NALIA
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I land on my back with a hard thud against stone. It stings, running up and down my spine as I groan, sitting up. What happened to us? We were falling and then...we're here?

I look around at everything. It's all rocky, tainted green and wet. The sky is grey, with green swirls that seem to flash.

"Where are we?" Stroud asks, gazing around. I look to see Hawke, whose standing upside down on a rock.

"What is this? Are we...are we dead?" Hawke asks, a little panicked. "Is this the afterlife? The Chantry lied to us!"

"No, this is the Fade," Solas says, staring up at the greenish sky with a fascination in his eyes. "Nalia opened a rift, we came through, and survived!" He laughs softly.
"I never thought I'd find myself here physically. Look! The Black City, almost close enough to touch..."

I raise an eyebrow. It's nice to see that someone is happy to be here, unlike the rest of us.
"But how could that be?" I look at my hand that holds the Anchor. I knew it could close rifts, but open them...? That's a new trick.

Solas turns to face Cole. "Cole? How does it feel to be back home?" He asks.
For a moment, Cole doesn't do or say anything. But suddenly, I hear him breathe heavily, throwing his hand over his head, stumbling backwards. "I can't be here! Not like this! Not like me!" He looks around, eyes seeing everything and nothing all at once. "I need to leave, I-I need..."
He's frantic. Tripping over his own feet, arms swinging out in the air, his breathing becoming faster by the second.

He's going to have an anxiety attack if I don't help calm him down.
I stand up, walking to his side. "It's alright, just take it easy."

"This place is wrong," he says, "I made myself forget when I made myself real. But I- I know it wasn't like this!" He walks away from me, going to a rock and touching it before pulling his hand away instantly, as if what he touched just burned him.

"The stories said you walked out of the Fade at Haven, was it like this?" Hawke asks, which has me turn towards him.

"I...I don't know," I whisper, walking forward, staring at this place that we're stuck in. "I still can't remember what happened the last time I did this." I shake my head, "we need to move. We're not safe here..."

I motion them to follow, and soon, we head out into the unknown. Solas is in awe over every little detail, whereas the rest of us are completely screwed in the head.
He tries to make this seem like a fascinating experience, but I'm more concerned about Cole. He's not doing well, not at all...I try my best to calm him, but nothing is working.

I stand beside Cole, whose shaking uncontrollably. "Wrong, wrong, wrong! Wringing me out!" He begins to hyperventilate, "can't relax, can't release!"

"It's alright Cole, we'll get you out of here soon," I say, but my words aren't enough for him...he still isn't calming down.
He's going to pass out if I don't do something.

So I go to the only thing I haven't tried yet.
Physical force.

I grab him by the arm and drag him away from the others so that we can talk.

"What are you doing?!" He shouts, trying to get out of my grip. "Nalia!"

When we're far enough away, I push him against a rock, one hand holding him still. "You need to relax," I say firmly, "you're hurting yourself right now. I understand that this is a scary experience, but you aren't in it alone. Solas is here, and I'm here too..."

His eyes widen, and he slows his breathing, but I can feel his heart pound through my palm. "Nalia..." He whispers.

I let him go, reaching down to hold his hand. Just for him to physically feel that I'm here for him.

"You don't have to be afraid, we'll protect you. Just hold my hand. When you feel scared, squeeze it, alright?"
He stares at me, at our hands holding, but he doesn't pull away.

On the outside, he looks like a strong, strapping young man with no fear.
But on the inside...he reminds me of a child sometimes.
Timid, curious, and shy.

Looks deceive so much...

"O-okay," he whispers before exhaling, "thank you, it should be like home. It's not, this isn't me, not this part."

"I know," I say, leading him back to the others who stopped, searching for us. When we're back in the group, I can see eyes fall on me and Cole. On our hands holding.

It confuses everyone...the Inquisitor holding a spirits hand, the only one who doesn't openly express his confusion is Solas. He only stares, with a certain look in his eyes that makes my chest feel heavy.

