DOUBLE UPDATE BITCHES!!!!!!

Levi's P.O.V

My fingers curl around the handle of my mug, searching for a bit more warmth than what was available to me.

Everything felt so cold and rigid whenever I wasn't with J.
I look back at my mate, my chest immediately lightening at the sight of him. He was in a deeper slumber, clutching the pillow I'd put to replace me a little too tightly. Lost in dreams, he was unconscious to the many troubles which seemed to eternally plague my mind.

Letting my eyes redirect themselves to the window, I watch thousands of leaves being tugged off their branches and pulled by the strong winds which belonged to the changing seasons. It was beautiful and disheartening to watch, signaling the death of the old season in preparation for the new.

It was like watching my life on raw display and I hated it.

J or rather Jayson, I didn't know if it was okay to call him that, it felt wrong to, as if I were cheating some part of him. The part of him I didn't know but longed to know, the part of him that was lost inside of him and replaced with the J I knew. I felt as if I were mated to two different people; J and Jayson, I didn't know which one was my real mate. Not forgetting Roger as well, without a wolf of my own, I was all he had in this world. I was all any of them had.

I shut my eyes tightly to stop my hand from shaking, it was making the tea spill and my distress would wake up J, I didn't want that. I didn't want him to wake up to find me, this depressed version of a mate he didn't deserve. He didn't understand why I was so stressed, so confused and sad these past few days and I knew he blamed himself which broke my heart because, in all of this, he was the innocent victim.

But no one else saw it that way, my family most certainly didn't. Damon saw him as an enemy, Dad, a ticking time bomb, Peter, his worst nightmare and Josey, unworthy. Hagen was the only one who liked him, the only one who supported us and seemed happy for me in finding my mate. He visited regularly and had no problem in entertaining J when I had to cover my ass with Aiden.

It scared me just to think of him and J in one sentence. I didn't know how much longer I could keep them apart, all it would take is the sight of him in wolf form or a whiff of his scent and he'd be done for. Which he is what scared me the most? J was strong, stronger than most wolves that existed but dad was a fighter, an alpha who'd been training since his mate's attack to kill the one responsible.

I didn't understand why I was being punished. Why I'd been mated to the one person everyone I had ever known hated or why my family couldn't bury their hate and fear in support of my happiness. The happiness I know questioned, I knew it would've been better for everyone if I never met J, Jayson.., my mate. Everything would have gone on as normal, everyone would be okay.... everyone but me, and though I knew it was selfish, I didn't care. I was happy I met my mate, even if no one else was.

I rise from my spot in the window seal and head out the room, resting my mug in the sink before dialing the number I knew by heart and raising it to my ear.

"It's eight in the morning." Sammy groans begrudgingly and I smile a little.

"Hey," I say leaning against the counter.

"Haven't heard from you in a while, is everything okay?" She asks genuinely. "It better not be for you to be calling me at eight am."

"It's not," I say chuckling at this, she'd always made me feel lighter despite the darkness in my mind. "Damon attacked J."

"Of course he did." She groans sounding as exhausted as I felt. "Well, who won?"

"J."

"Thank God." She says making my eyebrows sink. Before I can bring my question into words, she answers, "Can you imagine the ego on that kid if he won? He'd be a fucking pain in the ass."

"He's mad at me, won't speak to me." I say and she scoffs. "Dad's mad too, at J."

"Sounds like a personal problem."

"Sam I'm serious."

"So am I." She snaps back. "Levi, you've lived for your family for your entire life. Lived to please them, be them, prove to them that you were worth the trouble. It's sweet but it must also be exhausting. Now here's someone literally made for you, and they're everything but supportive." She laughs. "Levi, its time you got a little selfish and took something for you."

The line remains quiet as no response raises to my lips, I knew she was right but I didn't want to admit it, not with the what it implied with it.

"I have to go, I'm supposed to help out with Damon's alpha case today." I say, choosing to avoid everything she just said.

"He's mad at you, attacked your mate and you're still going to help him." She lists sounding genuinely shocked. "Levi, when will you ever say no to these people."

"These people are my family."

"Well, they certainly aren't acting like one."

Silence rests again between us. Sam had never been one to withhold her honest opinion or sugarcoat the truth, but for the first time since I'd known her, I wished that she had.

"I have to go," I say again and I can almost see that knowing look she wore so well.

