Ethan is wearing a sheepish expression when he finally approaches me outside the next day. This is the first time I've seen him since he stormed off after dinner last night. 

"Lilah, can we talk?"

"Sure."

Ethan comes over and easily lifts the string of lights I've just been wrestling with, fastening them to the back patio beam above me.

"Thanks," I say, turning my attention to the next set of lights I want to hang up.

"Can you stop for a minute?"

"I still have a billion sets of these lights to put up."

While he slept in, I've been cleaning and decorating the house since daybreak. I was already tired because I didn't sleep well last night, and now I'm hungry and admittedly a little grumpy because I haven't stopped to eat. Plus, it feels like I'm doing everything for the party on my own.

Maddie is around somewhere helping Asher with the party preparation. At least, I tell myself they're prepping stuff. While I'm grateful I haven't run into Maddie and Asher, they could be anywhere, doing things that have nothing to do with getting the place party-ready. After all, our parents aren't here, so they could be holed up in his room.

In his bed.

I don't want to think about that, though. Not about her mouth on his, or her hands exploring all the ink on his body. So why does my mind keep going there? I've purposefully steered clear of the second story for fear of overhearing them doing something. The mere idea makes me feel queasy, and I haven't even started drinking yet.

"I'm here to help you," Ethan says. "I just need to say something quickly."

"Go ahead, I'm listening, but I don't have time to stop." I offer him a wry smile. "Someone was supposed to be spending the day helping me with decorating, remember?"

Ethan winces at my gentle chastisement. "I'm here now, and I'm sorry I wasn't before. Please, Lilah. Can you just give me a minute? That's all I'm asking for."

Sighing, I carefully drop the lights back into the box and look at my stepbrother.

He shifts his weight, rocking forward on his heels as he puts his hands in his pockets. "I'm sorry for everything I said last night. I just...I miss you as a friend, you know, we used to spend time together, you used to seek me out and now you seem to go to him more."

"You do remember we're working on a duet together?"

"But it's more than that. You're friends with him in a way you never were before. I don't even know that we were friends like that. And after everything that happened, you've forgiven him-"

"It's not about forgiving Asher; it's about moving on."

"Right." He nods, seeming to think about what I'm saying. "Except, I just don't get how you can move on so easily after he gave me that ultimatum. You were so upset, so mad, so hurt-

"It isn't as if I've forgotten that, Ethan, but when it comes down to it, you were my boyfriend. You had the final say. And you didn't choose me. That's on you, not on him."

He looks crushed, but that wasn't my intention. It's a truth that neither of us can change. It's one I've moved past and it's one he's still holding onto.

"He's my brother, Lilah-"

"I get it, Ethan. I know why you made the decision and I understand. We've talked about this. You had everything to lose, but you could have refused to choose. You could have told him he was-"

He scoffs. "You didn't think I tried? He was deadest against us from the beginning. He always seemed to hate you, right from the get-go."

I sigh. "I'm not deluding myself about anything that happened in the past or Asher's feelings towards me while I dated you, but I have made the conscious decision to let it go for the sake of my sanity. Surely you can understand that. Mum and I are part of the Cassidy family now, and Asher and I are working together on the duet. What good will come of me holding a grudge over everything that happened?"

He nods albeit solemnly. "I do understand. I just..." he trails off, looking defeated. "I'm sorry. I won't bring it up again. I think Ainsley just got in my head a bit."

"Ainsley?"

He nods.

"What has she been saying?'"

Do I want to know? My heart is already starting to race in anticipation of the potential shit that might come out of Ethan's mouth.

Ethan's blue eyes meet mine. "She said I shouldn't be so quick to discount her theory of you moving onto Asher."

"Right." I look away, because all I can do is deny it, and damn it, I shouldn't have to,

But there's also a little bit of guilt creeping in because if Asher wasn't my stepbrother...? If he wasn't Ethan's brother and now my family...? If he hadn't set out to hate me from the start...? Well, I wouldn't be so quick to discount it either. More and more I keep being reminded of the first time I met Asher, before Ethan and I started dating, and I remember how flirty Asher was with me, and how well we got along. I liked him, was drawn to him, until someone told me he was a complete manwhore. With our past being what it is, I put that first meeting out of my mind, but as Asher and I have become more friendly, the memory has resurfaced.

