Knocking on Asher's bedroom door, I take a deep breath and try to visualise the knot in my gut loosening. It's pulled tighter over the past couple of days, and I'm finally feeling brave enough to deal with the reason why. The day of the party, Maddie was here, and I told myself that was why Asher barely said a word to me. Three days have passed since then, however, and Asher still has barely spoken to me. I'm starting to worry the argument between Ethan and Asher had more of an effect than I was prepared for.

Even though I know I'm skirting a dangerous line with Asher–my feelings bordering on something they shouldn't for my stepbrother–I'm not prepared for him to start ignoring me.

I knock again. I know Asher is in there because I saw him come home from dinner out with Maddie and he's been holed up in his room since. Plus, I can hear the TV going in his room.

Finally, Asher opens the door, his hair mussed as if he's been laying down. He's still dressed in jeans and the shirt he went out in. Maybe I woke him up. My eyes trace his features, drinking him in. I've missed him far more than I'd ever admit to anyone.

I wait for him to look at me, and when he finally does, my stomach sinks to my feet. Whatever Ethan said to Asher the night before the party has changed something. I feel the shift with the way he's looking at me – bored and disinterested, and the way he's blocking the doorway to his room – shutting me out.

I shove my hands into the back pockets of my jeans and try to muster up some courage to deal with this person who suddenly feels like a stranger. "Hey." I force a smile. "Did I wake you?"

He crosses his arms. "I was just about to get some sleep, what's up?"

His words are cool, his expression distant, and my cheeks heat the longer I stand there. I'm embarrassed and I'm not sure why I am. Maybe it's the complete lack of warmth emanating from him. I couldn't feel more unwelcome. Any traces of the guy who studied with me, asked for my opinion about everything to do with MOD, joked with me, and picked me up from work are gone.

"Um, sorry to disturb you, then. I, ah, just haven't had a chance to speak with you all that much lately and I was hoping we could set some time aside to work on our duet?"

"Our song is solid, Lilah. I'm not sure we can improve it all that much now."

"What are you saying?"

He raises an eyebrow in a way that reminds me a little of the Asher of old, the one who would tear me to shreds any chance he got. "Isn't it obvious? We don't need to rehearse it too much."

I nod, unable to speak. There's no plainer way to tell me that he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. Not even for our duet. All because of Ethan and his tantrum. Whether this shift is because Ethan asked him to keep his distance or whether Asher has just decided it's the best course of action to avoid upsetting Ethan, I don't know. Considering I know how close the brothers are and have experienced how they always choose each other, perhaps I should have expected something like this. But I hoped that Asher explaining how platonic our friendship is fixed everything. Now that I know it hasn't, I'm shocked to see Asher return to his cool self.

Shocked, and also kind of...shattered.

I dip my head in acknowledgement, letting him know I hear what he's really saying. "Okay, then." I look at him one last time. "Sorry I disturbed you."

Sorry I ever started trusting you wouldn't hurt me this way. Sorry for thinking we were friends and that our friendship meant something to you.

I take a step backwards. "Goodnight."

Before I can retreat fully, he takes a step forward and puts a hand on my arm. Once I pause, he quickly lets his hand drop, as if I've burned him. "Our song's good enough, Lilah. We'll make the showcase."

I nod but clamp my lips firmly shut when I see the little bit of warmth creep into his eyes, his expression finally softening a touch. Our duet being 'good enough' doesn't satisfy me. I don't want to leave it to chance, and I want to keep working on our song until it's the best it can be. But the disappointment I feel isn't just about our duet. It's also about the way he's so easily able to walk away from the friendship we've been building.

"Night, Asher," I choke out over the lump forming in my throat.

Never again, I vow as I shut my bedroom door behind me. Never again, will I expect reasonable reactions to situations from either brother. And screw both Cassidy brothers for finding it so damn easy to walk away from me and crush my feelings beneath their feet.

***

The rest of the holidays pass by in a miserable blur, the days bleeding into one another even though I go out with Kennedy and the rest of our crew several times. Asher doesn't revert back to being an arsehole. Nor does he flat out ignore me. Instead, he is polite but cool and distant whenever I bump into him within the confines of the mansion - the friendship we were building thrown out the window as if it never mattered at all.

Thankfully, he's rarely home, spending plenty of time out with Maddie or Ethan. Whenever he is at home, he's either locked in his room, or in the studio. I don't see him at breakfast, he doesn't ask me to study with him, and when I need a lift home from a late shift at the cinema, I tell him Kennedy's mum is driving me home. He looks so relieved, I know I did the right thing by asking her.

I also don't bother cooking another meal for the brothers after the last disastrous attempt.

