Times like this are when I really missed Sinia, my wolf. Days like this, the emptiness, the void, the silence, always filled every part of me, roared much louder than usual. If she were here, everything would be much simpler. Our wolves were how we confirmed our mates, yes we have our scents and the tingles on our skin. The feeling of everything being right, but our wolves are what confirms it; our wolves tell us for sure that the person making us giddy, the person making our skin tingle and our hearts jump, is indeed our mate.

I wish I could ask her what to do. Even though I already know what she would say. 

I want to run, to disappear, to leave these choices behind and start over. I could do it, change my name again, I could become a club owner or something, I knew how to start over, I had done it before, I could do it again.

I knew though that Sinia would have been against it, she was always about facing problems straight on, to fearlessly fall into whatever I wanted. 

I look over the cliff into the river flowing below me, the sound of the current tries to seduce me to jump in, and I almost do, but instead, I turn around and run back to the packhouse.

*

It's dark by the time I get back, everyone is gone, back home or in the packhouse. 

I walk in quietly and start to my room; the hallway is dead silent, only the padding of my feet echoes in the hall.

"Sin," I stop and turn at my name only to spot Jacob looking at me with haunting, hopeful eyes. I knew exactly the words about to leave his mouth, and I barely let them fall before cutting him off. "I don't understand why you said no-"

"When you rejected me, I didn't actually accept it, I said it, but I didn't mean it," I start looking into his eyes firmly. The hopefulness in his eyes grow, but I shake my head. "You were like the pair of pants someone bought me that I couldn't fit into and instead of throwing them away, I held onto them, and I did everything just to try and fit into them, and when nothing work I still hung on to them," I say making his eyes widen, he opens his mouth, and I hold my hand up. "I'm done hanging on to you; I won't do it anymore. I accept your rejection, Jacob." Jacob whimpers as he grabs at his head as our connection finally breaks completely. 

"This will be the last time you see me, the royals are leaving tomorrow, we have people to save, and I am done with this love triangle," I state firmly, and Jacob looks at me in confusion before realization dawns on his face. 

"The king," Jacob whispers in realization, "Sin, you are a rogue, he is a king, he will get bored of you and find another royal to mate with, I'm warning you it's what they do," Jacob claims as he pleads with me to believe him.

 I look at him thoughtfully before smirking and walking to him. "well you better pray he doesn't, because if he does, I don't know what I'll do in my heartbroken state," I whisper as I give him a pointed look, "I might come and kill everyone that has ever hurt me, starting with you, ending with the king." I smirk as I take a step back and walk away from him. The smirk playing on my lips as I hear him slightly whimper.

I get to our room and walk-in immediately spotting Decker. His hair is wet, and a towel is wrapped around his hips, letting me know he just got out of the shower. My body grows hot at the sight of his bare upper body and wet hair, and I resist biting my lip. I hear him clear his throat, and my eyes snap to his eyes, and my face burns hot from embarrassment as I realize I'm openly checking him out. 

"Did you have a nice run?" Decker asks as he runs his eyes over my body. I nod my head as I feel my mind seems to scatter.

"Decker, we need to talk," I whisper shakily. My words pierce the air nervously, and Decker nods his head. "Decker, I am not a good person, I've been a whore, I've done drugs, I've killed people," I explain and Decker raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

"Sin-"

"Poppy," I interrupt, and he looks at me in confusion. "My name is Poppy."

Decker's eyes widen at my confession.

"If I am going to try this mate thing with you, I need to be honest. My name is Poppy Rose Evergreen, At 16 I was rejected by Jacob, he banished me from my home, I stayed with a few rogue that took me in but mostly jumped from place to place." I breathe out as Decker watches me intently. "I started bounty hunting at the age of seventeen. I targeted mostly men that rejected or abused their mates, I killed rapists, I killed any man that even looked at a woman wrong because I was hurt, My anger fueled me to become one of the best bounty hunters, which proved to be my downfall." I let the cluster fuck of words and events leave my mouth, and I see Decker trying to keep up with everything. "I met another bounty hunter, better than I, and I hunted with her until she killed me, I was brought back to life by witches, and became even worse." 

"I did drugs; sometimes, I would bait men, let them think I was drugged, and try to take advantage of me before slitting their throats. I killed both women and men without even looking at their crimes most of the time. I killed them in different styles, rarely quick, and never painless.  I'm an alcoholic, a killer, and a whore, and I just really want to sleep with you every night for the rest of my life." I breathlessly end as I look at him, his face is partially expressionless before he smirks. 

"I can't tell if you actually want to be with me or if you just want to sleep with me that badly. " Decker chuckles lightly as his towel drops causing me to blush and bite my lip at his large, hard member. 

