doble apdet kasi feel ko aawayin niyo ko kung itong chapter lang. #tacute

-chapter one-hundred-five-

FINN

Sabay kaming tumalon ni Marcella sa kung saan nahahati ang city. Due to my misfortune, we landed right at the center of three hordes of monster. At nasa amin ang mga mata nila.

Parang naestatwa kaming lahat na nakatitig sa isa't isa. Ngunit sa isang iglap ay sumusugod na sila papunta sa'min.

Fire bursted in Marcella's sword and she slashed five monsters aside, their bodies being cut in half. I pulled eight throwdaggers, positioning them between my fingers, before running pass a group of monsters and impaling the blade on their necks. Sunod sunod na pagsummon ang ginagawa ko habang sumasayaw sa gitna nila at tumatalsik naman ang kanilang itim na dugo sa ere.

I ducked at an incoming claw strike and raised my boots that held a dagger to kick it right at the monster's head. Pumasok sa utak niya ang kunai ko at sumabog kaya isang headless monster ang natumba sa paanan ko. Without waiting for their chance to retaliate, I moved past them again.

Nahati sa dalawang panig ang lugar kung saan naglalaban kami ni Marcella. Hers was a sword of fire being whipped to every direction and with the bodies of monsters being sliced cleanly. Mine was a dancing shadow that killed every monster in a quick manner, the black blood on my face and clothes serving as the only evidence of my participation.

Isang panibagong horde ang lumabas nang hindi inaasahan kaya napaatras ako para makapaghana. I willed the shadows to come back to my feet.

Napahinto ako nang may mabangga. When I turned around to check, I found myself being back-to-back with one of my past enemies. Marcella also had her sword held high as she faced an additional group.

Tatlong grupo pa ang dumagdag at inikotan kami nila. Hinayaan kong maglakbay ang anino papunta sa kamay ko at nararamdaman ko rin ang paglakas ng apoy mula kay Marcella.

Then as if planned, we started our battle dance.

Tumalon ako pataas nang ipaikot ni Marcella ang espada sa lupa. It created a ring of fire that scattered towards the monsters. I landed beside her and a rain of throwdaggers fell down on every monster's head. Kasabay ng pagsunog nila sa apoy ay ang bulong ng mga anino ko na unti-unti silang sinasakal.

We ran away from the chaos. Dumausdos kami sa pader nang makakita nang pwedeng mapahingaan. Isa iyong bahay na walang mga gamit, bubong, pintuan, at bintana. Tanging ang sementadong pader lang ang nagtatago sa'min mula sa labas.

I glanced at Marcella. She was taking slow, steady breaths as she stared at front. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa isip ko o talagang naguluhan ako sa nangyari sa last city dahil naitanong ko sa kaniya ang bagay na 'to,

"You ever felt love before?"

I noticed how she froze and slowly, her eyes drifted towards me, her brows furrowing to confusion each passing second. "Hindi pa tayo gano'n kaclose para sa mga ganiyang usapan."

Nakanguso kong iniwas ang tingin. I guess that's true. She has always been the loudest, beside kay June, to express her feelings of dislike to me. At nakaya pa nga niyang tulungan si June para lang pahirapan ako.

I know she's scared. She sees me as a threat. She sees me as a potential thief to everything she possess now. Dahil sino nga ba naman ang papayag na mawala ang lahat sa kaniya? Lalo na kung ito ang unang pagkakataon na naranasan niya iyon?

"But... I don't know." dagdag niya. "I never thought about that before. I guess we're similar in that aspect."

Kunot-noo ko siyang tiningnan. Kami ni Marcella? May similarities? Weh?

She gave me an irritated glance na parang nabasa niya ang iniisip ko. "We both know and feel that we don't deserve love. At 'yon ang nagpapamanhid sa'tin sa mga bagay na 'yon."

I blinked. "Meaning?"

"We've already formed the idea that we're unlovable, Finn. So when someone shows us the acts of compassion and adoration, we turn a blind eye on it. Dahil iniisip natin na imposibleng mangyari iyon dahil hindi naman tayo karapat-dapat na mahalin." aniya sabay tingala at ipinikit ang mga mata.

