I last saw her at the hospital. I thought not seeing her again would make the curiosity and attraction fade, but I found myself going to the town on the weekends, trying to get a sight of her.

The first time, I just wanted to make sure she's okay. Kapag nakita kong okay lang siya, aalis na ako at hindi babalik pa. But when I saw her down there on the beach, being chased by three of her friends, I stopped.

I was left breathless when I saw the smile on her face. Hindi para sa'kin 'yon kun'di para sa lalaking kalaro niya pero hindi ko mapigilan ang maging masaya. The relief that flooded into me because she was happy and well was indescribable.

Bumaba ako sa bisikleta at mahinang natawa. "Ganda mo." bulong ko sa hangin na parang madadala nito ang mensahe ko sa kaniya.

It was alright. That smile that I was always so looking forward to is being generously given to other people. It makes me jealous, yes, because I wanted to be the man she's smiling on. Pero nalaman ko na ang makita siyang masaya at nakangiti kahit na sa piling ng iba ay sapat na rin. Or was it just to this specific friend of hers, I don't know.

It was like watching a romance movie or being a side-character to main leads in love. Every interaction made my heart bled, but it was alright, because even if it wasn't directed at me, I still saw her smile.

"Siya na ba talaga ang curse mo?" Dierran asked teasingly.

"She's not." I glared at him, finishing the food. "Bilisan mo. Pumunta tayo sa library."

He groaned but I ignored it.

I hated the curse. Some girls at our class approached me saying it was romantic. Saang banda naman doon sa kanila ang romantic? Ang magmahal ng isang tao sa buong buhay mo, kahit alam mong pwedeng hindi niya masagot ang nararamdaman mo? That's not romantic, that's painful. I have to watch the woman I love grow with her own family, one I wished for myself with her, while drowning in my own heartaches.

The thought of marrying some other girl doesn't even interest me. Oo, magkakapamilya ako at may magmamahal sa'kin ng buo, but I am not that ruthless to let her love me when I can't reciprocate her feelings. Ayoko namang pakasalan ang isang tao na hindi buo ang puso ko. After all, marriage requires love, and love requires three things: commitment, intimacy, and passion. The first two I could give, but the latter?

Another note on how it wasn't romantic at all? The love that never dies grows to obsession. My ancestors have shown that, and hell, my very own grandfather proved that to the world. Sa sobrang pagmamahal at pagkabaliw niya sa Lola ko ay ikinulong niya ito sa kaniya. She wasn't allowed to leave the house or talk to any guys. She died just before I turned five, but those last moments I saw her face, I knew she was accepting and awaiting death. It was probably her only freedom in her life.

Ayokong gawin 'yon kay Lilliane. She doesn't deserve that.

Lilliane. I love saying her second name than the first so I could feel more special to her. I also love its meaning — purity and beauty at the simplest of forms. And those words are enough to wash the faintest of obsession and possessiveness away.

"Weston, you are the heir. You cannot not marry! At least meet the girls we're matching you with. Hindi sila basta-basta lang, they are all the daughters of our family friends!"

Fifteen years old and my mother was begging me to date. It all started when Dad asked me about my future plans and I said I'm determined to take on the company, with or without a spouse. That made my Mom panicked and she wouldn't believe me when I said that I was too young to think of marriage anyway. Sabi niya na sa edad daw 'yon, kung saan una silang nagkita ni Dad, ay agad nang pumasok ang kasal sa isipan nila.

Well, it did enter my mind. But you see, Mom, I can only marry one girl. If it's not her, then I will live the rest of my life alone.

"Anak, the boys your age are already starting to date! Kahit na huwag mo nang isipin ang magpakasal, magkagirlfriend ka lang!"

"I have no time for that, Mom." bumuntong-hininga ako at ini-angat ang tingin mula sa laptop. "I have to study."

"There are such things as study date!" I ignored her so she went screeching to my father. "Oh my goodness, Wales! Baka naman pala bakla itong anak mo at ayaw magnobya!"

