a light chapter for you (╯▽╰ )

-chapter ninety-

FINN

The death of a friend wasn't new.

Like before, the ghost of death followed me without fail. It always hides in my shadows and ready to devour another friend, but always sparing me to feel the pain. Minsan ang sarap na lang sumigaw ng malakas at tanungin kung ano ang ginawa kong masama para maramdaman lahat ng 'to.

Iniwas ko na ang tingin at tumalikod bago pa matumba si June. It was torture seeing her eyes and hearing her words. Hindi ko na kaya pang makita ang ebidensyang wala na siya. Maybe it's my own way of inflicting revenge- I would refuse her dead body, similar to how she made me witness and hold two deaths.

I didn't know where I was heading. Ang alam ko lang ay naglalakad ako papunta sa norteng direksiyon. I knew that I passed buildings and broken walls. But I didn't stop. I continued walking, both mind and heart empty.

"Sparrow."

I heard the familiar nickname but I didn't stop walking. Naramdaman ko ang pagsunod niya sa'kin pero hindi ko na lang pinansin. I didn't have the energy to respond, nor stop.

"Sparrow." he called again, cold fingers wrapping around my wrist. Napahinto ako dahil doon. "Saan mo balak pumunta?"

Nilingon ko si Wes at nakita siyang taimtim na nakatitig sa'kin. He searched my face, eyes a mix of serious and concerned, and his jaw clenched. Mukha siyang galit, pero sa ano naman? There was nothing to get angry about. The source of all problems is now gone.

Umiling ako sa tanong niya. Hindi ko din alam.

Wes stared at me for a minute before clearing his throat. "Do you... want to go somewhere else?"

I blinked at him. Nagtatanong ko siyang tiningnan. Nagtataka ako kung anong ibig niyang sabihin.

"Just to momentarily forget everything. If you want to."

"Saan?"

The corner of his lips lifted when I answered. "You'll see when you get there."

Hinintay niya akong magdesisyon. Wes' eyes looked bright and excited, a contrast to the emotionless one he always had. Kaya wala akong nagawa at tumango na lang. I didn't want to erase that expression on his face.

His hold on my wrist dropped to clasp my hand. His eyes met mine before I could ask. "Baka masakit kapag sa wrist mo. May mga sugat ka pa."

I didn't answer, pero hindi rin ako umayaw. So his hand remained as he led us to the place he wanted to go. We went past buildings and roads, jumping between broken cements and ditches. We travelled in the shadows of the alleys, undetected from players who were busy playing the game. The earlier incident now fading from my memory, as I stared at Wes' broad back and watched how his hand tightly held mine.

I wonder, why does Wes always arrives at the perfect time? Whenever I find myself alone, helpless, and in doubt, bakit lagi na lang siya sumusulpot pagkatapos? And it doesn't help that his presence, that his comfort, makes me vulnerable. Na kapag nandiyan siya ay pwede ko ng ilabas lahat ng luha at galit. Na pwede ko nang buksan ang damdamin.

We stopped in front of a tall building. Ito na siguro ang pinakataas na gusaling nakita ko sa laro. Wes gave me a quick glance before entering first. We started to climb a number of stairs that would have left me exhausted and annoyed if it wasn't for the view that welcomed me in.

Binuksan ni Wes ang pintuan, revealing the beautiful yet deadly crimson sky. The numbers on the timer seemed like giants now. At mula sa kinatatayuan ko ay parang pwede ko nang mahawakan ito, if I just move closer to the edge. But when I reached the railing, and my eyes wandered down, I had my breath knocked out of me.

I never imagined that an abandoned and destroyed city like this could still look beautiful.

Kitang-kita ko ang mapa ng buong city- how it was intricately designed and where every alliance was assigned- at gano'n rin ang flags ng bawat alyansa. It was a mixture of colors, with a dominating gold and fading indigo. Nagform ng parang box ang ibang building at makikita rin ang shortcuts na maaring gamitin. From the corner of my eyes, a battle has begun. And their magic proudly exploded in the air, making me gasp in admiration.

Ang cool no'n!

"Isn't it nice?" Wes' question made me turn to him with a nod. "I happened here by chance. Masakit sa paa ang lalakarin but the view is worth it."

A small smile graced my lips as I looked over the city again. "Mm. 's beautiful."

