Lilah

Asher's knock on my bedroom door is gentle, but the determination and concern in his eyes when I open the door is anything but. He stands in the doorway, his broad shoulders filling the frame, and I can't help but notice the way his dark hair falls perfectly across his forehead. "Hey, can we talk?" he asks, and I hesitate for a heartbeat before letting him in. We sit on the edge of my bed, the air heavy with unsaid words.

It's been almost a full day since Asher said he wouldn't give up on us. I spent the entire day in my room, homework forgotten, wondering if he's changed his mind. I'm caught between wanting him to mean every word and fearing that he did. I know we can't go on like this, but I'm not sure it's the right time for us.

I'm not sure there ever will be a right time. When the world discovers how incredible Asher is, there will be a line of girls ready to offer their loyalty and hearts. Someone who isn't a part of his family or his brother's ex. Someone uncomplicated. That person isn't me. We missed our chance, and I don't know how to deal with the pain of that right now without falling to pieces. It's a suffocating feeling, like a dark cloud hovering over me, threatening to unleash a storm that could break me apart at any moment.

Taking a deep breath, Asher starts, "I talked to Ethan and Dad."

The sick feeling I've had all day intensifies. "What happened?"

"Ethan is... sticking with his ultimatum. He says if I don't end things with you, he'll take it as me wanting out of the band, and he'll start looking for a replacement."

"And your dad?"

"He wants us to sort it out between ourselves."

"What if you can't?"

"Then one of us will have to leave the band."

Tears prick at the corners of my eyes, and guilt weighs heavy on my chest as I remember Maddie's words.

"Asher, I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted to come between you and your brother."

It's the truth, and I hope he knows that. I want him, but not at the cost of his relationship with Ethan. Who is Asher without Ethan and MOD? He can't be happy without those things in his life. He was happy before me, and he'll be happy again, but only when things are resolved.

He reaches for my hand, our fingers intertwining. "I know. And I don't want to lose my brother or the band, but I also don't want to lose you. I told you I loved you. I've never felt this way about someone before."

Those words mean everything. I squeeze his hand, tears threatening to spill. "I love you too, but you can't sacrifice your family and career for whatever this is between us. It's not fair to you."

Asher searches my eyes, his gaze intense. "Do you see a future for us? Dad mentioned it won't be easy to keep things going once we're in different countries."

Maddie said something similar, didn't she? I've been treating the time with Asher as borrowed, knowing deep down that a future for us is uncertain with the distance and our dreams pulling us apart. To be honest, I can't imagine the future without him in it – I don't want to imagine us living in different countries, not talking, not seeing each other...never kissing him again.

He studies me carefully. "Tell me what you're thinking."

I squirm under the intensity of Asher's gaze. How can we keep going when Maddie was right? Our being together will cost him everything he holds dear, and the reality is, the chances of us living happily ever after seem impossible.

We're impossible.

Taking a deep breath, I know I'm about to break my own heart by doing this for him. But we can't prolong this, not when there's so much at stake. "When I said we were running out of time, you said you were aware. I thought that meant we were on the same page—that it would be over between us when you left."

His expression falters, hurt flashing across his face for a moment before he composes himself. He sits back, our fingers disentangling. "Dad was right then? You don't believe we can make this work. You were planning on ending us when I left?"

The raw pain in his voice pierces my heart, but I know I have to go through with this. He'll be happier if I do.

I nod slowly, tears streaming down my cheeks. "Yes, Asher. I thought that's what we both understood. I never wanted this to be a choice between your family, your career, and me. I love you, but I can't be the reason you sacrifice everything you've worked for. It's not fair on either of us. Especially when we'll be living in different parts of the world, and being together will be so difficult."

He looks away, hands clenching into fists. "So, what, you just want to give up? You don't even want to try?"

I shake my head, tears welling up in my eyes. God, of course I want to try, but not when it will cost him everything that's always mattered most to him.

"It's not that simple, Asher. I wish we could be together, but sometimes love isn't enough. We can't keep hurting the people we care about, not at the cost of your relationship with Ethan and the band, and not when being together is going to be impossible. Not when the future has us living in different locations and doing different things."

