Image under license from Adobe Stock

_________________________

Lilah

My heart tightens as I walk out of the bathroom and see Asher leaning against the wall, waiting for me. The anguish on his face has been replaced by a blank expression, which somehow feels worse. It's as if he's come to the same conclusion I have—we're impossible. Our relationship began at the wrong time and in the wrong place. No matter how deeply we care for each other, too many obstacles stand in our way. Our being together could destroy his future, and it's not worth it.

We aren't worth it.

We have no future.

We are impossible...

My heart aches with the inevitable outcome, and the emotion caught in my throat is so painful that I can't swallow past it.

After saying a quick goodbye to our friends, Asher and I head for the exit of the Bayview Hotel. Once outside, darkness envelops us. The heavy silence between us, laden with the agony of the conversation we're about to have, is almost unbearable.

I shiver, and Asher immediately takes off his jacket and drapes it over my shoulders.

"Thanks," I whisper.

We stop when we reach his car. Fishing the keys out of his pocket, he unlocks the car and opens the door for me. I slide in, and he gets into the driver's seat but doesn't start the engine.

We look at each other.

"I'm sorry," I choke out, breaking the silence.

"For what?"

"For this whole situation with Ethan."

His laugh is so bitter and unhappy that I flinch. "None of this is your fault, Lilah. It's all on me. From my unwillingness to be upfront in the beginning and tell my brother I wanted to date you and that he couldn't, to now not knowing how to fix it."

"But you do," I tell him softly, my voice cracking.

His jaw clenches. "Give up on us, you mean?"

"It's the only way to protect your relationship with Ethan. Ethan and MOD are your future."

"And you're not?"

I study him, taking in the sudden anger in his eyes and the flush in his cheeks. He's mad at me, but if he thinks this is what I want, he's mistaken. I'm not having this conversation because I want to end things between us. I'm breaking my own heart to ensure things go the way they should for him. He is a star, a talent the world will fall in love with.

"You heard him," I whisper. "Our parents will never approve of us because it hurts Ethan. It'll destroy the band. You're supposed to be recording an album—"

"I know that," he says, cutting me off. "But what about what I want?" Exasperation creeps into his tone. "Does that matter to anyone?"

I close my eyes, trying to blink back the tears that form as I stare at the guy I've come to love.

"Ethan is never going to come around. At least not in time for you to make things right by the end of the year."

"Ainsley had been winding him up. And I told you he's...messy at the moment. That's why I was waiting until he's in a better state of mind before telling him."

"That doesn't mean he's going to take back the things he said tonight."

Asher shakes his head. "It doesn't mean he won't."

"Ash." I place my hand on his. "You can't take that gamble."

"It's my gamble to take."

"But it's not just yours."

"What are you saying?"

"We have no future," I repeat, echoing Maddie's earlier words.

The accusation in his eyes makes me want to look away. "You're giving up on us?"

"I think we have to, don't you?"

The look of betrayal on his face is worse than Ethan's. He doesn't understand I'm doing this for him. But yes, it's also a form of self-preservation. Maddie was right; I don't have a future with Asher the rockstar, the singer and songwriter for MOD. His life will be touring and embracing the rockstar lifestyle, while mine? I know my next step, but not what my life will entail. The only thing I want is to be a musician, a recording artist, but I don't know how to get there just yet.

Falling further for a guy I'll never be with once he starts living his life away from here is not something I can do. I'm already in too deep. This already hurts too much. But it will only hurt more the longer we're in it. Because I don't trust this to last. I don't trust him to choose me, and even if he did, he'd regret it for the rest of his life. I can't live with that—being his regret, keeping him from his dreams and the life he's destined for.

He studies me for a moment longer before nodding. Swallowing, he grips the steering wheel, his jaw tightening. Then he starts the car and drives us home in a silence that breaks my heart all over again.

As soon as we pull into the driveway of the mansion, I hurry to unbuckle my seat and escape before I start crying, but his hand on mine stops me.

"Tell me you don't love me."

"Asher..."

"Just tell me. You know how I feel. How do you feel about me?"

"It doesn't matter, we—"

"Please, Lilah," he pleads, "Just tell me."

I swallow hard. "I love you."

He gives me the slowest nod and takes his hand off mine, confusing me. My words don't change anything, but the look of determination on his face is unmistakable.

I place my hand on the door and open it. Just as I'm climbing out, he says softly, "I'm not giving up."