I rolled my eyes, resuming on typing down my notes while I could hear my father's loud laughter from the kitchen. "If he doesn't want to, don't force him. We have Wesley to give us grandkids."

My brother shot me a glare, annoyed that he was the next subject. I shrugged, cleaning up my things and leaving the house.

Natagpuan ko na ang sarili na nakaupo sa harap ng puntod ng magulang niya. Alyanna and Finnian Gustillo. It was their death anniversary and judging by the candles and flowers, nakabisita na sina Lilliane dito.

"Ano na pong gagawin ko? Walong taon na po, Mr. and Mrs. Gustillo, pero hindi pa rin po nawawala 'tong nararamdaman ko sa anak niyo. I want to say that I'm cursed to love her, but my love for her may be painful but I don't think it was punishing me. In fact, I feel gifted to know and love your daughter. Even if she will not feel the same way about me."

Huminga ako ng malalim. "Ako po si Weston Hilles Salvallon. Ang nakakatandang anak nina Wales at Hillary Salvallon. I'm concentrating in my studies right now and once I've earned a place in the society, and when I'm deserving enough to continue our dynasty, magpapakilala po ako sa anak niyo. Pero kung may mahal naman po siya sa panahong 'yon, huwag kayong mag-alala, rerespetuhin ko po ang kung anong mayro'n sila."

I groaned, watching as the dawn was slowly approaching. Just yesterday, I was trying to bury these feelings alive. Now, I'm here in front of her parent's grave, introducing myself.

That same year, when she was thirteen years old, I found out about her fall-out with her bestfriend. The Velasquez' daughter.

It's been a year since their fight. Nalaman ko rin nang itanong ko kay Mommy na may child abuse at neglect na nangyayari sa pamilya nila. She tried to pass it on to the court, with the help of the Villamors who were angry at them, but it was brushed off. Their family was in control of a lot of things in our city. They ruled in our government and society kaya walang nagkaroon ng boses para idepensa ang kawawang bata.

My parents wouldn't take a blind eye on it. Not when the girl was rushed into our hospital, almost at the brink of death. Nagkausap si Mom at Rea Villamor, and they kept on filing the case, no matter how much it cost them.

Then the games. She started streaming.

"Alam ko po ang boses niya. Kahit na itim lang 'yong video, I know it was her. There is no mistaken that it was her voice. That it was Lilliane on the other end of the screen." pagkukuwento ko sa mga magulang niya nang makaalis ako sa school ng maaga. "I know I promised that I would meet her when I'm successful, pero pwede po bang medyo i-adjust natin ang pangako. Hindi po ako manliligaw sa kaniya hanggang hindi stable ang career ko. But let me play with her po? She doesn't know it's me. Actually, I think she already forgot me. So ang alam niya lang ay ako si West na laging busy dahil sa studies."

Hindi ko na alam kung ilang beses na akong bumisita sa puntod ng magulang niya. Basta kapag tungkol kay Finley ay sa kanila ako dumi-diretso. I want them to know, clearly, what I want with their daughter and how serious I am for it.

Still, I kept myself away from her. Bukod sa pagbike ko dito sa town nila kung saan accidentally ko siyang nakikita, of course because there are certain hours where the four of them would be outside, I don't follow her around like some stalker. I don't go to her school and watch her from afar. That's just a little creepy. No, sapat na sa'kin ang makita siya kung minsan kapag bumababa ako sa kanila.

Games are a form of oasis in our world. Hindi lang din dahil sa entertainment siya at masaya, pero ito lang ang way ng communication between every cities. It's something that we do in order to forget the normal realities we're being adjusted to take.