I glanced at Wes and found him already staring at me. He still had that soft smile on his lips as his eyes bore into me. "Yeah," he agreed. "It's beautiful."

"Not looking." akusa ko sa kaniya.

"Oh." Wes blinked, glancing at the city once before landing on me again. He bit his lower lip in an attempt to hide a smile. "Right, yeah. Maganda din."

Ngumuso ako at tumingin muli sa ilalim. Maganda daw e hindi naman niya tiningnan ng maayos.

We spent the next minutes in shared silence. Hinayaan kong liparin ng hangin ang nakalugay kong buhok. I closed my eyes, exhaling deeply to temporarily let go of my worries. Pagkatapos ay tinanong ko ang kanina pang bumabagabag sa'kin.

"Why bring me here?"

I guess Wes didn't have an answer because he remained silent. Siguro ay dinala niya lang ako dito para makapagpahinga. Nang maisipan kong bawiin ang tanong ay humarap siya sa'kin. We were both leaning on the railing, watching as the city battled the hours. But Wes shifted, leaning his chin on a hand to comfortably look at me.

"Isn't this city similar to her?"

Hindi ko na kailangang tanungin pa kung sino ang tinutukoy niya.

"Both an image of destruction on the outside, deadly yet maddeningly beautiful. But when you look closely, you'll eventually see that they're just too broken that it's impossible to fix them anymore. Ang sirang gusali o puso na mayroon sila ay mahirap nang ayusin. Lalo na't hindi lang ito nag-iisa, and there are several destroyed and deserted buildings inside them."

Nanlaki ang mata ko sa ginawang deskripsiyon ni Wes. Oh. I looked at the city and remembered June. I remembered the bruises that scattered around her skin. I remembered how I treated them. And I recalled how I thought I could do the same to her heart, not realizing how broken and untreatable it already was. Watching this city from above, one could imagine all the remodeling that has to happen. Destruction like this one isn't anything new. Pero hangga't hindi nakikita ng malapit ang kailangang ayusin, hindi ko nga talaga malalaman kung gaano iyon kahirap i-ayos.

"Don't blame yourself," he added. "June died because her sins have caught up to her. Caspian died because he wanted to survive. Didn't he die fighting for his life? Depore and Renée decided that you live. You can never control their decisions and love because wouldn't you do the same?"

Hindi ako nakasagot dahil tama siya. I would sacrificed my life for them too. Without doubt.

"Hm?" Wes raised a brow, squeezing himself into my line of sight.

I lightly pushed him away, nodding. The corners of his lips lifted in a small smile, and he patted my head. "Good girl."

Iniwas ko ang tingin at nawala ang kamay niya. I admit, his words cleared up the heavy feeling in my heart. I knew I was about to blame myself again, carry the burden just to numb the pain. But I guessed Wes said the words I wanted to hear again. And now, all I feel is calmness and peace.

"Gusto mo maglaro?" he suddenly asked, so I tilted my head in question. "Let's play two lies, one truth?"

Kumunot ako dahil parang maling laro naman 'yon. "Two truths and a lie?" I corrected.

"We're doing it in reverse, Sparrow. You give me two lies and a truth, at hahanapin ko ano ang totoo."

Wes has the weirdest ideas at the most random of times.

"If you won't play, then we'll steal your territory."

I pouted, glaring at him. "Bakit?"

His eyes shone in amusement. "It won't be fun if I'm the only one playing."

E siya naman nakaisip, ba't nadamay pa ako? 'Tsaka ang galing talaga ni Wes sa blackmail para lang masunod ang gusto niya. What a bad person.

Marunong na rin pala si Wes sa fun ngayon. Hindi ko alam 'yon.

"Not afraid. Can defend our territory."

"I can tell them to attack now while you're here and Maki's injured." nagkibit-balikat siya. "I don't think anyone can stop Marcella but you."

"Masama."

Wes looked surprised at my accusation. Pero sa halip na magalit o mainis, he dipped his head and chuckled, a hand covering his mouth as his shoulders trembled. Nagmukha pa palang joke sa kaniya ang sinabi ko.

"You don't wanna play?" he asked when he calmed down, amusement still present on his face.

"'s alright." sagot ko. Wala naman sigurong masama sa paglalaro nito.