When I look at him, he continues. "Maybe you are. God knows, I haven't given you any reason to fight for us or to trust this. To trust me. I know we have a lot of opposition, but I'm not giving up."

"Asher...we can't. You have your whole life ahead of you. You're going to be a big star—"

"And so are you."

His words, so full of belief and not an ounce of uncertainty, bring tears to my eyes. Only my mother has ever believed in me that much. It means more than anything else he could say in this moment. If I take nothing else away from this mess, I'll carry his belief in me with me.

"You said Ethan and MOD are my future, and they are. But I see you in my future too."

He can't mean that, can he? What we have won't hold up against miles, against an industry with so many temptations.

Against our family...

We're impossible.

He'll realize this at some point, I'm sure of it.

I can't hold onto the hope that he won't, because when he eventually does, it will crush me. The longer I hold onto hope, the more painful it will be when that hope is shattered.

***

Asher

At some point, you must forgive yourself for past screw-ups and decide whether to stay on the same path or switch things up. As I work out in my room, it's obvious that change is needed. I can keep lying to myself and everyone else, or face the truth and deal with the fallout. It won't be easy, but I'm not one to back down.

My recent actions have screwed up the tight bond I had with my brother, and I'm freaking out about what Dad might say, but I love Lilah. From our very first chat outside the music room, there was this connection that hit me hard and drew me in. Instead of spilling my feelings when Ethan said they were dating, I backed off and convinced myself and everyone else that I hated her. Denying my emotions led to that ultimatum I gave Ethan. If I'd been real from the get-go, we wouldn't be in this fucked-up mess.

But I didn't want to rock the boat. I didn't want Dad to regret bringing me home or to let him down. Growing up with a druggy mom, homeless half the time, and seeing stuff I shouldn't have, trust wasn't something I knew much about. Even though I'm still shit-scared of what Dad will say, I have to trust he won't just kick me to the curb when I tell him what's going on with Ethan.

I can't change the past, but I'm done living a lie. I won't fake it anymore. Trying to trick everyone by pretending Lilah doesn't mean anything to me or downplaying how much I care won't fix things. I need to find the guts to be straight with everyone. Out of breath, I drop the weights I've been lifting. Maybe, with practice, being honest about what - or who - I want will get easier.

I decide to start practicing my honesty with Dad. This won't be the easiest conversation, but it's also not going to be the hardest. Except when I find Dad in his study, I realize Ethan beat me there. The look on Dad's face isn't a happy one. It seems I'm about to have both difficult conversations right now.

"Well, if it isn't the brother of the year," Ethan mutters when he sees me. I take a deep breath and brace myself for what's to come. "Hey, I need to talk to Dad."

Ethan's eyes flash with anger, his nostrils flaring. "Well, don't let me stop you." He chuckles darkly. "What am I talking about? You haven't let me stop you at all, have you?"

"Ethan," Dad warns.

Ethan stands up abruptly, fists clenched. "You know what? I'm happy to go. I don't even want to hear whatever twisted nonsense he's about to spin to justify hurting the people he's supposed to put first."

"Perhaps that's best for now," Dad nods. "Go, cool down."

Ethan rolls his eyes but leaves the room, muttering something under his breath that I don't catch as he brushes past me.

Dad looks up at me, his face tight with worry. "Your brother is hurting."

"I know."

Dad sighs. "I knew when I heard you sing with Lilah that something was going on. The two of you have an...undeniable chemistry on stage." He clears his throat. "Then, of course, there were those lyrics. I thought about confronting you then, but Cait persuaded me to leave it."

Taking the seat Ethan just vacated, I say, "There wasn't anything actually going on between us at that point, but...I liked her. I've liked her for a really long time."

Dad stares at me blankly. "Is all of this fallout with your brother over a girl you like?"

"No. She isn't just a girl, is she? She's Lilah. That's why Ethan is so upset with me. And I love her, Dad."

My answer makes Dad look even more concerned. "Are you aware Ethan wants you out of the band?"

I swallow hard. Ethan moved quickly. "He gave me an ultimatum last night – end it, or I'm out. He said you'd back him." The memory makes me feel gut-punched. "He said it in front of the whole senior class of the Academy, so it was kind of hard to miss."

"He thinks your loyalty is to her and not to...your family and the band."

I want to ask my dad what he thinks as he sits there behind his desk, watching me, but I don't think he's made any judgments yet. I think he really just wants to hear my answer.

"I want to be in the band, and I want to be with Lilah. I'm not going to choose."

