NALIA
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With the help of Cullen, Cole was able to pin point the exact location where he felt something block the ritual. It appears that it's in the small village of Redcliffe in the Hinterlands.
Cole immediately wanted to leave, but it was too late in the night. So, I promised him that we would leave when the sun rises.

It gave me some time to think...some time to brace myself for when Cole becomes more spirit. He will be too far gone for me to reach his heart, and I will stand beside him, without ever having the chance to show him how I truly feel.

I cried for a little while, but soon, I hardened my heart the same way I always do when times are scary or sad.
I block all thoughts, and just go with what is being thrown at me, taking it with an armored heart.

Solas, Varric, Cole and I wake up and head out for Redcliffe at the dawn of sunrise. Cole rides on my horse, his arms wrapped around my waist. Not in a romantic way...but still, it makes my chest ache.
He didn't talk much, and neither did I try to make conversation.

We enter Redcliffe village. "Alright Cole, just show us where you felt the block," I say to him, slowing my horse to a walk.

Cole scans the area, before suddenly he aggressively jumps off the horse, running forward, towards two men who are chatting.
Solas and Varric share a confused glance. I watch.

One of the men stops talking to the other, approaching Cole.
"Greetings, can I help you?" The man asks.
"You..." Cole whispers shakily, before suddenly rushing forward, grabbing him by the throat, squeezing. "You killed me!"

I get off my horse and run to them at the sudden outburst of violence.

"What, I don't...I don't even know you!" The stranger shouts, being choked by Cole.
"You forgot! You locked me in the dungeon in the spire and you forgot and I died in the dark!" Cole shouts, tightening his grip.

"The Spire?" He asks softly.

"Cole! Stop!" I run to his side.
Cole let's the man go, and he runs away. But instantly, Cole tries to run after him.
"Just take it easy kid," Varric stands in his way.
Solas comes to my side.

Cole begins to yell. "He killed me! He killed me and that's why it doesnt work! He killed me and I have to kill him back!"

"Don't!" I grab Cole's shoulder to keep him from moving, "before anyone gets killed I need to know what's going on."

"Cole this man could not have killed you," Solas says, "you are a spirit. You have not even possessed a body!"

Cole lowers his head to the ground, his eyes glancing everywhere.
"A broken body, bloody, banged on the stone cell. Guts gripping in the dark dank, a captured Apostate... They threw him into the dungeon in the Spire at Val Royeaux. They forgot about him. He starved to death... I came through to help, and I couldn't. So I became him. Cole..."

My eyes widen, after so long of wondering, now I know the complete truth. It shakes me on the inside.
Cole was a spirit, watching this young man suffer and starve in the dark.
Cole came through to help, and somehow...became him.
With enough conversations I've had with Solas, I know what kind of spirit Cole was.

He was the spirit Compassion.

Varric looks at us. "If Cole was an Apostate, that'd make the guy we just saw a Templar. Must've been buying Lyrium," he mumbles, before Cole walks past him.

"Let me kill him. I need to...I need to." He says the words in a deep, dark voice, one that I've never heard before.

"Solas?" I turn to him. I need to know what the others think, before I can make this decision.

"We cannot let Cole kill the man," he objects.
"I don't think anyone was going to suggest that, Chuckles," Varric responds, shrugging.
"Cole is a spirit. The death of the real Cole wounded him, perverted him from his purpose. To regain that part of himself, he must forgive." Solas points out through a furious tone.

Varric scoffs. "Come on! You don't just forgive someone killing you."

"You don't! A spirit can."

Solas makes a good point, still though, I look at Varric. "Varric?"
"The kids angry. He needs to work through it," he says, which makes Solas even more furious.
"A spirit does not work through emotions. It embodies them!" He yells. It makes me jump out of my skin, hearing him raise his voice.

Varric keeps his composure. "But he isn't a spirit, is he? He made himself human, and humans change. They get hurt, and they heal. He needs to work it out like a person..."

"You would alter the essence of what he is!" Solas shouts. I can hear the danger in his voice, the one that puts me on high alert.
"He did that to himself when he left the Fade. I'm just helping him survive it." Varric states simply.

I stare at Cole. He stands off to the side, hands clenched and mutters being spoken to himself.
While Varric and Solas continue to argue, I take my leave from them and approach Cole.