Asher's eyes glisten with unshed tears as he looks at me, his voice breaking. "I don't want to lose you, Lilah."

"I don't want to lose you either," I confess, my own tears overflowing. "But we have to let go. We have to give Ethan and your relationship time to heal, and staying together would just cause both of us more pain and guilt.

For a moment, Asher just sits there, his chest heaving with emotion. Then, finally, he nods, his voice barely audible. "Okay. If that's what you want."

What I want? It's the last thing I want for myself, but I can't be selfish with him, not like this. So, I nod, unable to speak, as my chest tightens with sorrow. Silence settles between us, heavy and suffocating. Asher reaches out to touch my face, wiping away the tears with his thumb. His touch is tender, a painful reminder of everything I'm giving up.

We share one last, heart-wrenching look before Asher stands up, his shoulders slumped in defeat. He turns to leave, pausing at the door.

"I'll always love you," he says softly, his voice thick with emotion. "I know you don't believe me. I know you don't think we have a future, but I would have made it work. Somehow. That's the truth."

Then, with one last, lingering look, he turns and leaves. My heart aches with the knowledge that I've done what's best for him, even if it hurts more than anything I've ever known. I know he believes he could have made it work, but he's wrong. I have to believe that. Because if I just ended us when things could have worked out...

I can't think about that.

After Asher's departure, I take a moment to gather myself, wiping away lingering tears. I know I need to talk to Ethan and attempt to mend the rift between us and between the brothers. With determination, I make my way to Ethan's room.

I gently push open Ethan's door, finding him perched on his bed, his fingers strumming his guitar. The soft tune echoes through the room, reflecting the sombre atmosphere. He looks up at me, his blue eyes shadowed with resentment and pain. Taking a deep breath, my heart pounding, I step inside.

"Hey," I murmur, my voice barely audible. "Can we talk?"

Ethan puts down his guitar, the wood catching the afternoon light streaming through the window. He folds his arms, his stance rigid and defensive. "What's left to say? I don't want to hear anything you have to say."

I fight back tears as my throat tightens. "I know, and I'm sorry," I say, my voice trembling. "I apologize for everything. I never intended to hurt you or anyone."

Ethan snorts, his bitter tone stinging like a slap. "Well, you did."

Taking a hesitant step closer, tears prick at the corners of my eyes. "You're not the only one in pain, Ethan. You're not the only one who's been hurt."

My words seem to make him pause. His jaw clenches, but he stays silent.

"When you ended things with me, it broke my heart." I raise a hand, anticipating his objections. "I know why you did it. I know Asher gave you an ultimatum, so you chose your brother and the band. I understand, but it hurt so much." I hold his gaze. "Then you insisted on friendship. While I tried to heal and move on, you forced yourself back into my life. Despite the pain it caused seeing you with Ainsley, I agreed."

"Do you want a medal?"

"No," I retort, irritated, "and you're acting like a jerk."

His glare is icy. "You're the one who went behind my back with my brother."

"And you broke my heart and dated a girl who treated me horribly less than a month after we broke up. How did you expect me to react?"

"So, this is payback."

"It's not payback, Ethan. My feelings for Asher have nothing to do with you." Seeing him flinch, I instantly regret my harsh words. Taking a deep breath, I attempt to soften my tone. "Look, you decided we'd be better as friends rather than a couple. It's not fair to blame me for that. Asher and I are done, and I'm genuinely sorry I hurt you with all of this. He was the last person, Ethan." My voice cracks. "After you broke my heart... Asher, he didn't even like me initially, and he pushed for our breakup. He's your brother, my stepbrother, and as passionate about music as you are."

I know I'm being repetitive and rambling, but I'm at a loss for how else to convey that falling for his brother was the last thing I ever wanted after everything I went through. I genuinely couldn't help it, and if I could have, I would have. However, I'm not sure if Ethan wants to hear about how I tried to resist my feelings and ultimately failed.

"I know," he says, his tone gentler but still tinged with resentment. "I know you didn't plan it. I guess I just... I wasn't ready for you to move on. I still loved you when we broke up. I never really addressed those feelings; instead, I tried to transfer them to someone else. Ainsley was there, and-"

"Asher encouraged you, I know. But as I said, it devastated me. I had to move on. I tried to move on from you with Luke, but... it didn't work out that way. Asher was there for me, and I..."