We're living in a post-apocalyptic world that was built and nurtured for years. Five decades has already gone by since the aliens first arrived here, and there were a few of them outside. Finley's parents were among the commanders of war, those who goes outside to protect the city. The cities — they were these locations that are comprised of different towns and caged in very, very high walls. Kaya naman halos magkakilala ang lahat ng tao sa bayan namin, dahil iisa lang ang nagkokontrol sa ekonomiya, sa gobyerno at sa medisina. Her Kuya Gabriel was one of the protectors of this city, and her Tita Layla has a main office work at the Centro that deals with city affairs.

The people has adjusted to this new normal and the games were a form of escape to each of us.

Our city had the largest amount of gamers and was very active in such a hobby. Siguro dahil nasa amin ang Big Box Games, isa sa mga malalaking kompanya na nagc-create ng mga laro. Not to mention, three of the big shot streamers are here: Marcella Maia, Oli, and Sparrow.

When I received the e-mail about this beta-test offer, I knew those three wouldn't be looked out. Iyon nga lang, dahil wala naman akong kainteres na sumali doon kung wala si Lilliane, I waited for hours on the bus stop. Mom even narrowed her eyes at me as she watched me sit in the shed, refusing her offer to drive me to the Centro.

"Mom. Hindi ako maglalayas." blanko kong tugon sa paghihisterikal niya dahil hindi ko gagamitin ang kotse.

"Mom. Hindi maglalayas si Kuya." blanko ding pagsang-ayon ng kapatid ko para pigilan ang ina namin sa paghatak sa'kin pabalik sa mansion.

"Sinasabi ko sa inyo, alam kong may tinatagong babae 'yang anak ko!" parang proud pa siya. "Alam kong malalandi itong genes ng pinakasalan ko eh! You know you father almost asked me to elope with him at age sixteen! Kaya alam kong babae ang sa likod ng hindi paggamit mo ng kotse."

"Sweetheart, your son is old enough to take care of his problems. Hayaan mo siya at halika dito."

"But if it was a boy, I wouldn't get angry, Wes! You can marry him into the family. Huwag kang magaalala. Importante mahal niyo ang isa't isa. Alam ba ito ng pamilya niya? Na itatakas mo siya? Alam mo, back then..."

Thankfully, my brother got to push her inside before she could tell us everything that happened between her and Dad, and to that gay bestfriend she had that got his happy ending.

Alam ng pamilya niya? Mom, I talk to her parents more than I did to her. They're the first one to know about my objectives.

I even visited them last night, telling them that I'll be waiting for their daughter at the bus stop. Nineteen years old and I'm still stuck in this obsession I'm keeping quietly for myself. Ang alam lang ni Dierran ay na baliw na baliw ako kay Sparrow dahil lagi ko siyang kinukulit tungkol dito. The guy knows almost everyone and he's with Lilliane at every game, from Autumn's Fall to Guilty Crown, guildmate lagi sila. And what use is he as a friend if he won't help me? Tatanggapin ko pa ang matagal na niyang pangungulit na maglaro ako.

I tried accepting Mommy's attempt at blind dates, during all those times where I was denying my emotions. But whenever I sit in front of those girls, beautiful all on their own but in my eyes, they were ordinary. And when they smile, I lose interest.

Walang makakatalo sa ganda ng ngiti niya.

I've been sitting at the same spot in that bus stop for over five hours, looking for Lilliane at every bus that passes by. Spotting her should be easy, dahil iisa lang naman ang paborito niyang upuan, at iyon ang malapit sa bintana na nasa right side. She's always so drawn to the sea, and I can't help but be thankful of her favored seat.

Then I saw her, sitting in that same spot with earbuds on her ear. Pumasok na rin ako sa bus at medyo pinababa ang suot-suot kong cap para hindi niya makita. Naka-mask pa akong suot na akala mo'y makikilala niya ako. I bet she doesn't remember me. I may just be another blurry face in her memory — an insignificant boy.

I confirmed it when I stood in the same room as her. I was a stranger in her eyes, no ounce of familiarity whatsoever. I expected that even though it hurt me still, but what irritated me was that boy's arms around her.