In the best way to describe it, he looks...displeased, frustrated, even. Why? Because I'm an Elf and Cole's a Spirit?
Or because of what happened between me and Solas few weeks back?

I try my best to ignore it and continue holding Cole's hand.
I feel a little tingle in my heart, from the warmth of his palm radiating into my skin. I never really understood why people held hands, but now, I think I understand why.

I just wonder though, if we weren't in the Fade, if we were at Skyhold, would I have this courage to reach out and hold his hand?

We walk for fifteen minutes, before we see something standing before us, in red and white robes that represent Divine...
The closer we get, I see her aged wrinkle face and soft eyes fall onto us.

My eyes widen.

It's her... Divine Justinia.

Stroud's voice wavers. "No, can- can it be?"

"I greet you, Warden. And you, Champion," she says, a soft smile forming on her lips as her eyes glance at every one of us.
Her eyes fall on me. "You do not remember what happened at the Temple of Sacred Ashes, Nalia."

"She knows my name..." I say to myself. How is this possible?

I swallow, feeling a lump in my throat. "Yes, that's right." How can this be her? Is she a demon in disguise? Or is she really the spirit of the Most Holy.

I glance at Solas for an explanation, but he too is just confused as I am.
I look at Cole, to see if he can sense any danger, but his face is emotionless.

Anyway, I need to be careful. We all do...we are in the Fade, after all.

"I can help you retrieve your memories, stolen by the demon that serves Corypheus," she walks towards us, "it is the nightmare you forget upon waking. It feeds off memories of fear and darkness, growing fat upon terror. The false calling that terrified the Wardens into making such grave mistakes? It's work."

My heart stops beating, realization sinking in.

Stroud snarls. "I would gladly avenge the insult this Nightmare dealt with my brethren."
"You will have your chance, brave Warden," she assures him, "this place of darkness is it's lair."

Oh shi...

I lick my lips. "Can you help us get out of the Fade?" I ask. It's a risk, but I'm willing to take it. We have to get out of here, any chance it takes...

"That is why I found you," she replies. "When you entered the Fade at Haven, the demon took a part of you. Before you do anything else, you must recover it. These are your memories, Nalia."

She waves a hand to our left, and all of a sudden, demons appear.

Those are my memories?
Well, looks like Fade isn't so boring afterall...
We all hold our ground and begin to fight.

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After we killed all the demons and my memories restored, I haven't been the same. I keep replaying it in my head...Justinia gave her life to save me and... I'm really not Andraste's Chosen. It all was an accident. An interruption...

Corypheus was telling the truth. And now, I don't know what to believe anymore.

Cole's been glued to my side ever since I recovered my memories. He keeps saying that it's okay, but I don't believe him. What's going to happen when people find out? How will they react? Everyone will be terrified. Should I tell the truth at all? Or let them believe those lies because it gives them hope in there belief for the Maker?

Cole glances at me while we follow Justinia's spirit. Suddenly, I feel a calloused hand grab mine. I look at him.
"Squeeze when you feel scared, remember?" He says, which makes my heart pound. A little smile forms on my lips, and I walk with him, behind the others, as Justinia's spirit leads us to Nightmare's den.

He's spoken to us a few times already, his voice demonic and dark, putting fear in our hearts. Every time we fought creatures, they were different for everyone. Because they were our fears.

Solas said he saw demons, but I saw spiders. Big spiders, the worst kind.

I screamed a few times and tried to run away, but I couldn't. I was only feeding Nightmare by doing this, so I took deep breaths in and began to fight them all.
I tried asking Cole what he saw, but he refused to answer me.
But there were a few moments, where I saw him kill something, and then cry a few silent tears.

Whatever he saw...it must've been horrible.

Now, after almost an hour of wandering the Fade, we have our last few moments of peace before we have to face Nightmare head on in combat.

"Perhaps I should be afraid. Facing the most powerful members of the Inquisition..." Nightmare chuckles, which makes me jump a little. "Are you afraid Cole? I can help you forget. Just like you help other people. We're so very much alike you and I..."