"Stop." He raises a hand, his face pained. "I can't listen to you talk about him and your feelings for him."

I nod. "I genuinely never wanted to hurt you, Ethan. I never stopped caring about you," I confess, tears brimming in my eyes. "I miss our friendship. Everything has become so complex and twisted, and I..." I sit beside him on the bed. "We were supposed to be friends, but when I started getting closer to your brother, it seemed like you ignored Ainsley's awful behaviour towards me. You weren't the only one suffering. I don't know what to do."

Ethan inches closer, hesitating before reaching out to wipe a tear from my cheek.

"Maybe... maybe we can start by trying to mend what's broken," he suggests. "As friends. I miss our friendship, too. But... I still love you, so we might need to take things slowly."

I nod, sniffling. "What about Asher? I hate being the cause of your fallout."

Ethan's expression darkens again.

"It's over between us, Ethan," I manage to say. "Finished. You wanted him to choose, and he did."

I refrain from mentioning that I pressured him to make the choice. This is what's best for Asher and Ethan. I can't be with Asher knowing I stand between him and his brother.

"I don't know, Lilah. I don't know if I can ever forgive him for what he's done. It's just not that simple," he confesses, his voice tinged with bitterness. "I'm still angry with him, and I feel betrayed. I don't know if I can just let go of that. It's... it's going to take time, maybe a lot of time."

"I understand he hurt you," I say, holding back tears. "But Ethan, you need to forgive. Clinging to anger and pain will only harm both of you in the end. He never intended to hurt you. I know how much he loves you. Even with everything that's happened, surely you know how much you mean to him – how much he needs you in his life. I know everything is messed up right now, but if you can bridge this divide, MOD will emerge stronger for it."

Ethan gazes back at me, his expression wavering between the desire to forgive and the anguish that still clutches his heart. "I just don't know if I'm ready yet," he finally says, his voice trembling. "I need some time to think."

"Okay. But...just keep what I said in mind. And perhaps... perhaps you and I can rediscover our way back to being friends too."

Ethan offers a small, hesitant smile, although his eyes still betray a trace of pain. "Yeah," he murmurs, his eyes meeting mine. "Maybe we can."

***

The knowledge that I'm doing the right thing by stepping aside for the two brothers does little to ease the empty, uncertain ache I feel about the future. My firm breakup with Asher doesn't change anything immediately. The first few days, there's an unbearable tension in the house between all of us, my mother and Jesse included. It hurts to be around Asher and know we'll never be together, so I spend as little time at home as possible, studying at friends' houses and the school library until it closes. I try to take comfort in the fact that my misery and sacrifice are making a difference in the brothers' relationship.

During this time, I notice Jesse and Mum, while concerned for my well-being, seem to gently approve of the breakup, understanding the complications it had caused in our blended family.

Over the following month, I see Asher and Ethan's relationship gradually mending. They share conversations, laugh together, and rehearse with MOD. Ethan and I start rebuilding the friendship that broke, both of us taking responsibility for the rift, while Asher remains distant and polite. The ache inside me grows, and I can't ignore the pain it brings.

One day, I hesitantly join Ethan and Asher as they watch a movie in the living room. The tension between the three of us is palpable. Although not as suffocating as it once was, the pain of having Asher become nothing more than a distant stepbrother continues to gnaw at me. I wonder if Asher is happier, has forgotten our connection, or has fallen out of love with me. I question my choices but know deep down I did what was right.

My friends and school gossips move on, and even Kennedy suggests I start dating again. But I can't. I begin to think that the boys moving overseas will be a blessing. That way, I can let go and move on too. And I can stop questioning my choices. While I wait for the end of the year, I focus on my music, channeling my emotions into the songs I write and honing my songwriting skills.

By the time October arrives, the showcase, exams, and my eighteenth birthday are fast approaching. The thought of singing in front of important and well-known musicians and influencers alongside the Cassidy brother I still love but can't be with leaves me feeling on edge. I tell myself I'll be fine once it's over.

Then one conversation shatters my self-delusions and brings everything crashing down around me.