It's just for a short while.

"Okay, then. Ikaw mauna."

Napaisip ako ng ilang sandali. "I don't like games. I don't like black. I have black hair."

Tinitigan ko si Wes at sabik na hinintay ang sagot niya. He just stared at me blankly, searching my face for whatever clues, before sighing to himself.

"Let me guess. You have black hair?"

Lumiwanag ang mata ko nang marinig ang tamang sagot niya. I smiled cheerfully at him, clapping my hands. "Tama!"

Wes closed his eyes, tipping his head back and muttering, "For fuck's sake, why... so cute?"

"Ano 'yon?" tanong ko dahil hindi rinig ang ibang sinabi niya.

"Nothing." umiling siya't binasa ang labi. "Sparrow, don't point out the ob vious."

Tumango ako. Okay. "Ikaw na."

This game seemed enjoyable.

Wes looked ready while I needed a couple of minutes to think. Ang unfair naman kapag alam na agad ang game. They can prepare earlier and avoid mistakes.

"I hate bicycles. I don't like riding the bus. I like you."

I blinked and frowned over the last statement. Kailangan pa ba 'yon? Akala ko naman tungkol na lahat sa sasakyan kasi bike at bus ang nauna.

I thought over his given statements. Dalawa ang pinagpipilian ko. Either he likes riding the bike or the bus. Siguro may kinalaman din ito sa mode of transportation niya papunta sa school? Pero dahil hindi naman kami magkaklase, hindi ko alam kung ano ang mas gusto niya. But Wes didn't look very social. Minsan nga ay si Dierran na ang nagiging tagapagsalita niya kasi hindi niya pinapansin ang ibang tao. Kaya sigurado akong hindi siya sumasakay ng bus!

I raised my eyes at him, looking as determined as ever. "Don't like riding the bus."

Umakto siyang nag-isip bago ngumisi. "Engk. Mali. Try again."

Kumunot ang noo ko. "Try again? Why?"

"Kasi mali ka ng hula."

Ay, hindi ba game over na agad 'yon? Doesn't it mean that I've already lost? Why do I need to keep trying until I win the game?

Kung gano'n, Wes like to ride the bus. Well, there are silent buses too. Lalo na doon banda sa amin. Walang masyadong sumasakay kaya sulit ang relaxation time. And the wonderful sea that we pass by is also a gift for the eyes. If Wes likes the bus, e'di hate niya ang bike?

Siguro hindi siya marunong.

"Hate bicycles!"

Nanlaki ang mata niya kaya feeling ko ay nanalo na ako, pero biglang siyang umiling. "Engk. Mali ulit."

I frowned at him, not amused anymore. He raised a brow, encouraging me to continue. "Try again."

Isa na lang naman ang natirang choice. Pero... parang hindi naman 'yon totoo.

"Like... me?" I hesitantly asked.

Tumango-tango si Wes. "I like you."

Ay, siguro nga 'no. I don't think Wes would befriend me if he didn't like me. He regards me like Dierran and all the other friends he keeps close. He doesn't hate me, so that means he likes me. Gano'n din naman pagtingin ko sa kaniya. He's a person whom I've grown to like in this game, kasama na sina Dierran, Kairo at Eura. They're the friends I was able to make.

"Gets mo?" he asked, eyes seriously trained on my face.

"Mm. Don't hate you too, so I like you."

Wes gave a painful sigh, briefly closing his eyes. "Okay na din 'to," he muttered to himself before glancing at the timer. Marami pang oras bago matapos ang territory wars. "Sparrow, do you want to fly?"

Kaagad na naalarma ang tingin ko sa kaniya at gumawa ako ng distansiya sa pagitan namin. Kakasabi lang na hindi namin hate ang isa't isa, pero balak niya na ba akong ihulog dito?

Wes looked taken aback and his eyes flickered from me to the railing. He calmly shook his head. "Hindi gano'n ang ibig kong sabihin. I wanted to ask you if you want to have some fun there?" turo niya sa ilalim. "Or if you want to talk to someone. I can go with you."

"Marcella doesn't need you?"

Wes had an uninterested expression. "I don't believe so. And even if she did, it doesn't matter. You're my priority, Sparrow." he straightened, raising a brow. "So? Where do you want to go next?"

-chapter end-