Jesse and Mum come home near the end of the Easter break and are pleased the house is still standing and no one has been killed. If they notice any tension between the three of us, they don't say anything. In fact, they comment on how well all three of us seem to get along now.

Honestly, I can't think of anything less true. Even Ethan seems to be different with me since that dinner. After all his talk about how much he misses me and his apology on the day of the party, he doesn't seek me out. Instead, he chooses to spend all of his time in the studio with his brother or out with Ainsley. It makes me wonder if there was yet another conversation between the brothers. One I wasn't privy to– one where they both agreed to avoid me.

I tell myself I don't care. I tell myself I don't miss Asher or Ethan. I pretend I don't feel hurt, and as soon as the school term gets back under way, I throw myself into my schoolwork once more.

It isn't until one Saturday night around a month after the party that I see signs of yet another shift in my relationship with the Cassidy brothers.

I'm in my room trying to write music when a knock on the door demands my attention. I slam my music journal closed just as Ethan walks in.

"Hey, whatcha doin'?"

I shrug, trying not to show my shock that he's here and has sought me out. "Just some writing."

He sits down on my bed. "In your music journal?"

"Yeah." I study my stepbrother, noting the slump of his shoulders. "I thought you were out with Ainsley for the night."

He huffs, and mutters, "I was, but..." he looks back at me. "We got into it."

Probably, I should tell him I don't care, but I don't just miss Asher. Turning to face him more fully in my desk chair, I ask, "Do you want to talk about it?"

His eyes practically bulge out of his head. "Won't that bother you?"

I shrug. "Not really."

He doesn't look pleased. "It really doesn't matter to you? What about your rule, no being around you while I'm with Ainsley?"

I scoff. "Ethan, you've ignored that rule plenty of times." I give him a pointed look. "Like every lunch you sat with us last term and brought her with you."

Ethan shoots me his usual sheepish look, but he falls back into misery quickly.

"I don't want to talk about Ainsley. Maybe we could just hang out together for a bit? I've missed you."

"I'm right here," I remind him, forcing a small smile. "We can hang out anytime."

His smile is equally forced from everything we're not saying. "Yeah."

I'm not calling him out on his avoidance or behaviour. Yet. At some point I will need to.

"What do you want to do?" I ask.

"Could we watch a movie?"

I give a half shrug. "Sure."

"Meet me in my room in ten, I'll grab drinks and snacks."

Ethan puts on a zombie comedy, and we sit on his bed, talking about and laughing at the ridiculous things that happen in the movie. As much as I want to be annoyed at Ethan for everything, I have missed him and laughing with him feels damn good.

My good mood comes to a grinding halt, however, when there's a knock on Ethan's door. A split second later, the door swings open and Asher stands in the doorway, still dressed up from a date with Maddie. We're well into autumn now, and the black knit sweater hugs his muscular frame. He frowns, his gaze raking across Ethan and I on the bed. If he's surprised to see us both here, he doesn't show it. My heart skips several beats when he looks at me, our eyes holding for a moment.

"What are you watching?"

I quickly tear my gaze away and look at Ethan, waiting for him to tell his brother the name of the movie since I've already forgotten it.

"Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse."

Asher nods. "Good one."

Then he shocks me by walking in and sitting on the bed beside me, sandwiching me between him and Ethan. I inhale a deep lungful of his Apollo and then tell myself I haven't missed it. I haven't missed him. Ethan doesn't seem to be upset with Asher crashing our movie night, so I try and shrug it off. If both of them want to pretend they haven't been mostly ignoring me for the past month, I can, too.

The rest of the movie passes by without incident, and for just over an hour, I pretend things are normal and I'm hanging out with the brothers like I used to at every breakfast. I set aside the hurt I've pretended not to feel and just enjoy the moment. And when the movie is over, and reality comes crashing back in, I climb off the bed, which is a little awkward since I'm still sandwiched between the two brothers, say goodnight, and head back to my room.

When a knock sounds on my door ten minutes later, I expect it to be Ethan again or maybe Mum. Instead, Asher is standing at my door.

"What's up?" I ask, trying not to sound shocked.

First Ethan seeks me out, and now Asher? Did I miss another major conversation between the brothers? Perhaps one where they decided they'd both stop ignoring me?

Asher takes a moment to look me up and down. I cross my arms across my chest, aware of the way I'm not wearing a bra beneath the thin cotton pyjama top I just put on. Just one stupid look from him and I feel my nipples harden, reminding me of my response to his touch at the party weeks ago. Over the past month, I convinced myself I imagined the way he looked at me at the party. I imagined the way he touched me, his finger stroking softly over my skin as if he was savouring something he knew he shouldn't. Now, I'm reliving it all over again, heat igniting low in my belly as my stomach tries to take flight.