{Mature scenes}

Decker grabs my arm playfully and brings me to him causing a giggle to escape from my lips before Decker catches it, our mouths move fluently as if we have kissed a million times, I smirk into the kiss as his dick pokes my belly. Suddenly I feel him removing my sports bra, breaking the kiss for a split second. 

"You have no idea how hard it has been saying no to you."

"I think I have an idea of it poking my stomach," I giggle between kisses. Decker blushes as he picks me up and throws me on the bed, I laugh out loud as he climbs on top of me, kisses fluttering all over me. He kisses down to my boobs, taking one in one hand and massaging it as he sucks on the other. A moan leaves me; his lips move from my boob and kiss down to the waistband of my cargo pants. He quickly takes them off and throws them somewhere in the room. 

"Nice granny panties Poppy." I blush red as I look down at the dark green totally not sexy panties. I roll my eyes at Decker.

"I was not planning to throw myself at you; maybe if you had taken my offer the past couple nights, you would have gotten some sexy panties," I say before sticking my tongue out at Decker, who chuckles.

I bite my lip at hearing his deep sexy laugh, and he hooks a finger around the band of the panties and slides them off. He takes his finger and rubs around my lips as he leans closer to me. As his lips meet mine, his finger enters me slowly as if to tease me. I growled lightly, causing him to chuckle. "Impatient, my dear?" Decker teases as he starts to move his finger faster, he massages my walls with the tip of his finger, and I moan as he graciously adds another finger while quickening his pace. The pleasure flowing through my body sends me to my back on the bed. I then feel his thumb starting to massage my clit, making my body twitch slightly. 

"Damn," I moan slightly. I then move somewhat, so my hand grazes his hard dick, with my fingertips, I stroke the tip of him. His dick twitches against my fingers as I lightly touch the sensitive spot under the tip. Decker moves closer to me, allowing me to wrap my hand around him. I start softly before tightening my hold and going a little faster.  

I then push Decker's fingers out of me before pushing him on the bed and straddling him. A look of surprise takes over his features before pleasure as I hover over his hard dick, I rub lightly against it, smirking as I tease him. 

He growls at me and quickly grabs my waist and pulls me down, making me gasp in pleasure as his rock hard dick goes deep in me. For a moment, I can't move as the desire paralyzes me. Thankfully I don't need to as Decker holds my waist and pumps his dick in me, a loud moan escapes me, and I finally gain my composure as my hands go to his shoulder and I try to help him out, but Decker growls at me, and I stop, letting him fuck me like rag doll.  The feeling building in my stomach is amazing and crippling; I feel as if I could die a blissful death at any moment. 

The fast and deep thrusting from Decker was almost too much, my body not able to keep up. "Decker," I whimper as an uncomfortable amount of pleasure takes over me, begging to be released. Suddenly I feel Decker's thumb back on my clit as he continues to thrust in me. 

"Cum for me now," Decker growls out, and on command, my body quivers and releases the pleasure inside of me. I loudly moan as Decker does as I feel his dick inside me harden even more so before twitching as he cums. 

I lay on his chest gently, I giggle as I hear him trying to catch his breath, though I am jealous I can't feel out of breath like that. Decker looks at me in my eyes in awe. A moment goes by as we move to where I am beside him but laying my head on his chest.

"Do you miss it?" I look at him in confusion.

"Miss what?"

"Miss being truly alive." His question saddens me, is it that obvious?

"With all my heart. What I would do, just to feel alive again, to feel like I'm not a walking corpse."

His arm around me tightens as he tries to comfort me. I look up at this man and know instantly what I must do before giving my heart completely and letting him mark me. 

****************

Thoughts?

I know that scene was cringy but sex scenes are so hard to write. 

comment and vote and follow!! I love reading the comments i read like every one of them!

Anyway, I have some exciting news which is why it has taken me so long to update.

I found out the Saturday after Christmas that I am pregnant!! I had to take a moment to take in all the emotions, I was feeling so defeated because I had already taken a test Christmas morning and it was negative (Testing too early.) I was not feeling good and really nauseous and anxious. I have an anxiety disorder that causes me to have seizures but I have not had one in years. well on Friday after Christmas I was feeling very nauseous and anxious, I almost had a seizure which was one of the first signs something was off, my husband kept telling me i was pregnant and i kept telling him no I had already tested, well Saturday morning i was still extremely nauseous and my husband kept pestering me bout being pregnant so after work Saturday I took a test and got a positive!!

If you guys are interested I can keep you updated! but anyway i hope this explains why I haven't updated. Happy New year!!