I disliked how Kairo glares or looks down at me from time to time, and I don't trust him after all those circulating rumors in our school where he's labeled a playboy. I don't want Lilliane hurt over a boy who would never know her worth, or someone who flirts with girls like it's a natural thing to do.

Was it him or was it my own inability to control myself? Mr. and Mrs. Gustillo, alam ko pong nangako ako na manliligaw ako sa anak niyo 'pag may ipagyayabang na ako, pero ngayong nasa isang laro kami kung saan nakataya ang buhay namin, pwede pong i-adjust ang pangako ko? Please let me know her a little more, for the limited time that we may share in this game.

I promise I will protect her.

My eyes would always seek her out. I will always find her in the crowd. I will always float her way, like a moth attracted to flame. I will always try to keep her away from harm — whether that's from my own alliance or the world.

"Who's this someone you're talking about?"

Just a while ago, I let immaturity take hold. Ayon at talagang sinabi ko pang mas nauna ako sa kanila na makilala siya. Maybe I was threatened by Caspian, he was almost like me, studious and goal-centered. And he was different. Finn looks at him with a shine in her eyes, while she regard me with caution and annoyance.

My voice came out cold but I was worried. I need to know if this someone is to be trusted and safe. Marcella has already set her eyes on Finn, and she perceives her as a rival. Siguro iyon rin ang isa sa mga dahilan kung bakit naiinis ako kay Kairo. Kung hindi niya lang sinubok na ibigay ang flag na 'yon kay Finn, Marcella wouldn't be bothered by her. Tuloy at ito siya na kailangang kumbinsihin ang buong alyansa na hayaan na si Finn.

"She was forced by Kairo, Marcella. Alam natin na hindi niya planong kunin ang flag na 'yon. Besides, you agreed. You let her take it. Kaya hayaan mo na ang babae dahil marami pa namang revolution flags diyan."

"Collecting the flags would help us, right?"

"That's just an assumption. It has no real basis. At hindi mo naman pwedeng puwersahin ang bawat manlalaro dito na sumali sa'yo kapag nasa kanila ang flags. You are the queen they respect, yes, but you're not their boss. You don't get to order them. They're free to make their own choices-"

"Pagdating sa babaeng 'yon ay mabilis kang dumepensa, Wes! Nilalandi ka rin ba ng batang 'yon?" sarkastikong tumawa si Amnesia. "Akala ko walang alam sa mundo, 'yon pala nasa loob ang kulo—"

He had no time to prepare for the punch that I delivered next. Bumagsak siya sa sahig dahil sa bagsak ng suntok ko at ilang tao ang tumawag sa pangalan ko bilang babala. Wala akong pakialam sa gagawin nila sa'kin, pero walang magsasabi ng masama tungkol kay Lilliane.

"We don't permit such mouths in this alliance, Amnesia." Dierran talked for me. "Know your place. May point naman si Wes. Are you still hung up about losing to her?"

"Tsamba lang 'yon!"

"Kung tsamba lang, e'di huwag kang magpahalata na sobrang affected ka." nanggigigil na wika ko. "Stop dragging Finn into this. She is not someone that will threaten you, Marcella, so stop pestering her. Ipakita mo na lang sa kaniya ang galing mo kapag maglalaban na kayo ng official. And for you," I turned my glare to Amnesia. "Keep yourself away from her. That applies to every Blood Vanguard member who wishes her misery. If you mess with me, you'll deal with the ugly consequences."

They know it. I'm the one leading Marcella to the revolution flags she desires the most. I'm the one strategizing our fights against other alliances so we would be victorious. I can offer them the fame and glory as long as they stop harming Lilliane.

"At saan ka pupunta?" tanong ni Marcella nang maglakad ako palabas.

"Do not fret. I will just go and keep an eye on her, so you can go and play the queen for a little longer."

I need to make sure they won't hurt Lilliane without my knowledge... and I also want to stay by her side. It's selfish of me, I know, but I couldn't help but feel jealous over these boys who gravitate around her. How easy they've slid into their life. How Lilliane can depend on them because they're not connected to Marcella, isang taong galit sa kaniya.