He clears his throat. "I thought we should probably rehearse our duet, since we haven't for a while."

I want to laugh in his face and tell him to fuck off. The reason we haven't is because he's been too busy with Maddie and deliberately avoiding me. But the duet is more important than my hurt feelings and we do need to start rehearsing again.

I nod. "Okay. When?"

When he looks surprised by my response, I wonder if he did actually expect me to laugh in his face.

"How about tomorrow?" he asks.

"Morning or afternoon?"

"Morning?"

"Fine, come get me after you're done with breakfast."

Since he makes a habit of never eating the first meal of the day with me now. I go to close my door, but he wedges his foot in the doorway, stopping me from being able to close it.

I glare up at him, but he just takes his time studying me. "You're mad at me."

Nope, I don't want to do this now. Not now or ever. We're not friends. Not anymore. "No, I'm just tired."

He looks over his shoulder, and I'm almost certain he's checking Ethan isn't around before he asks, "Can I come in?"

"I just said I'm tired, Asher."

"Maybe, but you're also upset with me, and I think we should talk."

No thanks. We may be family. I may be forced to get along with him for the rest of my life. I may even have to work with Asher for the rest of the year if I want to get into the showcase, but I don't owe him anything more than that. We can stick to being super polite with each other since that pleases our parents so much.

"I'm not upset with you," I say, hoping he'll take me at my word and leave.

"Then let me in."

"Asher-"

"I need to talk to you, Lilah."

Now it's my turn to study him. His expression is something I haven't seen before, pleading, the desperation in his eyes slamming into me.

"Fine," I sigh, stepping aside.

He walks in and takes a seat on my bed. To keep some space between us, I sit on my desk chair, facing him.

"I've been avoiding you," he starts.

"Really?" I feign shock. "I had no idea."

"Funny." He smirks and it takes every stupid bit of effort not to smile back at him. When I don't, he shakes his head, leaning forward, his elbows on his knees. "That night that Ethan flipped out over dinner..." He sighs. "I've never seen him like that before, Lilah." He meets my gaze. "He's never been that angry with me. He believed we were...spending too much time together. He also thought-"

"I know what he thought."

I was there, I know what Ethan was thinking. Thanks to Ainsley.

"Putting some distance between us seemed necessary at the time," he finishes.

"I get it."

But it still cut me more deeply than I'll admit. Perhaps he sees my hurt anyway because his expression softens.

"I'm sorry if my behaviour upset you," he says carefully. "Ethan...he's my brother, my bandmate, and...he's been my anchor since Jesse found me. Sometimes he feels like the only thing stopping me from spinning into a self-destructive episode and blowing up my life."

It's possibly the most Asher has ever said to me about his past, and about his relationship with Ethan. I had no idea how heavily Asher feels he relies on Ethan to keep him balanced.

"Maybe I haven't handled this the best way," he offers. "I haven't been sure what to do."

I nod. "I appreciate this conversation. Let's just get through the duet, then you can put as much distance between us as you need. We don't need to be friends."

My heart contracts even as I say the words. It was easier to hate Asher Cassidy before I got to know him. Now that I've seen the many different sides of him: his dry humour, his passion, his genius, his helpfulness, his intelligence, and protectiveness, it will be harder to keep my distance emotionally if he stops ignoring me. For my own sanity, however, I can't get close to Asher again. Not without risking my heart.

"It's not that I don't want to be friends, Lilah. It's just..." he stares at me, and my stomach drops.

"Just what?"

I swallow hard as he holds my gaze, and I feel like he's seeing everything that I've been trying so hard to keep under wraps, the same stuff Kennedy picked up on the night of the party. Maybe that's the real reason Asher has avoided me. Perhaps my feelings were so obvious, it made it easier for him to walk away.

He shakes his head. "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

It does matter, and it isn't nothing, but I can't bear for him to say more right now.

"I've said all I came here to say." He pauses. "Are we okay?"

I stand up. "We're fine, Asher."

We both know that answer rarely actually means fine, but he doesn't like to play games, so he has to take me at my word. That's what he does with Maddie.

"I know how important the duet is to you," he says, now looking up at me. "I want it to be the best."

I nod. "Me, too."

Finally, he stands up and heads for my door. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

"See you then."

He steps out, and I'm ready to shut the door behind him when he turns and whispers. "I missed you, Lilah."

I swallow, stare up at him, and then softly close the door behind him without uttering a word.

Damn him, why did he have to go and say that?

___________________________________________

A/N: Asher convinces Lilah to go to a party with him and Maddie next episode :D