Not that I can share that with Ethan.

"C'mon," I say. "You really think after everything I went through with you, I would be crazy enough to move onto Asher?"

He nods. "I know. That's what I thought, but then I started thinking about how maybe it wouldn't be you making a move, it could be Ash making a move on you."

"Ethan-"

"I know." He gives me another sheepish grin. "I told you, Ainsley got in my head, but Asher made me realise-"

"You spoke with Asher about it?"

"Yeah, and he made me realise a few things."

"Like what?"

Again, my heart is pounding too fast.

"Like the fact he's with Maddie, he's happy with Maddie, and..."

"You forgot that for a moment."

"Yeah," he scratches at the light scruff covering his jaw. "He said he doesn't see you like that. You're just family to him, the sister he never had. He said I need to stop looking for things that aren't there."

"I agree," I say, even though I feel like I've just been kicked in the guts.

Of course Asher would say that. It's great he reassured Ethan. I mean, it isn't like I wanted him to say anything else to his brother, right?

"He reminded me it's a good thing he's embraced you as family."

"Yeah." Family. That's what Asher and I are now.

"It's what I've always wanted," Ethan says. "I just can't help but wish it had happened a little earlier, and then maybe he wouldn't have asked me to choose between you and MOD."

I'm past wishing for things I can't change, so I shrug. "It is what it is, what happened happened, and I learned a valuable lesson from all of it."

He leans against the beam where we've just hung lights. "Oh, yeah. What's that?"

"Never to put myself in a position where someone has to choose between me and their family."

He nods. "That's a good motto." He quietly studies me for a moment, his expression soft. "I miss you, Lilah."

"I'm right here," I tell him. "And we have the rest of the day to hang out and get the place ready."

He nods and smiles. "Just tell me what you need me to do. I'm all yours."

I know how I'm supposed to take his comment, but the way he looks at me, I can't help but wonder if maybe he means something more.

***

I smile at Jacob as he slides into the spa next to me. The normal twelve-seater spa is well over-capacity tonight, but he's still managed to squeeze in.

"You look gorgeous," he says, settling against my side.

"Really?" I giggle, a sign I'm well on my way to being tipsy. "Thanks, Jacob."

I've piled my long strawberry-blonde hair on top of my head and have tried not to wet my face so that I don't ruin my makeup. My cheeks feel flushed from the heat and the alcohol, and the bubbles and steam are possibly wreaking havoc on my makeup. However, Jacob's eyes are full of male appreciation, which is nice to see. My red and white polka dot bikini does show off my body in a very flattering light, but it's not like he can see much of my body while it's submerged in water.

His compliment is an ego boost regardless. Especially after Asher told Ethan he sees me as his stepsister only, and he's embraced me as family.

Nope, I'm not thinking about that. It's fine he sees me that way. It's a relief he sees me that way.

Even if I feel like I'm being kicked in the guts all over again every time Ethan's words pop into my head.

It's not as if I set out to look for him, I swear. Really, I'm just admiring the result of my hard work today, my gaze flitting around all the lights in the giant yard when my gaze snags on Asher. He's across the backyard, standing with Ethan and Ainsley, their friends and bandmates, his arm around Maddie. He's not wearing anything special, just ripped black jeans, a black t-shirt and a black leather jacket. White sneakers complete the ensemble. He looks casual but perfectly put together. And so does Maddie. The starlet is dressed in a stunning short navy dress with white trim tonight. Maddie is only a year or two older than me, yet she looks so sophisticated that I feel like a child when I compare myself to her.

I'm hoping the reason he hasn't really talked to me today is because Maddie has been with him and not because Ethan went off last night about the two of us spending too much time together.

Jacob reaches out and catches one of the loose curls that has escaped its confines on top of my head, twisting it around his finger, dragging me back to the conversation. Kennedy and Kai are also in the spa with us, but Briony and Mason and the rest of our crew got out some time ago and are now sitting on chairs close enough to keep talking to us. Some people I know less well have opted to join us, and the conversation is flowing, the guys exaggerating their accomplishments, while the girls try to shoot holes in their stories.