Lilliane, you can spend your energy fighting and talking with them, and I'll stay here at the side with a healing potion ready for your wounds.

Lilliane, you can send them all your smile and laughs, and even if you do not trust me, I'll still be here in case you want to cry.

Ang mga ngiti ng natatangi ko na matagal ko nang gustong makita, pero laging binibigay sa iba. Ayos lang basta masaya ka. Ngunit itong mga luha mo na pilit kong tinatago sa buong mundo, parang pinipiga niya rin ang puso ko.

If all you could give me was your tears, I would greedily take it. Because as long as I play a part in your life, I'd be satisfied. It breaks my heart into pieces but once I see your smile, this organ of mine will be fixed again.

But what truly ruined my world was the fact that you suffered alone.

I tried to chase her once I fixed the mess after Depore's death. The Reaper's Oath were keeping quiet, but the most noise came from our alliance and that leeching group called Death Crows. They were spreading lies around the players, saying it was Lilliane's fault. May mga usapan pang ginamit niya si Depore para mapalapit kay Kairo at ayaw ng babae kaya pinatay niya ito.

Furious, I found myself being pulled by Dierran away from punching the wits out of Amnesia. He had the dirtiest and foulest mouth.

"Wes! Stop that! Kung papatayin mo siya, mas mapapahamak tayo! We're already hurting from your attacks." pagpipigil ng kaibigan niya.

Amnesia stood up, wiping the blood from his face. I don't think he's still beaten up though. Dapat hindi na makakita 'yang isang mata niya o talagang mawala lahat ng ngipin para 'di na magustuhang magsalita pa.

"Fuck! Para kang si Kairo! The fuck, shit!" dumura ito ng dugo. "Gano'n ba talaga kagaling ang babaeng 'yon sa kama-"

Anger exploded into bloody red and I was rushing towards him again, now aiming to kill, if it wasn't for Dierran pushing me back. Akala ko'y magle-lecture naman siya pero sa laking gulat ko'y sinuntok niya rin ang lalaki.

Fuck, man! I wanted to punch him so badly and you just had to steal it from me?

"I've warned you already, p're. Hindi pwede dito ang ganiyang karuming mga bibig. Kung wala kang sasabihing maganda, manahimik ka, o hahayaan ko ang kaibigan kong patayin ka na talaga. Bahala na kung ano pang mangyari sa alyansa natin."

Amnesia and his friends glared at us before turning away. Hindi na rin ako naghintay pa at pumasok sa susunod na city. Our brawl also gave me wounds, that increased as I fought the clowns. Halos ubusin ko na ang buhay sa paghahanap kay Lilliane doon, so I was badly injured when we got to the next city.

My vision was swimming when I saw her face Marcella and June. I would have went there, if I could only walk and fight. But then I was given a potion that knocked my consciousness out.

When I woke up next, my queen became the world's enemy.

I ignored their attempts at convincing me that Finn's some monster. I snapped at Sapphire for telling narratives about the deaths of her three consecutive friends. And I hated Kairo even more for staying at the neutrality when he could speak out for her.

Why would they believe that she's the monster everyone paints? Have they not seen her struggle? Have they not once survived because of her help? That girl lives and breaths to protect the most important people around her, and they think she's responsible for the deaths of her friends? Fucking hell.

I wanted to be angry. I wanted to be hurt for her. I wanted to tell her to stop being selfish and start thinking of herself.

But her slumped shoulders and injured back made me take my coat off and wrap it around her. Nawala lahat ng mga handa kong salita dahil mas importanteng maging okay siya. Then, she asked me if I believe her and...

Damn it, woman! There is not a single day where I did not believe in you, whether it's your skills or perspectives or words. I know you. I've seen you. I love you. And a few strangers' ideas about you will never ruin the you I've known.