He nods, but says, "Ethan mentioned something about your roles being reversed and you making him choose once upon a time."

"Yeah, I messed up. I realize that now. He should have told me to back off. I would have if I'd been in his position."

"Asher." Dad's tone is heavy, and I wait for him to continue, feeling more than a little nervous as I wait for his judgment. "I love you. You're my son, and nothing will change that." He meets my eyes as he says it, as if he knows I need to hear it.

And I do need to hear it. Stupidly, I needed that assurance, and the words he just granted me make me feel like a little boy as I feel my eyes sting. But I haven't cried since my mother locked me in a cupboard because I dared tell her I was hungry. I'm not going to start crying now. Not because Dad is telling me he will never stop loving me. Still, I wipe my eyes just to be sure there's no dampness there.

"I know how much Ethan means to you, too. I know how dedicated you are to the band. I just...do you...do you know what you're doing? What you're committing to? Having a girlfriend while trying to do what you're doing..." his laugh is self-deprecating. "It's not easy."

"I know, but I want the opportunity to try."

"She's family, Asher."

"I know."

His lips thin. "If things don't work out..."

"Yeah, Christmas will be awkward."

"It will be more than awkward, Son." Dad sits back and pins me with a look. "I'm in love with her mother."

"I know."

"Lilah is my stepdaughter, and this could blow up and become a big scandal if it continues. For me, for you...for MOD."

"I know this, too."

"So, I have to ask you this, son." He sits forward. "Is it worth it?"

Before I can give an answer, he says, "Really think about it. Consider everything this will do to you and put the family through. Is it worth it?"

I take a moment to think it through before slowly saying, "If I walk away, if I go back to pretending and denying, I'll never know. I don't think I can live with that regret."

"And Lilah feels the same way?"

After pausing for a moment, I say something I never intended to tell him when I walked in here. "Lilah tried to end things between us last night. I don't want to give up on us, but she said we have no future."

My dad winces as if he knows how much that conversation hurt me. Then he looks me straight in the eye and says, "It will be hard for her. You have to know that. Moving across the world—"

"You're going to be splitting your time between the States and here," I point out.

"Because I'm your manager, and I can do some things from here. If I was part of the band, it would be a different story. Asher, you'll need to work hard in your first year, and the coming years. You guys have the contract and the recording deal, but you're still going to need to prove yourselves. Having a girlfriend in another country won't be easy, especially with the time commitment involved. And you need to consider how Lilah will feel about dating someone under those circumstances."

"She'll be busy with her own things."

"I know she will be. But..." Dad rubs the bridge of his nose. "As the older, more experienced person in the room, both as your father and a seasoned musician, I hope you'll take my advice to heart when I tell you that a long-distance relationship like the one you're considering will be more challenging than you realise. I'm not saying you shouldn't pursue it, but trust me and understand that maintaining your relationship with the schedule you'll have, along with the time difference between here and there, won't be a walk in the park. Sure, I'll be splitting my time, but it's not the same for me. I've already proven myself and left my mark. You and MOD, on the other hand, have your entire careers ahead of you. Allowing Lilah to settle for anything less than what she deserves in a relationship wouldn't be fair to her."

Dad must see the gutted expression on my face because he says, "I'm just asking you to think of this and consider her side. Maybe you don't want to give up, but maybe it's not fair on her to continue."

Great, I came in here ready to fight for the girl I want, and Dad's flipped everything on its head with that thought.

"I need to talk to Lilah about it," I say. "Maybe you're right, but I have to know for sure. If I don't at least ask her, I'll never know. The uncertainty would haunt me."

He sighs. "Never let it be said that you do anything half-heartedly. I guess I should have expected the same when it came to love. Though you and Maddie..."

"I was never in love with her."

He nods. "I see that now. Your commitment and intensity make you a brilliant musician. The last thing I want is to see you leave MOD."

My throat tightens. Was Ethan right? Will Dad back him on kicking me out of the band?

As if Dad can read the direction of my thoughts, he shakes his head. "I'm not getting involved in this argument. If you and Lilah decide to make a go of it, hopefully he'll come to accept it."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then one of you will need to leave MOD."

When I frown, he continues. "I can't make you work together. Resentment and jealousy are a recipe for disaster for any band."

I slowly digest his words. How can we make music together if my brother hates me? It won't work.

"If one of you ends up leaving the band, it'll be a difficult adjustment to make. One of you will need to start your own career. And finding someone to replace you in the band won't be easy. Then there's the fact the contracts are already signed with the four of you on the cards."