I have never been seriously injured in this game as Marcella's current stab to my heart. Like a blade of truth, it was impaled straight into my center and slapped me from a lie I told myself.

Once, I have wanted a relationship like my Mama and Papa. A marriage of love and protection and trust. Pero nang mawala sila, nawala na rin ang naramdaman kong 'yon. I didn't just become too silent and distant, because I was no more than a shell back then. Dahil ang pinapangarap kong kinabukasan ay madali lang na nawala.

And when June appeared and ruined my perspective in life, I thought that no one would love me like how Papa loves Mama. Pero bukas pa rin naman ako sa ibang klase ng pag-ibig. Ang pagmamahal ng kaibigan at pamilya.

"We were also both obsessed."

Nagulat ako sa susunod na sinabi ni Marcella. Bakit naman nasama ako sa obsession na 'yan? 'Di ba dapat sila ni Kairo ang fit sa word na 'yan?

I opened my mouth, about to argue her statement, when she opened one of her eyes to smirk at me.

"Obsessed with protection." turo niya sa'kin at sunod ang sarili niya. "Obsessed with survival."

"Protection..." mahinang sambit ko.

"Hindi ba? Akala mo kailangan mong protektahan ang lahat kaya nakalimutan mong sagipin ang sarili mo. No, you always thought of others before yourself. Kahit na mawalan ka pa ng kamay diyan basta perpekto ang kalagayan ng kasama mo, 'yon ka. And that obsession made you blind to the love people has. They can't protect you like they want, just to show their love, because you want to be the one doing that."

"At ikaw?"

"I don't particularly care what others are suffering through as long as I can survive. I never looked back at the person I'm stepping on just so I could reach the top. Sa sobrang obsessed ko na maprotektahan ang sarili ay hindi ko pinapansin ang kalagayan ng iba. So I can't also see their love because I'm too preoccupied with myself. And you can't see their love because you prioritize their safety. Strange, right?"

Tumawa siya kahit wala namang nakakatawa.

I sighed, leaning back on the wall and staring at the sky. "If our eyes are closed by the pain of our past, then should we just open them to hope for the future?"

"Aren't we doing that already?"

I hummed in question at Marcella's response.

"Hindi ba't sa nakaraang cities ay nalaman mo na ang pagpapahalaga sa sarili mo. You feared death and losing them. And I also prepared myself for a change. Siguro noong sinagip mo ako do'n sa Rock Island. I told myself to stop being obsessed with my survival and protect those who matter. Kagaya mo," mahina siyang tumawa. "At kahit anong mangyari sa labas, e'di haharapin ko na lang ng buong puso. I mean, that life lasted well, right?"

"Maybe we don't have to survive and protect, Marcella. We just have to live."

"And to live, you must love." dagdag niya. "So, ano ang plano mo do'n sa mga may gusto sa'yo?"

Namula ang mukha ko at biglang napayuko. Ang weird pa rin kung tungkol diyan ang usapan. Marcella laughed softly before sighing in reverie.

"I guess if I could love someone, I would love him."

I perked up, my attention stolen. "Sino?"

"Wow, kung usapang lovelife mo, ang tahimik. Tapos sa'kin, ang attentive." she dryly said.

Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "'s strange... I keep thinking about their actions. And that... may meaning sila..."

Pumasok sa'kin lahat ng mga alaala ko dito sa game kung saan napakalapit nila at lagi akong sinusundan. I keep on hearing the words they say and the phrases that they actually meant. Hindi ko naman sila nabibigyan ng malisya noon pero ngayon parang naiisip ko na ang simbahan kapag inaalala sila isa't isa.

Mama told me that marriage should follow love after all!

"I heard you asked Kairo to sleep with you." Marcella stated with a smirk.

Tumigil ang mga boses at imahe sa ulo ko nang maaalala iyon. Tumango ako. "I did. Sabi ni Joanne it made her strong."