I want to scream at the monster, slaughter him until there's nothing left. If he comes near Cole, or touches him, I will make sure that any piece of Nightmare left will be burned.

"No," Cole whispers, squeezing my hand. He doesn't say anything else, but when I look at him, I see a fire burning in his eyes. It's the same thing I feel, except this is where it separates us.

His is because of the Fade and because of the monster.
Mine is because of any threat that tries to hurt Cole.

Soon, we reach the end, and I see the exit, and a demon circling down below like a shark in the ocean.
Nightmare.
He looks just like a spider, but at the same time, he resembles a human.
It makes me shake.

We all group up with our weapons ready.

"You must get through the rift and then slam it shut with all your strength!" Justinia says, hovering near us. "That will banish the army of demons, and exile this cursed creature to the farthest reaches of the Fade."

I poison my daggers, but before I run head first into battle, I turn towards Hawke, Stroud, Cole, and Solas.
They all stare at me, waiting for my orders.
I feel a sting of pain in my chest. We might die here...we all might make it out alive, or one of us will fall.

The chances are too high.

I lick my lips. "I want you to know that whatever happens, if we fail or survive, that it has been an honor having you stand with me."

"You talk as if your death is certain," Solas says. I bite my lip softly. I don't know what will happen, we could die, we could win, but they have to hear this, that way I won't regret it when I'm dead and wandering the Fade.

"Anything could happen to any one of us. If something we're to happen to me..." I take a breath in, "kill Corypheus. Save our world before it's too late."

"Nalia..." Hawke says, pain written on the lines of his face before he nods his head, the solider side of him sinking in.
"We will do everything in our power to succeed, if you do not."

I smile a little, before turning and running down to where Nightmare lingers.
His head snaps towards me, making a popping sound that sends chills down my spine. "You finally came," he says before laughing, "Corypheus will be pleased to have your head, Inquisitor."

I squeeze the hilt of my dagger, before suddenly, I see Justinia come to my side. "If you would, please tell Leliana, I am sorry. I failed you, too."

She lifts herself in the air, exploding into bright lights, attacking the giant spider that's blocking our exit to the rift, and knocking Nightmare off his feet.

We all fall backwards with how fast the explosion was, but I'm back on my feet in a instant with my men beside me, seeing a furious Nightmare.

He gets up and screams. A scream so loud it rings my ears.
Then...our fight begins.

I roll, getting up to stab him in his back while Stroud aims for the front. We all circle him, but soon I feel something crawl on my leg.

"Spiders!" I scream, aggressively pushing them off. "Get them off! GET THEM OFF!"
I'm completely vulnerable right now, my only focus is getting rid of these disgusting spiders that crawl on my arms and legs.

Solas strikes all the spiders that circle me with a fire spell, and soon they scream in agony, flipping onto there backs, legs curling inward. The way all spiders die...

I begin to hyperventilate, anxiety gripping my heart, when Solas runs up to me, shaking me aggressively. "You must focus Nalia!" He shouts before he pushes me out of the way of Nightmares attack.
I fall and land on my side before I quickly roll and stand back up.

Stroud slices one of Nightmare's legs, and it screeches.

"You cannot stand against me!" It shouts, "I am your greatest fear! I am the monster under beds, the wolf lurking in the forest! The spider crawling on your walls!"

I squeeze my dagger, standing to the side of everything. I wait for the perfect moment to strike...almost there...

Nightmare turns. He needs to look at me for this to work.

Hawke and Stroud fall to the ground, not getting up because the blow was too strong.
Solas is surrounded by spiders, completely distracting him from the one we need to kill.
Cole hits Nightmare, but he leaves himself open. Nightmare smacks him with one of his legs, and Cole goes flying to the side, landing back first into the stone wall, and laying weakly against the wall, head tiling to the side.