"I'm sorry."

I think Dad is just being rhetorical, problem-solving as he says these things out loud. There's no one I trust more than Dad to deal with music contracts and whatnot, but I don't want him forced to deal with that. Which is why my apology isn't enough. This is my mess; I need to fix things with Ethan.

"Just try to fix things with your brother."

I nod and stand up. "I will."

When I get to the door of my dad's office, I turn to him and find him watching me. "I love you, too, Dad."

As I leave my father's study, I brace myself for the upcoming conversation. I can hear Ethan playing his guitar in his bedroom. When I knock on his door, he doesn't invite me in. Assuming he didn't hear me, I knock again and open the door slightly.

Ethan looks at me, his expression cold. "What?"

"Can we talk?"

Setting his guitar down, Ethan crosses his arms. Taking this as an invitation, I step into the room. He glares at me, arms still crossed, and I wonder if I should give him more time. But I need to speak with Lilah, and I don't want to do that while sneaking around behind my brother's back. I never intended to go behind his back with Lilah - I wanted him to know before anything happened between us - but inevitably, there were moments when I acted on my feelings prematurely.

"Well?" he demands, as I stand there.

I meet his gaze, trying to keep my voice steady. "I'm sorry. I've been a terrible brother. You didn't deserve that, and I never meant for you to find out like you did."

Ethan's eyes widen in disbelief. "You're sorry? You never meant for me to find out like that? How did you plan for me to find out?"

"I was going to talk to you after prom."

He nods. "So, you're not sorry it happened."

"Ethan, you're the last person I want to hurt."

He scoffs. "Yeah, I can see that. Next, you'll be saying you didn't mean for it to happen."

"I didn't."

"That's great. You've resolved everything then." Ethan laughs bitterly. "You're sorry and you didn't mean to betray me."

"I didn't," I reiterate.

"So what? I'm just supposed to forgive you? You made me break up with her, made her move on-"

"I didn't make her do anything."

Ethan shakes his head, his eyes flashing with anger as he steps closer. "And I suppose you didn't make me break up with her either."

I hold my ground. "I never should have demanded that. I know that now. I was wrong. Stupid. I regret it."

"Great," Ethan says sarcastically, clapping slowly. "If only you'd realized that sooner-"

"But I didn't make you do it," I say.

Ethan's face darkens, his jaw clenching with anger. "You're unbelievable, you know that? You spent our entire relationship hating it, telling me Lilah was a user, that I was too distracted and my commitment to MOD was wavering. 'Pussy or the Band'-"

"Did you believe me?" I interrupt him.

My question catches him off guard. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Did you believe it? That you were losing sight? Did you believe Lilah was a user?"

"Of course I didn't, but-"

"Then you should have told me to back off."

Rage reddens his face, and he steps closer, getting in my face. Adrenaline surges and my fists clench at my sides, but I remind myself: I will not hit my brother.

"Go to hell," Ethan spits. "We're supposed to be brothers, having each other's backs through thick and thin. We're supposed to be bandmates, united against the world. Yet here you are, telling me you don't care about ripping my heart out and taking my girl because I listened to the ultimatum you gave me."

I'm making this worse. I should have waited, though I'm not sure it would have made much difference.

"I'm sorry," I apologize again. "I should have told you I liked her when you started dating her, but instead, I convinced myself I hated her, and—"

"You made me break up with her." He stares at me. "If you care about me at all, or about the band, then end it. But that's not why you're here, is it? You want my permission to be with her."

"I love her."

"I love her too. Seeing you with her? It's gut-wrenching. Watching the two of you dance together, I felt like my heart was being torn from my ribs. If you don't end it, I'll take it as a sign you want out, and I'll start looking for someone to replace you. And you and me, we're done—not just as bandmates, but as brothers. Either you have my back, or you don't. Make your decision."

Ethan glares at me for a few more seconds before turning away, fists clenched at his sides. He doesn't tell me to leave; he just walks out.

That went worse than I anticipated, and as I follow him out of his room, I wonder if he'll ever forgive me if he believes I've chosen Lilah over the band and him. Lilah thinks we have no future; she said we should give up. My dad seems to agree. I don't want to believe it. I still don't. But I'm stuck, unsure how to move forward. I don't know if there's a right way out of this mess where everyone is happy and no one is hurt. I'm afraid I'm damned either way. The next person I need to speak with is Lilah. I need to find out if my dad is right and if she can handle everything between us. Because if she can't, then she's right—we have no future.