"Alam mo ba ang ibig sabihin no'n?"

"Of course. Sleeping is lying on the bed and letting your body relax. Siguro kapag maraming tao ang nasa iisang kwarto ay mas lumalakas ang magical energy na nagagawa."

Marcella laughed. "Not just magical energy, Finn, but it also require physical force. One that specializes in speed and strength."

"Pero bakit? It's supposed to be relaxing." tumawa ulit siya kaya sumimangot ako. "Pinaglalaruan mo 'ko."

"I'm not, but you don't need to know that now. Just avoid asking any males that again." seryoso niyang saad. "So? Sino kina Kairo, Oliver, Wes, Caspian, at Theo ang nakakuha ng atensiyon mo? Although I would endorse my strategist, of course. Kairo's too obsessive, Oliver's too playful, Caspian's too quiet, and I don't think you can have Theo on the options anymore."

"Caspian's not that quiet. Kairo is funny. Oliver is serious sometimes." napaisip ako. "And Theo may not be dead like Caspian."

"Nasa'n sa sagot mo ang tinanong ko? And why is Wes not included in the names you defended?"

Kasi 'di mo naman pinagsalitaan ng masama.

"I remembered him calling you queen. At least, it's a better choice than the other boy who calls you kitten. Seriously? A kitten? Mas elegante pakinggan ang reyna ka niya."

Bakit ba parang mas affected 'tong si Marcella?

Bumuntong-hininga ako saka sumagot. "I never thought of it yet. Mas importante sa ngayon ang makalabas tayo dito."

"No one would argue that, but do you just have one, just one, person who flutters your heart when you think of them?"

Umiling ako.

Marcella cursed Wes' name under her breath.

Tumayo siya kaya sumunod din ako. Mula sa malayo ay naririnig ko na ang hakbang ng mga papalapit na monsters.

"Well, marami ka pang time na pag-isipan 'yon at pagkalabas natin dito ay mas maiintindihan mo na ang actions nila. Just tell me though. Especially if it's, you know, someone I know."

"Pero kilala mo silang lahat—"

"I don't care about the others." naiinis niyang tugon. "Kung si Wes pala, sabihin mo sa'kin. 'Yon lang."

Nauna siyang lumabas at sinugod ang mga monsters. I sighed and pulled out my own weapons. Hindi man lang niya sinagot ang tanong ko kung sino ang lalaking pwede niyang mahalin.

Madaya.

But a smile bloomed on my face. Once we get out of this city, maybe I can speed up this search for my happiness. Ngayong nandito na si Caspian at maaring buhay rin ang iba...

I want to try again, now with a smile on my face, as I enjoy my life.

I want to live.

I managed to defeat two hordes before I felt my body get tired. Lumingon ako kung saan ko last nakita si Marcella pero wala na siya roon. I glanced at the needle to see if Caspian was looking for me pero wala. Pinaplano ko pa ang susunod na gagawin nang maramdaman ko ang agresibong paghila sa puso ko.

Agad akong tumakbo patungo sa direksiyon nito.

I killed a bunch of monsters in my way. I summoned dagger after dagger, while having my shadows help me predict and move efficiently. Nasa harap na ako ng isang gusali kung saan nanggagaling ang tunog nang biglang gumalaw ang lupang inaapakan ko. And in a blink, everything was crushing down on me.

I fell into a run, towards the rising road that divides the city into two. Iniiwasan ko ang mga nahuhulog na debris nang isang nahuhulog na tao ang mahagip ng mata ko.

At nanlaki ang mata ko nang makita kung sino iyon.

"Kairo!"

I screamed, rushing towards the boy with a spear pierced in his chest. Napakalakas ng bawat tibok ng puso ko na naririnig ko na sila sa tainga. Hindi ko na inisip ang papataas na kalsada at ang nasisirang gusali. A large chunk of cement fell beside me but I didn't blink an eyes. Naka'y Kairo lang ang paningin ko. At hindi ako mapakali hanggang hindi ako nakakalapit at mahawakan ang kamay niya—

A pair of arms scooped me and carried me towards salvation, but my eyes are focused on my falling friend. Nakapikit na ang mga mata niya at mula sa estado ng kaniyang katawan ay wala na talaga siyang malay.