I'm just laughing at something Dawson's boyfriend has said when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Even though I'm surrounded by bodies and immersed in hot water, I shiver and suck in a giant gulp of oxygen when I turn around and see Asher behind me. His dark eyes are a little glassy, and when he gives me the briefest of smiles, my stomach and heart flutter.

"You need anything?"

I shake my head, worried about why I'm having the absurd thought that I need him. God, he's just being brotherly. He's just doing what he promised Jesse and Mum he would do – looking out for me. But it's the first time he's really spoken to me today, and I can't help but feel pleased to see him, to have his attention even if it is only for this short moment.

"Don't forget to stay hydrated."

"Yes, Dad," I joke, trying to ease the tension swelling inside me.

His eyes darken a fraction, and I'm aware of the way his hand is still on my shoulder. Finally, he lifts it, trailing a finger over the string tying my top in place, hovering over the knot. It's a touch so soft and quick, I wonder if I imagined it. Imagination or not, my nipples pebble and I tremble. Thank God my breasts are covered by the water and no one can see the deep throb starting in my core. My eyes fly to his, but he's not looking at me. He's already walking away.

I turn around and try to lose myself in the conversation once more, but it's a struggle to focus. I seem to be uber aware of Asher and where he is at all times. It's distracting as hell.

When Kai and Jacob head out to get us some of the bottled water we have tabled close by, I look over to where Asher is talking to some of the guys who graduated from the Academy last year. Maddie is back by his side. They seem inseparable tonight. When he says something, she elbows him in the stomach even as she laughs. He pulls her to him, and she throws a seductive grin up at him, then stands on her toes, pressing her lips to his.

Their kiss starts out playful but lasts long enough to turn into something intense and hot. When his arms tighten around her and she tries to wrap herself around him, I want to look away but can't. I stare as their kiss grows hotter and wetter, heat unfurling through me, an emptiness and ache making itself felt between my legs as my heart races. At the same time, a sharp pain spreads through my soul, something that feels far too much like jealousy.

Kennedy nudges me. "Lilah." She looks around for anyone who might be listening to us before leaning in and whispering, "You need to stop."

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at Asher like he's not your stepbrother."

My gaze snaps to hers, the bottom of my stomach dropping out. "What are you talking about?"

"You're staring at him like you want him."

"What?! No, I wasn't."

Her eyes are huge, and I know she's quite tipsy, but she still manages to pull off disbelieving. "You are. You're looking at him like you want him to kiss you the way he's kissing Maddie right now."

"He's my stepbrother," I choke out. "I can't want him. He's family."

The word family is one I have to force through my lips, my mouth not wanting to wrap around it and form it properly. Everything Ethan said to me earlier comes rushing back to me, making my pulse thump in my ears and my chest ache. A queasy feeling that has nothing to do with the alcohol I've consumed hits me. Asher is with Maddie and his feelings for me are purely platonic. But what if my feelings for him are less platonic? What if I'm starting to catch feelings for my stepbrother? I can't think of anything that would be more disastrous for my emotional wellbeing than liking Asher.

Like a magnet, my gaze is drawn back to him. At that very moment, Asher breaks his kiss with Maddie, and as if he hears my thoughts, he stares right at me, his eyes locking with mine through the crowded yard. The intensity in his gaze as he holds the contact makes everything and everyone around me seem to fall away. The look we share feels intimate and far more intense than it should. Did he lie to Ethan? What if his feelings aren't just platonic?

Wrenching my gaze away from his, I tell myself it doesn't matter. Because I already know that that would just lead to another ultimatum given and another choice being made. Asher will never choose me. I know that without a shadow of a doubt.

Once upon a time, I gambled my heart on a Cassidy brother, and I lost. Now the best way to get through the year with my heart still intact is to avoid love and stay focused on my music. Ethan broke my heart so badly it took months to pull myself out of that hole. With so much on the line, including a duet I must work on with Asher, I don't have the luxury of falling apart this year. And something tells me that if I fall for Asher, if I let myself develop real feelings that are not familial, Asher could break my heart much harder than Ethan ever did.

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Thanks everyone for reading. Hope you have a great weekend. :-D