"Cole!" I scream. I almost run to him, but Nightmare snapping his attention towards me keeps me standing in my place.
A smirk forms on his skin and bone face. "I know all your fears, Nalia..." He hisses. "You're afraid that your clan died because of you. That your brother died because of your foolishness."
He waves his hand in front of me, and I see a perfect image of my home...my people.

A window to the past I can't reach...

"Would you like to go home, Nalia?" He asks, "would you like to see your mother, father, brother? Corypheus could bring them back..."

I feel my heartbeat slow...my head filling with the possibilities of actually going home. Of listening to Mother sing, or having Father tell me stories of his time as a child...of my brother growing up and becoming a man...
I look at everyone, flashes of all my new friends entering my head.

Long, fascinating talks about spirits and the Fade with Solas in his room.
Practicing swordfighting with Cassandra.
Watching Sera and Iron Bull make asses of themselves.
Laughing at Dorian's ego.
Reading Varric's books.
And watching Cole walk around Skyhold, helping people.

"My clan is dead," I say, "but these people you threaten are my friends! My family!"
Nightmare growls, and that's when I throw my dagger.
It lands in between his eyes, and he falls backwards, dead on the ground.
All the spiders controlled by him are dead. And everything falls quiet.

We won.

Hawke and Stroud get up, running to me.
"You did it!" They say.
Solas runs beside me, and Cole follows, slowly buy surely.
Thank the Maker he's alright.
We're all beaten, bruised, and cut, but we're alive.

I motion them to follow. "Come on! We need to go!"

We run towards the rift, only to be blocked by the giant spider that Justinia attacked.

There's no way we can kill this thing...
Desperation fills the depths of my stomach before Hawke looks at us. "Go, I'll cover you."
My eyes widen.

"No!" Stroud shouts, "you were right, The Grey Wardens caused this. A Warden must..." He trails off.

"A Warden must help them rebuild! That's your job! Corypheus is mine..." Hawke growls, turning to face this beast, the look of vengeance in his eyes.

"Hawke..." I glance at him, one hand on his arm, silently pleading him not to do it.
He squeezes my hand, nodding.

"Say goodbye to Varric for me." He says, before running and attacking, cutting a way through for us.

We all run, Cole reaching for my hand to keep me up with them, and soon we jump through the rift and everything goes black.

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I land on my feet when we reach the other side. Everyone is still fighting, but it doesn't last long. Right when I stand up and open my palm with the Anchor, it sends a bolt of electricity that kills all the demons and knocks Inquisition soldiers and Wardens to the ground.

The rift behind me is shut, and the world is quiet.

Victory...is ours.

Everyone cheers, clapping, shouting.
Within the crowd, I see Stroud coming to see me, hand over his stomach where he was wounded.

"With the Nightmare banished, Corypheus lost both his Wardens and his demon army. But in the stories your soldiers will tell, their Inquisitor broke the spell with the Makers Blessing." Stroud says, in a tone that asks me what is my decision when it comes to the truth about me.

"Once they understand what really happened," I reply. I think I should tell them the truth. It'd be better then them living in lies...make them understand what really is real, and what isn't a fairy tale.

Stroud shakes his head. "They will be terrified. Let them have the stories."

I open my mouth to reply, but one of my soldiers run towards me.
"Inquisitor! The Archdemon flew off as soon as you disappeared. The Venatori Magister is unconscious, but alive. Cullen thought you might wish to deal with him yourself. As for the Wardens, those who weren't corrupted helped us fight the demons."

"Good," I nod. This'll be easy enough, deciding Erimond's fate. He will die...by my hand.
A Warden brings a fist to his chest.
"We stand ready to help make up for Clarel's tragic mistake," he says.

"Where's Hawke?" Varric asks, looking around, searching for him in the crowds of survivors.

My heart sinks.
There is no easy way to say this, and it hurts that I have to be the one to do it.
"Hawke sacrificed his life to save us and strike a decisive blow against Corypheus." I say.

Everyone gasps.