I can be the world's enemy for you too. I can be the accomplice for those rumored deaths for you too. Hell, if it's possible, I'll just take the blame away and show you for who you really are — an innocent.

Nang makilala niya si Maki, I felt good. He was a loyal and true friend. But that boy around her again irritated me. I guess it was just an attitude of mine to be cautious around people, so I was doubting Kairo's objective to Finn. I wanted to steal her away from him.

But then, she started pairing the two of us. And once again, she forgot what happened at that city.

Her smile was my dream, but her cries were my nightmare. The game made me suffer by making me witness her breakdown multiple times. Ilang beses ko kailangang tumayo sa gilid niya at panoorin siyang umiyak sa sakit.

Your love cannot be mine, but your pain is. And for you, my queen, I'm willing to die or cry. Because from the first time we've met, you've already stolen this heart of mine.

Pinanood ko siyang umiyak sa piling ng iba. I didn't expect this, but I'm glad for her. Hindi ko na rin maisip ang mas deserving pa na ending sa kaniya. All those pain and sacrifices are all worth it, now that she got to see them again.

"Wes," someone, Dierran, tapped my shoulder. "Tara na. Labas na tayo."

Tinanguan ko siya. Nauna siyang umalis pero nanatili akong nakatayo sa puwesto ko, nanonood.

I clenched my fist, reminding myself of the role I play. Sandali kong pinikit ang mata at inalala ang mga private moments naming dalawa. Whenever I'm healing her. Kapag sobra-sobra na ang sakit niya at kailangang umalis muna. Noong unang pagkakataon na nginitian niya ako. When I jokingly confessed — even though that 'I like you' wasn't enough to explain the feelings I had for her.

And when I brushed my lips on her in a quiet attempt of a kiss. Kung pwede ngang halik iyon, that was my first kiss. She's the only woman I would allow my firsts to.

Now, though, those firsts would disappear. Like every other time, she will forget the boy she met in this game. And I would be just another blurry face in the background for her.

Pero 'di bale na. Nangako naman ako sa mga magulang mo, na kung pwede ka pa sa panahong deserve na kita, I will pursue you. Sa ngayon ay mananatili ulit ako bilang isang lalaking nanonood sa buhay mo. Another admirer, huh.

A smile broke through her sobs and she hugged them. Tinulungan siya ni Caspian na tumayo at iginiya palabas ng game. Siguro ako na lang din ang natitira sa loob dahil halos lahat sila'y nakalabas na. This was the necessary chain of events and I can't let my emotions handle my reactions.

Like the dichotomy of control, at the end of the day, we don't have control over the majority of things that happens to us but we have control over our reaction to those things. I've read Stoicism for a thousand of times and integrated them into my mind. I have always known that attaching hope to things would likely lead to disappointment, but I risked through my beliefs to greedily take anything she'd offer. So now, I just have to take a deep breath, clench my fist, and take a step forward to a reality that would forever pain me.

But Lilliane stopped.

Lumuwag ang pagkakahawak niya kay Caspian at dahan-dahan niya akong nilingon.

I didn't think it was possible for my heart to stop without committing a sudden cardiac arrest, but it did when she looked my direction.

Tapos ngumiti siya.

Sa unang pagkakataon, parang napili ako.

Sa unang pagkakataon, ako ang isa sa mga mukhang maaalala niya. Hindi na ulit ako makakalimutan ng mga mata niya.

I felt like all those poets who would write down all his heartfelt desires because of a smile. The fair warrior of purity, my Finley Lilliane, has really made me crazy. I am only a boy who would settle on the west, where my beating heart for you resides. All my life, I was only wondering how you look like when you smile. At...

Ang ganda-ganda mo, Lilliane.

-chapter end-

Weston means settlement in the western part of the town. The heart is located to(wards) the left side, where the poor boy settled all his life. Lol please stop me from this name thing alr.

By the way, sa world setting, may hints na sa nakalipas na chapter. When the four friends buried Mcdo...