No, please... Don't take someone away from me again.

I fought within that person's grasp, reaching out my hand to Kairo. My small hands that was always trying to reach out but fails every single time. Panay ang iyak at sigaw ko sa pangalan niya hanggang sa tuluyang makatalon ang taong may bitbit sa'kin.

I found myself waking up in a dark alley. Nawalan ata ako ng malay kanina. I looked around the place, my heart beating faster when I saw no one around me. Totoo ba ang nangyari kanina? Nakatulog lang ba ako at dala ng pagod ay napaniginipan ko 'yon?

As if he was an answer, nakita ko ang likod ni Kairo. He was walking away from me, a cunning smile on his wickedly handsome face. Lumilinga-linga siya sa paligid na parang may hinahanap.

May sariling isip ang mga paa ko at agad itong tumayo at tumakbo papunta kay Kairo. I called out his name but he didn't hear me. Palabas na ako ng alley nang may mabangga kaya tuluyang nawala si Kairo sa harapan ko.

"Ano ba 'yan! Tumingin-tingin ka nga sa dinadaanan mo— Finn?!"

The familiar voice almost knocked the air out of my lungs. Humarap ako sa taong nakabangga at nakitang si Ate Depore 'yon. I gasped, various emotions squeezing my heart, but it instantly disappeared when she gave me a tight hug.

"Grabe, namiss kita! Hinahanap ko 'yong si Kairo, alam mo ba saan siya nagpunta? Tsk. Bakit ba kasi hindi nagmana ang batang 'yon sa kuya niya. Ang kulit!"

"Ate Depore, about what happened back then, I'm sorry—"

Biglang nagkagulo ang paligid namin at kagaya noon ay nasira ang mga gusali at unti-unting tumataas ang lupang kinatatayuan namin. I looked around, frowning. It's too early for a city shift if Kairo's death really happened. Siguro nagka-nightmares lang ulit ako.

I turned to face Ate Depore para sabihing kailangan na naming umalis nang makita ko ang lagay niya. Nahulog ko ang dagger na 'di ko alam ay hawak-hawak ko.

Ate Depore was in front of me with a spiky pole impaled in her stomach. Where a baby is living.

Bumibigat ang bawat paghinga ko at hindi ako makagalaw. Ang tanging naramdaman ko lang ay ang taong humatak sa'kin paalis do'n para tumalon kami sa panibagong city. But the image of Ate Depore, dying and wide-eyed, is still engrave in my mind.

I didn't know I was crying when I felt someone wipe them away.

"Finn... Finn, you have to let go. You have to let all of this pain go—"

Hindi ko narinig ang ibang sinabi niya dahil nakatuon ang atensiyon ko sa babaeng hindi malayo sa amin. Renée was stepping back from a horde of monsters that cornered her at malapit na niyang maabot ang dulo ng rooftop kung saan walang nakaharang.

Mahuhulog siya!

I got up and run, summoning my shadows and weapons in an attempt to save her. But I was late. I was always late.

Dahil ngayon ay nakatitig na ako sa duguan niyang katawan sa kalsada. Lumapit sa kaniya ang umiiyak na lalaki ba hinahanap kung sino ang may gawa no'n nang bigla siyang saksakin ng monster sa likod.

And the city was destroyed once again.

"No! No! No!"

Panay ang sigaw at iyak ko habang sinasabunot ang ulo. Patuloy na nagpapakita sa utak ko ang mga imahe nila. Ang pagkamatay nila. At parang masisira ang ulo ko bawat minuto ang magdaan.

Naramdaman ko ang pagbuhat sa'kin ng isang tao at naiwan akong humihikbi sa bisig niya. I felt us jumped to a new city again but I no longer want to open my eyes.

"Finn, wake up. Let go and accept this." huling narinig ko bago magbago ang lahat.

-chapter end-