Varric's eyes widen, the pain visable in his face.
Cassandra turns towards him. "Varric, I'm-" Cassandra starts to say, but he turns and walks away, without saying a single word to anyone.
Hawke's death shouldn't have happened...and it's all because of these fucking bastard Wardens.

"Stroud, you're the senior surviving Grey Warden. What do we do now?" A Warden asks.

Stroud looks at me, waiting for my order. It's my decision, isn't it always? I decide everyone's fate...

I clench a fist. "You leave. Your still vulnerable to Corypheus...and we've lost enough people already fighting corrupted Wardens. By the authority of the Inquisition, you are banished from southern Thedas. Stroud will oversee you return to the Warden fortress..."

The Warden's eyes widen, but he exhales softly. "Yes, your worship," the warden says. He can't fight against me, he wouldn't win.

"Your worship, I would stay, if you allow it, and continue our fight." Blackwall speaks up.

I nod. "Of course, Blackwall. You stay, as for the rest of you!" I point at the other Wardens. "Get the fuck out of here!"

I run down the steps, pushing past everyone. I don't want to hear anyone speak, let alone see anyone. I made my choice, now I need to be alone for the time being.
I run outside of Adamant, breathing heavily in and out.

It's quiet out here, all you can hear is the wind howling, and sand being moved from animals.

I take a seat on the rock, hissing from pain.

I got a bad cut on my arm, it'll need to be treated by the healers when I get back to Skyhold.
Still though, it's not bad enough to where I need to run back home.

I sit outside of Adamant for a long time, focusing on my breathing during this challenging time.
We lost Hawke.
We lost many men and women fighting corrupt Wardens.
But, we also struck a good blow against Corypheus.

That's what war is, is it not? We sacrifice our lives, in return for our victory.
What a cruel, twisted world we live in.

Someone approaches me. "Nalia?"
I glance up to see Cole. His face is bloody, much like his outfit, and his hands have cuts all over them.
He's a complete mess, and smelling the blood coming off of him makes my stomach churn.

But I don't shy away.
I exhale. "Yes, Cole?"
"You okay?" He asks softly.
I almost say yes, but what's the point of lying? He can see through me and read me like I'm an open book.

"I'm both alright and not alright," I answer, and he doesn't say anything.
"And you?" I stare up at him.
"I'm happy you banned the Wardens," he answers, "they've hurt to many people."

"And they could've hurt more," I stand up, "at least you think my choice was right."
"It is right, just like all your other decisions..." He says.
I don't know why those words make my chest tighten and my heart beat speed up.
But...I like it.

I like him.

I close the distance between us, smiling up at him. "Thank you," I whisper.
He looks down at me. "For what?" He asks through a whisper as well.
I almost say for coming into my life, for making me feel happy when I've gone years without feeling happy at all.

But I bite my tongue.

Instead, I wrap my arms around his waist and hug him, my head resting on his chest.
I don't care about the blood smearing my face, or the fact that holding him is making my wounded arms ache...
I need him right now, I need him to be here with me when I feel like I'm about to crumble like an old fortress.

He's my only comfort.

His arms wrap around me, and I can feel his head lower so that it rests on top of mine.
We don't say a word to each other.
We stand there for what seems like an eternity, listening to the wind, pretending that we're not needed anywhere.

I think that it was this moment, that I finally realized it.
He's stood by me, fought beside me in everywhere fight I've been spontaneously thrown into.
He's there for me when I'm broken and falling apart.

He's made me stronger. He's seen the parts of me I've refused to open to anyone, and he's always made the pain feel better...

I never really understood love. How you knew you were in love, how it felt. The boys in my clan wanted a girl that was quiet, who picked herbs and took care of meals and children.

That wasn't who I wanted to be.

Ever since I was young, I've wanted to be a fighter. I used to train for hours by myself, when I should've been out herb picking with the other female elves.

No one liked me much. Not boys, anyway. So I never understood the feeling...

But this...
It's my first time feeling this, but I know in my bones that it's love.

I...am in love.
With Cole, of all people.