"Family calls." She mutters before sighing. "Say safe Wolfie."

With that, she hangs up and I let the phone slide onto the counter. Leaning against it, I drop my head wanting nothing more but for J to hug me like he always did when I felt like this. When I felt like disappearing and relieving everyone of the burden I seemed to be. He'd hold me so tight, breathing was a task and he'd litter my face with kisses I didn't deserve. He'd wrap me in his won warmth as if promising to never let me go.

"Goddess please," I beg as I stand tall and bury the weight to where it couldn't be felt. I dress into some new close, press a light kiss to J's head, rubbing Caspar's fur gently and make my way towards... my family.

----------------------------------------------------------

At the sight of me, Damon's eyes darken considerably and he immediately redirects his gaze to everything but me. I sigh at this, trying to hide the way his denial made my insides twists with pain. Dad's eyes light up when he sees me and I force myself to offer him a smile as he rushes to hug me.

"It's good to see you kid." He says after pulling back with a small frown. "When for a run? Why'd you mask your scent?"

I masked my scent because I have a very possessive mate who loves to bathe me in his own scent. A quality of his I love and wish I could show proudly, but I can't, because of people like you.

"Yeah, I went for a run this morning." I say instead and he nods a little before leading me to where Amelia and Damon were waiting. "Today, I thought we'd do something a little easy, help make pack lunch in one of the pack houses."

"I can't cook." Amelia lies.

"Well, you'll learn how today." Dad says before looking between the two. "It's good for the pack to see you two helping out."

"Sounds simple enough, why do I have to be here?" I ask wanting nothing more than to return to J before he woke up.

"Because it's part of the agreement." He says sounding genuinely confused at my question.

"I don't go beyond pack lands anymore." I say sounding colder than I meant to.

"Got somewhere better to be?" Damon spits making my eyes darken considerably. It was a threat and we both knew it.

"Hey, what's going on with you two?" Aiden growls angrily and I force myself to look away from Damon. When neither of us says anything he sighs. "Now you have to stay so you two can work through whatever you're fighting over."

"Let's get started," Amelia says quietly pushing Damon towards the kitchen while I'm left with Aiden.

"Levi," He calls but I look away. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Levi, we both know that's not true." He says with obvious concern in his tone. He steps closer, stretching a hand out to me but I dodge it. My eyes dart up, shocked at my own actions to find him stiffen. His eyes fill with pain so I look away to stop myself from caving. "D-Do you want to talk about it?" His voice comes out strained and I hate that I'm the cause.

"No." I force out reluctantly and push past him to follow Amelia and Damon into the busy kitchen of pack staff. I avoid the two and make quick work of joining in, forcing myself to get lost in the tasks assigned to me instead of dwelling on the agony which tormented me inside and out.

I wish life was just a little less cruel.

---------------

As the last bowl is scraped clean of the mashed potato that went with the chicken stew, I undo the apron given to me and help clean up before taking my leave. I leave the house as if running from fire, all too eager to return to my mate who would've been long awake by now and probably worried about my absence.

Once I'm down the old wooden steps, I freeze at the sight of Damon and Amelia who's conversation came to an immediate halt at the sight of me. Damon's stance immediately straightens, his eyes boring into my own with clear defiance that I didn't have the heart to argue against. I walk past them, taking quick steps to rid myself from their presence.

"Have fun with your mutt." He spits behind me making my feet immediately dig into the ground. I turn to face him, disgust and anger flooding his features, an expression I'd seen many times growing up with Damon, but one I never imagined would be directed towards me.

It was one reserved specifically for one type of species he despised almost as much as Aiden did, a look for Rogues.

Acknowledging that knocks the wind out of me along with a fight I had left reserved for redeeming myself in his eyes. It was a pointless fight and I had no intention of babying him anymore, even if he was my baby brother.

"Out of all of them," I say with tears quickly rushing to my eyes. "I thought you'd be happy for me. I never imagined there'd be a day where you looked at me as anything but family."

His glare immediately fades as guilt trickles in. I push the tears away and turn, returning to the only path that seemed to remain in my life. The path to the one person who seemed to truly love me.

Goddess please, make the pain stop.

--------------------------

I know it's short but I wanted to end it here, giving you some perspective on Levi's current thoughts.

Now, what are your thoughts? Please leave them, I'm always curious.

Until next time,

Bye humanssssss