I need to hear the words from him. I need to know what he wants and what he thinks is right.

His back is facing me, but he can hear the crunch of my footsteps.

"He killed me, Nalia," he whispers, refusing to turn around. "He left me to starve and forgot about me. Please, it hurts, I have to kill him."

I move to the front of him, cupping his face in my hands. I brush aside his blond bangs to see his eyes that are full of pain.
"Do you want to be human?" I ask in a whisper.
I need to know his answer to decide...if he wants to be human, then yes.

If not...then no, he needs to forgive.

"I..." He trails off, fingers brushing softly against my cheek. "Would it help me?" He asks.
This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I know that Cole being a spirit would help him. He would be more connected to what he truly is...but at the same time, Cole becoming more human would let him experience things a spirit couldn't.
He could try new things. He could meet someone and fall in love, start a family, he could be so much more...
He could be with me.

"Nalia?" Cole asks. From the corner of my eye, I see Varric approaching us.
I nod. "Yes," I let go of him, stepping off to the side as Varric comes and takes my place.

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COLE
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"Alright kid, you want revenge?" Varric says when he's beside me. "Follow me." He turns and walks away, towards where the Templar ran.

I follow, not helping myself as I look over my shoulder to see Nalia. She looks sad...angry at herself, for what though? She hasn't done anything wrong.

Solas approaches her, yelling at her in whispers. She takes it all, breathing in a shaky breath and exhaling, closing her eyes.
She's refusing to cry, though the tears are there, hidden behind her closed eyes.

Soon, I'm too far away to see what else happens. But we have the Templar cornered.
Cowardly, he falls onto his knees. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" He cries, like a scared little lamb, confronted by the wolf.

Varric shakes his head. "Sorry isn't going to help him now, is it kid?" He glances at me.

"No," I say through clenched teeth, feeling a fire pulse through my veins.
It's time to end this. Once and for all.

Varric pulls out his crossbow Bianca, loading one arrow before handing it to me.
"Pull the trigger, and put him down like a mad dog. Do it!" He urges.

I hold it steady, aiming right in between the man's eyes.

"No!" He cries, but it's too late.

I yell, shooting.

The Templar falls backwards, lying on his back, eyes wide open as blood spills from where I shot him.
Oh God...what have I done.

I drop the crossbow.
Everything inside of me shakes.
I just killed someone...

Its different from killing the Venatori and demons.
With them, they come at you with weapons and sharp teeth, not an ounce of hesitation stopping them.

But this man...he didn't run at me with a weapon.
He dropped to his knees and begged me to spare him.

"How you doing kid? Feel any better?" Varric asks.

"No," I say, almost ready to break down in tears. I killed him, out of anger, out of hate, I...

"You can't make it all just go away. I learned that the hard way," Varric whispers, a faraway look in his eyes as he relives the memories of a past I cannot see.

"Forget," I try to make myself forget, but nothing happens.
It's gone...my power...I can't make people forget.

My eyes widen, heart pounding out of my chest and eyes getting teary.
Everything I once was is gone. Forever...

Varric puts a hand on my back, pushing me forward. "Come. Let's go back to the others."

We walk back to where Nalia and Solas wait on there horses. Nalia's eyes widen when she sees me. I see a sharp pain slice through her in this moment...she looks like she's crying on the inside.

But I can't read her. Not like I used too.

I climb onto the back of her horse, wrapping my arms around her, letting my head fall on her back. "Please...let's go home." I whisper, barely able to contain everything that I'm feeling.

I lost a part of myself, forever...

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NALIA
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Cole didn't speak to any one of us the whole ride back. Right when we entered Skyhold, he climbed off my horse, walking straight into the tavern.

Solas blames me for it all.
"You should have never fallen in love with him!" He yelled at me when we were alone. "Because of you you ruined what he was! Now he must suffer and risk being corrupted all because you couldn't handle the fact of him becoming fully spirit, losing the chance to ever love you back!"
I took all his insults, his curses, everything... I deserved it, after all.

When I'm in bed with only the sound of the wind blowing, I shut my eyes and begin to cry.
I should have never brought him to Adamant. I should've kept him here, where he could've stayed like he was when I first met him.

Now...he's changed completely. And I don't know what to expect...
I could very well lose him, more then I could've if he became Spirit.